#personal --

[desimates]

i think i have Love disorder and it feels like uhhh like debilitating. in the context of Everything

she cried about the state of our state today and we talked about moving some more, what do you do when you want to protect someone from everything and it's coming for you too, but home feels like home and it's unfair, it's so unfair, so you keep going on dates and doing your best to smile just when you genuinely feel like it so you're not faking to the one you want to be open with you too, but you can't bring her down either

is this some guys have to be strong bs? some straight shit i'm dabbling in now? i would like to not

[auldnoir]

since i havent been here for a longass time here’s a life update

tw for animal death mentions

i dropped out/got kicked out of college cause of burnout w/ art (which im still struggling with)

i have an almost full-time job, though im not working rn cause of current world situations but i did for a while and im deadset on quitting once i have another job for myself. the place i work is still open and im very upset about it

i havent been taking medication and i havent seen someone in over a year. i dont talk to a lot of people often but ive been pretty... ugh. that’s it. that’s been the mood.

my cat, scooby, passed away back in june and im still not over it. i tend to blame myself for it though i know i did all i could

two months later i got a kitten as my sister did as well. she’s the only good thing to have come of 2019. her name is nana, and my sister’s kitten is named tiger. nana’s the baby to his bastard

a lot of my personal opinions and views i guess changed, given how im looking through my archive, but i really just have one overall rule and that’s to be nice to other people. 

i also want to apologize for literally anything i did before i left this damn site. i learned a lot about myself and did a ton of retrospecting and i probably perpetuated a lot of misinformation and just bad vibes all around, and really dwelled on anti-recovery for a lot of things. idk i was wrong about a lot of things about myself, im doing better now than i was doing then, and i hope to continue improving on that front.

as of now im just trying to save money to move out someday, but im also replaying some persona 3, playin animal crossing new horizons, and trying to find what i love to do.

i hope youre all doing well, if u actually read this then that’s pretty cool of you. if not i understand lol

be nice to one another 

[typhlomys]

ok i need to start learninf how to combat the mood crashes if this is gonna be a Thing now so im gonna... list nice things that happened recently? diary ramble timee... ill TRY to put a readmore but if it doesnt work it doesnt work

[[MORE]]

um i bought a lava lamp the other day! it's super cute and i love watching it, i haven't had one since i was a kid... and i walked to the thrift store nd i found some beanie babies i wanted and a rly cute honeypot shaped like a beehive! it has a bee stirring stick and ive been using it to make tea and it's so cute

AND and my mom learned how to knit and she said she would make me a lesbian flag blanket and she was so excited it was super sweet!! i told her how happy n excited i was about it and she almost cried i love her

i think i said this but ive been getting lots of commissions so i have some extra money now and im really happy about that! and today my petz plush arrived and its very soft and little and my furby baby also arrived and i just adore him so much... my friends helped me name him and his name is sk8boardz and ive been making teeny tiny bead accessories for him.

oh a few people have drawn my sona as a surprise recently and i always get so excited!!

alright i suppose im not having such a bad time after all

[feralspock]

you dont get to assume somebody is in the wrong and then get progressively angrier at them as they try to explain why they werent!!!! i complain about ONE THING and people assume im going “technology is evil thomas edison was a witch” and “my depressed roommate is using technology to help her” which is NOT WHAT I WAS FUCKING SAYING AT ALL i was saying “my roommate who literally has a track record of morally reprehensible shit and being a selfish asshole has found a way to use technology to continue to be a selfish asshole but with a game this time” except because it was about the tech dependency thing people had no context and fucking assumed the worst of me which acutalyy makes me what to die beause of shitty old friend s who stalkked me and threatened to eat me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sketch-elf]

I DON'T HAVE TO BE CHASING MY DREAMS YET!

I don’t have to be chasing my dreams yet!

I'm only 20 for f*cks sake I don’t have to be on my way to my dream job yet!

I still for a f***ton of years left!

I don’t have to be getting my bachelor or masters or whateverthehell right now

I don't have to

I don’t want to

I'm just... so tired of studying

At this point I just want a simple job

[cicidraws]

i cant stop crying aahhh its giving me a headache and making me so tired pls stop thank u