weird personal blog

[feralspock]

i think tom paris was the first character i ever saw who said fuck you to his abusive parent

s2e8 Persistence of Vision, while everyone is hallucinating their loved ones, he gets his father

and yes, it’s just a hallucination/projection/something (they don’t quite make it clear) but he still says

“Let me say something I’ve always wanted to say. Get out of my life.”

yeah, admiral paris keeps saying shit, but he literally said get out of my life to his abusive father.

and the fact that we actually see that???? the fact that tom wasn’t expected to forgive him??? that means a lot

[mylittleredgirl]

i’ve always found it disturbing that tom and b’elanna name their child(ren) after their parents (miral in canon, and i’ve seen “owen” in fanfic as the name of their future son so consistently i assume it’s beta canon) when they were each so damaged by that parent. like i guess in miral’s case it’s a way of making peace with a parent she thinks is dead, and we’re meant to assume that owen paris and tom will make up after voyager given the tiny moments of reconciliation that we see, and i know it’s a standard tv trope to name a baby after any family member we’ve seen, but it bothers me.

[scifigeeknj]

It’s weird how many Star Trek characters have parental issues when the main premise is how great society gets along.

[feralspock]

see, we think that’s actually something really important

the whole Thing about star trek that makes it so enjoyable to us is that while it does say that the systemic issues are gone from human society (and is mostly right), it doesn’t ever deny that individuals are still fucked up.

there are still murderers and eugenicists and abusers.

and the number of star trek characters with bad parents (ranging from toxic to abusive) makes sense to us. joining starfleet isn’t just about scientific curiosity for a lot of them. sometimes it’s about getting away. what better way to get away from your parents than to have a job that may post you across the quadrant? or pull you across the galaxy, apparently

[feralspock]

i think tom paris was the first character i ever saw who said fuck you to his abusive parent

s2e8 Persistence of Vision, while everyone is hallucinating their loved ones, he gets his father

and yes, it’s just a hallucination/projection/something (they don’t quite make it clear) but he still says

“Let me say something I’ve always wanted to say. Get out of my life.”

yeah, admiral paris keeps saying shit, but he literally said get out of my life to his abusive father.

and the fact that we actually see that???? the fact that tom wasn’t expected to forgive him??? that means a lot

[feralspock]

@babymyleopard hi i see your tags and am Very Curious about them 👀

[feralspock]

@babymyleopard​

we would just reply like a normal person but we Cannot have our main attached to this stuff

valid we just weren’t gonna stop vibrating until we checked

[feralspock]

i think tom paris was the first character i ever saw who said fuck you to his abusive parent

s2e8 Persistence of Vision, while everyone is hallucinating their loved ones, he gets his father

and yes, it’s just a hallucination/projection/something (they don’t quite make it clear) but he still says

“Let me say something I’ve always wanted to say. Get out of my life.”

yeah, admiral paris keeps saying shit, but he literally said get out of my life to his abusive father.

and the fact that we actually see that???? the fact that tom wasn’t expected to forgive him??? that means a lot

[feralspock]

@babymyleopard hi i see your tags and am Very Curious about them 👀

[feralspock]

i think tom paris was the first character i ever saw who said fuck you to his abusive parent

s2e8 Persistence of Vision, while everyone is hallucinating their loved ones, he gets his father

and yes, it’s just a hallucination/projection/something (they don’t quite make it clear) but he still says

“Let me say something I’ve always wanted to say. Get out of my life.”

yeah, admiral paris keeps saying shit, but he literally said get out of my life to his abusive father.

and the fact that we actually see that???? the fact that tom wasn’t expected to forgive him??? that means a lot

[rotmance-deactivated20210324]

how to explain without sounding like a spoilsport. this new trend of saying bullying is funny is like... I understand that it’s being used in its lightest form as a word and it’s a joke and doesn’t really harm anyone. but then it’s like. most bullying in schools doesn’t happen to people based on politics, it’s based on fatphobia, classism, homophobia, ableism... for people who’ve aged into adults to now say that everyone who got bullied in middle school probably deserved it and keep indicating they think bullying builds character and only happens to people who ‘deserve’ it ... something about it is wilfully ignorant about reality for the sake of a joke. and i find jokes funnier when they acknowledge reality than when they deny it. the fact that this is humorous to you doesn’t mean you have to forget being responsible with your words and what you’re indicating omg. have some respect for others

[feralspock]

I've been against use of the word bullying for years because people think of it as "not that bad". What people call bullying can be split into 2 categories, depending on how it affects the person who is a target of it. Playful teasing, and abuse.

[apersnicketylemon]

I really need vapers to understand that you can actually still hurt people around you by vaping. It still causes asthma attacks and COPD flares in people with those conditions. Stop fucking vaping on trains, planes, buses and in buildings and pretending it’s different for the disabled people you are causing harm to. It isn’t and your a fucking asshole.

Signed a person who literally just had an asthma attack because the asshole next to them started fucking vaping on a goddamned train.

[dragonsatmidnight]

I’m allergic to nicotine. I will have allergic reactions to nicotine even if people are vaping. Be considerate

[feralspock]

a few years back with 'friends' I no longer talk to, we were hanging out, I was sleeping over there that night, and one started vaping (with nicotine). This wasn't early in the day, but it was still light out. I experienced more anxiety for the rest of that night than I ever have at one time before or since. I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. There's a chance it was unrelated, but I seriously doubt it.

I'm not friends with any of those people anymore.

[renthony]

One of the weird things about having a Jewish dad who isn’t religiously observant, is that I picked up a lot of Jewish Things that I had no idea were Jewish Things, so every now and then my wife will start talking about something relating to her conversion and I’ll be like, wait, that’s a Jewish Thing? I thought that was just a My Dad thing.

[renthony]

My wife has just informed me that I use copious amounts of Yiddish slang.

…I did not realize it was Yiddish.

[renthony]

This may, in retrospect, be why my friends tag me in Jewish memes.

[boyburning]

Intrusive Thoughts are unwanted thoughts or images that you find distressing and/or disturbing. 

more information on what intrusive thoughts are!

what intrusive thoughts are: https://moodsmith.com/intrusive-thoughts/

how to cope with them: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/how-to/how-to-stop-intrusive-thoughts-and-live-your-life/

[zeud]

!!!!!

[foolsdome]

I- so i’m not just fucking insane and evil?

[a-god-for-pigs]

I feel like a lot of peoples getting offended by this doesnt realize that none of those are actions we want to do. My ADD absolutely fills my head with extremely upsetting intrusive toughts almost 24/7. The very fact that they disgust me and upset me is what makes it an intrusive tought. Its not something you want to act upon, its your brain assaulting you non stop with everything that you hate and despise.

[da-riya]

This idea that intrusive thoughts are someone’s “true id” talking is particularly harmful to us experiencing these thoughts themselves.

If y'all haven’t yet heard it before you heard it here now, these thought are everything we hate and despise, and nothing else.

[nonbinaryemonugget]

OH 

it all makes sense now

[the-goddess-of-annoying]

Okay but what about like “Put the used cat litter in your mouth” or “Open the door of the moving car” or “Test if nail clippers work on your teeth”? Are those intrusive thoughts?

[thefivecalls]

Those are actually impulsive thoughts! Very similar, but still distinct from its sibling disorder!

[theoneandonlyredrobin]

So I have aggressive, mental, and ethical intrusive thoughts.

Fun.

[kipplekipple]

The thing is, having thoughts is morally neutral, no matter what those thoughts are. Actions are what matters.

[antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx]

Repeat after me, folks: thought policing is ableist.

[mycaptainscabin]

My therapist informed me that these thoughts are literally our brain trying to make sure we DON’T DO THE THING we’re thinking about doing.  Gonna get a little personal here: I was raped as a small child. I don’t remember all of it. I blocked it out and remembered it about four years ago.  Thing is, I’ve ALWAYS been very uncomfortable around kids, especially when their parents are dressing them or changing their diapers, or having to take them to the bathroom, giving baths etc. You get the idea.  I would have intrusive thoughts about harming kids. The same way I was harmed. It horrified me! I would NEVER DO THAT.  Turns out those thoughts are my brain going, “Hey, test: do that awful thing” and me going “HELL NO!”  It’s bizarre and I don’t totally understand it. But it’s like a self check by your brain. And honestly it’s like it’s training you to not do an impulsive awful stupid gross thing. 

Basically: You have the opportunity to do something bad. Guess what, you’re not doing the something bad. You are strong and awesome. The thoughts are normal, especially if you’ve experienced trauma or are atypical or both.  Your brain is like, “hey look you can do that bad thing, but you’re not doing that bad thing. That makes you a radical winner.” 

[ephemeral-afterlight]

so hey

when are you cowards gonna hc characters as trans, but not with the same gender they are in canon? don't get me wrong, i like that type of content, but it feels like y'all are "playing it safe" or w/e by not exploring other ideas. can we have canonically male characters be headcanoned as trans girls? can we have canonically female characters headcanoned as enbies? can we have SOMETHING that isn't just "here's this character, their gender is exactly the same and it doesn't affect their personality, relationships, or behaviour at all, but oh hey they're trans! and then i'm never going to bring it up again lol"?? like that feels so tacked-on and like you're slapping a trans label on characters without actually making them trans.

[feralspock]

most of my trans headcanons are the same gender they are in canon and i generally prefer them that way (with some nonbinary characters in there bc yes) because as a trans person, the idea of them being misgendered the whole series makes me really uncomfortable watching/reading/etc the thing. i have exceptions ofc but i also always put more complexity into it than  “here’s this character, their gender is exactly the same and it doesn’t affect their personality, relationships, or behaviour at all, but oh hey they’re trans! and then i’m never going to bring it up again lol”

ik this probably isn’t about trans people doing this (at least mostly) but i just wanted to like. say why so many people do it that way.

[ephemeral-afterlight]

i know that, that's not really what this is about. there is already a rb in the notes with my original tags, which you should read for more context.

and i'm not always talking about headcanons, that's just the easiest word to use. aus/uas are just as if not MORE important because they aren't based solely on canon. in a au/ua you DO have the freedom to do that, but a lot of people don't, and it feels like a huge waste.

[feralspock]

yeah i totally feel it tbh

like there are some characters tht you can say “yeah this doesnt really affect them much” (never “not at all”)

also looking at your tags and “dont pull a jk rowling 2.0″ is like... mood because rn i’m working on something where Lots of harry potter characters are trans

and like... it’s.. fun to figure out how things would affect people??? why do people... not do that?

luna being trans? people are already jerks to her anyway, probably wouldn’t be much of a problem for her

draco being trans? his parents are super wizard racist, they’d probably be transphobic too, itd be a Lot for him

weasley kids being trans? sure they’d all be accepted by their parents, but think about the Emotions???????? especially with the whole thing where we know molly really wanted a girl!!

idk im just rambling now sorry

[ephemeral-afterlight]

so hey

when are you cowards gonna hc characters as trans, but not with the same gender they are in canon? don't get me wrong, i like that type of content, but it feels like y'all are "playing it safe" or w/e by not exploring other ideas. can we have canonically male characters be headcanoned as trans girls? can we have canonically female characters headcanoned as enbies? can we have SOMETHING that isn't just "here's this character, their gender is exactly the same and it doesn't affect their personality, relationships, or behaviour at all, but oh hey they're trans! and then i'm never going to bring it up again lol"?? like that feels so tacked-on and like you're slapping a trans label on characters without actually making them trans.

[feralspock]

most of my trans headcanons are the same gender they are in canon and i generally prefer them that way (with some nonbinary characters in there bc yes) because as a trans person, the idea of them being misgendered the whole series makes me really uncomfortable watching/reading/etc the thing. i have exceptions ofc but i also always put more complexity into it than  “here’s this character, their gender is exactly the same and it doesn’t affect their personality, relationships, or behaviour at all, but oh hey they’re trans! and then i’m never going to bring it up again lol”

ik this probably isn’t about trans people doing this (at least mostly) but i just wanted to like. say why so many people do it that way.

[feralspock]

man i wish there was a bigger dyslexia community on here

[furiousgoldfish]

When you’re growing up in abusive family, you don’t feel like “oh, I’m being abused, this is wrong.” You don’t even think about that. Instead, you feel guilty all the time. You feel like a horrible person. You feel useless and wrong, like something is fundamentally wrong with you, and you deserve every bit of harm coming your way.

For every time your parents hurt you, you feel it was justified and you deserved and provoked it. You keep feeling horrible and guilty about everything you’ve done to cause it. Even when something extreme happens, you dismiss it with “they didn’t mean that” or “it was just once, in anger, so it doesn’t count.”

You feel like a burden, because you know these people don’t want you in their house, and you don’t feel capable of being independent, and it’s on you that you keep bothering them with your existence, and don’t seem to be capable of getting out of there. You don’t feel like you deserve food, shelter, clothes, or anything. You feel like a burden no matter what you do. You don’t feel welcome anywhere, you don’t feel like you have a home, like there’s a place on this planet where you could be loved and cared for. You doubt yourself so badly, you struggle to see any value in your existence and it becomes hard. You break down and feel weak and lost and like everyone else is leaving you behind. You don’t feel like a part of anything. You feel guilty for existing the way you are.

If you felt this, you’ve been thru abuse. There is no one on this world who is useless, unworthy of love, or deserves to feel so guilty and to be hurt all the time. These ideas didn’t come from you, but from how horribly you were treated. Feeling this way is not normal. You did not deserve to feel this way.

[feralspock]

like half the time when i bring up one of my weird fun brain things people are like

yo thats dyslexia

and im like

ok but does that mean im dyslexic tho

[feralspock]

so i realized yesterday that like. i’ve always tried looking at the differences between “orthostatic hypotension” and “pots” when trying to figure out my shit (which is diagnosed as orthostatic hypotension, but it doesn’t really seem right, especially as my dad’s seems to be way less... disabling? than mine and i know theres varying severity but like... way less disabling and way different, and the dx was basically “oh your dad has orthostatic hypotension and you fainted while standing for too long that makes sense” no further questions)

but last night i realized that i’d never really looked at dysautonomia in general and looking at the general symptoms list i was like oh. all of those. (literally the only ones i dont experience that i’ve seen on any list are nausea - which i never experience! even when i’m about to throw up i only know bc it feels like my eyelids are sweating, not nausea! thanks sensory issues! - and migraines - which i actually might have but without the headache part but idk i never really thought about it)

anyway i think im giving up on finding specifics because the dysautonomia umbrella is accurate enough for my purposes (talking about my experiences)

[cloudblack]

Children who feel they cannot engage their parents emotionally often try to strengthen their connection by playing whatever roles they believe their parents want them to. Although this may win them some fleeting approval, it doesn’t yield genuine emotional closeness. Emotionally disconnected parents don’t suddenly develop a capacity for empathy just because a child does something to please them. 

People who lacked emotional engagement in childhood, men and women alike, often can’t believe that someone would want to have a relationship with them just because of who they are. They believe that if they want closeness, they must play a role that always puts the other person first.

— Lindsay C. Gibbon, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents (2015)

[whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating]

[sickaddiktions]

[uhhh-nunyabidniz-heaux]

[sassystarlightcollection-deacti]

Oh, no, my wig

[ainatirb-j]

[whimsimoon-archive]

[phantasmgoria-deactivated202404]

[feralspock]

sometimes recovery looks like nothing to other people

other people don’t know that the fact that I have favorites now is something I had to work for

[feralspock]

you dont get to assume somebody is in the wrong and then get progressively angrier at them as they try to explain why they werent!!!! i complain about ONE THING and people assume im going “technology is evil thomas edison was a witch” and “my depressed roommate is using technology to help her” which is NOT WHAT I WAS FUCKING SAYING AT ALL i was saying “my roommate who literally has a track record of morally reprehensible shit and being a selfish asshole has found a way to use technology to continue to be a selfish asshole but with a game this time” except because it was about the tech dependency thing people had no context and fucking assumed the worst of me which acutalyy makes me what to die beause of shitty old friend s who stalkked me and threatened to eat me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!