- Dont get me wrong, I'm comfortable with the fact that I'm on the aroace spectrum and supportive of everyone in the community. However, being raised my whole life in a romance centrist world, I cant help but feel like I'm missing out on something. I love my parents, my pets, and my friends. And other aroace people just seem so happy and content with that fact, but I can't seem to be satisfy with it. I want to experience romance, I want to experience it in it most beautiful forms. I want crushes, I want to feel the puppy love, the passionate one. I want to have butterflies in my stomach just at the thought of them, to understand an emotion that so many stories portray. And I also want to experience romance in it ugliest form, the jealousy, the anger, the argument, getting to understand heartbreak. I want to sit on a couch, eating a tub of ice cream and crying over a stupid boy that broke my heart. And then, to give romance another chance and fall in love again.
- I just want to experience a romantic relationship in it full forms, and I just sometimes feel that it so unfair that other people able to experience romantic love so easily. I want to be able to get romantically invested in someone too, to date them, to get engaged, getting marry and a wedding, having a family and grow old. Yet, I just can't imagine what that other person would be, they're simply just smoke in my fantasy that I desperately yearning for. I tried my best to find someone to love, but it no use since I kept making friends instead if finding someone to have a crush on. I kept searching, but humans don't feel appealing to me. And there are days I wonder if I desire romance so much for it aesthetic only because I already spent so much part of my life missing out. Wondering if I'm truly on the aroace spectrum or is it because of another screw up childhood moment that redefine what I could had been since I yearn for romance and romantic relationship so much.
TLDR: aroace spec w/ imposter syndrome OP want romance but cant romance. God give their hardest challenge to their strongest soldiers, but seem like they overestimate OP on this challenge. OP is doing a lots of self-discovery and self-understanding for Pride this year.