Not encouraged.
Forced. Watched. Scolded to want flawlessness.
My best has never been good enough for them because they saw and they said I wasn’t trying at all. At least I find pride in the effort I kept giving to never fall below any standard. So proud that I kept trying for myself only.
I grew up too curious. Too open. Too soft. No idea who I learned it from. So glad I became myself, all mine to be.
Obedience unlocks the success. Shiny possessions. greedy hands. Everyone is jealous of the movie stars. Always unimpressed with what they already have, not realizing their luck. Always dreaming of elsewhere like little dreaming assholes.
Where exactly do I want to be in 5 years? Is that really your business to inquire? I don’t need any fucking keys to success Because I know how to pick a lock and have the best life you wouldn’t know about from the shelter you slave to keep over your judgmental and ignorant head. I’d pick a million locked doors to get away from here and all the fucking expectations you all have for me to conform, expecting me to find normalcy
All I feel is crushing pressures making my lungs collapse and pushing my already achy bones to fit inside this impossible mold I keep falling right out of.
Fitting in is my most famously failed subject.. Maybe being a millionaire would be intoxicating at first, But it would rot me to the core. I’d end up vomitiing black tar. Covering the white interior of my sparkling Ferrari, the smell would be permanent like my disgust of having every material thing I liked, and still not feeling the winds of the internal eternal hurricane in myself die down a tenth of a mile per hour speed. Why exactly should I want what everyone wants?
I’d rather live by my rules than spend my life trying to be a lawyer and memorizing constantly changing decisions that depict other human beings freedoms.
I’d rather gather my adventures in a bunch of books than spend all my life in a classroom being told what to think and show off as a display of intelligence instead of their reality of mistaking parrots mocking ways for a decent education system.
The world is allowed to be my classroom because I think best without any orders to obey. Money is nothing but a luxury that can’t even be enjoyed without Love, care, health, happiness,
Will you know precisely how intelligent I am by how I obey your stupid rules and whether or not I’ve memorized all the characteristics of epithelial tissue ? Because no one can tell me who I am Or where I’m gonna go in life , Not even a psychic or my closest friend. Because I myself can’t even predict it with a slice of confidence. Why should I worry?
What I reflect on most is how I’ve improved someone’s day today. How I’ve strengthened my relationships - or didn’t So I can improve things for tomorrow I think about choosing compassion over ignorance.
Karma takes care of the rest. Just because I’m not the least bit eager to spend $100,000 I don’t have on a stress-filled education that may or may not benefit me in the end, I shouldn’t have to be any less valued as an individual. College has been shoved down my throat since day one. The idea of skipping it isn’t tragic to me. It’s not a goddamn crime.
I know that no matter what path choose, it will be fucking perfect.
Anyone elses input isn’t important. And I can change my mind anytime I want. That’s the everlasting beauty of life If you don’t like something, you go and change it. Or you change yourself. It’s simpler than we make it out to be. We too easily forget that everything will be just fine again. My entire life I’ve heard nothing in life is promised except death..
It could all be gone in a second. I want to be as happy as possible. I want to have stories worth publishing.
