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I still believe na may mga seryoso pang mga lalaki ngayon especially yung mga loyal, may respeto at responsible. Just keep believing that. Hehehehehe! Parang sa amin na magkaka tropa, ako na lang yata ang naniniwala sa ganyang pananaw eh. Palibhasa daw kasi NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BIRTH ako kaya hindi ko daw ramdam yung mga heartbreak ups nila. Ganun ba yun? Anong connect kaya nun? Sabagay tama naman sila pero sana huwag naman nila lahatin yung mga lalaki na ganung mind - set, diba?

#personalthought

“Biar berkah, Mbak”

Hari itu seperti biasanya saya naik uber motor ke kantor, Ga ada yang spesial dari percakapan kami selama di jalan;

tentang cinere dan macetnya yang membuat Bapak itu ga pernah narik di cinere meskipun rumahnya daerah situ;

tentang anaknya yang masuk SD dan SMP barengan sehingga beliau harus narik.

Sampai akhirnya,

“Mbak, ini dulu tempat saya kecil. Dulu kalo ada berita penggrebekan narkoba, disitulah di belakang tempat mbak tinggal.”

Glek.

“Tapi sekarang udah ga lagi.”

Alhamdulillah.

“Sekarang tuh susah banget mbak cari penumpang.”

“Kenapa, Pak”

“Ojek-ojek pada pake ‘tuyul’...”

“Ah yang bener?”

“Iyaa tuyulnya tuh di lempar ke tempat yang dia pengen.”

“Hah, gimana?”

“Mbak, tau kan istilah tuyul? Jadi kalo di kita-kita nih tuyul itu pemancar. Jadi kata temen saya yang IT, pemancar itu dilempar ke kosan/gedung atau tempat mana aja yang bakal rame penumpang, dari situ masuklah orderan ke hp yang punya pemancar ini. Ga cuma itu Mbak, dia juga bisa milih penumpang dan harga yang dia mau. Kadang, yang deket-deket cuma dapet ceban (sepuluh ribu) gitu dia gamau, maunya yang diatas 30ribu itu bisa Mbak di setting.”

...keras juga hidup kang ojek.

“Jadi temen saya yang masih baru join gitu dapetnya ya yang kecil-kecil orderannya Mbak. Kasian banget dah.”

..sebelum saya tanya Bapak itu pake apa ngga, Bapaknya jawab duluan

“Saya mah ga pake, biar berkah, Mbak. Buat apa uang banyak tapi caranya gitu.”

...saya dan Bapak itu diam agak lama. Merenungi semua; merenungi apakah yang saya jemput pagi-malam ini bukan cuma rizki, tapi juga keberkahannya.

Kamu gimana?

#jasminefy #muhasabah #personalthought

Spoiler Alert: Man from Earth and Its Mind-blowing Restless Premise

It has been ages since I write something that is not about my spiritual and healing journey. I have been keeping this urge to review this film for weeks. I think it is the time to finally share my two cents. Disclaimer: Of course I watched this in the midst of my healing journey. And you have to understand the circumstance under which I can finally made the decision to watch any film: it is when my reality was that dull and my soul needed its dose of epiphany or at least a picnic away from life. Same thing can be applied in reading books, but to watch film needs both mind and soul’s consent to be done. Ask my husband, he knows well can never force me to watch film if I still have no urge to do that, unless it is Marvel movies (haha).

Ok, let us go back to Man from Earth. This film’s set is nowhere other than the protagonist’s house. The plot revolves around intellectual argument about John Oldman’s -the protagonist- identity as a cro-magnon -- the earliest version of homo sapiens. Oldman was about to move from his current abode to a new city but his fellow faculty members from the university he worked in came and held an impromptu farewell party. They then urged Oldman to tell them the real reason that made him decide to walk away all of a sudden. The conversation went on and he finally came to a revealing moment of truth that he was a Cro-Magnon having been living for god knows how many millennia. He admitted that he was one of the great Buddha’s disciples and his story was even put in the Bible. Oldman’s company, one of whom was a true Christianity believer started to cry due to Oldman’s statement that in her opinion must have been a blasphemy. Oldman’s colleagues became impatient for his mindless talk and urge him to stop irritating them with the accurate description of his over millennia’s life without having any sign of aging. The closure of the film portrays Oldman’s confession that what he had talked about was no more than a prank. His colleagues had diverse responses towards this, some relieved and believed all was true, others pissed.

Well, for some the whole film might kind of be a total joke and boring. But for me this film tickled my soul in a fresh manner. I even watched this film to prevent me being asleep. No beautiful scenery nor adrenaline rush from the jump-scares or action scenes, simply discussion and counter arguments. I love how each and every character shows expressive face when the camera zooms in to their reaction listening to the biggest nonsensical tale of the century from a runaway academician. It seems insane but I love how the premise is developed not in way that tries to convince any of the statement as the only truth. Oldman the Cro-Magnon did not even once try to make his colleagues from diverse disciplines- archeology, biology, history, and psychiatry- believe in any of his answers. He claimed that what he told had been from his sole perspective and that he had no idea what his journey meant in a bigger perspective. The part in which he did not force his colleagues to believe him was in itself a tool of convincing. Christian believers might also find this insane, as Oldman admitted he was Jesus Christ, and that he taught Jesus’ friends about Buddhist philosophy and teachings. In other words, bible was no other than only a folklore, which is kind of distressing for the followers of Jesus. I was not offended at all, maybe because he did not mock Muslim prophet; Muhammad PBUH, but it was still an interesting thing to observe that all the things we know as truth can still be challenged and argued in this 3-D life.

Human beings have been gifted intelligence and common sense, that is why they, myself included, are thrilled to train their wit and test their own hypothesis. Or maybe not. Some of us find new way of thinking still offensive and attacking. Well, somehow we need to just let the thoughts be thoughts, not faith nor unchallenged preach. Hard is it? But this film can also remind me to let my feelings of joy, anger, and sadness pass and not believing those as my true identity. Feeling is to be felt, not to be made as our mask of identity.

Finally I would like to say that this sudden desire to write has been finally dawned. Along with this attempt to put my thoughts into words, I read a letter from my yoga guru, Adriene. She said that this is time to cherish and be clear. Cherish differences, and be clear, indeed, that feelings are a part of ourselves, not who we are. Cheers.

#movie review #personalthought

21.2.21

I envy those of you out there that have found your purpose. Whether that pertains to relationships or your profession, I cannot even begin to fathom how satisfying it must feel working towards achieving something that you have set out to accomplish.

8 months ago i got sober. Don’t take this the wrong way, it was not by choice. I am not intellectually capable enough of having come to that decision on me own. I had no more cards left to play.

I think that I lost touch with reality, and I didn’t come back to this realm until I woke up in my bed having no idea how I got there. All I could think about was, “How did I fuck this all up again?” The truth is, I was so tired of fucking everything up, and the world would just not let me crumble, no matter how hard I tried.

Life was like a tease, and this went on for years. One step forward, two steps back. Whether it was getting into college, graduating, getting my first job coaching, or earning opportunities to teach as a a “fill in,” there was always something that I ended up doing to complicate my situation. It is almost like I didn’t want to be successful, or I did not accept that I was not as successful as I had set out to be. Everything was all or nothing.

I used to get off on fooling people, and I was really good at it. I was who those around me wanted to see, and adapted to every situation that I was in. It was not difficult to figure out what was expected of me, and I convinced myself that as long as I could keep up with the charade, I would be just fine.

Out of all the people that I fooled, I was the biggest sucker. I never thought about the endgame. What happens when all is said and done? Where will I be? What will I have?

The hardest part about everyday is waking up and realizing that somehow, someway, I have to navigate through this mess that I created. I have no idea what my purpose is, because just getting by isn’t enough anymore. I can’t have another drink, I can’t pop an addy, and I can’t roll a joint. I literally have to face my biggest fear head on, and until now, I did not have the slightest clue what it was.

The truth is, I am terrified of myself. Always have been, always will be. Until I can conquer my inner demons, i’ve got nothing.

full-circle//godspeed

#journal #philosophy #personalthought #mywriting #existentialism

Stepping out in my comfort zone will be my greatest risks in my whole life. It was my safe haven after all. I’m always keep playing safe in all terms. I’m just waiting for someone who will help me to break that wall that I made after all.

#personalthought

My thought bubble: Imagine finding both love and friendship in one person.

I hope that it was really existed in real life and not in my thought bubble only. HEHEHEHE!

#personalthought

Good Morning World, Had a great morning park workout with some much needed post-workout fuel to help in the day. #personalthought We all have the tools and equipment to overcome those moments of struggle that we all encounter. The question to give myself and everyone else: do we know what purpose each of the tools given to us serves as we make our way along this journey of life? Something to ponder. Love y’all, stay healthy and God bless. #earlegacy #jeremiah2911 #faith #purpose #belief #fitfam #fitlife #fitness #focused #determination #commitment #getfit #mulatto #nevergiveup #noeasyway #nootherway #nobodysaiditwaseasy #noexcuses #allin #choosegreatness #goalsdontsleep #goaldigger #nutrilitepowered #bodykeyfueled #steadfast #riseup #unity #ura (at Kelsey Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/B96j3V8g180vivBraPbr9m0TVJExUXkbwLiO_U0/?igshid=31zowocxrp42