#personaltruths

[hopedreamwalker]

I guess I kept a lot posts as drafts. But, I just posted them all. My journey has been a nightmare and a blessing.

I haven't followed any of the normal protocols or practices to learn magick or energy manipulation. Hell, I didn't even study anything to learn astral projection, it just happened.

I spent most of my life trying to understand what I am and why I can do the the things I can. But I finally stopped questioning.

I can finally embrace that I am light and I am dark. I am a divine feminine with masculine energy. I am of the earth and of the universe. But what I am humanity doesn't understand and some who are awakening can't quite grasp either.

At one point magickal and non-magickal people a like have insulted and talked major crap because I wouldn't join their side. I am not here to choose sides.

I have chosen to help people heal the emotional and traumatic things that have happened in their lives. I have learned from doing shadow work that our ability to connect to the elements and energies can flow unhindered.

But my journey continues.

[hopedreamwalker]

Once again, my journey continues. It has been a strange and tumultus time since I posted last.

It feels like someone threw me in a dryer and forgot the fabric softener. Now, there's a constant tingling from my head to my toes. My energy levels are super high and I am overly sensitive to all other energies around me.

[hopedreamwalker]

Shadow Work with Tarot

As I have worked with my cards more and more, those blessed things are calling me out. I say blessed because to damn something is to curse it and I love my cards to much to do that. Anyway, as a person I have trouble admitting or seeing where I am screwing up, so I use the Tarot to open my eyes.

Needless to say, I can’t intimidate the cards, I can’t make them take their message back. All I can do is sit there and accept that those little f’rs called me out. So now I have to take responsibility and do the work that is necessary so that I can be the best version of me for me.

I have come to see that it is not my job to make people happy. Happiness is something they have to find within themselves. Once they find it, no once can take it away unless they give it away. I, for one, fight for what is mine.

But lately the cards have called me out on turning back to old ways. I quit smoking using an e-cigarette, then started smoking again when my TF passed away. It was weird going from feeling so connected and loved to feeling completely empty and then nothing.

[hopedreamwalker]

As I dive deeper into my practice, I find myself asking “how come I didn’t know this before?” If I would have known half of the shit that I know now, my path might have never taken the leaps and turns that it has. Yes there have been some glorious moments and some hell cracking open kind of moments. But I have learned to love myself through them all and know that I am strong enough to make it through them all.

I am a bad ass by no means. Yes, I can break, I can cry, and I can hurt. But I can clearly see now that I can heal and move forward. I don’t have to remain in that same drag me down, kick my own ass, kind of pit. I can choose to rise bigger and brighter because I am in control of my path. 

[hopedreamwalker]

My mystery has been unraveling as I have learned about my ancestry, been in an awakened relationship, astral projected, and mentored some that are newly awakened to their abilities. Everyday is a different adventure. Some days I am enjoying what the day holds and other times I am holding on for dear life.

[hopedreamwalker]

I grew up Catholic, then Christian, Baptist, and now me. I know there are problems with the church houses. I have been down that road time and time again. I too have found myself on the end of that rod they don't "spare". But still did not find the answers I was looking for.

At a young age, I saw spirits, but I was told they are not real. 🤨

I could place my hands where someone was hurting and feel what was there on the inside and relieve their pain. I was told, that's just your imagination. 🤔

I could hear voices speaking to me but there was no one around. I was told, you need medication. 🧐

I could travel to places I had never seen, visit places of the past, and embrace those who had passed. I was told, you have an active imagination. 😂

How were they expecting me to embrace "someone" they pointed out did not exist anywhere else except in "my imagination"? I know I was only kid, but it doesn't take an expert to identify bull crap. Yes, I also know bull crap is manure. It is used to help plants grow and thrive, but why were they trying to get me to believe something that was obviously going to stunt my growth, make me sick, and kill me?

Let's start with my simplest question. Are spirits real? Yes! If spirits aren't real, how can you claim to be filled with the holy spirit, walking with the saints, and leaning on the Lord's side? Just with one question and one word "No", all beliefs, faiths, and practices in the world have been killed.

If you can't tell by now, I was that pain in the ass kid always asking why, how, who, what, when. As you can see I had problems with conformity down to the word order of the "question words". I knew if you couldn't tell me why, you didn't know the how, barely knew the who, didn't really care about the what, and the when was before your time so you didn't really care. Very rarely did I receive an honest answer. Instead I got some of those dirty little word....."You'll understand when you get older."

Well now that I am older, my understanding has blossomed, my questions evolved, and I realize they didn't know shit, crap, or manure to begin with.

[herewithyou-inthisspace]

The struggle

For the past number of months, too many months in fact, I have been coming to terms with the truth that loving someone is not enough when you realize that you are alone in a space where there should be two. I admit, some days there are setbacks in this process but then I remind myself of the type of partnership that I need and that sustains me till the next time

[qsketches]

// MAJOR KEYS. 🔑 NOTHING is given. Go in with that mindset, and leave fruitful financially, but also spiritually. I'm still learning along my own personally journey, but I can attest that this has remained true. 🙏🏿👌🏿#truths #personaltruths #kickass #rulesoflife #8commandments #success #goals #motivation #weouthere #entrepreneur #designlife #designer #thoughts #awake #dreamer #creativeastronaut [Q] (at Los Angeles, California)