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Ready to Let Go (2/?)

Ready to Let Go (2/?) | Dan doesn’t want to go to India in February, just before Valentine’s Day, with his increasingly homophobic parents. He doesn’t want to be a lawyer, or settle down with some pretty girl one day. Dan wants to spend Valentine’s Day with Phil. He wants to be an entertainer. And he sure as hell plans on marrying Phil one day. But more than any of that, Dan just wants be himself. He wants to be happy. Sequel to Too Tense to Be Undone. | Phan | Explicit | Homophobia, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Growing Up, Explicit Smut, Rough Sex, D/S Undertones, Love Making, Rimming, Multiple Orgasm, Blowjobs, Skype Sex | 12,659 Words This Chapter

Special thanks to @imnotinclinedtomaturity for having a look over this even while she was on vacation, and some before that. You’re a good bean. With that said, I edited tonight was too excited to wait for Kat to look over it before posting, so any mistakes are mine. Also thanks to @thoughtfullightcollectionii for reassuring me that good writing doesn’t always mean being perfect, or making your characters perfect <3

This chapter in particular was both really, really, really fun to write, and insanely difficult. Due to the subject matter, it’s really no surprise that I feel like I need to give a special warning to this chapter. It does contain rough sex, and less communication than I prefer writing; however there is intent behind everything I do. I promise all the events that occur were well thought out with the express intention of making sure that the story remains a healthy relationship overall, while combating the realities of what it’s like to be in any relationship.

Therefore, in this chapter you may find that some things feel a little bit like a consent issue. I did my absolute best to make SURE that it doesn’t come across that way, but I do worry that some things might seem a bit less clear cut. Again, that is because both characters are engaging in something consensual, but are also caught up in the moment, so asking questions isn’t always something they think of.

Again, it will all make sense in the end, and I truly hope you enjoy this chapter!

(ao3 Link) (Previous)

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Holy shit.

“Ah!” Dan exclaimed, taking a sudden step backwards as the door was wrenched open. He’d half been expecting to see Mr. or Mrs. Lester on the other side of the door, but instead it was Phil himself - sleep rumpled and wearing nothing more than a pair of red and black checkered sleep shorts and -

His black rimmed glasses sat perched on his nose.

Fuck. Fuck.

Eyes wide, Dan could do nothing but stare in absolute awe at his boyfriend, his mouth hanging open in a position that probably wasn’t the least bit attractive. But Dan couldn’t help himself.

He’d never seen Phil in his glasses before. Since the first time Dan had come over, and every night following, Phil had flat out refused to wear his glasses around Dan. More often than not, he either accidentally fell asleep in his contacts, or waited until they were both half asleep before getting up to take them off. Either way, despite his glasses being around, Phil seemed to go to great lengths not to appear in front of Dan wearing them.

Until today.

The sudden appearance of Phil, not only half naked but looking like a literal snack was almost to much for Dan. He wasn’t sure his heart could take it. Phil just looked so fucking sexy Dan wanted nothing more than pounce on him right then and there. Dan had a feeling he was going to have to beg Phil to give him some warning the next time he planned to wear his glasses, because otherwise the sight was going to send him into an early grave.

If only Dan’s parents could see him now, stiffening in his jeans while he stared at his older, half-naked boyfriend as stood in the entryway of his parents’ home. God, they would fucking hate that.

Good.

The thought alone somehow made Dan both hornier, and angrier. All thought fled from his mind other than getting Phil up against the nearest surface, and convincing him to fuck Dan.

Before Phil could properly greet him, let alone invite Dan in, Dan single mindedly step forward, dragging his luggage behind him, and shoved past Phil. His heart was beating fast in his chest, and his fingers were slippery with sweat as he dragged his luggage along Phil’s carpeted floors, and shoved it into the nearest empty corner of the hallway. Then, Dan turned and took the doorknob from Phil’s grip in order to slam it shut behind them.

The lock turned almost automatically beneath Dan’s fingertips.

“Are your parents home?” he asked, already breathless with want. Phil’s eyes were shuddered in half-wakefulness, and he looked to be doing his best to pull himself together as he shook his head in response. His lips were pursed in a half pout as if he hadn’t quite puzzled together why Dan was asking, let alone woken up enough to comprehend it.

“Good,” Dan whispered, grinning as he stepped forward, pressing insistently into Phil’s space. Dan didn’t know whether it was a product of Phil still not being fully alert, or if he just didn’t mind Dan being so close to him, but Phil didn’t draw away. Instead, he let out a low rumble from the back of his throat, something close to a pleasant sigh, and wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist promptly.

His touch seemed to light Dan on fire. He’d just seen Phil a week ago, but it felt like a lifetime had already passed, and there was nothing Dan wanted more than to get Phil all over him.

So he did just that.

He crashed his mouth onto Phil’s insistently, lips hard and laced with desperation and want. Phil gasped against Dan’s mouth, clearly not having been expecting an assault quite that intense quite so early in the morning. Regardless, Phil yielded to Dan easily, allowing him to press his tongue inside of Phil’s mouth to kiss him properly. Eyes jammed shut from the intensity of Dan’s need, he let the anger of the morning, the desperation and the downright betrayal seep into his kiss.

His fingers clawed at Phil’s arms as Dan reached out to grab him, kiss nothing more than sharp nips and teeth clashing against teeth. The momentum of Dan’s own assault sent him reeling, and he lost his balance, pitching forward against Phil until his clothed chest collided sharply with Phil’s naked one.

Their bodies wavered, the toppling motion almost sending them to the ground, but Phil managed to right them at the last second. Phil yelped into the kiss, his hands moving to grip tight to Dan’s hips as he backstepped away from Dan, putting the smallest bit of space between them.

Dan growled against Phil’s mouth, not liking distance one bit. He stepped closer again, shoving himself properly into Phil’s space, and moved to scrape his fingers down Phil’s biceps. His nails were blunt but sharp, and Phil hissed at the touch, biting down on Dan’s lip in retaliation. His movements were far slower than Dan’s, tinged with the remnants of sleep, but no less passionate and driven.

This was a side of Phil Dan didn’t get to see often enough - the one not yet cognizant enough to restrain himself from showing Dan that primal part of himself that lived inside of everyone - and it turned him on beyond belief. Suddenly, Dan wanted nothing more than to strip his pants from his legs and convince Phil to fuck him right there in the middle of his hallway.

Ripping his mouth from Phil’s, Dan let his head fall into the crook of Phil’s neck, and did his best to articulate what he wanted.

“Want you to fuck me, Phil,” he gasped, moaning obscenely at his own words. His hips jerked forward as arousal shot through him, because he wanted to do so many things with Phil just then, but all he could really focus on was the memory of what it felt like to have Phil’s cock buried deep inside of him.

Dan had only been in Phil’s arms for a few moments, but already he felt just as desperate as when Phil had worked him over for hours that first time they’d had sex. His mind felt hazy with desire, and his body was already shaking with need, as if he’d been holding back from touching himself for more than just a few moments. His cock jutted against the zip of his jeans roughly, throbbing with need.

Dan just needed this. He needed Phil to fuck every other thought from his mind, and remind him that the only thing that mattered was him and Phil. He needed Phil to show him why they were good together, and that nothing could come between them. He needed Phil to help him work through the horrifying emotions rolling through him, and the only way he could thing to do that was to let Phil wreck him in the best way possible, in the roughest was possible. Phil was the only person Dan could trust to hold him together as he fell apart, the only person he could trust to tear him to pieces and put him back together again.

“If you want, that is,” Dan added last minute, realizing through the haze in his brain that he wasn’t exactly giving Phil much of a choice, here. Was Phil even up for sex right now? Dan had just barged in and thrown himself at him. There was a part of Dan that realized that wasn’t exactly fair to Phil.

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil gasped back immediately, ducking his head into the crook of Dan’s neck and sucking at the pale skin there. His mouth was hot and wet, a sensation that drove all other worries from Dan’s mind, and allowed him to just focus on this - on the feel of Phil pressed against him, and how good sex with his boyfriend was.

The only problem was, Phil wasn’t being nearly as harsh as Dan wanted him to be. While Dan moaned at the heat of Phil’s mouth, arching his neck to give Phil more access, he tangled his fingers into Phil’s hair and pushed done, unable to open his mouth and just tell Phil what he wanted. He could only hope that the rough treatment would be enough to clue Phil in to what Dan needed.

It wasn’t.

Phil merely dragged his lips away from Dan’s neck, and gasped against his wet nape. “M’ be’room,” he tried to insist, pushing Dan backwards in an attempt to lead him upstairs.

Dan didn’t let him. He didn’t want to go to Phil’s bedroom, where he felt safe and surrounded by the scent and feel of his boyfriend’s things. Dan wanted to be taken - taken roughly, firmly, thoroughly - and that meant fucking anywhere but Phil’s bedroom, anywhere but a bed. Dan just wanted Phil, to be surrounded by the scent and taste of Phil on his skin as Phil took him, cock pressing so deeply inside him that Dan would feel it for days. He wanted to walk around his house with a limp from the feel of taking Phil’s cock, wanted to walk around with the evidence of what Dan was to Phil, and what Phil was to him.

Which meant they couldn’t go upstairs, where Dan’s memories were coated with the affectionate, romantic Phil who’d made Dan feel like he was the only person in the world.

No, Dan wanted to be taken to pieces, and he wanted it to be done in such a way that he would never forget who he belonged to.

More importantly, Dan wanted to be taken in such a way that his parents would never forget either.

His blood was pumping aggressively in his veins, and he could hear the sound of rushing in his ears. He was already too far gone for affection. He wanted rough and nothing more than rough.

Pushing back against Phil’s attempt to steer them out of the hallway and over to the stairs, Dan dug his fingernails harder into Phil’s hair, and pulled. Phil whined in confusion, lifting his head from Dan’s neck in an attempt to turn confused, bleary eyes onto Dan. Without missing a beat, Dan lunged back in for yet another brutal kiss.

“No, here. Now,” Dan growled against Phil’s lips, nipping harshly at the plump skin. Phil gasped, his body shocked into shifting his hips forward until he was pressing his own needy erection against Dan’s. The sensation left Dan’s head spinning with desire. The thin fabric of Phil’s sleep pants were leaving nothing to the imagination, and it was clear that Phil wanted him - Phil really fucking wanted him.

Dan wondered if Phil could feel how much Dan wanted Phil, or if his jeans were too restrictive to make it clear just how badly Dan’s cock was already aching.

Dan groaned against Phil’s lips and licked back into his mouth. His fingers pulled harshly at dark strands of hair, desperate for more, and far less concerned now with making sure that Phil wanted this just as much as Dan did.

There was no doubt in Dan’s mind, and if Phil wanted to put a stop to this, he would.

As Dan’s teeth knocked sharply against Phil’s again, and he pressed his tongue needily against Phil’s, he felt himself becoming completely lost to the feeling of being surrounded by Phil, by his scent, and his touch, and the sound of Phil’s whines muffled against Dan’s lips. It was all so fucking good that Dan could do nothing but surrender to it. With no regard for whether or not they collapsed to the floor, Dan rolled his hips into Phil’s roughly.

For the second time that morning, Phil caught them before Dan’s movements could send them sprawling to the carpet. Dragging his hands from Dan’s waist, where they’d settled previously, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s shoulders and stumbled backwards.

“Dan,” Phil gasped, dragging his mouth away from Dan’s as he suddenly collided with the wall of the front hallway. Dan fell into him, chests colliding once again, as Phil dropped his arms to steady himself against the wall.

Dan groaned at the sight. Phil’s eyes were half lidded, his lips plump and red from where Dan had been kissing him, and he about looked ready to get fucked. Too bad Dan wasn’t so much into fucking Phil as he was Phil fucking him.

Regardless, Dan pressed in for another kiss.

Phil turned his head at the last minute.

“Dan, slow down,” he gasped. His voice was deep and gravelly, the way it only got when he’d just woken up or he was so far gone with arousal that he couldn’t think straight. Dan honestly couldn’t tell what was driving the sound more at the moment. All he knew was that he liked it when Phil spoke like that. He wanted Phil to sound like that more.

“I’d rather not,” Dan purred against Phil’s cheek, releasing his hands from Phil’s dark strands and trailing them hotly down Phil’s body. Righting himself, Dan pushed back from Phil’s chest, putting a bit of space between their bodies, and reached for the waistband of Phil’s sleep pants. Using his grip on the elastic, Dan dragged Phil’s hips towards him, so Phil’s shoulders pressed against the wall, and he was tilted sensuously for Dan.

Not giving Phil another opportunity to complain, Dan shoved his hands properly down Phil’s pajama pants and yanked the offending garment all the way to his ankles. Freed from Phil’s waist, the shorts fell without hassle, for which Dan was grateful. Unfortunately, Phil was wearing a pair of boxer briefs underneath, for which Dan was far less grateful.

Ignoring them for now, Dan instead reached around Phil’s body to grab at his arse, and managed to grind their hips together. Phil’s body lifted away from the wall he’d collapsed against, moving willingly with Dan, as Dan’s mouth found the soft slant of Phl’s neck. Mouthing over it quickly, Dan bit sharply into the tender skin, groaning when Phil huffed out a surprised, pleasure filled groan of his own.

Phil’s hands finally reached back out to grab hold of Dan’s hip’s, and he dug his nails into the little bit of exposed skin just above Dan’s jeans. Taking that as agreement for what Dan wanted, Dan attempted to lead them backwards and further into the house, desperate to find some kind of surface for Phil to take him apart.

However, before he could get very far, Phil’s grip on Dan’s hips grew tighter, until it was near as painful as Dan wanted it to be, and dragged Dan to a halt.

“Dan?” Phil asked, staring down at his boyfriend in clear worry, “Bear, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

His voice still bore that same husky sound that always drove Dan insane, only this time, the words falling from his lips weren’t exactly sexy. Instead, they brought back everything that Dan was trying to avoid, and a rush of anger and hurt coursed through him. Dan’s nails dug in deeper to Phil’s thinly clothed arse, before he abruptly let Phil’s bum go and stared up into lust-blown blue eyes.

No, Dan was not okay, but talking wasn’t what he needed right now. He needed Phil, and he needed Phil now.

“No, but I will be,” Dan replied quietly, biting his bottom lip and staring pleadingly up at Phil. There was no use in lying to him, but that didn’t mean Dan wanted to talk about it. They both knew something had happened last night, and that would just have to be enough for right now.

Whatever Dan was dealing with right now wasn’t going to prevent him from seeking out something he very much so wanted. Maybe convincing Phil to fuck him as hard as possible wouldn’t fix his problems, but it was what he needed right now.

“Please, Phil,” Dan begged, releasing his bottom lip and feeling it wobble with the leftover pain of last night, “Just give me this. Don’t question it. It’s what I want, I promise.” His hands found Phil’s chest, and he shoved him backwards again, pushing him down the hallway and away from the stairs.

Phil let out a soft groan at the words and the touch, as his eyes fluttered closed, seemingly involuntarily. Using the moment to his advantage, Dan started to move them both backwards down the front hallway and to the lounge. He was careful to avoid the stairway, intent on getting what he wanted, and not wanting to give Phil the chance to lead them to his bedroom.

As they moved, Dan found himself unable to do much more than shoot quick glances over Phil’s shoulder to watch where they were going, and stare at the way Phil looked when he gave into Dan like this.

It was an absolutely wonderful sight, one that only fueled Dan’s lust even more.

Frustrated with the lack of progress they were making, what with Phil’s unsure steps, and Dan’s lust filled haze, Dan growled and dragged them to a halt. His hands found the waistband of Phil’s boxers this time - a sight Dan was suddenly glad for, seeing as he needed to hold onto something - and turned both of them around so he could drag Phil over to the sofa.

That’s when Dan’s eyes landed on something so much better.

The kitchen table.

Fuck, fuck. God, Dan could already imagine it - Phil shoving him up onto the hard surface, wrapping Dan’s legs around his waist, and fucking so deep inside of Dan that Dan’s body rubbed roughly against the sturdy piece of furniture. Dan could already feel the pressure against his shoulder blades, and the deep ache that would leave him with, and he wanted it.

God, did he want it.

Not only would it feel fucking fantastic, but it would leave a lasting impression. Dan only wished they could do it on his own parents kitchen table.

Before he could think better of the idea, Dan switched directions, and dragged Phil into the kitchen instead. Phil seemed too far gone to pay much attention to what was going on - or at least, too distracted by Dan’s touch to properly question it.

Dan was glad for that.

He maneuvered the two of them over to Phil’s kitchen table, shoving a chair out of the way once he was close enough, and only released Phil’s pants in order to turn around so he was facing Phil again. Expression as seductive as he could make it, Dan placed his hands on the edge of the table, and hoisted himself until he was sitting on the wood.

Phil’s eyes were completely dilated. He looked at Dan hungrily, licking his lips, and moving in before Dan even had to ask him too. Hands finding Phil’s biceps, Dan helped pull him in any way, and wrapped his legs around Phil’s waist the moment he was settled comfortably between them. Locking his ankles in place, Dan pulled Phil in even further until their chests collided, and kissed him deeply. Their teeth knocked together, as was par for the course that morning, but Dan didn’t care. He used his leverage on Phil’s waist to drag their hips together, rocking their erections against each other, and suddenly wishing he’d had the forethought to take his jeans off.

There was nothing for it now. Dan wasn’t willing to let Phil pull away just yet, far too engrossed in the sensations it wrought through his body to have Phil’s body pressing into his. Dan arched his chest so he could push it into Phil’s, and kissed him deeper, harder, biting at his lips just harshly enough to make it clear to Phil that Dan wanted rough. Phil made a rumbling sound against Dan’s mouth, and his hands, which had previously fluttered around Dan’s body as if he didn’t know what to do with them, finally found the hem of Dan’s shirt and yanked it forcefully off of Dan’s body.

Their mouths disconnected, their chests slipping apart as Phil pulled the fabric over Dan’s head, reaching with warm palms to press his fingers over Dan’s nipples. Dan keened at the feeling, moaning loudly when Phil pinched hard at them, pulling so they stretched and Dan could feel the burn. His body shook with the pleasure that action sent surging through him, and he let his head fall back in ecstasy.

“Is this what you want?” Phil asked, careful as ever. His voice was dark and heedy, filled with a kind of wicked lust that made Dan’s cock pulse in his jeans, but there was no masking the fact that Phil would stop in a heartbeat if this wasn’t what Dan wanted.

Raising his head up, Dan met Phil’s dark gaze, and nodded his head.

“I want you to make me yours,” Dan grumbled lowly, eyes flashing sinfully. Or, at least, he hoped sinfully. “I want you to fuck me so hard I’m limping for days. I want you to take me on your parents kitchen table, fuck me so hard I can feel the wood digging into my skin and hold me so fucking tight you leave bruises behind. I want you to mark me up, Phil, so that no one will ever question who I belong to again.”

Phil’s eyes went wide, and his hands, which had previously been working Dan’s nipples, suddenly came to a screaming halt. There was something about his expression that made Dan think, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he’d said something wrong, but the rest of him was far too focused on his desire for Phil to really pay any attention to that.

Instead, he groaned in frustration, annoyed at the sudden lack of movement, and desperate for Phil to continue.

“Please Phil,” Dan whined, digging his nails into Phil’s biceps and holding on tight.

Phil didn’t do anything, though. Instead, he just kind of gaped at Dan, something like hurt lingering behind his eyes.

Before Dan could so much as attempt to pull himself together enough to understand what was wrong with Phil, Phil’s gaze grew shuttered and he surged in to bite harshly at Dan’s lips. Dan gasped, surprised but pleased at the sudden harshness, as Phil’s shaking hands shifted from Dan’s nipples to his ribcage, so he was embracing Dan tightly with too-warm palms.

Lips fierce and filled with determination, Phil kissed Dan hard, his glasses nudging against Dan’s nose and reminding him of just how hot Phil looked just then. His stubble rubbed at Dan’s jaw, coarse and a little but uncomfortable against Dan’s skin, and a reminder that Phil had only just woken up, that Dan was getting a side of Phil who probably wasn’t fully cognizant enough just yet to comprehend what Dan wanted.

Of course he’d taken a moment to catch on to what Dan was asking of him, and if he was a bit unrefined with his movements, Dan could hardly blame him. Phil’s touch was all Dan really needed, no matter how seemingly awkward it was.

Maybe Phil just wasn’t used to being rough with his partners. Maybe he just didn’t know how to dig his nails into Dan’s skin and not feel awkward about it, not feel like he had to stop, stutter, and try again. Regardless of how fumbly he was, however, Dan was absolutely living for the feeling of Phil’s nails scraping against his skin, and he gasped against Phil’s lips.

“Alright,” Phil growled, finally pulling his mouth from Dan’s. His eyes were still wide when he looked at Dan, but there was something dark and angry in the expression, something almost hurt. Dan blinked, confused, unable to comprehend the expression, but Phil kept talking before Dan could even attempt to ask. “But I’m not going to hurt you.”

Instantly, tears of frustration rose to Dan’s eyes at the rejection, because Phil didn’t get it. He didn’t understand that Dan needed this, that he wanted Phil to hurt him. Dan opened his mouth to protest, but Phil cut him off before he could.

“I’m not going to hurt you more than necessary, more than I think you’d like,” he continued, leaning in and nipping at Dan’s lip harshly again. The action almost seemed angry, but surely that couldn’t be right? Phil had never been angry with Dan before, and if he was angry now… surely he would say something?

“And afterwards...” Phil trailed off huskily, losing track of his words as he licked roughly into Dan’s mouth and took away the control Dan had been desperate to hold onto just a moment ago. His mouth was molten lava, burning every inch of Dan’s mouth as his tongue ran alongside Dan’s, brushing up against the sensitive parts inside of him, and consuming him all at once.

His nails dug in harder against Dan’s ribcage, surely leaving deep red marks behind, and he pulled back to chew on Dan’s lip, yanking the bottom one away from Dan’s mouth harshly before allowing it to ping back.

Dan’s breathing went ragged.

“Afterwards,” Phil reiterated, gaze harsh, “You’re going to tell me who I’m marking you up for.”

Dan’s eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head as he realized what was happening. Dan had never seen Phil angry before. In fact, he’d never seen Phil properly lose control, except for the few times he’d been able to make Phil fuck into him the way Phil wanted too, rather than holding himself back for Dan’s sake.

But Dan was asking Phil to lose control, now. He was asking Phil to be angry.

So Phil was.

Phil was working himself, trying to give Dan what he wanted, what he needed, by allowing himself to be dragged into the same anger Dan was currently feeling. Dan hadn’t even realized having an angry Phil fuck him was what he’d wanted, what he’d needed, but it was. And somehow, Phil had understood.

Had Dan explained to Phil about his parents, Phil wouldn’t have gotten angry. He would have bottled up the rage and held on to Dan like he was something precious, and pretended that it was all okay. But Dan needed Phil to let that rage go free, and fuck the anger out of them both. He needed Phil to leave his mark all over Dan, and fuck him until he was raw. He needed Phil to leave love bites on his neck and bruises on his wrists that told Dan’s parents exactly what he’d been up to, and didn’t leave even a shred of doubt in their tiny, homophobic minds.

He wanted his parents to know that their little boy took whatever Phil was willing to give him, took it happily, and didn’t care that Phil was a man.

Dan never got a chance to agree to Phil’s condition that Dan tell him what was going on afterwards, because before Dan could even try and formulate a response, Phil was moving his fingers back to Dan’s nipples, tugging and pulling on the hard nubs with a force he’d never exerted before. Dan’s breathing practically stopped, his hips jerked on the counter, and his thighs quaked where they were wrapped around Phil’s waist.

His eyes were wide as he stared into Phil’s glaring expression, the lust laced anger, the slight, hard smirk Phil seemed to be attempting to pull off. Out of his mind with lust, Dan finally recognized which Phil this was. This was the Phil that Phil had first tried to be for Dan - the cocky, sex beast who could make anyone want to fuck him. He was the flirt Dan had gotten to know before Phil had found out that Dan had never had an orgasm before. He was the Phil Dan had known before that night in October, when Phil had blown Dan’s mind and fucked him so hard, Dan had lost himself.

Dan threw his head back, and let himself give in to what Phil was giving him.

For the first time, Dan realized that maybe, just maybe, Phil hadn’t always been the gentle, affectionate, giving man that he’d always been with Dan. Maybe he wasn’t always so in control. Maybe he did know how to be rough with a partner, but hadn’t wanted to be the same way with Dan.

The way Phil was touching him now practically confirmed that thought. Surely, this wasn’t the first time Phil had taken control with another man, or the first time he’d had true and serious rough sex - roughter even then what they’d done just before Christmas, the day Phil’s parents had found out Dan was Phil’s boyfriend. It just didn’t seem possible that this was the first time Phil had done this, and the thought burned a hole of jealousy through the pit of Dan’s stomach.

But then Phil leaned forward, sinking his teeth into Dan’s collarbone, sucking and biting at the sensitive bone, and Dan was reminded that Phil was his. Phil might be the one doing the marking, but there was no doubt in Dan’s mind that that was for him.

Phil belonged to Dan, now, and it didn’t matter what, or who, Phil had done in the past.

He’d only ever do Dan from now on, if Dan could help it.

Arching his neck, Dan found himself rendered breathless at Phil’s ministrations. His teeth worried Dan’s skin like he wanted to make damned sure he left a bruise behind, and he licked at the indentation his teeth had made when he pulled away, his mouth far too warm and far too good for words. His fingers never stopped tweaking and pulling at Dan’s nipples, tugging hard enough that Dan thought he couldn’t take anymore, and yet he never asked Phil to stop. He couldn’t, not when the pain was going straight to his cock, and making it swell painfully in his jeans.

“Daniel,” Phil grumbled, mouth making its way up Dan’s neck and straight to his ear, where he nibbled at Dan’s piercing. His tongue swirled around the black stud, and then he sucked it into his mouth, hands finally releasing Dan’s nipples in order to get him to talk.

Dan let out a breath, the sound a stuttered moan.

“Safe word,” Phil demanded. “If you want this, we should have a safe word,” he gasped, starting to lose some of that cool confidence he’d been showing earlier, when he’d tugged on Dan’s nipples and showed him that Phil could do rough if that was what he wanted. Dan gasped, his hips jerking against Phil’s, a motion that made Phil chuckle against the shell of Dan’s ear.

Slowly, Phil scraped his nails up Dan’s arms, his shoulders, and buried them in Dan’s hair. His fingers pulled tight, and suddenly, Dan realized he was actually going to get what he’d thought about months ago, when he’d considered what it might be like to have Phil ordering him around.

If he played his cards right tonight, maybe he’d get that.

Hopefully.

“Mm,” Dan grunted in agreement, unable to think of anything in that moment other than the feel of Phil’s fingers in his hair.

He hadn’t realized Phil would be so good at all of this.

He’d known that Phil knew what he was doing when it came to sex, and he knew that Phil was more often than not that one to give, but Dan hadn’t thought that Phil would be such a natural at this - at taking complete control and knowing just how to give Dan what he wanted, what he needed.

“Daniel,” Phil grunted, pulling Dan’s head back, his fingers sharp in Dan’s hair. His earlier, breathless agreement didn’t seem to be enough for Phil, but Dan couldn’t even bring himself to mind, if his small disobedience was gaining him this. Gasping at the sensation, Dan let his eyes flutter closed until Phil loosened his grip some, and then arched his neck so he could stare lustfully at Phil.

He wasn’t expecting Phil’s expression to be quite as serious as it actually was.

Surprised, Dan couldn’t help wondering what the fuck was going on. Phil looked angry, still, and here Dan had thought he’d managed to take Phil apart, managed to break down that careful control he always asserted, but Phil was still staring into Dan’s eyes like he wasn’t going to take anything less than actual words as an answer. Mouth dropping open slightly, Dan could do nothing more than pant in surprise at Phil.

Fuck, fuck.

Rather than being devastated that he’d failed to make Phil go wild, Dan felt grateful. His eyes fluttered shut again in desire as Dan realized that this was the kind of man he could trust with his life. This was the kind of man who Dan knew would never push him too far. Dan had never even had angry sex before, but he knew that he was safe with Phil, knew that Phil wouldn’t let it spiral out of control, and he’d make sure, every moment, that Dan knew Phil loved him.

Dan finally left out a muffled “Yes,” and gasped when Phil tugged on his hair again. His eyes flew back open, only to find Phil was still looking at him, as serious as if he weren’t very clearly hard and desperate to fuck Dan. However, there was a part of him that looked hesitant, too.

He was biting his bottom lip, eyes darting back and forth between Dan’s, like he wasn’t sure where to look, or what exactly to say.

Groaning, Phil dropped his face into Dan’s neck.

“You’re so far gone, aren’t you?” he muttered, biting Dan again for good measure. “Fuck,” he sighed, and made quick work of pressing open mouthed kisses all over Dan’s neck again. Dan just let him, limp in Phil’s hold, ready to do anything and everything that Phil asked of him. Fuck a safe word, Dan felt safe as hell with Phil.

If he said stop, Dan knew that Phil would stop.

“Fuck, Dan, please,” Phil begged, finally pulling away from his neck to stare down at Dan as if he were broken. The sight startled Dan it was so different than mere seconds ago, and he blinked rapidly at Phil in confusion. He knew what Phil was asking for, but he didn’t understand why Phil looked so upset suddenly.

Opening his mouth, Dan blurted out, “Penguin,” for lack of anything better to think of, and grasped either side of Phil’s face to drag him eagerly back into a kiss - anything to wipe that horrible expression off of his face.

He wasn’t sure he’d actually be able to remember to say Penguin if things went too far, but unlike Phil, Dan was certain that all it would take was a loud “stop,” to make him stop. Lips rough against Phil’s, Dan took back some of the control he’d given up moments before, and made quick work of working Phil back up again. Phil’s hands found his hips once more, nails dragging roughly up his sides, and moving around him to dig into his shoulder blades. Dan moaned at the touch, feeling heat climbing through him, as Phil slowly seemed to get a hold of himself once again.

When he did, he bit at Dan’s lip and dragged his mouth from Dan’s to resume his attention on Dan’s neck.

Dan could feel his cock beginning to hurt from the pressure of his jeans against it, but he didn’t exactly have room to reach down and do anything about that. He was laying on the kitchen table yet, held up merely by Phil’s arms, their bodies crushed so tight together that Dan couldn’t wiggle a hand between them if he tried, but he couldn’t wait for Phil to strip him down the rest of the way.

More than that, he couldn’t wait until Phil pressed his cock inside of Dan and fucked him into next week.

Phil’s mouth kept Dan distracted enough from the uncomfortable sensation, though. Phil biting down at him with wild abandon, was everything. It felt so good Dan was shocked they’d never tried it before. Sure, he loved the gentle way Phil usually kissed him, and the soft way he carressed every part of Dan’s body, but this? This was something more. Intense in a different way.

Now that Dan knew he liked this, he’d make sure Phil threw a little bit more of it into their future sex lives.

Eventually, Dan’s body began to shake in time with the quivering of Phil’s hands, that all too familiar tell tale sign that Phil always got when they had sex. Tired of waiting for more, Dan reached up and threaded his fingers into Phil’s hair, pulling his mouth away from Dan’s neck and forcing Phil to look up at him.

“I want you to fuck me, Lester,” Dan whispered, trying to pitch his voice low and sultry. Phil’s eyes, impossibly dark, seemed to grow darker still at the words, but rather than giving in to what Dan wanted, his expression only seemed to harden.

“I’ll fuck you when I’m good and ready,” Phil whispered back, leaning in and nipping sharply at Dan’s bottom lip. Despite the clear act of dominance, Phil seemed to wince at his own actions, and reached up to gently smooth his fingers over Dna’s bottom lip. The gesture was enough to remind Dan, again, that Phil would never truly hurt him.

The reassurance, the overall dominance, was everything that Dan could ever need. Dan wanted Phil to hurt him, wanted that edge of pain to sharpen the feeling of pleasure, and he knew that he could trust Phil to give it to him without going too far.

He wanted Phil to fuck the anger and suffocating feeling of betrayal still searing at Dan’s veins out of him. He wanted to be marked so intensely that Dan would feel like he belonged, and no one would ever be able to tell him that he was wrong.

Not even his parents.

Phil’s mouth returned to Dan’s neck, but this time he trailed his teeth down the skin sharply, rather than sucking or biting a bruise into Dan’s skin. His mouth trailed all the way down Dan’s neck, over his collarbones, and down to his chest, where he stopped to bite down hard on Dan’s nipple. He tugged with his teeth, making Dan arch and convulse under his ministrations, gasping out a loud sound of pleasure. His hands, previously entwined in Phil’s hair, reached between their bodies, where Phil had finally moved enough to expose his cock, and shoved his hand against the bulging ache pressing there.

Before Dan could so much as think of attempting to pleasure himself, Phil’s hands shot out and grabbed both of Dan’s - the one pressed to the front of his jeans, and the one that had latched onto Phil’s hip.

“Who said you could touch?” Phil asked, voice just this side of dark. His eyes were shuttered, hiding every bit of emotion he was currently feeling, and yuet that only seemed to turn Dan on more.

Slowly, Phil shuffled his hands down Dan’s hands, down to his wrists, and wrapped his fingers around the bone. Without warning, Phil pushed Dan backwards onto the kitchen table, and locked his hands above his head, pressing them into to the hard wood with his own. “Your hands stay there, got it?” Phil demanded, gaze fierce.

Dan gasped, eyes going wide at the sudden movement, at the way it pushed Phil’s cock against Dan’s, and the dirty sense of friction it sent through Dan.

The movement was hot, hotter than Dan could have guessed it would be, and he let out a low moan as he rolled his hips up into Phil’s.

Phil growled, and leaned in close to Dan’s body.

“Don’t move,” he whispered, letting go of Dan’s wrists.

Dan did as he was told, frozen in place by the sheer heated look Phil was giving him, and the desperate desire Dan suddenly had to give everything to Phil, to let him take control, without complaint.

Or, at least, Dan felt that way until Phil unwrapped Dan’s thighs from his waist and started to walk away.

“Wait!” Dan shouted, “Where are you going?” The words lacked the impact Dan wanted them to, but he couldn’t help that his throat was already wrecked. It didn’t help that half of Dan’s lanky body was now falling off of a wooden table, and he was struggling to stand up, let alone sit. He scrambled for purchase on the hard wood anyway, until he’d managed to get himself sitting, his legs swinging off the edge and his palms flat on the table.

His face was hot, and he was sure he was red all over.

Phil sent Dan a confused look.

“I said I wouldn’t be unnecessarily rough, Dan. Did you think we were going to do this without lube?”

Dan bit his lip as he realized what that would mean. They’d moved Phil’s lube and condoms to the bottom drawer of his dresser, mostly because Dan had been sick of situations like this, and now Phil was going to leave Dan to go and get them.

No. No way in hell. The last thing Dan wanted was for Phil to go upstairs and interrupt this moment.

Trying to think of a way to make Phil stay, Dan’s mind flashed over Phil’s previous demand, and bit his lip. He wasn’t supposed to move. He’d already broken that demand when he’d scrambled to sit up, but while that hadn’t been enough to make Phil mad at him, Dan had an idea of what would.

While Dan wanted nothing more than to obey every single one of Phil's commands today, he wanted Phil to make him hurt even more. Lube wasn’t exactly part of that equation.

Eyes locked on Phil’s, Dan reached down and jabbed his fingers at the button of his jeans. Phil’s eyes went wide as Dan forcefully yanked the button free, and shoved his zipper all the way down. The bulge in Dan’s pants pressed outwards, cock straining through the cotton.

When Phil did nothing to stop Dan, Dan continued his movements, stripping his jeans down his thighs as best as he could, and kicking them away from himself. Once the restricting fabric was gone, Dan hooked his fingers under the waistband of his pants, and yanked them free as well, tossing them behind himself and hoping they’d land somewhere very, very public, if for no other reason than a memory for Dan to think on anytime he looked at that place.

Finally bare, Dan stared up at Phil in challenge, practically begging him to be mad at Dan for not staying still, but Phil didn’t look mad. In fact, he just looked sort of surprised, and that was enough to make Dan push the whole situation even farther. There was no way in hell Dan was letting Phil head upstairs, no way in hell he was letting Phil grab the lube, or work himself down from the flurry Dan had worked so hard to push him into.

So he did the only thing he could think of. He flopped back onto the kitchen table, and gripped his aching cock in his hand, directly disobeying Phil’s order in the hopes that it would piss Phil off enough to return to Dan’s side.

It did.

Phil growled, and while Dan couldn’t see Phil from where he was now laying down, it didn’t really matter, because he could hear Phil moving towards him. His breathing was heavy, and while just a moment ago he’d looked like he might not be as into this as Dan wanted him to be, now he sounded almost angrier than Dan had been expecting - not that he was going to complain.

Dan cried out when Phil finally reached his side, looming over Dan’s body and slapping Dan’s hand away from his cock. Before Dan could so much as taunt Phil in an attempt to make certain Phil didn’t leave his side again, Phil leaned and kissed him, his lips bruising on top of Dan’s. His hands found Dan’s ribs, and he pinched the sensitive skin hard enough to hurt.

But it was good. It was so fucking good. It was everything that Dan had wanted, and a sharp enough reprimand that Dan thought he might have actually won.

“I told you. Not. To touch. Yourself.” Phil punctuated each word with a harsh nip to Dan’s lip, and an almost harsher pinch against Dan’s ribcage. The sensations made Dan feel wild, his head spinning with the almost overwhelming sense of intense pleasure.

“It’s the only thing I asked,” Phil added, sucking Dan’s lips into his mouth and licking over it with harsh intent. Dan shivered at the way the words sounded, and he gasped as Phil bit his lip yet again, this time the feeling almost worse for the sharp contrast of Phil sucking and licking. “The. Only. Thing.”

Bite.

Nip.

Suck.

All the way down Dan’s neck. From the sharp, aching feeling that each motion aroused, Dan was certain that he must be covered in bruises by now, just like Dan had begged Phil. Both sides of his neck throbbed in pain, but it was good pain. So fucking good.

This wasn’t exactly the reaction Dan had been expecting when he’d grabbed his dick, hoping to work Phil back up again, but he couldn’t deny that it made his cock ache and his balls draw up to his body. Being punished for disobeying Phil made Dan feel hot all over, and the biggest reason was because Dan knew the moment he asked Phil to stop, Phil would stop.

But for this moment, they were playing.

“Phil,” Dan gasped, as Phil dragged his mouth down Dan’s chest and bit down at his collarbone, sucking there too. “Phil, please,” he whined, spreading his legs open wide, and hoping Phil would take the invitation.

Phil ignored him.

“You asked for this, Daniel,” Phil growled, moving his mouth into the hollow Dan’s collarbones made everytime he inhaled. He licked at the sensitive area, causing Dan to arch into him, and nearly forget his own name. “You follow my rules,” he added with a sharp nip. “So don’t touch.”

His breathing was heavy, exasperated enough that Dan could tell Phil meant every word of what he’d said. Rather than being frightened, he just felt hot.

Nodding his head desperately, Dan let out a pitiful whine in reply.

Phil kissed him again. His nails scraped roughly against Dan’s rib cage as he dragged them up, and then back down, his hands finding Dan’s hips and dragging his legs back around Phil’s hips. Dan clenched tight, happy to have this back, happy that Phil hadn’t gone, and that he was just as in this moment as Dan was.

The fact that Dan could feel Phil’s hips were unclothed, making it quite clear Phil had stripped himself of his boxers, finally, definitely added to the moment. It meant that Phil was finally done with the foreplay, and he was finally going to give Dan what he wanted.

Dan didn’t care about the preparation it usually took for them to fuck. He didn’t care about the condoms, or the glove, or the lube. He just wanted Phil to take him raw.

“Fuck me,” Dan whispered against Phil’s lips, gasping the words between sloppy, anger-filled kisses. His head felt filled with nothing but endorphins, and his gut was boiling with that familiar sensation of overpowering arousal. Pleasure sparked through him at the very idea of Phil being pressed deep inside of him, and while Dan and Phil knew that a mere handjob wasn’t going to get Dan off, it was clear that Phil’s desire for Dan to not touch was about far more than whether or not Dan could pleasure himself.

It was about power. And Dan was happy to give that power to him.

Phil shook his head against Dan’s lips, a clear refusal. He didn’t stop kissing Dan, dominating his mouth, his hands clawing at Dan’s body, nails scraping over Dan’s nipples, and down his sides, doing everything he could to make it clear to Dan that Phil was in charge. Dan was going insane, though. They both knew he couldn’t come like this, both knew what Dan really wanted, and he didn’t understand why Phil wouldn’t give it to him.

So Dan decided to take matters into his own hands. He lifted his bum, spread his legs, and reached for Phil’s dick without a second thought, prepared to penetrate himself if he had too.

Dan hadn’t accounted for Phil’s response to that, however, and gasped when Phil instantly pulled away from Dan, chest heaving, and smacked Dan’s hand away.

“What the hell are you doing?” Phil demanded, his tone dripping with rage. His expression was so fucking furious that Dan actually felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. His eyes widened as he stared up at Phil, surprised by the way his nostrils flared, and he gritted his teeth so hard Dan could see Phil’s jaw clenching. His hands were wrapped into fists at his sides, and he was holding his body so tightly that Dan thought he might explode.

He didn’t, though. Instead, he stood, waiting for some kind of response from Dan, gaze a heavy weight pressed against Dan’s skin.

“I - I - I just -” Dan tried to stutter out, getting nowhere as a real kind of fear settled into his chest. Had he fucked up? He’d never seen Phil like this. He’d never thought Phil could look like this. Dan had just... He’d just wanted…

He’d just wanted Phil to fuck him, wanted him to make Dan hurt.

Tears welled to Dan’s eyes, quicker than ever before, and Dan suddenly realized just how important it was to him not to fuck this up with Phil.

“Never try that again,” Phil demanded, his voice ruthless, serious. “Never, ever try to make me fuck you without stretching, without lube, ever again. Are you insane?” Phil hissed. “I could tear something, I could seriously hurt you, Dan, and not like you so clearly fucking want right now. I could do real fucking damage!” He groaned, slamming his eyes shut and reaching up to press his fists against them, hands sliding up under the black rims of his glasses. He was trembling, but this time, it didn’t look like he was trembling from passion.

No, he looked like he was seriously ready to call this whole thing off because Dan was being a fucking idiot.

Swallowing thickly, Dan shifted his body up and forced himself to rest on his elbows. He was slipping off the wood of the kitchen table a bit, but he couldn’t bring himself to fix that when all he wanted was for Phil to look at him, to tell him it was okay, that Dan hadn’t royally fucked up this too. Dan couldn’t stand the thought, not after what he’d gone through yesterday. Not after what he’d gone through the last eighteen years of his life, questioning and unsure of himself and his place in the world and whether or not he’d ever really be loved.

Biting his lip, Dan did his best not to cry, waiting for Phil to look at him, to just show him that they were okay. Anything, even if it meant stopping what they’d been doing just moments before. Dan would do anything to keep Phil in his life.

Isn’t that why he’d told his parents about them last night?

Finally, Phil opened his eyes. He dropped his fists, fiddling with his glasses to get them settled on his face right, and looked at Dan.

“Did you have breakfast this morning?” Phil asked, his voice gruff.

Dan bit his lip, trying not to get his hopes up that Phil was asking for the reasons Dan wanted him to be asking. Still, Phil looked like he was pulling himself together, like he wasn’t so mad that he was going to break up with Dan, or kick him out, or never touch him again. Instead, he looked determined.

Dan shook his head. “I didn’t have dinner last night either,” he added for good measure, hoping that it would be enough.

Phil inhaled sharply, face going red. “You didn’t -” he started, cutting himself off with a low groan, and shoving his fist against his mouth. Dan thought he could see Phil biting at the skin of his knuckles, but the moment didn’t last long. He pulled his hand away, and let out a frustrated breath. “Never mind. We’ll talk about that later. Just… Stay there. And don’t move,” Phil added, tossing Dan a hard glare.

Shoving himself further back on the kitchen table so his bum was resting on the wood, Dan sprawled backwards, and placed his hands above his head in submission. Phil watched him do it, eyes narrowed, but nodded in satisfaction when Dan froze there, staring back at Phil with a nervous look in his eye. This time, rather than turning towards the lounge and the stairs on the other side of the wall, Phil walked into the kitchen and started opening cupboards, very obviously searching for something.

Dan’s brow furrowed in confusion, trying to decipher what Phil was looking for. What could he possibly find in the kitchen that could - oh.

As Phil turned back around with a bottle of olive oil in his hand, Dan realized just what Phil was planning to do, and heat flared anew in his belly.

“This is a last resort kind of deal, Daniel,” Phil growled, returning to Dan in a matter of seconds, his hands already fumbling on the cap of the oil. Phil stepped between Dan’s legs, his eyes hard as he met Dan’s gaze, and his mouth firm. “It’s safe enough, but it means no condoms, and that means I’m not coming inside of you. Understand?” Phil demanded.

Dan gasped at the idea of Phil fucking him bareback, without the latex barrier of a condom preventing Dan from feeling the soft ridges of Phil’s dick inside of him, and he shivered involuntarily. It was something he’d wished for in the past, but he hadn’t expected it so soon. His eyes fluttered shut, and he nodded his head in agreement instantly, despite not being happy with all of the conditions Phil had set before them.

He’d much rather Phil came inside of him, marking him on the inside just as much as he’d marked Dan on the outside, but they could argue about that later.

In the meantime, Dan just wanted to get a move on already. His legs were shaking in anticipation, and he was craving the chance to wrap them back around Phil’s waist, but he held still. He’d promised he wouldn’t move, promised he wouldn’t touch, promised to give the control to Phil.

So he would.

This time he really would.

As the cap came free, Phil drizzled the liquid over his fingers, over his whole hand, it rushed out so quickly, and rubbed his fingers together in an attempt to spread the makeshift lube around.

“We shower after this,” Phil muttered, “And you’re going to let me clean this out of you, because I’m not risking some kind of infection,” he added, but nevertheless placed the bottle far enough away from Dan he hopefully wouldn’t knock it over, and reached for Dan’s legs.

While a part of Dan worried what Phil meant about an infection, the rest of him was focused on the fact that Phil had promised this was safe, that they’d take a shower after, and that Phil would take care of Dan, make sure every preventative measure was taken to keep Dan from getting hurt. Giving in to the moment, giving in to the knowledge that Phil had him, that Phil was going to take care of him, Dan lifted his legs and allowed Phil to guide them back around his waist. All the while, Phil’s fingers moved between Dan’s legs and quickly found his rim, teasing at the puckered skin with the tip of his index finger.

Dan’s body tensed for all of a moment, before almost instinctively relaxing. Dan’s body knew Phil well, and he took the first finger easily as Phil gently pushed it in, teasing at Dan’s rim and pressing in and out a few times with just the tip. When he finally got his entire finger inside of Dan, right up to the first knuckle, Dan clenched his body down with a soft, needy whine, and fucked his arse downwards.

Phil groaned, and leaned in to nip at Dan’s belly.

“Knock it off,” he growled, pulling his finger back, and pushing it back in just as slowly as before. Dan’s toes curled, despite the fact that the first finger never felt exactly good. Dan just knew what was coming, and he wanted it now. Ignoring Phil’s demand, Dan fucked his arse down again in an attempt to take more of Phil in, and moaned loudly when Phil leaned down and bit at his belly all over again. The feeling was a shock to Dan’s system, much harder than the first bite, and filled with far more intent. Dan’s body convulsed a little, and he found himself panting as Phil dragged his finger out of him.

Slowly, he pressed it back in.

Dan had had enough.

“Philip Michael Lester,” Dan growled, propping himself up on his elbows, and meeting Phil’s glare with one of his own. “Fuck me, or so help me god,” he said, breath stuttering out of him as Phil very abruptly shoved his finger back inside of Dan, none too gently starting to fuck into him.

Dan gasped, and he fell back against the kitchen counter as Phil started to really stretch him. He wasn’t playing around anymore, wasn’t in the least bit gentle, the way he normally was when he took care of Dan. Instead, he was giving Dan exactly what he’d wanted, and the sharp burn of Phil’s finger pulling in and out of him, stretching at his walls, forcing Dan to take him, was everything. Dan’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he reached down in an attempt to hold onto something, only for Phil to growl at him.

“I said don’t move.”

Instantly, Dan dropped his hands back to the table, clenching at nothing, nails digging into his own palms, as Phil finger fucked the life out of him. His body jerked up and down the table, his shoulders digging hard against the wood, just the way Dan had imagined they would, his cock bouncing against his stomach. Phil didn’t stop. Phil didn’t rest or slow down. He pressed a second finger to Dan’s rim on a downstroke, and shoved it in alongside the first on the upstroke.

The action burned, forcibly stretching Dan open, and while it hurt, it made Dan feel alive. He let out a loud wail, arching his back and shoving his body down against Phil’s fingers, right up until Phil’s unoccupied hand found his hip and forced him back down. Dan’s hips stilled, but the sounds dripping from his mouth did not. He couldn’t seem to stop himself, wailing with desire and crying out with every rough thrust into his body. It felt so fucking good, now, that Dan thought he might explode.

“This what you wanted?” Phil asked, panting, voice sounding hoarse. “God, Dan, you could have just asked,” Phil grunted, spreading his fingers apart inside of Dan, and pressing in deeper and deeper still. He wasn’t looking for Dan’s prostate, wasn’t looking for anything. Dan could tell because Phil wasn’t so much as trying to crook his fingers. Instead, he was going for the straight approach, with nothing on his mind but spreading Dan open enough to take Phil’s cock.

Dan couldn’t bring himself to care. It’s what he wanted, after all - for Phil to take him, for Phil to wreck him, to mark him all over and show everyone that Dan belonged to Phil. Dan panted loudly, drool beginning to pool at the corner of his mouth from the force of the sounds he was making, from the force of his desire, but he didn’t care. He was too far gone already, so far gone in fact that he almost didn’t notice when Phil fit a third finger in alongside the first two, stretching Dan’s rim even further.

The feeling sent another flash of pain through Dan that made his cock twitch and spurt precum across his belly. His hips jerked under the heavy pressure of Phil’s hot palm on his hip, but Phil kept him from moving anywhere. Dan was grateful, in a way. It meant less chance of Dan actually hurting himself, if he just let Phil be in charge.

Which Dan thought he was doing a pretty good job of so far.

His body ached. Every inch of him felt like it was on fire, the marks Phil had bit into his neck, into his collarbone, into his belly and along his ribs, burned. His nipples ached from being bitten and pulled, and his arse didn’t know whether to accept more of Phil, or reject him.

Dan did his best to force it to accept him, because there was no way in hell Dan was stopping now.

Heat coiled in his belly. His balls ached from where they’d drawn up against him. He could feel that familiar sensation of orgasm properly beginning to build, that long impending end that Dan wanted more than anything, and he found himself thinking of his of his parents, of the way treated him, and how they seemed to want to take this away from him.

Tears pricked at his eyes.

To hell with Phil’s rules.

Dan reached up and grabbed Phi’s shoulders.

“Please,” he begged. His voice sounded choked up from the pressure of the lump in his throat. His nails dug into Phil’s shoulders. Phil looked up, mouth downturned in frustration, clearly ready to yell at Dan, but then he saw Dan’s face, and the pain etched there, and something started to change.

While just a moment ago, Phil had seemed to be working through his anger at Dan nearly forcing Phil to hurt him by taking him raw, now Phil looked almost heartbroken. That strange, hurt expression from earlier, the one that had made Dan wonder if he’d said the wrong thing, was back. But along with it came a fierce kind of determination that made everything else fade away.

Tears trickled down Dan’s cheeks against his will. He felt his lip began to tremble.

But all that he could see anymore… was Phil.

His vision had narrowed down to blue eyes. Phil’s pupil was so dilated Dan could only make out a thing line of blue, but he didn’t care. Phil’s eyes were still the most beautiful, grounding thing Dan had ever seen, and he never wanted to look away.

Slowly, Phil pulled his fingers out of Dan’s body, and reached between his legs to slick his cock up. Dan didn’t bother to look and confirm that was what Phil was doing, he just knew, and he kept his gaze locked on Phil’s as he continued to silently cry. A sigh of relief tumbled past Dan’s lips, coming out almost as a sob, as Phil finally moved to line his cock up with Dan’s body. The head pressed against Dan’s rim, a sure sign that this was finally about to happen.

The hand that had previously worked to hold Dan’s hips down, moved to hitch his thigh up further on Phil’s hip instead, while the other stayed in place on Phil’s cock, ready to guide it inside of Dan.

But Phil was frowning.

“I never want to see you cry again,” he whispered, voice heavy with pain. His hands were shaking. His body was tense, and wired, and clearly ready to go, but his gaze was serious. “Never,” Phil added for good measure, and finally allowed his cock head to press just inside Dan’s rim.

Dan’s breath whoosed out of him. Unlike the way Phil had fucked his fingers into Dan’s body, he took this slow. In a strange way, Dan was grateful. His body already felt raw, and it burned with every inch Phil pressed in. Dan didn’t know if he could have taken this as fast and hard as he’d taken the prep, but he hoped that by the time Phil had filled him, Dna would be ready for Phil to fuck the life out of him.

Because he still wanted that. He still needed that. A lump had formed in Dan’s chest, a knot of pain he hadn’t quite realized he was still feeling. It went deeper than the anger and the betrayal he’d been feeling since last night - much deeper. It felt like the deepest kind of sorrow, and Dan just… Dan just… he just wanted it to go away.

Phil’s movements were steady. His fingers gripped tight to Dan’s thigh - probably not tight enough to bruise, but tight enough to hurt. Dan couldn’t ask for more. He’d already asked for everything.

He didn’t mind. Every inch of him was covered in Phil’s mark, and soon enough, Phil would be inside of him as well.

It seemed to take forever, but eventually, Phil bottomed out. With a shuddering sigh, Phil shoved his hips all the way forward, his hand releasing his cock and moving to shift Dan’s other thigh further up Phil’s waist. The movement sent Phil’s balls slamming against Dan’s arse, and his dick sliding deeper. Both Dan and Phil let out a loud moan, but Phil’s was deeper, more husky, and he threw his head back in pleasure as well.

Dan knew, because he couldn’t stop looking at Phil. His eyes were half lidded, he was drunk on pleasure, and he wanted nothing more than for Phil to start fucking him properly, but he also wanted nothing more than to stare at Phil in this moment for the rest of his life.

Phil just looked so fucking good, so fucking wrecked, and Dan felt so full. His body ached from the pressure of Phil, bare, pressed inside of him. He could feel every fucking ridge, every fucking vein, that made up Phil’s glorious cock, and it was the best feeling in the world.

He never wanted to let it go.

The damn seemed to break then as Dan suddenly started crying in earnest. His chest felt tight as he choked out at sound that was half moan, half sob, and he reached up to dig his nails into the tender flesh of Phil’s back in an attempt to hold onto him tight. Toes curling in pleasure, as the movement made Phil rock forward, Dan pushed himself down against Phil’s cock, and stared up at Phil in ecstasy. He never wanted to stop looking at Phil.

“Phiiiiiil,” Dan managed to moan out, gyrating his hips down in the hopes that Phil would finally get the message. Phil, who’d finally seemed to pull himself together enough to look down at Dan, looked shell shocked for all of a moment, before something shifted and he seemed to regain his composure.

Aware that Phil could see how hard Dan was crying, and beyond grateful Phil wasn’t going to stop to ask why, Dan merely let out a breath that quickly caught in his throat and turned into a gurgle as Phil abruptly started to fuck into him. His hips pulled back, and he slammed his cock back so deep inside of Dan that Dan forgot how to breathe.

Eyes wide, mouth gaping for air, Dan watched as Phil started to work his hips properly, dick pressing into all the right places. His arms shook as he worked to hold Dan in place, but even so, Dan felt his back judder up and down the table with every forward thrust of Phil’s hips.

Phil’s expression, however, was one of absolute conviction, his brow heavy with an unknown emotion of his own. It was clear that Phil hated to see Dan cry, that he wanted to make it stop, and all Dan could think was that he was endlessly thankful Phil was giving Dan what he’d begged for.

Maybe he knew this was what Dan needed, maybe he just didn’t know how else to help, but it didn’t matter. The fact of the matter was, Dan knew that Phil was just trying to help Dan in anyway that he could.

And Dan had begged him to fuck him.

His thighs hurt. Dan could feel the muscles burning with every press of Phil inside of him, with every pull of Phil’s hands against his skin. Phil’s grip forced Dan further off the table until it was mostly just his shoulders and his upper back braced against the hard wood, ricocheting up and down with each thrust. Every movement hurt, and Dan was certain his entire back would be bruised by tomorrow morning, but he didn’t care.

He didn’t care, because ecstasy was swimming through him. He was crying out, loud sounds of pain and arousal echoing through the kitchen, bouncing against Dan’s ears. Phil was groaning lowly on top of him, fucking Dan with wild abandon in a way he’d never done before. There was no rhythm or pattern to the way he fucked into Dan, he just let himself go. Every thrust pressed against a different part of Dan, rough and quick and impossible to focus on. A few times, Dan thought he felt Phil graze his prostate, but it didn’t matter.

It couldn’t matter.

Because Dan wasn’t focusing on that anymore. He was focusing on the way it felt to have Phil filling him up, taking him, marking him as his own. He was focusing on the fact that Phil was bare inside of him, the first person, the only person, who’d ever get to take Dan like that, mark him like that. He was focusing on the way that every thrust made the pressure in Dan’s chest disperse as pleasure took its place, and the feeling of impending orgasm started to take over.

He was close. He didn’t know how close, but he was close. He could feel that every nerve ending was on fire, that every muscle was trembling. His stomach clenched as his balls drew impossibly tighter against his body, ready and waiting to let go. He wanted, so fucking badly, to come, but he knew he wasn’t there just yet.

Not for the first time, Dan wished it wasn’t so hard to get him off, and yet at the same time, he was grateful.

Because it meant that this wasn’t going to end. At least not yet.

Tossing his head against the table, Dan allowed himself to continue to wail. Sobs wracked his body, but they were a release, a good release, and he needed them. He clung to them with the same ferocity he clung to the pleasure crashing through him in waves.

For a moment, Dan found himself able to open his eyes again, and realized that Phil was just as far gone as he was.

There were tears wet on his cheeks, too, but he looked angry, like he was furious with whoever had hurt Dan, and Dan lost himself to the comfort that brought him.

Phil would do anything to protect Dan, to help him, and to be there for him.

That had never been more clear than it was tonight, right then, in that exact moment.

Practically slumping to the kitchen table, Dan just let go. He didn’t have it in him anymore to attempt to meet Phil’s thrust. Instead, he just let Phil take over, hunching over Dan a bit and fucking him as best as he could. His thrusts were becoming shorter, more sporadic, as Phil’s orgasm quite obviously starting to approach.

Dan’s orgasm felt elusive. It was hiding, and he didn’t quite know where it was or how to grasp onto it and milk it from his body, but he did know that Phil did. So Dan gave in. Dan gave in to the push and pull of Phil’s body against his, gave in to the way his own muscles had given out, and his body went lax, and let the sensations wash over him while he waited for his orgasm to hit him.

It took another few forceful thrusts of Phil’s dick, and a cry from Phil that sounded a lot like he wasn’t sure he could take it anymore, before his orgasm finally rushed over him - but when it did, it seemed to knock Dan off of his feet.

He cried out, the sound a high keen that faded out as Dan lost all the air in his lungs. Dan felt his body work itself down, trying to keep Phil’s dick deep inside of him as he came, but mostly just felt himself get lost in the feeling of pleasure, and the relief that came from letting go - the anger at his parents, the hurt, the betrayal, it all drained out of him as he came, come spurting out of him and coating both his and Phil’s chest.

Phil didn’t stop fucking Dan, but he did drop Dan’s thighs and brace himself on the table as his thrusts became shallow, his cock spending more time inside of Dan than out. Dan could feel every pump of his hips, every thrust of his cock inside of Dan, the pure, raw sensation of it rubbing against Dan’s walls. He clenched down when he thought of it, tried to give Phil everything that he could while he was blissed out on his own, and mumbled Phil’s name into the heavy air surrounding them.

“‘M close,” Phil mumbled, the words almost lost on Dan. He strained to hear them, strained to understand, and then he did.

Phil was about to come. Phil was about to come, and he was pulling out, and Dan didn’t want him too. Dan wanted him to come inside, to mark Dan as his, to leave his mark in a place that no one else ever could.

Gathering up every last bit of strength that Dan had within him, he shifted his thighs, and wrapped his legs tight around Phil’s hips, locking his ankles at the small of Phil’s back, and forcing his cock back deep inside of him.

“Dan,” Phil gasped, shaking his head. Dan’s eyes were half open, he was half conscious, but he could see the sweat beading across Phil’s forehead. “Dan, can’t - gonna - please, let me -”

“Inside,” Dan demanded, tightening his thighs even harder, and doing his best to keep Phil as deep as he possibly could. “Please, please, please,” Dan begged.

Phil groaned, his head falling forward, bangs falling into his face, glasses falling between them, and fucked his hips erratically into Dan.

The motions were sharp, short, and desperate.

Dan thought he could feel it, the moment that Phil came inside of him. There was the quick thickening of Phil’s cock as it pulsed inside of him, and then the feeling of something warm filling him up. Dan gasped, eyes going wide, body jolting at the feeling, as Phil groaned and pumped his hips lightly, milking himself inside of Dan’s body. His arms shook where he held himself over Dan, bicep’s bulging. It was really no surprise to Dan when Phil quite suddenly collapsed forward, bending Dan’s body funny in order to rest against him, against the kitchen table, where Dan was practically falling off.

Phil’s hips finally stilled, and Dan moaned in appreciation.

He felt… complete. He felt like he belonged, and if Phil could accept Dan exactly how he was… then who cared about anyone else.

#phando

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