Summary: Phil thinks his new neighbor is awfully suspicious.
Rating: M
Tags/warning: A short plot with a dash of smut.
Word count: 965
A/n: Written for the Im-PROMPT-u phandom creator challenge from the @phandomreversebang. Partially betaed by @schnaf but then she went somewhere and I want to sleep, so here.
Read on ao3
Oftentimes the most evil of creatures may appear like angels to the naked eye - to the uncautious, the nonbelievers. Luckily I have a keen eye to identify such devilish creations.
It only took two encounters with my next-door neighbour to see the signs of impending doom.
The first time we crossed paths was a fortnight ago. I was taking out the trash in my pyjamas when I saw a young man with his own garbage. His hair was a mass of perfectly sculpted curls and his skin was almost as pale as mine but his dimples gave him an air of sanctity that quite frankly contrasted with the way his own sleepwear clung to his body. He was, for lack of a better word, perfect.
A being so absolutely delightful as this could have only been put in this earth with the intent of corrupting humans, tempting them. He gave me a shining smile before I turned on my heels and made my way back home. I spent the remainder of the evening sitting in bed and huffing indignantly. Oh, the courage he showed. Trying to bewitch me with his gentle presence and seemingly approachable look, but I knew better than to engage with him.
The second time we met, I found myself in a more pressing situation. I took the elevator down, as I rarely do, since I was running a bit late for work. A floor below mine he climbed into the elevator as well, his perfume clouded my senses… he smelled - absolutely edible. I closed my eyes and sighed, taking a deep breath to really burn his scent in my memory but before I could realize what was happening I was trapped between the elevator wall and him. He reached for the button panel and with his lips almost brushing on mine he asked: “Going down?” His voice was barely above a husky whisper.
I could feel his breath on my lips, his eyes on me, and his hands on either side on me, blocking my escape.
I opened my eyes and tilted my head to my right inching closer to him. “Definitely,” I said, trying to sound casual, but my voice sounded much lower than usual.
The elevator dinged and he jumped back. As soon as the doors had opened, he rushed out and exited the building without looking back.
The elevator scene kept playing in my mind over and over. His master plan had already started to work on me, but I wasn’t going to fall for temptation that easily. I knew I was better than that. The fact that my hand ended between my legs pulling at my flesh until I was sweaty and satisfied had nothing to do with it.
--
Today was the third time I saw him, but this was no chance encounter. As soon as the doorbell rang I went to the entrance and pulled the door open, only to find myself face to face with him; he was holding my mail. The mail that I had gone to pick up today but was mysteriously absent.
I looked pointedly between my mail and his face, making it evident that whatever story he might have planned was not going to work.
“Hi,” he said innocently. “I’m Dan, your next-door neighbour.” He ran a hand through his curls leaving them in a state of disarray.
“I’m Phil, nice to meet you. How nice of you to steal my mail only to bring it over later.”
He gaped at me, he hadn’t even contemplated the chance of me calling his bluff. “I - I. I went to pick my mail, and I thought I could-”
I lost patience with the game of cat and mouse. I grabbed him by his shirt, pulled him into my apartment and slammed the door shut.
“Oh,” was the only thing he was able to muster before I pinned him to the door and kissed him hungrily.
Some may have said that I mistook his intentions but the moment I kissed him he dropped the letters and started pulling at my clothes, trying to get me naked as fast as possible. For once, I agreed. We pulled at every piece of available fabric and soon enough we stood completely naked. “Bed?” I asked.
“Nah. Here, against the wall.” He bent down to grab a small tube of lube out of his pocket and shoved it into my hand.
A challenge. I was not going to surrender so easily. I pressed him against the wall again and pressed two lubed fingers into him slowly; he moaned loudly. The lack of resistance and his self-satisfied smile let me know he had stretched beforehand. I lubed my cock, inched one of his legs onto my hip and buried myself in him.
I swear if there was anything that could raise the dead, it would be his moaning. I lifted his other leg and he wrapped it around me. From there everything went by in a blur. I thrust into him hard and fast, giving him what he had clearly been looking for since he smiled at me that first night. I came inside him, claiming him to myself, or maybe it was the other way around. I wasn’t so sure anymore. He moaned my name as he came all over our chests.
I knew what his intentions were right away. The demon, he wanted me. I said that I had a keen eye for identifying evil creatures, I never said I intended to fight them. Don’t get me wrong, I could If I wanted to, but why would I when they look so pretty lying beneath me?
He sleeps now. I pull his body closer to mine and kiss his temple. I have no intentions of letting him go. Maybe I am a demon too.
Chapter Two of "Maybe I’ll Grow Out of It" - A Galaxies and Greenhouses Prequel
Discovering you're somehow different from the rest of your family can be difficult; realizing you're even more different than you originally thought can be devastating. All the magic in the world can't help Phil 'grow out of it,' but embracing those differences may just help him realize how magical he really is.
Rating: Gen
Chapter: 2/?
Words: 7741
Relationship: Dan Howell and Phil Lester; friendship; phan if you squint
Tags: wizard au; Hogwarts au; prequel; basically platonic; phan if you squint; Ravenclaw Phil; Hufflepuff Dan; sibling relationships; family relationships; closeted character; coming of age; sexuality crisis; punk Phil; Youtuber Dan; Youtuber Phil
Huge thanks to the lovely @tobieallison for beta reading when I was worried I has just straight rambled for 5k!
Read chapter two on ao3
Start from the beginning
Note: **This chaptered fic is a prequel that takes place in the Dan and Phil Hogwarts/Modern Day Wizards AU established in my previous chaptered fic Galaxies and Greenhouses, which should probably be read before reading this fic, but isn’t absolutely necessary
Chapter Preview:
“Alright, see ‘ya at Hogwarts, Dibs,” Martyn suddenly said, turning to walk away. “Careful getting in the first year boats that you don’t fall in the lake and show up to sorting soaking wet, eh?”
Phil’s eyes went wide in disbelief. “Wait! Martyn!” he called out desperately, latching onto his brother’s elbow before he could make it very far. “Are you seriously just leaving me?”
Martyn pried Phil’s fingers from his arm. “Yup. Time to spread your wings and fly, little bro.”
“But Mum said—”
“Mum’s not here, Phil,” Martyn said, laying a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder. “Look, I didn’t have anyone helping me on my first day, I had to figure it out on my own, and I’m all the better for it.”
Phil closed his eyes, letting out a sharp breath before reluctantly nodding.
“That’s the spirit, Dibs!” Martyn spun Phil around by the shoulders, lightly pushing him down the corridor.
He had only made it a few hesitant steps when he heard Martyn call out his name, and when he glanced back, his older brother had a teasing smirk on his face.
“Make sure you wave at me from all the way over at the Hufflepuff table after you get sorted tonight, yeah?”
Summary: Agent Dan Howell finds himself kidnapped by notorious and worldwide wanted criminal Phil Lester, but are things really so bad?
Warnings: Some violence and implied brainwashing
Agent Dan Howell was in trouble. Serious trouble. It was the ‘I fucked up’ kind of trouble. That was why he was currently bound to a chair and gagged, with his vision also taken away by a blind fold. He was actually still in disbelief, mostly due to the fact that this mission was supposed to be an easy and simple one.
He and fellow agent Crabstickz, or Chris Kendall, were called to check out a possible newbie hacker. They were only supposed to observe the suspect and report back. That was why Dan was relaxed during the mission, which was one of the biggest mistakes he could have made. One of the most important rules of a secret agent was to be ready for anything.
The “newbie hacker” had actually been KickThePJ, or just Peej to his friends. PJ had been someone who they had been trying to catch for over two years now. He also happened to be working for someone who the MI6 had been trying to find for far longer, Phillip Lester.
Phillip, or Phil Lester, was Dan’s biggest pain in the ass. He had only encountered him twice before in the period of his work, and each time Phil would toy with and tease him before always managing to slip away. It was infuriating to Dan, especially when Phil would shamelessly flirt with him. It didn’t matter that Phil was probably the cutest boy Dan had ever laid eyes on. It didn’t matter that whenever Phil was around his heart would always beat a little faster.
“You’ll be mine one day Daniel,” Phil had told him once during their last run in a few months back. “Just be patient love.”
Dan had been bewildered, but he’d never really taken those words too seriously. Until now, when Dan and Chris had found out the hacker was actually PJ. Chris had instantly frozen. It was no secret of his and PJ’s past. They had been best friends as teenagers, until PJ had disappeared off the face of the earth. Chris had joined the MI6 not long after that, and a year later he had discovered his friend was one of the world’s most wanted criminals.
Chris wasn’t ever sent on missions when PJ was involved because of this very reason. While he was frozen, PJ had met his eyes and smiled.
“I’ve missed you Chris,” He’d said softly, taking a step forward. While Chris trembled, Dan had whipped his gun out and pointed it at the notorious criminal.
“Don’t you move a fucking inch,” Dan ordered. That was when things went to shit. Because Dan hadn’t realized that someone else had been hiding behind the door. His arms had been grabbed from behind and his left arm twisted hard, causing the gun to fall from his hand.
Chris had snapped out of his stupor, but was distracted with fighting PJ now. Dan fought his hardest, he really did, but whoever was behind him was stronger and had forced him on the floor to his knees. Dan only really started to panic as he felt a needle prick the back of his neck. He couldn’t help but whimper as his vision started to blacken.
“Hush Daniel, everything will be okay,” A very familiar voice said as Dan lost consciousness. “I told you this would happen, remember? You’re mine now.”
Chris felt like utter shit. He had awoken from a drug induced sleep several hours ago, discovering himself locked in a room that contained nothing except a bed and a metal door that was bolted shut. He had searched every inch of the room looking for a way out, but it seemed that he was stuck.
He knew that this was all his fault. If he hadn’t frozen up then Dan wouldn’t have had to cover for him and would have sensed Phil Lester’s presence. What was done was done though, which meant now he had to break out and find a way to fix this.
His face felt bruised and his ribs ached. For a nerdy hacker, PJ was an expert fighter. After all, he had managed to knock Chris out and then drug him. Nobody had ever been able to do that to him before. Maybe it was because it was just Peej though.
After hours of trying to escape, he sat on the bed in exhaustion. Then, the door miraculously slid open and in walked his former best friend. He tensed up immediately, eyes widening. PJ held up a hand.
“Sit down Chris,” He ordered. Chris automatically felt himself obey, sinking back into the mattress. He didn’t take his eyes off of PJ. His friend didn’t look different at all. He still had a full head of curly hair and strikingly bright eyes.
Chris finally spoke, after a moment of silence. “Where’s Dan?”
“You don’t need to worry about Dan,” PJ replied. “We’re going to focus on you right now. You’re not in any danger Chris. You know me, I wouldn’t ever really hurt you.”
Chris suddenly began to feel angry. How dare PJ do this to him. How dare he tried to act like he was still maybe his friend. He hadn’t ever really recovered from the loss of his best friend, and when he’d found out PJ had turned to a life of crime he’d been devastated.
“Oh really?” Chris raised an eyebrow. “So it wasn’t you who beat me down and knocked me out? And no PJ, obviously I don’t know you, or else we never would have been friends in the first place. Criminal hackers aren’t really my type. So I’ll ask again, where the fuck is Dan?”
“Easy Chris,” PJ whispered in that voice that always made Chris relax. “Dan isn’t in any danger. Phil would never hurt your friend. In fact, he actually loves Dan very much.”
“Phil, do you really think keeping him blind and gagged is the best way to go about this? I mean I can see why he’s tied up for the time being, but isn’t the rest of it a bit...too much?”
Phil smiled at his blonde haired friend. “Louise, Dan is a really smart boy. I need him completely subdued until I can be sure of how I’m going to approach this.”
“Well I would do something soon,” Louise advised. “The poor thing is probably terrified. It’s also been hours, he’s likely hungry.”
“I’m going to take care of that,” Phil promised. “Where’s Peej?”
“With the other boy, was Chris his name?”
“Yes,” Phil nodded and grimaced. PJ had been hoping to win Chis over, just like Phil with Dan, but that hadn’t been part of the plan. They were both such talented and bright young men, especially Dan. Phil had done his research. Dan had been quite gifted. Flying through his early training, he’d become a skilled agent at the age of eighteen, one of the youngest agents ever to join MI6.
That was two years ago. Dan was twenty now, which was still so incredibly young. Phil wanted, needed, Dan to be his.
“Louise, go get some food please, and some maltesers. He likes those.”
“Stalker,” Louise giggled, but left the room to do as he requested.
Phil took a deep breath before entering the room where he held his treasure.
ONE YEAR LATER
“Zoe, where’s Dan?” Phil asked as he came out of his office.
“He was having lunch with Louise,” The young lady replied, looking away from her laptop. “They’re out by the pool I think.”
Phil thanked her and went to that destination. Sure enough, Dan and Louise were eating subs together and laughing over some joke as they sat in the lounge chairs by the pool. Phil smiled and slowly crept up behind Dan, who had his back towards the door. Louise caught his eye briefly but didn’t give him away.
Then, Phil covered the younger man’s eyes and whispered, “Guess who?”
Dan instantly brightened and turned around to face him. “Phil! I thought you weren’t supposed to be back until tomorrow!”
The black haired man chuckled. “I finished up early. The deal went perfectly, as planned.”
Dan gave Phil one of his dimpled smiles. “That’s good! Does that mean you can join us for lunch?”
Phil kissed his cheek. “I already ate. It is almost two you know.”
Seeing Dan’s pout, he added, “But I expect you to join me for dinner. Then we can have a movie and cuddles.”
“Okay!” Dan agreed readily, blushing when Louise giggled from her seat.
“You have a good lunch. I’m going to finish up a few more things.”
Dan adored Phil. Actually, he also adored being adored by Phil. Phil treated him like some sort of valuable treasure. He could ask for anything in the world and Phil would get him it. Sure, he was involved in some not so good things, but he wasn’t a cold blooded killer like Dan had believed. He actually donated to a lot of charities and helped those in need. Phil was probably the most fun and lovable man on the planet.
“Hi PJ,” Dan greeted as he entered a room covered with monitors, screens, and computers. PJ, who was in the middle of typing something, looked up and grinned.
“Hello Dan. Can I help you with something?”
“Can I see Chris?”
It felt awkward having to ask permission to see his friend, but even after a year Chris hadn’t been won over. In fact, he still tried to escape every so often, although his last attempt had been over a month ago.
He wasn’t allowed to walk around freely like Dan, PJ had to accompany him everywhere, and he was also locked in his room at night. It made Dan a little uncomfortable because Chris thought Dan was brainwashed, which was complete bullshit. It wasn’t as if Chris was treated badly. Phil promised Dan that eventually he would see sense and understand. Until then though, he had to be watched.
“Yes, you can see him. I was just about to head to his room myself.”
“PJ, how did you meet Chris?”
“It was a long time ago,” PJ said with a knowing smile. “I had just moved into the house across from his. His mother made him come over with a pie. After that we were inseparable.”
Dan knew that PJ loved Chris. Maybe almost as much as Dan loved Phil, and vice versa. Chris would come to accept his new life here eventually. He just had to.
Dan was cuddled into Phil’s chest, the latter’s arm wound securely around his waist. Phil’s bed was large and filled with blankets and pillows. There was also a large flatscreen TV which was currently playing an anime. The shelves around the TV were filled with hundreds of games and movies.
“I’m sending Casper and Joe to Mexico,” Phil mentioned, absentmindedly running his hand up and down Dan’s stomach. “There’s a smuggler who could be a possible threat to us. It’s better to take care of the problem early.”
Dan rose up a bit. “I could go.”
Phil chuckled. “Not this time Dan.”
The brown haired boy pouted. “But you never let me go anywhere. I miss the thrill.”
“I couldn’t bear having anything happen to you,” Phil admitted. “We’ll do something fun soon, I promise. Maybe go on holiday to America or something.”
Dan perked up. “We could get iHop pancakes there.”
“Alright,” Phil agreed. “Consider it a date.”
“I can trust you two not to get into any trouble, right?” PJ asked both Dan and Chris, though he was mostly looking at Chris as he said it.
“We’re just going to go for a dip in the pool,” Dan promised. “Right Chris?”
“Absolutely,” Chris agreed. “It’s not as if I could do anything anyway. I know you’ll be watching us on camera. Pervert.”
PJ turned crimson, while Dan laughed. It was such a hot day, so Dan had begged to be able to spend time with Chris and go for a swim. Phil was debriefing Casper and Joe for their mission in Mexico, so he wouldn’t be around for at least an hour or two. Phil didn’t really like Dan and Chris being alone, in fear of Chris trying to turn Dan against him. Dan snorted at the thought.
Once he and Dan were alone in the hallway, Chris spoke. “Dan, we really have to talk.”
“About what?”
“About...this. About Phil. What the hell are you thinking?”
Dan froze.
“Stop it Chris,” He warned. “I’ll take you back to PJ. Just drop it. Things are different now.”
“For christ’s sake Dan, he’s a criminal! He’s killed people! You’ve let him manipulate you into becoming his...his whore!”
That felt like a slap to the face.
“I’m...I’m getting PJ.”
“There’s no need,” PJ’s voice came from behind, startling both of them. Chris cringed, looking like he was on the verge of bolting. PJ put up his hands. “Chris, calm down. Let’s go back to your room, yeah?”
“No way,” Chris took a step back. “I’ll never join your stupid organization. You’re better off just killing me already, because I’m sick of being your prisoner!”
“Chris,” PJ warned, but Dan didn’t miss the hurt look in his eyes. “Please.”
For a second, Dan actually thought that Chris was going to try and run. But instead, he dropped his head in submission and allowed PJ to grab his elbow.
“Dan, why don’t you go lay down for a bit,” PJ suggested as he led Chris away.
After taking an hour nap, Dan awoke to lips pressing against his neck and shivered.
“Hey sleepy head,” Phil greeted him. “Why are you napping so early? You’re not sick, are you?”
“No,” Dan said, slightly whiny as Phil’s cool hands came down to feel his cheeks and forehead. “I was just sleepy.”
Phil smiled and leaned in to kiss him on the lips, but stopped when he saw Dan flinch.
“What’s wrong baby?” He asked worriedly.
Dan sighed, but decided that being honest was his best bet. “Phil...I’m not your whore, am I?”
Phil’s eyes widened comically, and if it were any other situation then Dan would have laughed.
“My whore? What...Dan, where would you ever get that idea?”
With downcast eyes, Dan said, “It’s nothing. I was just with Chris earlier and we got into a little fight. But PJ took care of it.”
He cringed when Phil’s worried expression turned to his calm but furious look. “He called you my whore?”
“But PJ took care of it,” Dan quickly reminded him. “Please don’t be mad at him Phil. Please...Chris just doesn’t understand.”
The older man kissed his temple. “Just go back to sleep Dan. Everything will be okay.”
“Phil, wait!” Dan protested, sitting back up rapidly. It was too late, as Phil had already left the room.
“I took care of it!” PJ said loudly as Phil burst into his room.
“Peej, something has to be done. You know you’re my friend and a valuable asset, but if Chris doesn’t come around soon then more….drastic measures will be taken.”
“I know. He’s just stubborn, that’s all.”
“The plan in the first place was to only take Dan. Kendall is older and has been an agent much longer than Daniel, he’s not as innocent and naive, and therefore not suitable to be persuaded. You’re lucky I’ve agreed to let you keep him this long. He’s been distracting you from your job too.”
PJ cringed at that. “I’ll take care of it Phil, I promise.”
Phil was still frowning. “Don’t let it happen again. Or else I will be forced to act upon the situation.”
“Right,” PJ nodded. “It wont happen again.”
Once Phil left, PJ stood up and unlocked the door next to him and entered it. Chris was lying on the bed fast asleep, knees drawn up to his chest. PJ wished he could hold the agent tightly to him and kiss his fluffy brown hair.
Originally PJ had thought that Dan would be the difficult one. Chris had always been willing to follow PJ’s lead when they were kids, so long as he could be close by. PJ felt frustrated that he had waited so long to take Chris. He should have gotten to him before the MI6 had. Now he was fill with their ideas of what was right and what was wrong.
He eyed the untouched tray of food and sighed. Lately Chris hadn’t even attempted to eat. This wasn’t healthy, keeping him in here so much.
It was a good night. Dan was playing cards against humanity with Phil, Zoe, Louise, Hazel, and PJ. He knew that he would probably win this time, because so far he had used some funny ones. Every so often he and Phil would meet eyes and giggle. Maybe it was partly because of the alcohol, but they also both had the same sense of humor. It was just another reason why he loved the older man so much.
Sure enough, Dan had received the most points and had won the game a few minutes later. Dan knew that Phil had invited everyone to play this game to cheer Dan up. It had worked, which just showed how much Phil knew and cared for him.
Exactly one month after he and Phil’s talk, Pj cursed violently. Chris had managed to escape from his room yet again. It still left him dumbstruck on how the hell the agent was able to escape from his bindings and the top security of his room.
This was not good at all, for either him or Chris. The alarms were blaring, and most everyone bolted around to find the prisoner. If he were to escape and reveal the location of Phil’s favorite safehouse...it wouldn’t be good.
“PJ!” Phil was striding down the hall, furious.
The curly haired man panicked. “I’m so sorry Phil, I’ll find him, he can’t have gone far!”
Sure enough, they had found Chris hiding from them in one of the storage rooms.
“Chris, do you realize what an idiot you are? Do you realize what you’ve done?”
The agent’s eyes flashed. “You’re the idiot, all of you are fucking insane to believe I’d ever join yo-”
Chris’ words were cut off as Phil promptly whipped him across the face with the pistol he’d been holding, causing the agent to drop to his knees. Phil kicked him hard in the stomach for good measure before gripping Chris by the hair harshly, jerking his head up.
“This is it PJ, I’ve given you enough time. It’s time to see where your loyalties lie.”
PJ’s mouth dropped in horror when Phil held out the gun to him.
“But Phil-”
“D-Do it PJ,” Chris, with blood running down the side of his head, glared. “You’re pathetic to have gone down this road of life. I could never love you.”
PJ was frozen. Maybe Chris didn’t love him anymore, but his own feelings had never changed. Had he made a mistake for going down this path? This was where he felt he belonged though, he was allowed to use his talents and was even rewarded for them. PJ looked into the stubborn brown eyes staring up at him and swallowed.
PJ felt a lump form in the back of his throat and his lower lip threatened to begin trembling. Despite how much he wanted his old friend back, his loyalties lie to Phil Lester now, and they always would.
He looked up Phil once, who nodded, and then pointed the gun to Chris’ head and fired.
“Are you okay? What was the emergency?” Dan asked worriedly once Phil had returned to their bedroom.
Phil didn’t say anything for a moment, and then went over to the bed. “Daniel, come here and sit with me baby.”
Dan eagerly crawled onto Phil lap, and the older man wrapped his arms tightly around his waist and kissed his temple.
“I’m afraid you won't be able to see Chris anymore. We’ve been trying to help him you see, but he’s been doing very bad things.”
The younger boy’s eyes had widened. “What’s happened to him?”
Phil began rubbing circles on Dan’s inner thighs. “We just sent him somewhere else, far away from here. I know it’ll be hard honey, but this is really for the best. You don’t want me or anybody else here to be in danger, do you?”
“Oh no Phil, of course not.” Dan agreed, pressing himself further against his love. “If this is for the best, then I believe you. As long as Chris isn’t hurt…”
“That’s a good boy,” Phil hugged him. “Everythings fine now, I promise.”
Dan allowed himself to be tugged back onto the bed and smiled. If Phil said everything was fine, then he had nothing to worry about.
Phil was perfect. Phil was smart. Phil knew how to handle everything.
Dan belonged to Phil.
FIN
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Believe it or not, this is the first Phan story I ever wrote. I literally found it in my docs today, I had completely forgotten about it. I figured, ‘gee Kristen, why not post this and hope at least a few people will enjoy it’. Hopefully that will be the case :)
A bit weird and different than my usual fluffy stuff, huh? Well, I suppose it’s slightly fluffy....maybe? O_o
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(That’s mainly because Dan doesn’t go into school, but whatever.)
It’s the first night his dad’s been home in a while, though, and that’s never a good thing. Dan spends all evening shielding Leon from his father’s view because fuck, if their father finds out anything that could be used as a weapon he’ll use it, abuse it, abuse Leon and as if Dan’s going to let that happen. He’d rather die.
“Dan,” his father says disapprovingly.
“Father,” Dan says, equally disapprovingly.
“Don’t you talk to me like that!” his father roars.
“Don’t you talk to me like that,” Dan retorts, cool as anything. He’s in shut-down mode, the way he is at school, cool and sassy and openly destructive.
“You’re the reason I’m never home, you know that?” his father hisses, and Dan shrugs.
“That’s the reason I am home,” he says.
The punch hurts less than he expected.
(Dan notices Leon hovering by the door looking anxious and scared, gnawing on his bottom lip, and throws him a pleading glance – leave, fucking leave, please, you don’t want to see this.)
Finally, though, his dad leaves again, out to get drunk and fuck prostitutes or whatever he does, Dan doesn’t care.
“You alright?” Leon asks, rounding on Dan immediately and reaching down to touch the blossoming bruise on his abdomen. Dan hisses and lets his eyes flutter shut at the contact on the painful patch of skin, but Leon’s fingers skim around the bruise and over his hips, distracting him.
“Yeah,” Dan says. “Fine.”
“You didn’t deserve that,” Leon says quietly.
“Go to bed,” Dan says, because he doesn’t have the heart to tell Leon that he deserves all the pain he receives, even the self-inflicted pain. Leon throws him one last worried glance and wraps his arms around his older brother protectively, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek and Dan feels simultaneously better and worse – Leon’s not meant to be the one taking care of Dan; it should be the other way around.
“You alright?” Dan asks his mum quietly. She’s been standing there tensely for God knows how many hours. Dan doesn’t know why she doesn’t just divorce him.
(He does, really. She loves him.)
“Yeah,” she says with a tight nod and a forced smile, but Dan doesn’t push it because she doesn’t want to talk and he doesn’t care.
-
It’s three in the morning, and Dan can’t sleep.
That’s nothing special or different – he can rarely sleep when Jaime’s not by his side – but it’s bad enough tonight that he gives up altogether, deciding to go to the bridge and contemplate the miseries of his life under the stars rather than in an enclosed space.
He pulls the window down and clambers out, shimmying down the tree and landing with a soft thump on the grass beneath. It’s a cool night and he’s probably going to catch a cold, but he can’t bring himself to care.
He makes it down the driveway before noticing something on the opposite side of the street – a boyish figure with its legs stretched out and head tilted back, staring unblinkingly at the sky.
Phil.
“What are you doing out at three in the morning?” Dan asks, making his way over, and Phil jerks hie head back down in surprise.
“Life,” he says after a moment. “Things getting to me.”
“Wanna talk about it?” Dan says, sitting down next ot Phil.
“Not really,” Phil says. “It’s just my dad, nothing big.” Dan raises his eyebrows and resists the urge to snort. Everyone in this neighbourhood has serious daddy issues, himself included. How coincidental that it happened on the same night.
“Okay,” Dan says agreeably. He’s not going to make Phil talk if he doesn’t want to. They sit in silence for a while before Phil shivers involuntarily as the wind picks up, and Dan look at him in concern. How long has he been out here? He’s going to catch pneumonia or something, Christ.
“You should come inside,” Dan offers gently. “You’ll catch a cold if you stay out much longer.”
“I’ve probably already got one,” Phil says apathetically.
“Come on,” Dan says, and Phil just gives in, doesn’t fight as Dan stands up and wanders up to his house. Dan turns and presses a finger to his lips as he tiptoes up the stairs (it’s a harder way to go, but classier than climbing a tree), gesturing for Phil to follow. Phil shuts the front door as quietly as he can behind him and follows the path Dan’s taking, zigzagging across steps and jumping some completely to avoid the annoying creaking of their Victorian floorboards. When they reach the top of the stairs, Dan opens his bedroom door and ushers Phil inside, clicking the door shut nearly silently behind them.
“So,” he says after a moment, feeling slightly uncomfortable as he watches Phil drink in his surroundings, gaze lingering on photographs and drawings and collectibles and so much stuff that Dan hates and wishes he’d hidden from prying eyes. It’s like he’s opening himself to Phil, and he doesn’t know if he likes that.
“You confuse me, you know,” Phil says suddenly, rounding on Dan. Dan lowers his gaze to the floor, not wanting to look at Phil as he utters his next words.
“I know,” he says, and even to himself he sounds more uncomfortable than ever. “I confuse myself.” And it’s true; he does. He’s so keen to die, yet he’s holding on far too tight to be able to let go.
“Why do you do it?” Phil demands hotly. “Why do you make me, then break me? Why do you get my hopes up then act like you don’t know me the next day? Dammit, I’d be able to deal with it if you either hated me or loved me, but you can’t seem to fucking decide, and it’s confusing the hell out of me.” He looks half-shocked at himself, like he’s trying to bite back the words but they keep rolling off his tongue, spilling from his lips and he can’t stop them, maybe doesn’t really want to.
“I don’t know,” Dan says. He doesn’t want Phil to like him, but he doesn’t want Phil to leave him. He doesn’t know what the fuck he wants from Phil, and he sure as hell doesn’t know what Phil wants from him. He’s not fucking gay, for Christs’s sake, so why does it bother him so much that Phil might not want him, want to let his fingertips roam across his skin like Dan wants to for Phil?
“So why do it?” Phil asks. “Why can’t you make your mind up?”
“It’s not that easy,” Dan says. Because it’s not.
He shouldn’t like Phil. He’s not gay. He isn’t, no matter what he’s done and continues to do with Jaime, or how his skin burns with desire every time Phil brushes up against him, or how girls just don’t do anything for him.
It’s just a phase. He’s not actually gay. He’d rather be asexual than gay.
“It could be, if you let it,” Phil says. Dan doesn’t look him in the eye, leaning against his windowsill and staring at the ground, because it can’t be that easy and Dan’s not letting anything. He won’t, he shouldn’t, he can’t.
“I can’t, Phil,” he whispers. “There’s so much at stake. I can’t lose what I’ve built up. I can’t risk my reputation. I can’t…I don’t even know what I am, what you are, what we are. I don’t know what’s going on. You confuse the hell out of me too.”
“Why?” Phil asks bitterly. “Am I the one playing games, tossing you aside whenever I get bored then roping you back in when I want a bit of fun? Am I the one treating you like a bitch at school and kissing you under the stars away from everyone else’s eyes?”
“No,” Dan says. “Emotionally. I’ve never…I don’t know. I’ve never been this invested in someone before, whether it’s because I want to punch you in the face or kiss you. I’ve never felt such passionate things towards someone, whether it’s hatred or…or…not hatred. I’ve never cared about someone like I care about you. Fuck, Phil, what are you doing to me? I’m not even gay.”
“You kissed me,” Phil points out. “Three times.”
“I know,” Dan says, pained. “You don’t fucking understand, Phil. You don’t know what it’s like, to be straight and sure of your life and have everything laid out for you and then some fucking emo kid show up and screw everything up. You don’t understand what it’s like to be so confused about everything in your fucking life, try and push away the thing that’s causing the confusion only to find that you need that thing in your life because it’s causing more confusion and disturbances to be away from it. I’m not gay. I can’t be gay, and I’m- I’m not. I’m just not. But I want you. So what the fuck does that mean?”
(He’s only half telling the truth. He wasn’t straight or sure of his life, because Jaime had fucked that up already.)
“It means you need to stop putting what other people want for you and what the world thinks is best before what makes you happy,” Phil says.
“I was happy!” Dan practically yells before covering his mouth, forgetting that his family is asleep and he has to be quiet unless he wants Leon to find out everything that’s been going on in his life. “I was fucking happy, before you came along.”
(That’s a half-lie, again. He was happier, sure, but not happy.)
“Well, sorry for screwing up your perfect fucking life,” Phil practically spits, eyes ablaze. Dan grits his teeth, clenching his fist on his thigh.
“And now I want to fucking kiss you, you bastard,” he whispers.
“I’m not stopping you,” Phil says, and Dan gazes at him for approximately three milliseconds before he’s launching himself across the room, knocking Phil backwards onto the bed and kissing him roughly as they tangle together. Dan breaks away, straddling Phil, to grin down at him, at his black hair falling into his fiery blue eyes, before moving his lips and tongue to Phil’s neck because fuck Phil’s hot, and Dan wants to be the one to make him come undone. Phil groans lowly and Dan pulls back a little to press a finger to Phil’s lips, reminding him to be quiet.
(That would be the worst possible scene Leon could walk in on.)
Dan reattaches his lips to Phil’s neck, grinding against him as he does so because he’s fucking hard too and he needs some release. He can feel Phil getting hard under Dan’s touch, and he grins wickedly into the skin of Phil’s neck as he grinds harder, biting his tongue to hold back whimpers and moans and gasps of Phil’s name.
But then something changes.
“No,” Phil says, pushing Dan away, and he sounds scared in the most breathless and stupidly hot way. Dan nearly rolls off the bed, but Phil catches his wrist just in time and pulls him back so he’s on top of Phil, straddling him once again.
“No?” Dan asks, heart pounding. Does Phil not want him?
“Not like this,” Phil whispers, answering Dan’s silent afterthought. Dan bites his lip, considering, but then nods – he’s not going to be the dick who forces Phil to do stuff he doesn’t want to – and leans down to press his lips to Phil’s in a chaste kiss.
“Get some sleep,” Dan murmurs against Phil’s lips, because Phil’s probably not used to getting little sleep. Phil nods and Dan rolls off him, lying down next to him and turning his head to face Phil, both of them grinning shyly at each other.
And Dan’s heart is aching, because this is how he wants it to be. This is how he wants to fall asleep, this is how he wants to wake up, this is what he wants.
But he can’t fucking have it, and he’s not fucking chasing it.
