#phoebe.txt

[futureamphibian]

buffy and tara's relationship mid season 6 is so so so so special to me theres just something so lovely and calming and supportive about tara's presence and that is something that buffy so desperately needs in season 6 while the rest of her friends are busy focusing on their own problems and i wish we got more of the two of them interacting over the course of the show

[starfruit-and-strawberries]

I have my own website at spider-berry.novaverie.net >:3

Check it out! It's so cool >:3

[leviiiathan]

tagged by @notyetflesh thank u! i love nonsense like this

post 6 photos you already have that describe you

signed gary numan tubeway army poster with beautiful halftones / crying at NIN / typical english countryside weather / death grips mogging / me at my degree show / ominously glowing cemetery near my old house

i'm tagging @spiralfucker @inkyscrolls @junjiito @lostinmyinsomnia @chromaclectic if you want but no pressure xox

and also anyone else that feels like it

[stercorarius-skua]

fire or nah

[the-indigo-symphony]

I don't normally make my own posts about scientific texts on DID or systemhood, but I recently found an interesting text on diagnosing DID that I felt I could share here.

Some takeaways from the text, if you're unable to read it for whatever reason:

It's noted that diagnosing DID is difficult largely due to clinicians' failures to recognize DID symptoms, as well as dissociative symptoms in general.

Auditory hallucinations are noted as common in DID (though based on context, this may be referring to internal communication).

Usage of the words "multiples" when talking about what words a person with DID may use to refer to themselves, which I just found notable as it's usually seen as a community term, not a clinical one.

The text does essentially tell clinicians "hey, if you respect the patient's interpretation of whatever's going on inside their head, treatment will generally be better," which is interesting to note considering *glances at all the syskeeping on this site and how it's done "for people's own good"* yeah.

There may be a correlation between DID and avoidant personality disorder.

Although the text mainly focuses on DID in the context of trauma, it does note that not all cases of DID involve childhood trauma, just most of them.

Misdiagnosis of other disorders (such as diagnosis of BPD in place of DID) is largely due to a simple lack of focus on symptoms in dissociation and trauma, especially in assessments of mental health.

"Personality fragmentation" is noted to happen in other disorders outside of DID, which could constitute a small step towards understanding plurality being related to other disorders.

I feel like some areas of this text lack a bit in nuance and understanding of DID, and there's some weird phrasing here and there (like the section "Cultural Influences," which seems to go against the DSM and ICD in how culture plays into plurality). That said, it's an interesting read if nothing else, and if you're interested in learning more about how DID is diagnosed from a clinical point of view, I'd recommend glancing through this.

If you discourse on this post I will yeet you off this planet; this is only meant as an informative post, not something to start throwing hissy fits over.

[5x14]

spn amvs that live rent-free in my head

if there’s one genre of fanwork i’m a complete and utter nerd about, it’s the amv (amv stands for “animated music video,” but the term has evolved to encompass all fan videos set to music, as far as i understand it). i could teach a literal class about amvs, but in lieu of that, here’s a list of my favorite spn amvs that live rent-free in my head (in no particular order):

-no one lives forever // i think about this video allll the time. i’m particularly obsessed with the intro (the timing with the music and the use of black screens is delicious). i think it’s a super rad concept overall and i’m in awe of the effort op put into sourcing all those clips (which, from personal experience, is extremely tedious and time-consuming).

- me! // this video is such a great commentary on the unparalleled experience that is spn! i love the inclusion of both clips of the actors/showrunners and clips from the show itself, and i think they were put together seamlessly (my favorite part is the audio of “fifteen years, gentlemen” put over the clip of dean reading supernatural). overall just a super fun and smart amv. (i also love op’s art is dead vid!)

-bless the telephone // classic! super super sweet and one of the vids that got me into editing in the first place :’)  

-grace kelly // speaking of vids that got me into editing in the first place… i’m obsessed with everything katebushstandean makes (somebody to love! cherry bomb! hungry eyes! what the hell! to name a few), but this video in particular was the catalyst for me dipping a toe in the amv pond. my fave part is where the song hits “i’ve gone identity mad” for the first time and it flashes through different versions of cas (wonderful, show-stopping, etc.).

-kyoto // this one, oh my gooood. i’m perpetually in awe of editors that are able to construct a narrative within their videos and have the patience to source clips that support what they’re trying to say. this vid is like a whole academic essay about the cycle of abuse in supernatural condensed into a well made, one-minute-and-fifty-six second video. small detail to geek out about, but op did such a good job with the audio and cutting out part of the song, and i love how they open it with the title/credits with john talking in the background layered over the kyoto instrumentals. another fave part is where dean says “see, that’s not who I am” and it cuts to him playing golf with claire. genuinely god-tier!

-kiss with a fist // delicious energy in this one. impeccable song choice and concept. extremely *****.

-i know the end // not sure if this *technically* constitutes an amv, but i think about it all the time and it deffo unlocked some emotions™️ within me. so simple yet sooooo.

(if you want to see more amvs i love but didn’t list, you can check out my “edits” tag on my main account >:))

[catastrophoebe]

did someone say dean bohemian rhapsody amv?

i wrote about my process under the cut, if you’re curious! <3

okay hi hello! i wanted to explain a bit about my process behind this video, bc i put a lot of thought into the narrative of it (even if it seems a bit convoluted in execution lol) and i thought it might be interesting to someone (?). credentials: i received the ap lit. award from my school.

i first started by reading about the meaning behind the lyrics of bohemian rhapsody. turns out there’s no definitive answer! freddie mercury refused to say what it was about (other than relationships). the main interpretations i took into consideration were 1) it’s an allusion to goethe’s faust, in which faust, dissatisfied with his life, makes a pact with the devil at a crossroads, exchanging his soul for good looks, boundless opportunity, and the ability to do whatever he wants (the faustian idea being that in order to fully develop, we must flirt with danger but hold onto a sense of higher purpose). 2) the most literal interpretation is that the song is about a murder and an execution. the narrator confesses to a murder, is put on trial, and either escapes or gets executed (an allusion to camus’ the stranger). tying interpretations 1 and 2 together, queen explained once that the song is about a young man who has accidentally killed someone and (like faust) sold his soul to the devil. on the night before his execution, he calls for god (“bismillah”), and with the help of angels, gets his soul back. (hellooooo) 3) most simply, some believe the song is mercury’s veiled reference to coming out.

to me, the progression of the narrative is: the narrator has made peace with his life even though it isn’t ideal ➞ [turning point] ➞ narrator commits “the murder” (but he regrets it! if he hadn’t done it, his life would’ve stayed the same. satisfactory.) ➞ he must deal with the consequences of his actions (he dies, leaving his old self behind) ➞ he is reborn (does he want to be? he thinks he deserves to die, but god won’t let him. or something.) to translate this into dean’s narrative, i tried to do the following: dean has made a reluctant sort of peace with his life esp. following john’s death ➞ sam gets killed [the turning point] ➞ dean sells his soul, essentially “killing” himself ➞ he must come to terms with the fact that he is going to die ➞ he dies ➞ cas saves him (at first dean thinks he deserves to stay in hell, but cas teaches him to break free from that narrative, to come to terms with and accept himself). you’ll also notice i alluded to interpretation 3 a lot with dean “lying to himself,” “facing the truth,” etc. (and with lilith saying “you’re still gonna die. you’re still gonna burn,” because the post that says “olive from ant farm did you just call dean a f*g?” lives rent-free in my head). the whole thing’s kinda messy, but consider everything a double entendre. for example, i wanted “you’re lying to these people and to me...” to represent both the fact that he was lying about how he felt about sam’s death and later himself dying in acting so cavalier and also that he was lying about his identity (his sexualityyyy).

i also broke the lyrics down by verse. intro: the narrator is trapped in his reality. he doesn’t want to be pitied. he adopts a passive outlook in his grief. (dean coming to terms with his feelings after john’s death and his general grief) verse 1: the narrator commits the “murder” and feels regret (dean sells his soul but comes to realize he doesn’t want to die) verse 2: the narrator faces the consequences of his actions (dean realizes too late that he doesn’t want to die, and thus goes to hell). i didn’t write any notes on the following verses, just that the next verse marked cas’ introduction, saving dean. with verse 4 (and the line “i don’t deserve to go to hell”), i wanted to convey that cas taught dean to realize his worth and that he didn’t deserve to die/be in hell.

other notes: i stuck specifically to kripke-era footage mainly to keep it visually cohesive and also just to narrow it down for me (read: i was too lazy to color grade and i’m a kripke-era supremacist). if you’re curious about the notes i took, here’s a pic! i copied the lyrics into a google doc, split the lines into how i wanted to split the shots, and printed it out. in an ideal world i meant to map out what shots to use in blue and audio in red but i got bored with it and pretty much only took notes on the lyrics. i don’t usually take notes (i WISH i had the patience, but i always end up just trying to figure out the video during the editing process), but i knew that i wanted to give this one a lot of time and thought.

if anyone read this far i want to kiss you on the mouth

[montaguues]

get to know me :))

Rules: bold the ones relating to you

@nicolewrites I am so sorry it took so long for me to reply to this! (almost 2 months... yikes)

APPEARANCE

I am over 5′5″ • I wear glasses / contacts • I have blonde hair • I wear sweatshirts a lot • I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing • I have one or more piercings • I have at least one tattoo • I have blue eyes • I have dyed or highlighted my hair • I have gotten plastic surgery • I have or had braces • I sunburn easily • I have freckles • I paint my nails • I typically wear makeup • I don’t often smile • I am pleased with how I look • I prefer Nike to Adidas • I wear baseball hats backwards

EXPERIENCES

I have had my first kiss • I have gotten drunk • I have told a crush I like them • I have traveled outside of the country • I have flown on an airplane • I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours • I have had a near-death experience • I have caught something on fire• I have performed in a talent show • I have shot a gun • I have been on TV • I have gone scuba diving • I have broken a bone • I have slow-danced • I have gone on a shopping spree

RELATIONSHIPS

I am in a relationship • I have been single for over a year • I have a crush • I have a best friend I have known for over ten years • my parents are together • I have dated my best friend • I am adopted • my crush has confessed to me • I have had a long-distance relationship • I am an only child • I give advice to my friends • I have made an online friend• I met up with someone I have met online

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle • I am the mom friend • I live by a certain quote • I like the smell of Sharpies • I enjoy Mexican food • I can drive stick-shift • I have memorized an entire song in a day • I believe in true love • I dream up scenarios to fall asleep • I sing in the shower • I wish I lived in a video game •I have a canopy above my bed • I am multi-racial • I am a redhead • I own at least three dogs • I am LGBT+

i tag: @softspidey, @nadistudies, the lovely @uglystudies, and anyone else willing to do this!