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was about to make a joke to a friend like "all of this stress was made up by Big College to sell more college application advice" and then I Remembered. that is in fact a whole Thing. fuck this stupid baka world

#my posts #phoenix posts

why does my room still smell like lavender. how much of that essential oil mist did I use. I'm not even in my bed I'm sitting on the floor next to it and I CAN STILL SMELL THE LAVENDER.

#that one post that's like “the alter who stays up late and the alter who has to deal with the consequences”#except. it's the one who loves the scent of lavender and sprays an excessive amount of lavender oil mist on everything.#anyway i'm not really annoyed i just think it's funny that it was apparently so much that i can still smell it now #my posts #phoenix posts

so fucked up how being sleepy makes all Textures start hurting. there are things touching my skin and I need to rip them off of me. gaining a deep insight into the mind of a toddler who needs to take a nap

#my posts #phoenix posts #autistic

I am a mighty phoenix and I can accomplish things!!!! through the incredible power of my determination!!!!! tasks will be done!!!!!!!!!!! I am capable of accomplishing tasks!!!!!!!!!!

#the tasks in question? type out and send 2 responses that i've had drafted in my head since i first saw the messages yesterday #or maybe it was 2 days ago #my posts #adhd #phoenix posts #the tasks are intimidating but IM STRONGER. i will defeat them.

skipping straight from bargaining to acceptance on account of my epic speedrunning skills

#my posts #phoenix posts #task manager brain #perhaps it's just that theo phrased “stop acting like you're the original or default or normal one” like a challenge #and i love challenges #i'm going to Win at acceptance. (guy who would be ranked 5th. out of 5 total headmates)

I am a PHOENIX and I will find my way out of these ashes again and again and again and again and again

#maybe my brain is fucked up but i can teach it to be less fucked up.#hope is a weapon hope is a skill hope is a plant you can care for or kill. forgot the rest of the poem time to go find and reblog it #my posts #phoenix posts #anyway. i'm glad i've actually managed to accept willow's existence bc like #as much as we are complete opposites (each of us is the traits the other couldn't let themself be)#it turns out we are very much like. two halves of a whole. i'm determination and willow is the spark of hope that guides it #now that i'm actually listening to willow instead of being like “nooooooo i thought i was past that point in our life”#i have been able to finally start being less self-destructive and more actually trying to get better #task manager brain #anyway. once again this post is fine to reblog BUT (one condition)#please ignore everything after the “my posts” tag

RESTARTED THE WHOLE CHAPTER BC I GOT A INSTEAD OF S AND THEN ACCIDENTALLY SAVED AND COULDNT FIGURE OUT HOW TO BUY S RANK. IM THE BEST GAMER EVER IN THE WHOLE WORLD LOOK AT THIS. HELL YEAH LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO

#taterrune #“tater why the fuck do you have so many points” GO BIG OR GO HOME. THATS WHY.#ALSO I WAS READING GUIDES FOR S RANK WHILE MOVING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE TWO CACTUS ROOMS AND I DIDNT REALIZE THE NUMBER WAS THAT HIGH #phoenix posts #I WON I WON I'M SO GOOD AT THIS EVERYONE CONGRATULATE ME #DONT. DONT THINK ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES I MESSED UP THE ENTIRE CHEF MINIGAME.#OR THE FACT THAT I HAD TO RESTART THE WHOLE CHAPTER #“tater you're typing like karkat” NO IM NOT ITS JUST REGULAR CAPS LOCK. IN A NON-KARKAT WAY.#THE READING STRATEGY GUIDES IS NOT KARKATCORE EITHER STOP SAYING THAT THEO

> decide to finally get dressed and actually get things done today

> pick out a super cutesy girly outfit

> switch right as I've finished getting dressed

> I'm one of the transmasc headmates now

> :/

> now I have to spend the rest of the day dressed like this :/

#SIGHS #my posts #phoenix posts #task manager brain #gender stuff #post that i would have maintagged as genderfluidity a few months ago bc i didn't realize that #different genders having different personalities and attitudes is in fact plurality #anyway #t@ter's plan to cheer us up by putting together a super cute girly outfit backfires for the millionth time #alright then time to start on our to do list. not gonna go put on something different bc like.#do you know how many executive function points it took just to finally wash our face and get dressed.#we have things to do i can't be using up that many more executive function points for a net zero result #theo posts #<- right okay then. the dysphoria rapid switch strikes again #like. oh you're dysphoric? send in the mettaton one who actually would like this outfit lmao

#phoenix posts

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