Hi everyone. Long-ish personal post ahead. Writing this a little more for myself than anyone else, so don’t feel obligated to read or respond.
I just found out that one of my friends was killed in a car wreck last night. We went to music school together and he was a big supporter of mine. Before classes even started, he recognized me from an audition the previous winter and was one of the first upperclassmen to come talk to me. When our instructor made sexist comments towards me in studio class, he called him out and made sure to check on me afterwards. When I was auditioning for professional groups, he gave me advice and recommendations. I was the only woman in the studio and he made an unprecedented effort to make me feel welcomed into what had long been a “boys club.”
A few years later, I got my first touring gig and played with that group for multiple seasons. It was a great experience and during my third tour, I became a section leader in this ensemble made up of 90% men. I probably wouldn’t have gone for that opportunity if my friend hadn’t encouraged me in my most formative years of music education.
Music is a competitive and underhanded profession. Many people are out for themselves, don’t care to mentor the new generation of performers, and are content to uphold a toxic culture. My friend was a good and kind man in a world that enables men to be disrespectful and deceiving as long as they are able to reap the benefits.
Despite all my hard work, I ultimately stopped finding joy in music. I stopped playing professionally in 2018. I moved across the country, got a business degree, and now I’m much happier (and making quite a bit more money). I still play, but on my own terms and for fun.
Since I moved away, my friend and I fell out of touch. There was no ill will between us or anything. We just didn’t have much reason to talk anymore, so we didn’t. It’s strange, how a person that was such a staple in my first years of adulthood disappeared from my life so quickly. And now I’ll never have a chance to rekindle that friendship.
I probably am not going to be active over the next couple days. I’ll try to post my Ushijima fic and one of my collab fics soon, just need to take some time for myself. If you made it this far, thank you. My friend was a good person and even if you didn’t know him personally, you should at least know that.
