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Oppenheimer
the Pangea inside me crackles and spits it’s not surprising that I’d end up this way
gravity pushing in and pressure pushing out caught in an endless tug of war with my cells
eyes flickering between green and brown easily swayed by the color of a shirt or the angle of the sun
my mom says the dichotomy doesn’t define me that maternal spiritualism and paternal capitalism
do not contain opposing definitions but its more than just the frayed ends of the divorce
the noises all become too loud when you are always defined as separate
as the other parent, as the other friend, as the other side northern and southern Italy declare war within me
insult the other over the bargaining table of my heart and seconds turn into light years
swords and javelins become guns and heavy tanks and iron weeps something congealed and red
and I think I understand now, why Van Gogh cut off his ear why Oppenheimer slashed into the cores of atoms
war is etched into the spiral coils of my DNA chaos tingling at my fingertips
and the only way to be heard over the subversive cold war between the two is to shout even louder
contentment cannot be found in mutually assured destruction or in billowing white flags that make blood look even redder
stalemates leave a different kind of devastation in their wake the type that has every atom in my body vibrating
a battlefield amputation to save the larger body but really every fight or attack or skirmish looks the same
at the end of it all comes the persistent radiation the flooded trenches and pocked earth and mass graves
and undetonated bombshells future generations will fearfully tip toe around on their way to school or work or….
a battlefield of self-destruction held in potential energy I know they hate each other more than they hate me
but for them an outright declaration is another kind of failure my atomic bonds have already begun to fracture
I’m simply an easier target
i. did you know the human heart is inelastic? nothing bounces back completely. it’s a rule in a universe where entropic heat death is the only guarantee because of course the fires we’ve lit will burn us alive. our hearts will be the first to go. they collide too often. bruise and blood and muscle can only stand each other so much. but oh, Gwen Stacy, when you felt the impact, were you surprised? did you regret the day we decided that collision or not, the universe could burn— momentum is always conserved and there is nothing more unstoppable than the force of your memory. ii. every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and oh, you bent galaxies to your will, Gwen Stacy, you sang stardust; apples fell up and black holes sighed light. even the smallest speck warps space-time, but weren’t you so much greater? you matter, said the universe. now let me tear you apart and show you why you don’t. iii. there is a devil named impulse. it is the space between a bruise and a break, flesh and bone, two fists or two hearts. more time is less force and i wonder When you fell, Gwen Stacy, did your thoughts match the shape of your mouth? When you fell did you reach for the lifeline I shot out did you smile did you sing did you look up in wonder as the buildings screamed past was your mind trapped in a tear in space did you cradle your own name like a holy thing did you When you fell, Gwen Stacy, did you think the same thing I was thinking? Because I felt the string go taut. I felt some cosmic snap in the threads that bound our hearts and there was only this: oh, oh, if only i had more time
s.m., physics of the human heart
String Theory
Massive metacosmic wheels spin the fabric of reality,
Turning & churning as they sing the Supernova,
Weaving threads of dancing waves
Strung with beads of matter & antimatter,
Spinning the wool of nebulae into
The silk, gold, polyester, cotton
That drape over the hyperreal,
Make it solid, make it mortal.
Ever-spinning wheel of electrons
Moves in five dimensions,
Casting the shadow of a cloud into our humble third.
Twirls round its axis with confidence only lent
To those unbound by the red tape of particle physics.
Axis remains steadfast, patient
As its whirligig neighbors pull the fibers of spacetime through it
& around it, wrapping it up like a toilet-paper mummy
Then all at once,
Letting go and clapping with mirth
As it pirouettes uncontrollably,
Spitting up beams of EM radiation.
None have seen the spinstress’s face,
Only the infinity of her hands,
But some have whispered that they’ve heard her voice,
And all swear that it crackles like a Geiger counter.
11/21/16
All we see is not a lie, but a glimpse of all things in the electromagnetic radiation spectrum.
04/18/16
Tiny ripples atop harmonic waves. There is a highest point, where the amplitudes add up, in the center of the center wavelength, but only due to odd ripples.
Mesocyclone
In my sky at twilight you are like a cloud and your form and colour are the way I love them a dark, deep, persistently rotating updraft You are mine, mine, mine increasingly unstable, rotating, tilting horizontal vorticity by wind shear. Wind, and the wind hauls on my widowed voice, the basic structure of a tornado - Supercell Neruda [assembled by Phaz]
Potential Energy
I am dead quiet,
my heart beats out plumes of turbulence fate expands hot and combative structure snaps in defiance and time roars. We are sick, a hostile red-orange, and predator eye green signals my coming. You’re conscious wont adjust in time to see. My wind pushes drops of power at its edges billowing discord: savage, blind, hungry Ill be the ghost you hear but don’t see. condensed in black matter
invisible
suffocating
Don’t confuse this for sadness, its above emotion. Why did I tell you, who said I was even talking to you? Just a madman, rocking and shouting in tongues that only she may understand and others either
fear, respect or ignore.
-C. Zero