Missed the Mark (Zuckerberg)
Where to begin with my wishes...
I wish I was that kind of person. Who could rate other people, profit from my judgment. Assess the crowd and give a number and when my scam starts to gain traction, I change course. Be friendlier. Let others judge others for me. Take a step back. Sit and watch everything. I wish I could see it all unfold in front of me. This cruel god with the face of an animal cracker.
Am I already cruel? Am I judging? I wish not to know. I already think the answer is 'yes' and I don't need others to tell me. I need my privacy. I need to know everything about others. I need them not to have their privacy. I wish to have all the money and dominion over everything and not to have it go questioned. I'm sorry, I'm not your friend. I'm not Tom. I'm not open to the public.
I want to be the recluse with the smiling face. I want to absolve myself of great responsibility while keeping all the power. I wish not to be questioned on my methods. I don't want them to know there is no rhyme or reason. I wish that if I was caught cooperating with evil that I not be seen as the evil one. I want to be so rich I can start my own currency.
Or we could just forget about all those things because most of all what I want is the seclusion. All the rest is irrelevant. But I signed the terms of service and now I have to follow through. I can't close myself off because I started opening myself up and no matter how much I try to take myself off, I'm still out there. Even in memoriam, you can still see me. I wish that was a luxury I didn't have.
And data? Is that all I am? Series of traits, series of DNA, collected to be harvested. Was that in the terms of service? I wish I was the one at the other end, exploiting everyone, extracting to build a farm of advertisements. I wish I didn't have to care who to cater to or who my audience was. That everyone can see it and urge everyone to join in on the fun. But I don't see it as fun. That's why I would let others watch instead. I'll be off harvesting land, devastating whatever I wish. Does that sound cruel? Does that sound selfish? Well, don't be foolish. I only wish I could be cruel and selfish.
At one point in time, with due diligence, I could have learned computer programming. I could have applied myself and not fallen behind in my lessons. I could have focused. I could have learned to code and start up my own website. I could have thought up a means of making money to keep the website running until the website made its money for me.
I wonder if that's why I wanted to learn. That if I learned to code and program, would I have really done such a thing? Still, there was potential. There was potential to be rewarded for being an asshole. For having the same attitudes as bullies, for displaying all the traits of what some call toxic masculinity and because I chose what some call nerdy, I would be rewarded for it. There was potential there. But was it me? I think there was potential to corrupt myself, just a little. I think I would have to start with already having that in me. I think there was every opportunity to have some of the negative traits of man and still be rewarded.
But I am no man. Maybe that's just one of my failings.
I can't even begin to explain how I might have the capacity for unnerving cruelty and I could be so cruel with the most innocent of looks. That even among those who make their jokes, I've still got their lives in my hands. That someone could make a movie of me, portray me in a negative light, and I will still be the one benefiting.
In court, they will see my face, and I wish for them to see nothing. That is how much I want to show to the world. Even thinking of how I am not plugged in, not signed up, and I am still on display, at any moment, but there was a moment where I thought I didn't have to be.
Does it look like I'm spending so much time picking on someone so timid? This is me hacking away at myself. I wish I wasn't the timid one. I wish I could be seen as timid without actually being timid. That I had an inflated complex and I could tell myself how important I've made myself out to be. I wish I could tell myself how much people depend on me, regardless if those people would admit it. Regardless if they want to. I wish I could get others to run my empire, but therein lies the folly: I never want to start.
I don't want to make people comfortable with being spied on. I don't want to work with corporations and the police. I don't want people to spy on each other, to foster paranoia. I am afraid people already are comfortable with these things. I wish they weren't. I wish I could make a statement letting them know they don't have to be okay with these things. I wish people would like what I have to say, and share it.
I know that if I was the architect of such an empire, that there is a sliver of a possibility of me being comfortable with a dominion of ignorance or a people comfortable with rights being taken from them. That so long as I get my privacy, everyone else could kiss theirs goodbye. Does that scare me?
I would like a plant.







