#pierianmain

[fellspringrp]

im down if someone wants to do this. Pierian's just got to like/ relate to them first and he's pretty much stuck.

[fellspringrp]

as long s you dont trip over his temper its 100% something that could be done. hes a pushover.

[fellspringrp]

So uh for no reason in particular, can we send asks to torment your muses?

yeah go for it? my blog hasnt been updated in.... over a year a think, so I dont have it cleaned up or muses listed out pretty but i could try and do that this weekend.

if you know some of my muses go ahead. will warn you its nearly bed time for me and ive got work tomorrow so ill be later tomorrow afternoon to reply probably.

[fellspringrp]

Hey, hey Pierian. *Hands him a 'Red' Panda* Enjoy the pandamonium ;)

Pierian’s flames grow bright and start dancing in his eye sockets.

“try’n ta ‘panda’ to my sense of the absurd, huh? i can bear it.” He looks around his kitchen and then grins back at Red. “if’n ya wait a little i can make some vegetable lo mien - bout the only thing i can think of ta make with bamboo shoots.”

[fellspringrp]

no i havent seen that but

thats a funking hilarious idea

just throw a normal uf sans into this machine and out pops pie and ambrose

and like it is hilarious because they are opposites on a buncha fronts which really makes me wish i had more time before i had to mop because i can actually draw the points across the damn board

but like at the very least pies just this old man whos given up on life and then theres ambrose be bopping in as a young devil may care child in comparison

and youd think theyd hate eachother but honestly i think theyd find eachother hilarious and also pierian would just have to protect ambrose from his own hubris like this weird stepdad/uncle figure that ambrose never had but doesnt really resent because winning over and harrassing pierian obviously makes him less sad and sometimes Pierian pulls something out of his ass thats just so bad ass to ambrose who thinks fightings all fun and games

and anyways thanks for this

and also hi, glad to hear from you missed you

[fellspringrp]

look i built this person as an extension of my self loathing and an outlet for misery

then yall loved him into idk giving a shit in healthier ways

like literally i hated him made him miserable and annoying and just god

and yall and yalls characters just kept right on trying and believing in him and he's better for it and it shows

which growth is great and i dont hate him anymore and im in a better place which is also great

but theres nothing worse than going "imna go over here and mope" and your psyche just going "we could be reasonable instead and explore the host of other emotions available to us"

like damn it

but hey i do get to explore - if i can keep myself from flinching away from it - his anger which is a nice consolation prize because he was too damn guilty all the time to be properly violent and amgry the way he was supposed to be. like i dont think he'll be overly unreasonable in that regard but i expect.... communication errors tbh and im rambling

sorry just would rather think about fun stuff than vaccum tbh

[fellspringrp]

the most frustrating part of pierian and his alts is like hes/ive grown in a way and i cant write him just wallowing anymore. like sure hes still a sad sack but hes better about it now. a managing sad sack. and its like. i wrote you for one reason and now i gotta treat you like a damn person or i cant write you anymore. how dare

[fellspringrp]

Peirian - Pie to his friends... if he had friends - hated himself.

It wasn't just one thing, nothing so big that he could point it out, the black rotting inherent loathsomenes that needed to be carved out of him. It was a bunch of small things that added up over time into an overwhelming and impossible to pinpoint feeling of utter wrongness.

Maybe if he had tried just bit harder here. Maybe if he hadn't forgotten that, if only he were just better in some nebulous way.

But he wasn't what he should be. Not through being incapable, nothing so forgivable as that. No, he wasn't stupid or unaware of what it took to improve himself. Perhaps it would have been easier if he had been stupid. Maybe then it wouldn't be so awful at every test, every trial.

Even the simplest of goals he couldn't seem to accomplish. Not well or completley. Honestly at some point he'd realized just how bad he was, truely inside and stopped trying.

Pierian hated himself. He hated himself so much that he drank to forget it, drank so much in fact he hoped on occasion it would kill him.

The worst part of that though was he didn't actually want to die.

He just couldn't live or escape his self imposed hell.

and the times he forgot, the times he enjoyed himself for just one, unconditional moment - those were the moments that made it all so much worse.

How dare he feel good when his very existence was a burden, a poisonous tar on those around him.

What kind of monster was he?

Of course. He knew the answer to that, didn't he? It was all there in that tangled, knotted ball of knife sharp memories that no amount of alcohol or time could dull the hateful edge of.

Even sleep couldn't give him peace or surcease.

The nightmares were worse than thr memories, and more often then not he would go days without even attempting to lie down, jerking awake abruptly when a few minutes lull in his days when he actually happened to nod off.

There really was no rest for the wicked andd some part of him was glad for it.

After all he hated himself, and when he had good reason he liked to see that scum like him were suffering.

See it happen... Or make it happen.