11.05.2019: Do you even realize how perfect you are?
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(Joint project from @riddikulus und @shakshuka-grandpasweaters, translated from @girlwholovesagirl, @divingdeepintothewater, @m-ger and @julerocks. Here is the timeline and the link to the original blog @unsere-zeit-ist-jetzt. If you would also like to help translate, please contact one of us.)
Saturday, 10:57 am
Matteo: *nods* It's worth a try... *gets up and helps David pack his things* Hey, as soon as it gets too much we'll retreat, okay? *grabs the sleeping pad with the sleeping bag rolled inside it and waits for David to shoulder his bag*
*they arrive at the flatshare around 11 am and Matteo unlocks the door for them* Helloo? *hopes that nobody is there but then Mia walks out of the kitchen: "Hey... oh hey, David"!* *notices how Mia throws him a scrutinizing look, but then smiles* Hi, we wanted to... umm... take a shower... is everyone done in the bathroom? *notices Mia's nod: "Yes... everyone's done..."* *notices how she smiles once more and how she then disappears toward her room*
David: *thinks that their "move" from the pool is working quite well and after some time doesn't feel as uncomfortable anymore as they make their way through Berlin* *slows down for some reason the closer they get to Matteo's flatshare and only reluctantly follows him up the stairs* *can't really figure out if he is afraid of running into one of his flatmates or if it is this new, uncertain feeling of entering Matteo's flat as an actual couple* *remains standing at the door while Matteo steps over the threshold and calls out into the flat* *would like to take a step back when Mia steps out of the kitchen but pulls himself together, reluctantly takes a step forward and closes the door behind him* *smiles insecurely and lifts his hand when Mia greets him* Hey... *remains standing with his back against the door while Matteo and Mia chat and slowly takes off his jacket after Mia disappears into her room* *clears his throat and puts his bag down on the floor* *looks at Matteo insecurely* Umm... do you maybe have some coffee or something like that? I think I could really use some right now…
Matteo: *is relieved when Mia disappears into her room* *turns around to face David* Yeah, sure... *puts down the sleeping pad and sleeping bag* *takes off his jacket and throws it on David's bag* *goes into the kitchen* *notices that unfortunately there isn't any coffee left and starts making some fresh coffee* *only notices that David is still standing at the door after he has to turn around* Don't you wanna sit down?
David: *stands at the kitchen-door and watches as Matteo puts on some fresh coffee* *slowly takes a step into the kitchen after Matteo tells him to sit down but feels like at the moment he's much too passive and nervous and has to do something* *asks reluctantly* If you tell me where you keep the mugs, I can go get them... *lets his eyes wander round the kitchen but can't tell where they might be and doesn't want to rummage through the cabinets* *tensely fiddles with the hem of his shirt*
Matteo: *looks at David and notices how nervous he is* *points at the cabinet in which the mugs are* There, but not the pink Santa mug, that one belongs to Hans and it’s sacred* *turns around then and leans against the counter while he waits for the coffee* *watches as David puts the mugs on the table* Coffee is almost done… *hesitates but then asks* Why are you so nervous?
David: *opens the cabinet Matteo points at and then hears his words* *has to grin a little once he sees the mug and takes two others out of the cabinet* *realizes that Matteo is watching him while he puts the mugs on the table, smiles a little and nods towards the coffee* *murmurs* Perfect! *then doesn’t really know what to do with himself, hesitates and is just about to sit down on one of the stools when he hears Matteo’s question* *gnaws on his bottom lip and looks up at him* *shrugs because he doesn’t even really know himself* *thinks about denying it but eventually says* I don’t know… somehow it was easier in the pool… *laughs quietly* …safer… *sits down on a stool after all and adds* Somehow, this is new… I mean, sure, I’ve been here before, but not… out and not as your… boyfriend…? *has to think about the last time he’s been at this apartment and how much he’d hoped that Matteo would stop him when he left but quickly stops that train of thought*
Matteo: *nods when he says that it was safer in the pool* *frowns when he hears his next words* *asks himself why the fact that they’re together now would make it more difficult* *had hoped that it would make it easier* *rolls the words around his head a little* *eventually only says* You’ve just dealt with Mia, Linn never says anything and Hans… Hans won’t be a problem* *sighs* Ican’t take this off your shoulders… but… *shrugs* Like I said, if it gets too much, we’ll just leave… somewhere where it doesn’t matter that you’re out and my boyfriend… ok?
David: *listens to him and doesn’t know if Matteo understood him right* *nods when he lists the flatmates* *immediately shakes his head when Matteo tells him that he can’t take this off his shoulders* You don’t have to! *needs some time to really understand his last sentence* *understands the beginning and thinks that he should get a grip and that Matteo has already spent an entire night in the pool because of him and that he was right when he said that running isn’t a solution* *doesn’t want to throw his basically right solution overboard because of him* *thinks about the last part of the sentence – probably way too long – and eventually shakes his head* No…! *runs a hand through his hair* It shouldn’t matter that you are my boyfriend no matter where… *grimaces, because it sounds weird and wrong* Man, it DOES matter that you are my boyfriend! Especially to me! *shakes his head* Somehow everything I say sounds wrong. I’m sorry! *quickly adds* We’ll stay here, okay? It just made me feel a little insecure. It’s new, yes, but not a bad new. *looks at him pleadingly* Can we please just forget about it? Or at least have some coffee first and continue this conversation afterwards?
Matteo: *frowns again* *grimaces slightly and doesn’t know what to say* *doesn’t have to because David continues talking* *takes a deep breath and then nods* Yes, okay, we can forget about it… *turns back to the coffee maker hoping that the coffee is ready* *grabs the pot and turns off the coffee maker* *takes it to the small table and pours both of them some coffee* *sits down on the stool on the side so that David can sit and still be able to look at the door*
David: *gives Matteo a scrutinizing look when he says that they can forget about it and somehow has a bad feeling about this whole situation* *somehow regrets having said anything in the first place and is annoyed that he can’t express himself more coherently* *watches as Matteo pours some coffee and quietly murmurs* Thanks! *pulls one mug towards him and can feel that the coffee is still too hot to drink* *doesn’t look at the door but scrutinizingly at Matteo* *asks himself what he’s thinking about and thinks that it’s only ever about him and Matteo has to adapt to him* *doesn’t want him to be left behind* *reluctantly asks* How are you? *feels like this question is completely out of context and adds apologetically* Somehow, everything’s always about me. I don’t want you to feel like you aren’t important and that how you feel isn’t important… *sounds a little breathless because he is insecure and doesn’t know if they are really done with this topic*
Matteo: *puts his hands around the mug but doesn’t drink yet* *looks up when David asks him how he is* *is currently a little overwhelmed by that question* *sighs a little and then shrugs* I’m… I’m not really sure… quite good actually, because you’re here… but also a little… I don’t want to do anything wrong… *looks at him slightly apologetically because he doesn’t know how else to say it*
David: *is relieved when Matteo answers his question, even though his answer worries him a little, and takes a small and quite hot sip of coffee* *has to smile when he says that he’s good because he’s here but is quite astonished when he hears the last part of the sentence* *swallows once and thinks about where to start* *then smiles and slightly shakes his head* *eventually says* Matteo, do you even realize how perfect you are!? *laughs quietly and then starts to list* Since I’ve met you there hasn’t been one thing you did wrong. You were the one who wrote to me after our first meeting. You showed me that I matter to you, that our meetings meant something, while I was mostly too much of a coward to answer you. And yet you still kept trying. You went along with everything I suggested, you even followed me into the pool. During the weekend after our first kiss in the pool you didn’t push me to do anything and it was simply beautiful with you! You immediately broke up with Sara when you realized that I reciprocate your feelings, so that you wouldn’t betray her. You were brave enough to tell me that I mean something to you and when I backpedaled, you didn’t back down offended; instead you stood at my door to resolve things. Ultimately, you made me face things because you wanted to know where we were at. You didn’t react in a hurtful way when I came out to you; you only needed some time to figure some things out. And when I ran off again after the outing at the school you went looking for me. You texted me, you called me, and you basically showed me even then that I’m not alone, that you are there. And ultimately, last night you stood in this stupid pool, you ran after me again, fought for me, again… *has a small lump in his throat by now, because he only realized now just how much Matteo has done for him in the last couple of weeks* *searches for his hand under the table and says more quietly and calmer* So far, you have done /everything/ right, that can be done right. *shakes his head slightly and laughs quietly* I don’t think you have to be afraid of making any mistakes… and even if you did something wrong, don’t you think I would forgive you after all the things you’ve done right so far!?
Matteo: *immediately shakes his head when David says that he’s perfect* *listens to him and doesn’t even realize at first that tears were starting to pool in his eyes* *can’t even believe that David really feels all the things he’s listing* *thought that half of the time he was clumsy and clingy* *feels David’s hand in his and hears his next words* *feels the tears and quickly wipes his eyes with his free hand* *doesn’t even know what to say and only looks at him* I… ummm… *clears his throat and tries again* It didn’t feel like what I did was right. So… ummm… thanks…
David: *fells the lump in his throat getting bigger when he sees the tears in Matteo’s eyes but tries to swallow it down, because right now it’s not about him but about Matteo* *can only guess the amount of tension he’s been under all this time and how awfully uncertain the last couple of weeks must have been for him* *smiles slightly when he hears Matteo’s words, slides off the stool and pulls him into his arms* *murmurs against his neck* It was perfect! And I promise you to give you positive feedback in the future instead of disappearing. *kisses his neck quickly and then puts his forehead against Matteo’s without releasing him from the hug* Even with all the stuff that’s going on with me i don’t want you to come in last place. I want you to feel good, okay?
Matteo: *exhales deeply when David pulls him into his arms and feels once more how he relaxes immediately* *even has to laugh a little when he talks about positive feedback* *nods slightly when he hears his next words and really realizes for the first time that it is true that David wants him to feel good…* *sighs a little* Thank you… *kisses him briefly and wraps his arms around his waist* But I still want you to feel good, as well…
David: *laughs quietly* Maybe we could agree that we both make sure that both of us feel good… this way we can do both you and me justice… *looks into his eyes and smiles* *realizes that the tension form a few minutes ago has now vanished almost completely* *detaches one arm from Matteo but stays close to him and reaches for his mug* *takes a big sip of coffee and looks back at Matteo* Hmm… what did we say about showering? Do you want to go first or should I? And do you maybe have a clean towel and some shower stuff that I could borrow?
Matteo: *grins slightly and nods* Yes, sounds good. *releases one arm as well and reaches for his mug* *takes a sip but then puts it down when he hears his question* Yes, towels are in the bathroom at the top of the cabinet and the shower stuff in the shower is mine... the others keep their fancy stuff in their rooms. *releases his other arm from David as well, because he has to run a hand through his hair* *hears something and notices Linn standing below the kitchen-door* *notices how she only looks at David and how her gaze softens all of a sudden* *hears her softly say "David" and determinedly walk towards him* *is momentarily scared of what might happen next but then sees how she hugs him* *gets wide-eyed because Linn isn't one for physical contact* *Linn releases the hug and says: "Good that you're back again"!*
David: *listens to Matteo and nods at his explanation about the bathroom-stuff* *figures that he's supposed to go shower first and takes a step back when Matteo releases him from the hug* *hears his name and looks toward the door* *vaguely remembers Matteo’s flatmate Linn and is just about to greet her but the words get caught in his throat when he notices her determinedly coming towards him* *is immediately wrapped into her arms and has no clue what he should do* *awkwardly strokes over her back and throws Matteo a puzzled expression when Linn already releases him from her hug* *smiles slightly at her words and stutters* Ummm... hey... thanks... *sees how she nods, briefly smiles and then get back to looking serious again, and watches her turn around as if nothing happened* *sees how she walks to the fridge, take out a bottle of water and then wordlessly leaves the kitchen* *lifts his eyebrows and looks at Matteo* Ummm... *laughs quietly* ... is she always like that?
Matteo: *had been looking at David just as wide-eyed and clueless* *laughs slightly when Linn disappears and he hears David's question* Umm... yes and no... somehow she is, but she's actually quite specific when it comes to human contact... *grins and prods him slightly* So take it as a compliment... she seems to like you... *pulls the mug back toward him* And now get going before Hans comes out of his room, as well...
David: *shakes his head almost bewildered and amused when he hears Matteo's words about Linn* *grins slightly and shrugs* Okay... then I'll take it as a compliment. *thinks the encounter was still really strange* *is reminded by Matteo about showering and nods* Right... showering... *takes another sip from his coffee and walks around Matteo to leave the kitchen* *presses a kiss on his cheek from behind and murmurs* See you soon... *takes his back with him from the hallway hoping that he'll be able to find some clean things in it and vanishes in the bathroom* *rummages around in his bag but can only find clean underwear and socks* *smells his clothes and thinks they're still alright* *had changed his clothes yesterday in the pool – all the other things in his bag had been worn much longer* *gets a towel from the cabinet, checks another time if the door really is locked, grabs his toothbrush and toothpaste and steps into the shower* *quickly relaxes under the warm water and closes his eyes for a moment* *has to think about the events of the past 24 hours and has to smile when he realizes where they have taken him – which is to Matteo's shower with Matteo in the kitchen waiting for him and who told him that he loved him and that he was there for him* *doesn't want to waste any time with him by standing in the shower and hurries up a little* *washes his hair and his body, then brushes his teeth before he steps out of the shower and gets dressed again* *rubs his hair more or less dry and puts the towel over the edge of the bathtub* *grabs his bag and leaves the bathroom* *while crossing the living room he notices that the door to Matteo's room is now open and that Matteo has moved their mugs and the coffee pot to his table and that he's lounging in his armchair while he waits for him* *steps into the room and smiles* Hey... *puts his bag down and stands in his room a little clueless* *nods his head toward the door* Bathroom is all yours...
Matteo: *finished his coffee in the kitchen* *quickly moved the cups and the coffee to his room after that* *gets up when David comes back in* Okay... umm... make yourself at home... there's still coffee... I'll hurry... *really goes to the bathroom after that and only then does he realize that he didn't take any clothes with him* *sniffs his clothes and thinks that they're still all right* *showers in record-time because he doesn't want to leave David waiting* *rubs his hair more or less dry also and decides to let the air do the rest of the drying* *manages to be back in his room after 15 minutes* *notices David sitting in his armchair sipping coffee, his gaze directed toward his lap, where he must have something that Matteo can't see from his position* *only thinks how unbelievably good he looks and how unbelievably great it feels to have him still there, still waiting for him* *closes the door behind him and smiles when David looks up* Hey...
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