hiii first time ever requesting lowkey kinda nervous but your writing is so good i just had to. could you pls do headcanons of what nicknames/pet names squid game men/women would call you when you’re dating them? preferably fem reader if that’s okay and nsfw is fine if you want to put some spicier ones in there (only if ur comfortable w it ofc)
you absolutely do not have to if u don’t want to but i would eat it up ngl
꒰ა ˚₊ ✧ Pet names they´d call you
Heyy so I'm not really sure when you requested this, because I was inactive for a bit, but I really liked your request so I decided to do that now. Sorry in case you requested it a long time ago, but to my defense I didn't get any notifications regarding a request from tumblr. If I forgot any of your favs feel free to tell me
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featuring: Squid game x fem!reader
Includes: Ali Abdul, Cho Hyun-ju, Hwang Jun-ho, Ji-yeong, Kang Dae-ho, Kang Sae-byeok, Kang No-eul, Kim Jun-hee, Se-mi, Thanos
summary ; just some hcs for pet names
warnings ; shitty writing, I use comma based on German grammar, because my school never really taught it
Men dni
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Ali Abdul (Player 199)
He would definitely use sweet nicknames like honey or sweetheart early in the relationship. He also really likes to call you his pretty girl or love.
I also looked up urdu pet names, because I think he'd use those too (I apologize if they are inaccurate) and one i found is Jaan, which means something like my life in english.
When he first calls you by a pet name it's intentional, because he wants to let you know how much you mean to him.
You two could be cuddled up under a blanket on a rainy day watching your favorite show together and while he caresses your waist, he murmurs "I love you sweetheart" and gives you a gentle kiss on the forehead.
Cho Hyun-ju (Player 120)
While she prefers to call you by a shortened version of your name, she still uses pet names occasionally. She uses them mostly in intimate moments, no matter if they are sexual or not. For example when she woke up next to you, your arms and legs tangled around each other and the cozy warmth keeping her sleepy. Then she calls you names like angel or sunshine, cause you make her sun brighter everyday by believing in her and cheering her up, if she feels dysphoric and self conscious in her body.
She is also one to start with the nicknames later in the relationship, cause she needs some time to get used to the thought of you really wanting her like she is and supporting her identity.
Hwang Jun-ho
He would only start calling you pet names when you've been with him for some time already. The first time it happens, it would just slip out of him without even thinking about it
For example, you'd stand in the kitchen, making some eggs and bacon for breakfast and he'd come in and put an arm around you before whispering "good morning honey" in your ear.
He'd use mostly basic pet names like babe, baby and honey or short versions of your name
Ji-yeong (Player 240)
She would probably start using pet names pretty soon, although she'd use them in a more playful sarcastic way. Her pet names would also be over the top, when doing that.
After some time in your relationship, she'd start using more normal pet names in an affectionate way.
Kang Dae-ho (Player 388)
He likes to call you affectionate sweet nicknames like princess or sweetheart and uses them pretty often and not only on special occasions.
He is also someone, who would start using pet names after a short time, because he wants to use them to show you how much you mean to him. The first time he used a nickname it was on accident and just slipped out, when he wanted to ask you something. At first he was kinda nervous that it might be off putting to call you a pet name so early, but when he saw how your face lit up, his worry quickly faded away.
Kang No-eul (Guard 11)
She doesn't often uses nicknames on you and it took her a long time to call you by something other than your name. But when she finally did it was really special.
It was on an anniversary date, a private picnic under the stars and you were laughing, while she was looking at you and thought how dear you were to her. When you stopped laughing, she caressed your face, whispering "I love you babe" before leaning in for a sweet kiss on your lips.
She is someone who uses either babe or a short version of your name as nickname and only calls you babe in private.
Kang Sae-byeok (Player 67)
It also took her a long time to first use a couple pet name on you. Probably after you spent time with her brother. And even after that she only uses it in private or when jealous, but then fairly often. Prefers to use personal nicknames or short versions of your name, but uses sweetheart sometimes during intimate moments.
The first time she called you a nickname it was late at night and you two were cuddling on the couch after you've spent a day together with her brother. He was already sleeping next to you two peacefully after that exiting day and Sae-byeok was caressing your waist, happy that this day went well and that her brother liked you. She pressed a light kiss on your jaw and started whispering to you, careful to not wake him up. "I'm really happy today went well, sweetheart"
Kim Jun-hee (Player 222)
She uses pet names after the first months of being together. Preferring to call you names like love and honey. She uses them fairly often and it doesn't really matter if you are in public or not.
Also really likes being called pet names, because it reassures her, that you won't ghost her (like 333 did) and encourages you to use some.
Se-mi (player 380)
Depending on your relationship before you two started being together, she already called you nicknames playfully. Especially if you two were friends before and it took some time before you started dating. When you started dating, this just became more frequent and she started being more serious about her pet names for you.
Prefers to call you more basic couple pet names like babe, sugar and princess, but uses personal nicknames or short versions of your name in serious nicknames.
Thanos (Player 230)
He started calling you señorita when you first met him. It just came naturally with his nature and he uses this one pretty often. But over time, he started using more personal nicknames or other funny kinda weird nicknames like toots often. He also likes to call you his lady or his girl when talking about you to others. The only time he uses your name is when talking about something serious.
Summary. She never asked you to stay — not out loud. But she let you in, little by little, until leaving hurt more than it should have. Loving her was always like this: quiet, careful, one step from falling. But how long can you hold on when someone keeps pushing you away to protect themselves?
A/N. I hope this fic is understandable 😭 Read it twice and got confused by my own fic. D:
+++Im too tired to add dividers bridjsnn
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The first time she let you touch her, it was raining.
Not pouring — not cinematic. Just cold and fine and clinging to your skin in a way that made everything feel too close. You were both sitting on the curb outside a clinic, knees almost brushing, her shoulder tense beneath her coat. She didn’t look at you. She rarely did when she was trying not to feel anything.
But when your fingers barely grazed hers — not even a real touch, just a question — she didn’t move away.
That was the beginning.
She never called it that, of course. There were no labels, no definitions. You didn’t ask. She offered nothing. All you knew was that after that night, she let you stay.
Not just physically — though her apartment was small and the heater only worked half the time — but in the quiet spaces no one else was allowed into. You learned to read her silences. You brought her coffee the way she liked it: plain, bitter. You never pried. Never pushed.
She’d been pushed her whole life.
Sometimes she’d wake you up in the middle of the night, breathing hard, like she’d run a marathon in her sleep. You’d pretend you weren’t awake yet, just shift closer, let your hand rest lightly on her back. She never said thank you. But she never pulled away, either.
That was enough. You thought it meant something.
But with Saebyeok, everything meant nothing until it didn’t — and then it meant everything all at once.
The pattern was always the same. A few days of peace. A quiet morning with coffee shared on the windowsill. Then something would shift. She’d get distant. Cold. Sharp. You’d say the wrong thing. You’d exist a little too loudly. And just like that, the wall would go back up.
She never yelled.
She didn’t need to.
Just one look. One sentence.
“I didn’t ask you to stay.”
Or worse:
"You don't belong here."
But she always let you back in. Eventually.
So when she told you to leave that night, part of you thought: here we go again.
You were standing at the sink, wrists wet, dish in hand. It was already dark out — a late dinner kind of night. She stood in the doorway like a shadow, hands shoved in her coat pockets, eyes dim beneath the flicker of the kitchen light.
“Why are you still here?”
She asked
You didn’t turn around.
"Dinner's almost ready "
“That’s not what I meant.”
Of course it wasn’t.
You let the faucet run a moment longer, watching the bubbles swirl before slipping down the drain.
“I know.”
Her silence came next — that sharp, cutting kind that always preceded something cruel.
And even still, you weren’t afraid of it.
This wasn’t fear. It was heartbreak .
She exhaled, barely. “You should leave.”
You finally turned to face her. She didn’t look angry. Just… hollow. Like she was already mourning something she hadn’t let herself want.
“Tell me why,”
You said, drying your hands on a towel.
“I don’t owe you a reason.”
You almost smiled at that — not because it was funny, but because it was so classically her. She always built her exits before she even entered a room. Always ready to run before she was ever held.
“I’ve been here for eight months,”
you said softly.
“That’s longer than anyone else, isn’t it?”
She flinched — just a fraction — and you knew it was true.
You stepped forward. Carefully. Like approaching a wounded animal.
“I know you think it’s easier to be alone. That pushing me away keeps you safe.”
“I don’t want you here.”
Her voice cracked — a sharp little fracture she tried to swallow.
But you heard it.
You didn’t say anything right away. Just stood there, watching her come undone in the quietest way imaginable.
Her fingers curled tighter in her pockets.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you care.”
“I do.”
She shook her head. “Don’t.”
Too late.
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It didn’t happen all at once.
She didn’t scream. She didn’t throw you out. That wasn’t her way. Saebyeok’s cruelty was always quiet — never loud enough to be blamed for.
Instead, she sat at the kitchen table while you finished the dishes, like the weight of her own words had begun to settle on her shoulders. She didn’t take off her coat. She didn’t look at you. And when you finally sat across from her, she kept her eyes trained on the chipped edge of the table, as if it might split open and swallow her whole.
You placed her bowl of rice in front of her — the same dish you always made when things got heavy. The one you learned from memory, not recipe. Something warm. Familiar. Easy to chew when talking felt impossible.
She stared at it like it might bite her.
“You don’t have to eat,”
you said gently.
“I just thought… you looked tired.”
“I’m always tired.”
Her voice was flat. Barely above a whisper.
“I know,”
you said.
The words sat between you like ash.
This wasn’t a fight. You wished it were. Fights had peaks. Resolution. An after. This was something else. This was erosion — slow and quiet, like waves pulling the shore apart grain by grain.
Saebyeok didn’t yell. She didn’t raise her voice or slam doors. When she wanted distance, she closed herself off like a book you weren’t allowed to finish reading. You knew the signs. She got quiet, then cold, then sharp.
You watched her trace the rim of the bowl with her thumb, absently. She wasn’t eating. She wasn’t even present.
“I didn’t come here to fix you, Sae,”
you said softly, not accusing — just tired.
“I came because I wanted to stay.”
“That was your mistake.”
It wasn’t angry. That’s what made it worse.
You didn’t flinch, but something behind your ribs caved in.
“No,” you said. “My mistake was thinking you’d ever let someone stay.”
She looked up then — only for a second — but you saw it. That flicker of panic. The tremble behind her practiced silence.
“No one ever stays,”
she said finally.
“Not really.”
You tried to smile, but it came out broken.
“I’m still here.”
“You won’t be.”
She said it like a truth she’d already lived too many times to count. A rule etched into the bones of her life. Like she was just waiting for history to repeat.
You leaned forward.
“You keep saying that like it’s inevitable. Like I’ve already walked out the door.”
“You will.”
The chair beneath her scraped against the tile as she stood. She didn’t pace. Didn’t shout. Just walked slowly to the window and stared out into the dark street below like she was searching for an exit, even now.
“You keep Saying I’ll leave,”
you Said, following.
“But what if you’re the one who’S already halfway gone?”
That got her. Her shoulders stiffened.
“I haven’t left,”
you said.
“Even when you wanted me to.”
“You should have.”
Her voice cracked. Just a little. A tiny break in the dam she kept building and rebuilding.
But you heard it. You always did.
“I stayed when you forgot my birthday.”
“I didn’t forget—”
“You didn’t say anything. Not even a lie.”
Silence.
“I stayed when you left in the middle of the night and didn’t come home for two days.”
Her mouth was pressed in a thin line.
“I stayed when you pretended you didn’t know what this was between us. I stayed when you said it didn’t mean anything.”
Her hands curled into fists at her sides. But she didn’t move.
“I stayed,”
you whispered.
“Because I loved you. Still do.”
“Stop.”
Her voice was thin. Shaky. Like a match burning too close to her fingers.
“You don’t get to do this,”
she said.
“You don’t get to stand there and act like I asked for any of it.”
“You didn’t have to ask. You just kept letting me come back.”
“I didn’t want you to.”
“Then why didn’t you say it?”
you demanded.
“Why didn’t you lock the door? Why didn’t you say no?”
She turned on you suddenly.
“Because I’m selfish!”
she snapped, finally snapping.
“Because every time you walked in, I let myself believe I could hold onto something good — even if it wasn’t real!”
It echoed in the room, loud and raw and ugly.
You went still.
She blinked fast, her breath shallow. Her hands were shaking now. Her armor had cracked — not cleanly, but jagged and exposed.
“I don’t know how to love someone the right way,”
she admitted, her voice breaking down into nothing.
“I only know how to survive. That’s it. That’s all I’ve ever done.”
“I never asked for perfect,”
you whispered.
“I just wanted real.”
She turned away. Face buried in her hands, as if hiding from her own reflection in your voice.
You stepped toward her — one step, cautious.
“Sae…”
“Don’t.”
It came out muffled.
You froze.
“I’m tired of ruining everything I touch.”
You looked at her — really looked — at the fear in her spine, the exhaustion in her silence. And you realized: she wasn’t trying to push you away because she didn’t care.
She was doing it because she cared too much, and didn’t know how to survive it.
You hated her for that. You hated that she made you love her like this — on her terms, always at arms’ length, always ready to disappear. You hated that part of you still wanted to forgive her, even now.
And worst of all: you hated that you understood her.
You moved to the door. Not to leave. Not yet.
She didn’t stop you.
“If you really want me gone,”
you said, turning back.
“Then look me in the eye and say it. Say you don’t love me. Say this meant nothing.”
She stared at the floor. Her jaw clenched.
“I can’t.”
“Then what are we doing?”
The pause stretched. Her voice, when it came, was hollow.
“We’re surviving.”
You swallowed hard.
“I wasn’t trying to survive you.”
She finally looked at you.
And you knew — right then — it wasn’t that she didn’t love you. It was that she didn’t believe love could ever last. And if it couldn’t last, what was the point of letting herself have it?
You gave her one last chance.
But she said nothing.
So you said it for her.
“I already hate how much I love you.”
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The next morning was quiet.
Not the kind of quiet that follows peace — not soft, not warm. This quiet was clinical. Hollow. Like the walls themselves had given up trying to hold sound.
You were already awake when the sun cracked through the blinds, casting pale light across the floor like spilled milk. Your eyes burned — not from crying. You hadn’t even allowed yourself that. Not yet.
Saebyeok sat across the room, curled on the end of the couch, knees pulled tight to her chest, staring blankly at the floor. She looked like she hadn’t slept either.
You watched her through the half-light.
She hadn’t moved in hours.
No words between you since the night before. No apologies. No resolution. The fight — if you could even call it that — had ended in a way that didn’t feel like an ending at all. Just silence, dropped like a curtain. Like a final breath that didn’t finish exhaling.
You stood eventually. Not because you wanted to move — but because staying still started to feel worse.
She didn’t look up.
You walked to the kitchen, quietly. Boiled water. Set out two cups like muscle memory, though you weren’t sure why. You poured hers black. You always did. No sugar, no cream. She said sweetness made her suspicious.
You left the mug by the couch. She didn’t touch it.
“You don’t have to say anything,”
you said quietly, not facing her.
“But I need you to listen.”
Still no movement.
So you kept talking, words low and careful — like speaking too loudly might make her vanish.
“I don’t expect you to change overnight. I don’t expect you to become someone else. But I need you to meet me halfway. Just once.”
Silence.
Your hands trembled at your sides.
“I came into your life quietly. I never asked for anything. You let me stay, and I took that as something real. I let myself believe that meant something.”
She closed her eyes, but still said nothing.
“I was never asking you to love me perfectly, Sae. I just wanted you to try.”
Finally, her voice — quiet, hoarse.
“I did try.”
Your heart cracked.
“Then why does it feel like I’ve been alone this whole time?”
Her eyes opened. Slowly. She looked at you like she didn’t recognize you anymore. Or maybe like she wished she didn’t.
“I’m not ready,”
she said.
You nodded.
“I know.”
“I don’t know if I ever will be.”
That, you didn’t answer.
Because you knew it was true.
You stepped toward the couch. Close, but not touching.
“I would’ve waited,”
you said.
“If you had just asked me to. If you had looked at me and said, ‘Stay. I’m scared, but stay.’ I would’ve.”
She didn’t look at you. Her hands tightened around her knees.
“You never asked.”
“I didn’t know how.”
“Don't start,”
you said. Quiet. Not angry — just tired.
“You knew how. You just didn’t believe I’d say yes.”
She turned her face away.
“I can’t lose someone else.”
“So you’d rather drive them away first?”
That hit something. You saw it — in the stiff set of her jaw, the way her shoulders curled inward like she was trying to collapse into herself.
You crouched beside the couch, knees aching, heart heavier.
“I was never here to hurt you,”
you whispered.
“I was here because I saw something in you no one else waited long enough to see.”
Her eyes finally met yours.
For one breathless moment, there was something there. Something soft and breaking and full of everything she never said. She looked like she might reach for you.
You held still. Let her decide.
But her hand never moved.
Instead, her voice came, so quiet it could’ve been mistaken for a breath.
“You deserve someone who doesn’t make you beg for love.”
And that was it.
Not an apology. Not a plea. Just the truth.
You stood slowly.
She didn’t stop you.
And for the first time, you didn’t expect her to.
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Gonna leave at night.
Rain hammered against the windowpane, a steady drum that filled the room with cold noise. Streetlights blurred through the water, casting smeared halos of orange and white that made the walls feel like they were closing in.
You were already moving when she came back from the bathroom — quiet, slow, as if even her breath had been weighed down by the wet air. She didn’t say anything. Didn’t ask where you were going or what you were doing.
Just watched.
You packed with mechanical hands, folding clothes, slipping a few things into your bag. The silence stretched between you, thick and suffocating, like the storm outside had settled inside your chests too.
When you zipped the bag closed, she shifted from the shadows and stepped into the weak light. Her hair was damp, strands clinging to her face. Her eyes looked hollow but burning at the same time — that familiar fire softened by something raw and fragile.
“Don’t,”
she said.
Just one word, soft, barely a whisper, but it cracked the air.
You stopped. Hands resting on the edge of the bed, body still.
She took a slow, shuddering breath.
“Please.”
You blinked, trying to catch what she meant. But her voice was low and jagged, a secret buried beneath the storm.
“I don’t want to be alone,”
she said, the words trembling like a confession.
Her gaze fell to her hands, twisting at the hem of her shirt.
You wanted to step forward. To tell her you weren’t leaving because you didn’t want to, but because you had to. Because staying had become a cage for both of you.
But instead, you stayed silent.
She reached out just a little, fingers brushing the sleeve of your jacket as if to anchor herself.
“Stay… just a little longer,”
she said, voice breaking.
Your heart squeezed painfully, but your lips pressed into a firm line.
“I can’t,”
You said softly.
She blinked, a single tear slipping free and tracing down her cheek — fast, like she caught it before it fell.
“No one ever stays,"
she murmured
"Not really."
The rain outside slammed harder, as if echoing her despair.
You looked at her — the broken, beautiful mess she tried so hard to hide.
But it wasn’t enough.
You turned, the fabric of your jacket heavy in your hands, and opened the door.
The cold rush of night air hit you, wet and biting.
She didn’t reach for the door.
She didn’t call your name.
Only the rain caught your footsteps as you slipped into the storm.
The door clicked closed behind you.
Sharp. Final.
You didn’t look back.
Only then, when the Sound of your Stepewas Swallowed by the night, did She let the tear fall fully — tracing a Slow, Silent line down her cheek.
One tear.
Small, but full of everything she never said.
Because sometimes, the hardest part of leaving is what stays behind.
to love someone selflessly and irrevocably is to take their burdens as your own.
when you're in love, you're attuned to every aspect of the person's characteristics. it takes barely any effort at all to notice the subtle shifts in their expression, the contract of their muscles before they move. you recognize the twinge in their chest, the blooming of pain that blemishes their body.
after meeting kang sae-byeok, it became hard to distinguish her feelings from your own. you feel her heart beat alongside your own, the flickering flame of her life in the space right beside it. you feel the warmth of her presence reaching through every crevice, between your ribs and the hollow of your bones.
so all her pain, all the hurt that forms beneath delicate flesh and hard bone, you take and consume as your own.
you suck in a sharp breath, unsteady breaths leaving through your trembling lips as the pain licks up the surrounding area. you squeeze your eyes shut, mentally preparing yourself before placing a shaking hand against your stomach. but there is no glass there, even if you feel it protruding from your body, the pain as real as it could get.
but if it's not there then...
sae-byeok.
you snap your head up, latching your attention onto the planes of her face. your eyes flit rapidly across the surface, noting immediately the tension that mars it, even if it's so subtle it's easy to miss. contorted in pain, twisted with discomfort, the emotions paired with the sight of her body hunched over whilst clutching her stomach solidifies the impending realization you'd been afraid to admit the moment you'd felt the pain but lack of cause.
you don't get a chance to question her, not when the square guard approaches the four of you and gestures towards the exit. you're forced to trail after her silently, attention pinned to her staggering footsteps, the way it seems like she could fall over at any given moment. the halls are too narrow to stand beside her, but you hover nearby, keeping your palm outstretched to steady her when needed and to allow her to lean her body weight against your own.
the fear striking the center of your heart persists with every movement, every prolonged silence, and the trail of blood that follows after her like some bad omen.
'shit. that's a lot of blood.' you realize, the dread sitting lower in your stomach, heavier. is it possible for the human body to lose that much in a short amount of time? with little to no consequences?
perhaps it's paranoia or anxiety, but the journey back feels longer than normal, so it's a relief when you finally enter through the familiar heavy metal door into the large room. once again, it's been rearranged into something unrecognizable. it's almost completely empty, all the tall metal structures that used to be pushed against the walls gone, leaving only four beds with small frames pushed against each one bordering the space.
and another detail, one you didn't notice before, are the images depicted on the walls. little stick figures representing people are portrayed playing various games. four of them holding the shapes used in dalgona. two teams standing on separate platforms and pulling on a rope. kneeling on the floor playing marbles. jumping onto platforms like a bridge.
the realization feels like a slap to the face.
these are the games you played. this whole time, they've been plastered on the walls, hidden in plain sight. it's so obvious now, but you'd been so consumed by fear and blinded by greed that you'd missed the blatant hints the game creators had thrown at you.
sae-byeok doesn't spare the walls anything more than a passing glance. she steps forward, staggering towards the direction of the nearest bed. you snap out of your inner turmoil to rush to her side, gripping her arm and guiding her gently with slow, tentative movements.
she sinks into the mattress with a suppressed sound of pain, her back hitting the bedframe exhaustedly. she pulls her knees to her chest, squeezing her eyes shut as she tips her head back. you kneel down beside her, palms suspended in the air as you both struggle to decide where to place them and peer intently into her face.
"sae-byeok." you mumble, worriedly.
there's a sheen of sweat on her pale skin, the molding of pain creasing her eyes and tightening the muscles in her jaw. at the sound of you softly calling out her name, she lifts her head, the brown pools shining with a layer of emotion you can't quite name.
but she knows. she knows you know about the injury she's been trying to hide. she knows you see past the guarded front she assumes, the rapid unraveling of her composure. and upon seeing the clarity in your own eyes, her expression gets torn apart to shreds.
"why'd you do that?"
you both turn at the sound of gi-hun's broken tone, the notes of hurt and betrayal coating the words he directs to sang-woo. the two friends stand in the center of the room, face to face, the tension palpable in the air. and the way gi-hun looks at sang-woo is as if he doesn't recognize him anymore.
sang-woo clenches his jaw, "you wanna say something to me?"
"why go up and push that guy?" gi-hun clarifies.
sang-woo glances away with a scoff, "you got lucky choosing the back of the line. it made it really easy for you, didn't it? what if that guy ended up wasting our time on that tile like the one before him? would you have done nothing?"
"but he was on the last tile. he would have moved to the next one soon." he reasons.
"no, you don't know that!" sang-woo snaps, his frustration flaring up in one big swoop, "that last guy could tell the tempered glass apart the whole time, but he just watched all those people fall through and die."
"the only reason you and i even made it is 'cause he could tell the tiles apart."
"that's bullshit. i don't know about you, but i am not still alive because of that guy! i'm still alive because i worked hard to make sure i stayed alive in this place."
"stop with the excuses. i'm not buying it," gi-hun seethes, "you still killed someone. his blood's on your hands."
"you're delusional!" his shout echoes in the room, the harsh octave causing you to flinch. he points to the ceiling, "we have to kill everyone else anyway to leave here with that money. you should be thanking me that you don't have the blood on your hands."
gi-hun is silent for a long time. he stares at sang-woo with the intensity that one possesses when they're trying to figure something out, to understand something. when he finally speaks, his voice comes out low, restrained, perhaps even a little afraid.
"and if it were me on that tile?"
sang-woo exhales sharply, "for fucks sake!" he shouts, glancing away in disbelief. he lowers his head, places his hands on his hips and glares at the floor as if it were the root of all his frustrations. when he calls out gi-hun's name, it's both exasperated and annoyed, like speaking to a child who only ever messes up. he points a finger at him, "do you know why your life is so pathetic? it's because every time you open your mouth you say something idiotic. because you're an absolute fucking moron who's too slow to keep it shut. you couldn't even tell shit from soybean paste unless you ate it."
even though the words aren't directed at you, your heart feels for the impact it leaves on gi-hun's pride and feelings towards his friend. gi-hun's face shifts, just barely, the admiration he once held for him vanishing without a trace, crestfallen and disheartened. sang-woo's words, heavy and unforgettable, leave a harsh sting that lingers even after the moment has passed.
'stop it. stop fighting. please. you don't mean those words sang-woo. i can see it in your eyes. it hurts you just as much to say it.'
"okay." gi-hun eventually says, his voice carefully even, void of any emotion, "that's right. that's how i got caught in all this. because i was slow, crazy and incompetent. just a dimwit who lives off his mother."
sang-woo flinches as gi-hun's takes his words and spits it back in his face.
"but you're with me in this place," he continues, a cold bite now visible in his tone, "isn't that interesting? why is that? ssangmun-dong's golden child, the genius cho sang-woo, who went to SNU. why is he here? rolling around this shithole, slumming with us simpletons, huh? is it my fault that you're here?"
deep, heavy breaths are produced within sang-woo's chest and released through his nose, the anger barely controlled within the ragged sounds. the acrimony on his face is prominent, taking the form of a clenched jaw and sharp, piercing eyes, threating to burst with a singular wrong move.
an alarm blares, dispersing the tension in the air and thus deescalating the fight. your attention is now drawn to the door at the front of the room, which reveals five guards. there's one square guard and four circle guards, the latter holding a small black box in their arms.
"players. we sincerely congratulate and commend you all for successfully making it through the first five games. the four of you are now the finalists and as such, we have prepared a special gift for each of you. before we reveal the gift, please take a moment to change into the outfits we have brought."
the masked figures disperse, two going towards the center of the room while the other two direct their footsteps to where you and sae-byeok remain huddled closely on the bed. they silently hold out the boxes, shaped like a square, tied with a bright pink bow at the corner. there are three shapes in the center.
a circle, a triangle, and a square.
'i guess it all leads back to these shapes, huh?' you think to yourself bitterly as you gingerly take it from the staff member.
once each player has been handed a box, they lead you over to the bathrooms just outside the living quarters. you help sae-byeok into the enclosed space, practically dragging her due to her weakened state. as you close the door shut, she staggers to the nearest sink. you follow closely behind.
sae-byeok fumbles for the faucet, turning it until a stream of water rushes out. she slips off her jacket, then proceeds to rip off her shirt, leaving her only in a white sports bra and sweatpants. and there, on the left side of her navel, is a large, jagged piece of glass sticking out.
it feels as if all the air has been knocked out of your lungs.
"shit."
sae-byeok's breathing is torn and ragged, a blend of pain and the tiniest sliver of fear. her eyes lock onto the protruding object, surveying the damage. blood streaks down her skin, the flesh around the wound torn. her hands shakes as she lifts it and wraps her fingers around the glass.
you realize her intention too late, "sae-byeok wait-"
she pulls it out in one swift movement.
a low groan slips from her teeth, her eyes squeezing shut in what can only be described as pain. you imagine the sound would've reflected this if she wasn't trying so hard to contain it, to keep her hurt small and unidentifiable, as if it would lessen the way it surges through her body like unrelenting waves.
she discards the piece of glass by throwing it aside, the clatter of it landing on the porcelain filling the otherwise silent room. she leans forward, gripping the sides of the sink so tightly you see her knuckles turn white, her entire body trembling. you rush towards her.
"hey. hey it's okay. you're going to be okay," you mumble gently, placing a tentative hand against the exposed skin of her arm.
at first, she stiffens at the touch, perhaps having not expected it, perhaps still processing the entire situation. but just as quickly as her discomfort surfaced her expression eases, and she leans into it with a soft sigh.
you lean in closer to peer into her eyes, which continue to avoid your own, "let me see?" you ask, allowing her room for refusal, but still offering that semblance of reassurance to coax her away from dealing with it on her own. because she's not alone. kang sae-byeok may try to deal with it by herself, but the fact remains that you feel the throbbing pulse of the injury, and whether she likes it or not, you're in this together.
sae-byeok remains still for a moment before loosening her hold and leaning back, angling her body to face your own. you stare at her face for a couple of seconds, drinking the sight of her in before dragging your attention down to her stomach.
the wound is deep, just as you expected, just as you feared. it would be treatable with a small, quick surgery to repair the damaged organs and a couple of stitches to keep it closed. but you don't have those kind of resources. sure, you could find a doctor as soon as the last game is finished, but that likely wouldn't commence until the following morning.
blood continues to leak out of the torn flesh, spilling onto the ground, staining her pale skin a dark shade of red. the flow of it has gotten worse since she pulled out the piece of glass, and there's no signs of it stopping on its own.
even if you did get medical attention first thing in the morning, you're not sure if sae-byeok has that kind of time.
"let's try to stop the bleeding, okay?"
you grab a handful of paper towels and press it against her injury. she grits her teeth, a hiss slicing through the air, her body instinctively trying to lean away from the firm pressure. your own expression winces at the sharp burst of pain that erupts, understanding her reaction.
"i know. i know. i'm sorry." you whisper in a panic, guilt creeping in to accompany the other emotions twisting in your chest. you lift your unoccupied hand and tenderly stroke her hair, trying to soothe away the continued sensation of agony that comes with keeping your hand pressed firmly against her stomach. you don't want to hurt her, but applying pressure should help stop the bleeding, or at least slow it down, and you try to convey this message to sae-byeok with whispered reassurances while continuing the action.
once the paper towels stopped coming out soaked in the red colors, you grab her shirt and tear off the hem. sae-byeok's eyes watch you as the torn piece of fabric is wrapped around her hips, layered on the injury twice before getting tied off with a small bow. when you confirm that it's snug enough to continue applying pressure, you straighten.
you guide the girl towards the nearest wall, assisting in the act of easing her body down onto the ground. just like before, her body lays exhaustedly against the cool tile, her eyes blinking rapidly, her face worn and struggling with the effort to keep herself awake.
you stand up, grabbing yet another handful of paper towels, but this time, you hold them beneath the running water. once you've deemed them damp enough you join her on the floor, crouching down directly in front of her body. she eyes the objects with a question rising in her eyes, which eventually lift up to meet your own with the same inquiry. you give her a tentative smile, reassuring that you'd never do anything to hurt her. that all you want is to care for her. to take more than her burdens, her pain.
you note the exact moment the realization dawns upon the colors. you catch it when you lift the towels and press the cold, wet object against her cheek. it shines in her eyes, all her walls crumbling the second she feels the gentle touch you lay upon her figure.
your movements are slow and gentle, careful, as you wipe away all the blood and sweat on kang sae-byeok's body. you clear away the splatters of red next to her freckles, pressing lightly against the cut on her cheek, the scrape on her chin. your drag it down her neck, her collarbone, seeing the way her throat bobs as she swallows hard beneath your consideration. then, you're gently lifting her hands and cradling them in your palm, repeating the same motions along every knuckle, every jut of bone that is stained with her pain.
the entire time, sae-byeok's dark, hazy eyes watch your movements. trailing after your hands, following them each time they focus on a different part of her body. she blinks, the corners of her eyes tightening, the colors getting darker as they glisten with something you can't quite describe.
she calls your name.
you pause, lifting your head to peer into her face. she studies you, like she's drinking the sight of you in, greedily gulping down whatever trait and characteristic she's able to take in. it strikes you hard, the way she's looking at you. like you're everything and more, everything she dreamed of, everything she wants, everything she needs.
and then she's reaching forward, cupping your cheek with a singular, trembling hand. the touch is so gentle you could weep, unable to comprehend the fact that a person like sae-byeok would hold you so tenderly.
and then she's leaning forward, pressing her quivering, cracked lips lightly against your own. you feel the world stop, holding its breath, savoring the tender moment like it's something sacred to behold. and maybe it is. maybe it's witnessing the moment two souls, destined to meet, finally become one. two hearts synchronizing to the same beat.
when she pulls back, she looks more content. at peace. though the sadness in her expression doesn't escape you. not when it looks like sae-byeok has finally been given everything she's ever wanted, only to be forced to part ways with it. a bittersweet goodbye.
"i wanted to do that before i'm gone," she closes her eyes, voice barley above a whisper, "before i never got the chance to."
the crack at the edge of sae-byeok's tone breaks you. it tugs at your chest, building in the corner of your eyes and forming in the back of your throat. when you kiss her again, you tell yourself to focus on the warmth of her skin and the feeling of her soft breaths, the sweet taste of it all as you drink in the love she pours out for you.
when you finally pull away, it's not for long. your lips trail across every inch of her face, mapping out words you don't really know the sound to, but sae-byeok doesn't need to hear it, only feel the press of your touch on her forehead, the slope of her nose, the corners of her eyes, the right side of her temple, and every single freckle splashed across her cheeks.
you don't realize you're crying until you taste the salt on your tongue. you open your eyes, finding that your vision has blurred, distorting the images surrounding you. you feel the wetness sliding down your cheeks, sticking to your skin, and the unbearable feeling in your chest like something has been ripped out without warning.
"you're going to be okay, you hear me? we're going to get you out of here, and we're going to get help." you sob. you reach for her hands, cradling them within your own. your fingers won't stop shaking, even after sae-byeok curls them around each other. you lean in close, pressing your forehead against her own, sharing the same breath, "i won't lose you. not now. so just hang on, okay? can you do that for me?"
sae-byeok doesn't look entirely convinced. she looks like she wants to protest, to tell you the way that it is. the simple, bitter truth. but she nods nonetheless, her own tears trailing silently down her face. just for a moment, even if it's futile, she allows you to cradle the hope that your story hasn't ended yet.
because maybe if you believe in it reverently enough, it'll come true.
-
lifting the lid of the box reveals a white collared shirt, black slacks and an equally as black blazer.
a suit.
the number 68 is stitched onto the breast pocket of the button down, and there's a small black bow on the collar. there are no wrinkles in the fabric. no dirt or blood stains. they are clean and pristine, the complete opposite of your current state.
looking down at it feels like a sick joke.
nonetheless, you slip off your dirty track suit and exchange it for the gift. you feel stiff and awkward once the attire clings to your body, hating the mirrored image that stares back at you through the reflection above the sink. besides the small cuts on your cheek and the dark circles under your eyes, you wouldn't even know that you'd just gone through hell and back the past several days.
after you help sae-byeok into her own clothes, straightening the bow tie, smoothing out the wrinkles in her jacket and leaving a small, lingering kiss against the apple of her cheeks, the two of you return to the main living quarters, finding it once again in an entirely different state.
the lights have dimmed, washing the entire space in a warm, yellow light. in the center of the room are four long, rectangular tables, arranged in the shape of a square, one chair behind each one. a cream white cloth covers the furniture, along with single wick candles, lace placemats and fancy silverware, all arranged neatly on top. you find yourself seated directly across from sae-byeok, with gi-hun on your right and sang-woo to your left.
you're served a basket of bread, roasted vegetables and some kind of fancy appetizer consisting of oysters. circle guards go around serving expensive red wine into your cups, the red substance pouring into the glass looking awfully similar to the blood previously seeping out of sae-byeok's body.
and finally, revealed beneath a silver tray, the main course of the evening, an entire steak.
you stare at it, unmoving. the air in the room feels scarce, making it difficult to breathe, to exist quietly in the tense silence suffocating all four of you slowly but surely. your fingers tighten into fists, trembling in your lap, withholding the bitter resentment bubbling up inside you, boiling over into anger within the small confines of your chest.
because the meaning behind this fancy dinner is painstakingly apparent. the answer sits there, right in front of you. you'd have to be stupid to not know.
this is your last meal.
you meet sae-byeok's eyes from across the room, wide eyed and just as fearful. she's come to the same conclusion. you don't look away, not for a singular moment, even as the square guard stands at the front of the room and begins speaking.
"tonight's' feast is prepared as a token of gratitude for the sacrifice and effort that you finalists have made, and to encourage you all to perform even more splendidly in the final game. now, please relax and enjoy your feast."
it takes all the restraint left in your body not to sputter out a laugh. sacrifice? gratitude? is that how they feel knowing just how many people have died in this building, all for the sake of money? you think back to ali, to player one, to ji-yeong, your dearest friend. they're just supposed to thank you for allowing it to happen? were their deaths nothing but a stepping stone to get to where you are now?
the blue danube starts playing. despite the gentle melody, it carries a sinister note, the violin strings sound like a screech, the piano like the slam of keys. you're struck with the urge to press your palms over your ears and scream, to drown out the sound.
no one moves, barely even breathing. they just start down at their food, repulsed by the sight before them. perhaps this is your last, final act of defiance. refusing the meal they give you as some sick way to thank you for killing everyone else in the room.
cho sang-woo is the first to break. he picks up his fork and knife, cutting into a corner of the steak. then, he shakily lifts it to mouth, parting his lips and taking a singular bite. there's a brief moment where he goes still, like his brain can't comprehend being given something so flavorful after days of eating cold rations. but then something shifts in sang-woo's demeanor, and he moves more hurriedly now, stuffing pieces of bread and meat into his mouth hungrily, greedily, like it's the last time he'll ever eat.
gi-hun quickly follows suit, assuming the same rushed movements. you don't want to break so easily, not when this is exactly what they expect of you. but the hunger in your stomach gnaws insistently, becoming bigger and more violent until it's difficult to ignore the near painful sensation.
you take a small, trembling bite of your bread, fighting down the urge to cry. it's warm and soft, a hint of salt and garlic found in the flavors bursting on your tongue. easily the best thing you've eaten in a long time. you could almost convince yourself that this is a normal dinner, that it means nothing beyond enjoying a meal without the looming threat of the future hanging over your shoulders, watching your every move, laughing at your naive actions.
you notice that sae-byeok barely touches her food. she forces down a couple bites, but her face twists in discomfort, barely able to stomach even just that. you hate the fact that you know exactly why she's struggling to eat. why she leaves everything even though you know she's barely eaten the past couple days.
kang sae-byeok is dying. and her body knows that. it knows, and so one by one, each function is shutting down. you feel it occur within your own frame. the flickering flame of her life growing weaker and weaker with every passing moment.
when there's nothing but scraps of food left, the guards go around clearing the table. they take everything. the plates. the wine glass. the silverware. the candles.
everything is gone except one singular item.
the knife.
they pick it up for a brief moment, only to place it down neatly in the center, right in front of you. then they step back, done with their duty, making it obvious what they want you to do with it. it's hard to miss it, the silver metal glinting in the light, staring back at you.
everyone meets each other's eyes from across the room, the realization dawning upon their features in quick succession. sae-byeok, when you're met with the dark color from across the table, looks almost afraid.
you hate that look on her. sae-byeok, since the moment you met her, has navigated the world with a cool front. no matter how scared she gets, she doesn't let her fear control her actions. if anything, she allows it to fuel her determination.
she glances down, eyeing the object with the same level of dread. she swallows hard, then reaches out a trembling hand and wraps her fingers tightly around the handle.
you lower your own gaze, doing the same. you feel the shame almost immediately, rising and rising in your chest and filling every hollow crevice it can find. you don't want to give in. you hate the idea of it. but sae-byeok is vulnerable. the moment gi-hun or sang-woo realize her life is hanging by a thread, they'll kill her first.
you need to do anything you can to protect her, even if that means using the weapon in your hand.
when the tables are removed as well, you and sae-byeok sit side by side on her bed. her head rests on your shoulder, her breathing labored, eyes squeezed shut as she tries to push down the waves of pain washing over her body. sweat is layered upon her skin, paler and clammier than before.
she's gotten worse.
"tell me about your brother." you whisper gently into the dark, wanting to hear her voice. to make sure she's awake and alive.
sae-byeok shifts, and slowly, the beautiful color of her eyes finally appear when she flutters them open. she stares into space, first comprehending your demand, then thinking over her response.
"his name is cheol," she croaks out eventually, her tone ragged and cracking along the edges, but hers nonetheless, "he's a shy kid, but he's so smart. he knows everything you could ever imagine about dinosaurs."
"my sister is the complete opposite. she's a social butterfly, and she loves dragons," you smile, conjuring up an image of a small, quiet boy with sae-byeok's features struggling to keep up with your little sister's constant hyper activity, "i think they'll get along."
sae-byeok breathes out a laugh. it comes out more like a wheeze, and it's followed by a strangled whimper when her body shakes with the effort of the sound. you rest your hand comfortingly on her shoulder, using the other to brush away her sweaty bangs and smooth down the tension etched deeply into her expression.
for however long the two of you have left, it's just you and her in the dim, quiet space of that room. two bodies huddled on the bed, sharing the same blanket, exchanging the same warmth. within those soft breaths are gentle murmurs, indistinct to the outside world, but proximity allows for the syllables to find purchase in each other's eardrums, consisting of heartfelt confessions and secrets.
maybe no one else will get to know your deepest desires and hopeful wishes, but sae-byeok will, and you will hear hers in return. and in the moment, that's all you could ever want. it's enough. she's enough.
"sae-byeok."
both you and the girl startle at the sound of her name. you sit up straighter, instinctively blocking sae-byeok's body with your own. you lift the knife, pointing it in the man's direction. gi-hun's direction.
"don't worry," he mumbles softly, not mad, not even hurt, just sad. understanding, "i'm not here to kill you."
your resolve wavers ever so slightly, grip loosening, but you fail to lower the weapon. because how do you know he's telling the truth? how can you trust anyone but sae-byeok? you've seen what money does to people. you've seen what it could do to gi-hun.
"you've been dozing off. i would've killed at least one of you already if i wanted to."
your attention flickers to the knife he holds in his hand, trying to make a point. if he didn't plan to use it, then why did he bring it over here? he lowers his own eyes, realization passing over his already somber expression. he purses his lips, lifting his arm while turning his head to the left, landing far across the room.
"i have this with me because of sang-woo there," he explains. you don't miss the way his face hardens when he looks at his friend, no longer soft or admiring. it's gone cold, his eyes sharp and distrustful. he looks back at you, "protection, you know."
when you still refuse to move, gi-hun carefully turns the knife around and slips it into the pocket of his blazer. just that simple act, the fact that he's willing to remain unarmed in your presence, reveals his true motives. he really isn't here to hurt you.
you swallow thickly, then drop the knife with a shaky exhale.
gi-hun lowers himself onto the floor right next to the bed, keeping his eyes locked on sang-woo across the room. the proximity of his presence brings a sort of comfort into the air. perhaps it's because gi-hun reminds you of your father, and having him beside you feels like having a parental figure to protect you against harm.
"you're not holding up too well, huh?" are his first words after situating himself on the floor, breaking the silence. both you and sae-byeok stiffen at the question, having not expected him to catch onto the fact so quickly.
"no, it's okay. i feel fine." she responds, though you know it's a lie. you can still feel the burn scorching her side, feel the trail of sweat beading down her skin. through her clothes, you feel her hot and feverish skin, the way her lungs struggle for air.
"then how come you barely touched your food earlier?"
"it wasn't very well cooked, that's all."
there's a beat of silence. gi-hun turns his head, first looking at you, then switching his focus to sae-byeok, who pins her own stare on the ground, "stop lying, please."
"ajusshi." you mumble, intending to say something, anything, that would make him drop the subject, but sae-byeok beats you to it.
"and if i'm hurt? are you gonna try to treat it?" she snaps. you think her words come out harsher than she intended, for she swallows thickly, softening the hard edges of her tone when she speaks up once again, "you need to think about yourself. just leave me. i'll be okay."
"that's not true," you protest, a single tear slipping down your face, "we're here because we care. we aren't leaving you, sae-byeok."
"she's right," gi-hun agrees, shifting closer, "we should stick together. we can beat him. whatever the game, we'll help each other get through this as teammates," he nods his head in sang-woo's direction, "show that psychopath what we can do," then he lifts his eyes to the glass pig, the large figure looming over you, "share all that prize money and just run away."
it was tempting. so so tempting. you can practically imagine it as the soft glow splays across your features, lighting up all your desperate hopes and dreams. first, you'd pay for your sister's treatment. then, once she's all better, you'd move into a small house near the beach. you'd go to college, maybe become a teacher, and you'd never have to skip another meal or work another grueling job that you hate. your sister will never have to know the hardships of poverty.
and sae-byeok. you could spend every waking moment with her. take her around the city, buy her small gifts, kiss every inch of her face. you'd never have to live your life wondering when your time with her would end, because you'd have all the seconds, minutes and hours in the world.
"and do you know what you're gonna do with all that money once we get out?" sae-byeok asks.
"i'll pay off my debt first. then open up a business for my mom at the marketplace. she always wanted to run a proper store instead of a street stall. and..." he pauses, staring down at his fingertips, pressing his lips into a thin line as if struggling to find the words to properly express his wishes, "i want to be a proper dad to my daughter for once."
"i admire you, ajusshi."
gi-hun glances up, surprised.
"you're selfless. and you never give up. no matter what, you always try to right your wrongs. not many people can do that."
gi-hun's eyes grow watery with his emotions. he doesn't cry, but he smiles tearfully, a hint of gratefulness peeking through, "and you? what will you do?"
"my little sister is all i have left, and she's in the hospital right now. cancer, if you can believe that. i want to make sure she gets better, then i want to move to a small town in jeju island. live a quiet, peaceful life."
"your sister. how old is she?" sae-byeok questions.
"eight."
"my daughter is ten," gi-hun exclaims excitedly, "we should have them play together."
you laugh, nodding your head in agreement. your sister would be so excited to learn she has two new friends to keep her company.
"she's the same age as my brother." sae-byeok whispers suddenly. you angle your head to face her, noting the way she stares down at her fingers, picking at her nails. you place your palm gently over it, squeezing once, reassuringly.
"where's your brother right now?" he inquires.
"at a children's home. i promised that he'd get out of there soon. our mother is stuck in the north right now. i said i'd get her once i was able to make enough money," sae-byeok laughs, and whether that's out of joy upon remembering the hope she had for the future or something else, you'll never know, "and i'd get us all a house."
"a third of that prize will be more than enough for that."
it is. it's more than enough. people say money can't buy happiness, but have they ever been poor? have they ever known what it feels like to worry about nothing but bills and trying to survive until the next paycheck? trying to run yourself thin until you think you'll break, and still going further than what you're physically capable of handling?
money may not solve all your problems, but it sure as hell can help build the foundation to fix them.
"hey, gi-hun." sae-byeok mumbles, lips trembling, eyes wavering, her composure threatening to break, "i think you and i should make a deal."
you frown, trying to search sae-byeok's face to understand what's going through her head, to look into the color of her eyes to find the answer. but she refuses to meet your gaze, almost like she's hiding something from you. like she knows that if she meets you head on, she'll break.
"what kind of deal?" gi-hun asks.
sae-byeok blinks, lowering her eyes from the glass pig. she swallows hard, tears gathering in her eyes but never quite falling, "just in case either of us...can actually make it out of this hellhole somehow, we'll look after each other's loved ones, okay?"
"sae-byeok. what are you saying?" you question desperately, leaning in closer and forcing her to look at you, "we're getting out of here. you're getting out of here."
"come on. we'll beat sang-woo, and then, we'll get out of here together." gi-hun is quick to shut her down as well, appearing almost agitated that she'd ever think such a thing.
sae-byeok turns her head, still avoiding your desperate eyes, her own expression torn completely apart, "i still want you to swear it though. i need you to swear you'll look after him," she swallows hard, a quiet sob slipping past her crackled, trembling lips as she nods her head towards you, "that you'll look after her."
"don't say that. don't. please." you sob, shaking your head insistently, denying the truth thrust blatantly in your face. you grip her fingers tightly, as if holding onto the warmth of her touch will keep her here with you longer than she's allowed. that if you hold on tight enough, she won't slip away.
gi-hun never responds. when you glance back at him, intending to beg him to refuse her demands, you find him pressing a finger to his lips and slowly getting to his feet. he barely makes a sound as he starts walking towards the slumped individual across the room, eyes locked on sang-woo like a predator to a prey.
you don't realize gi-hun's intention until sang-woo's knife slips out of his hands, leaving him defenseless and therefore vulnerable. not until gi-hun takes out his own weapon, brandishing the metal in the light.
the air is seized out of your lungs. something lodges inside your throat. a protest. a plea.
"don't do it," sae-byeok rasps out, the tears finally falling down her face, "you're not that kind of person. you have a good heart."
gi-hun pauses. he doesn't move for several long, quiet moments, the weight of her words hitting him hard. you hear his shaky exhale, the first sign of his defeat, followed by the slow lowering of his arm, and thus, the weapon. your own breath releases, relieved that his hands will remain untainted.
right as gi-hun is slipping the knife back into his jacket, you hear sae-byeok produce a strangled gasp. you snap your head in her direction, registering first the sudden flare of pain exploding in your abdomen, then the agony marring her features. the moment she slumps down onto the mattress, the realization hits you all at once.
"sae-byeok!"
you rush towards her, pulling her body into your arms and laying her frail frame against your chest. while one hand supports the back of her head, the other places itself onto her abdomen.
you freeze, feeling it almost immediately.
something warm, wet and sticky beneath your palm. you're afraid to look. you're afraid to glance down and see the pool of sae-byeok's blood beneath her body. if you do, if you acknowledge its existence, it'll only make the situation real. you don't want it to be real.
you swallow hard, forcing yourself to lift your hand. it trembles uncontrollably, blurring in your vision due to the dizziness in your head and the tears falling rapidly down your cheeks when it comes back completely drenched in blood. her blood.
"no. no no no no no no," you pull her closer, sob after sob ripping free from your throat, "ajusshi! ajusshi help!"
gi-hun turns around, wasting not a singular second in rushing over and standing by the bed, "hey, hey what's wrong?" he asks in a panic, running his eyes rapidly across your tear streaked face and sae-byeok's bleary eyes, trying to find the source of the problem.
"do something. please." you wail, pushing aside her jacket to reveal the blood soaked fabric.
gi-hun's eyes widen, "you're.." words fail him, his mind stuck between the abnormal amount of blood and the situation as a whole, "when did this happen?"
"after the game. when the bridge exploded it...it.." you choke on another sob, unable to finish the sentence, but gi-hun understands it all the same.
sae-byeok continues to breathe heavily, mumbling incoherencies beneath her breath. you press down on her wound, doing everything you can to stop the bleeding, to keep her eyes on you. you repeat her name as many times as you can, begging her to stay awake, to hold on just a little bit longer.
'it won't stop. why won't it stop? just make it stop.'
"i think i wanna go," she croaks out, blinking her eyes open just a crack, "i'd like to go home now."
you nod, brushing the hair out of her eyes, "let's go. let's go home."
you feel a hand on your shoulder. you look up, meeting gi-hun's alarmed eyes, the determined set of his jaw, "hold on, stay here. i'll go get someone, okay?"
he rushes off with another word. distantly, you hear his fists banging on the heavy metal, his desperate and angry shouts. as he's doing so, you feel sae-byeok's fingers cling weakly to your jacket, pulling just enough to garner your attention. you look back down, giving her everything you have inside of yourself.
"i wish...we could've met somewhere else."
it's almost painful, the sobs that form in your chest, clawing up your throat and ripping themselves free from your body. you cradle the side of her face, brushing your thumb tenderly against her cheeks.
"we will. remember what i said? when you love someone enough, you meet them in every life," you press your forehead against her own, closing your eyes, "and i'm not done loving you yet either."
"i-" sae-byeok cuts off suddenly, sounding as if the air in her lungs has been seized out of her own accord.
you pull back slightly, confused by the abrupt sound, the choked noise in her throat. you notice first the way her eyes are impossibly wide, frightened. then the fact that her focus is locked on a point behind you. and finally, the realization that the fear distorting the colors is not for herself, but for you, and the words she's trying to say are meant to warn you of something.
you turn at the exact moment you feel your flesh break, giving way for the sharp point plunged into your skin. you choke out a gasp, but you barely feel it, the pain that accompanies the knife in your stomach. it feels just like a milder version of the one sae-byeok had to endure, and the one you had to experience along with her. if anything, it just feels like a slight discomfort.
you lift your head, peering up into sang-woo's eyes. distantly, you hear sae-byeok's cries, her pained wails when she comes to understand the fate of your existence. you shouldn't be surprised. perhaps sang-woo's momentary state of weakness had been for show. maybe all along, he'd been waiting for a moment like this. to kill off the last remaining obstacles to his victory.
still, you find yourself asking.
"why?" you rasp.
for a brief second, the man's cold expression shifts. he looks pained, regretful, like he, too, doesn't understand why he's become the person that he is. but just quickly as the last remaining sliver of his humanity surfaced, he's killing it without a second thought, "because i need to win."
he pulls it out, the sudden action causing you to release another pained groan. your vitality seeps out of you just as quickly as the blood does, forming dark spots in your vision and a cloudy mind. your body falls back onto the bed, and sae-byeok, sweet sae-byeok, who loves you more than anything, reaches for you.
for a brief moment, it feels like all will be okay. as long as you can feel her touch, as long as your eyes continue to find each other, the world can never pull you apart. it can try, again and again, but it will never succeed.
and then sang-woo plunges the knife into her neck, and all of that wishful thinking shatters.
a guttural scream echoes in the space, followed by your heart wrenching sobs. sang-woo stands back as you crawl towards her, ignoring the flare of pain burning you from the inside out. it doesn't matter, nothing matters, besides reaching for the girl you love.
your fingers find one another, searching for purchase and reassurance in the midst of it all. her grip is weak, but she latches onto you, holding as tightly as her body allows, not quite ready to let go.
you focus on her glassy eyes looking up at you quietly, the color so dark and full of life. they're your favorite feature of hers. because every time you see them, every time she lays her attention on you, it feels like a promise. that no matter what, she'll look for you. even if all your dreams come up empty and you have nothing left, if you're left wandering the shores barefoot in the sand, lost, she won't give up.
"the beach." you whisper, "find me at the beach."
sae-byeok, with the last of her strength, nods, solidifying the promise. her focus remains entirely on you, rapt and sure, drinking in every second she has left as if she wants you to be the last thing she sees. and you don't miss the way her eyes soften, the color pure and tender, filled with an emotion you can only describe as love.
and then they dim.
you feel the exact moment she dies. you feel it distinctly as if it had been your own life. that space next to your heart, which had been full of her warmth, grows cold and hollow with nothing.
she's dead. kang sae-byeok is dead.
and even though you are not, it feels like when she left, death took you, too.
the room suddenly grows bright, accentuating the bloody mess, but the sorrow remains, the heartbreak lingers. gi-hun comes rushing back, his footsteps slowing when he notices sae-byeok's pale, limp body and your own labored breathing. he widens his eyes in horror, coming up to the bed and cradling her body in his arms.
"sae-byeok," he gasps, shaking her, but she doesn't wake up, doesn't even move. he continues calling out her name, his voice growing more and more torn and ragged with every second that passes.
"ajusshi." you mumble. he turns, taking in your current state. the blood now soaking your own abdomen, the increasing paleness of your skin. he gently lowers sae-byeok's body, then holds you against his chest, struggling to fight back the tears building in the corners of his eyes, "what do we do? how do i bring her back?"
gi-hun breaks.
his composure shatters, his face becoming red and blotchy with the tears that roll down his cheeks. your own cries mirror his own, grieving for the loss of her life, the impending end of your own. you cry for everything you never got to do or say, the people you'll be leaving behind. you miss the life you could've had if things had turned out differently.
gi-hun's crying abruptly stops. his features go still, a certain realization rising steadily upon his features. you stare up, confused, especially when he gently lowers you back down onto the bed, when he leans back, a flicker of anger and pure, unfiltered hatred cracking his composure.
he whips his head towards sang-woo, taking in his bloody clothes, the knife gripped in his hand, the red droplets staining the once pristine metal. he comes to the conclusion rather quickly.
he grabs your discarded knife, lunging towards the player, but he never reaches him. a triangle guard thrusts their gun against gi-hun so forcefully he falls to the ground, and even when he tries to get up, they pin him down, ignoring his screams and protests.
your vision gets blocked by another body. you drag your eyes to the masked figures that approach, not registering the reason for their appearance until they reach for sae-byeok. placing their hands on her legs and under her arms to lift her up.
"get away. don't touch her." you call out weakly, latching your fingers around her wrist. as they pull her away, there's a bit of resistance due to your tight grip, preventing them momentarily from taking her. for just a brief second, she was still yours to keep, still yours to hold.
but then they tug harder, and your fingers slip.
"no. sae-byeok. sae-byeok." you rasp, crying when her body disappears into the box, making the reality of it all crash into you all at once.
what's the point anymore? what's the point of fighting, of staying alive, when you have nothing anymore? ji-yeong is dead. sae-byeok is dead. your sister will likely be dead in the coming months, even if you refused to believe it.
your eyes don't move away from the coffin, even as your pulse grows weaker and you feel your consciousness fade. because sae-byeok is in that box, and soon, you will be too, but you can't let her go, not yet, perhaps not ever.
'sae-byeok,' you think fondly, finally closing your eyes and allowing the comforting touch of death to lull you into a peaceful slumber, 'let's meet again, okay?'
