Dear fellow writer in the Austin Butler fandom,
I’m writing today with a confession and a question.
I care about this fandom, deeply*. It has brought me comfort in stressful times, expanded my view of headcanon, and even given me valued friendships. I want to continue contributing meaningfully to it.
Yet, since my last ‘Psyche Comments’ on 28 July, I have accumulated over two dozen unread fics in my to-read list. And I haven’t been able to bring myself to read any of them.
Why? Because when I read, I want to comment. And I want that engagement to be mutual, based on reciprocity and respect. Core values, you could say.
Increasingly, I’ve noticed that the most rewarding interactions (the deep, thoughtful comments) often come not from frequent writers. They come from people who sometimes write (and sometimes never), people who seek the fandom to engage.
Many writers, and now also myself to my shame, transmit only, but do not reciprocate. I do not reciprocate by commenting on fics anymore, and I am now fearing that I also do not even do the bare minimum anymore of responding to all those lovely and heartfelt comments and shares.
I have thought about how I see myself, and this is not the contributor I want to be in this fandom.
As a writer I have always felt that I have a duty: to engage, help, encourage. If I am not interacting with other writers, how will new writers gain the guts to actually post? Shouldn’t I be on the frontline of getting new interesting views into the fandom? Be the nr. 1 cheerleader for the inexperienced? And also the nr. 1 cheerleader for the experienced - because also seasoned writers desire responses?
But lately, I’ve been wondering: is this just part of the writer’s evolution? Do we all eventually burn out, fall silent, and slowly stop engaging? Is this inevitable?
I could reach out privately, but I know we each have our own circumstances. Whether time, mental health, fear of feedback. Still, I’m reaching out here, hoping for perspective. From inside or outside of the fandom.
How do you sustain the energy to engage? How can I stop myself from just sending?
I’m not going anywhere. But I’d love your guidance in turning back into the version of myself I want to be online.
With love,
Psyche
* - for the first time in a while no pun intended
