Sep 11, 2021
I’m gonna say this while it’s still early in the Shang chi fandom rising please don’t forget about plus size, mid size, thick girls and poc’s when you’re writing stuff 🖤
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Philippines
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from China
I’m gonna say this while it’s still early in the Shang chi fandom rising please don’t forget about plus size, mid size, thick girls and poc’s when you’re writing stuff 🖤
Love Me (Prologue)
Love Me (Prologue)
I do NOT own this image
Summary: Erik loves you with all of himself and you love him. There’s things that he’s hiding from you and there’s something you’re keeping from him too.
Pairing: Erik KIllmonger
Words: 2028
Warnings: Angst, mentions of violence and blood, cursing, I think that’s it for this part
A/N: Hey guys I hope you guys enjoy I kinda want to kickstart a series, we’ll see how it goes. Let me know what you think
~
Ever since you were a kid you knew you’d wanted kids. But as you got older it started to scare the hell out of you, the type of world you lived in began to crack the rose-tinted glasses till you couldn’t ignore it anymore. Monsters and bad men that made things go bump in the night were very real. Knowing all of that you found it harder to think about bringing a child into the world. There were bright spots in the world, things you clung to so that everything was more bearable. One of those spots, for you, was Erik.
He was gentle and kind to you, it was a complete 180 from how you first met him, it was a side that few people even knew existed. He always put up a front to everyone else but deep down you knew he was a good person. You hadn’t even realized how deeply you’d fallen until it was too late.
You’d been cleaning your apartment when it happened. In hindsight the mundanity of the last moment before your world shattered was amusing. The bubble of calm burst when a bloodied and battered Erik shoved his way through your door, slamming it shut behind him.
He brushed past you in the living room beelining for your bathroom. You called after him but he never answered. You heard clattering and crashing from down the hall, you dropped the broom in your hand and rushed towards the bathroom.
“Erik, baby what-” The words died on your lips. Sitting on the toilet shirtless you could see the cuts and bruises littering his body. He had the first aid kit out and was padding reddening gauze against his side wincing.
You went over to help but he snatched away. Hurt bloomed in your chest, not just from seeing him all bruised and battered but also because you wanted to help him.
“Please tell me what’s going on. E you’re scaring me” You begged. He looked up at you with a gaze filled with venom, you shrunk into yourself.
Never in their two year-long relationship you’d had with him had he ever looked at you like that. You felt like you were looking back at a stranger. He continued to tend to his wound, he winced sharply and you moved towards him, but the look in your eyes stopped you in your place. The back of your eyes stung with tears, You wanted to ask why he was acting like this, but the words stuck in your throat. You stood for a moment and then another in complete silence that was only disturbed every few seconds by Erik’s ragged breathing.
“Get out.” He said softly almost pleading, at first but you were still too shocked to move. He looked back up at eyes cold and impassive. You nodded and made your way back to the living room.
You don’t know how long you sat there. Your eyes were trained on the picture of you and Erik that sat by your tv. It was around the time the two of you had made it official. You were looking up at him with the biggest smile in the world, he was looking back at you with so much love in his eyes. Something rolled in the pit of your stomach when you looked at the picture, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away.
You heard the shower turn on and off and Erik shuffling through the back of the apartment. Part of you had wished you’d stood your ground and demanded answers from him. You knew he wouldn’t give you any, not if he didn’t want to. The look in his eyes was seared into your memory. It hurt you even though when he spoke to you his voice was as soft as ever, it looked like he hated you, that if he wanted to he could hurt you.
You jumped when you heard your name, turning you saw Erik standing in the doorway, gone were his bloodied clothes replaced by worn grey henley and a slouchy pair of plaid sleep pants. He didn’t have much here, most of it was clothing you’d stolen from him when you’d stayed over at his place. You’d always had the intention to return them but they came in handy when he needed something to wear while he was at your place.
“Come to bed.”He said leaning against the wall. It wasn’t a question but it hung unanswered in the air for a moment. You nodded slowly rising from the couch turning the lights off.
As you got closer to him he held his arms out for you to fold yourself into them. You did, relishing in the warmth and the smell of him. He walked the short distance into the room backward and collapsed onto the bed with you still tight in his grip.
You snuggled in close to him. The two of you laid in the dark neither one of you speaking. Your mind was racing with a million questions. With your head resting on his chest you could see the digital clock on the nightstand counting the minutes. You’d gone to bed at 9, earlier than normal for the two of you but you knew he probably didn’t want to be awake right now.
You wished the same could be said for you. Your mind wouldn’t quiet enough for you to get some rest. There was too much going on for that, beneath you Erik’s chest rose and fell with deep breaths. He’d fallen asleep almost as soon as you’d hit the bed, holding you tight. Looking up at his sleeping face there was no trace of the trauma you’d seen earlier that evening. He looked peaceful long lashes that you envied curled softly against his cheeks, his lips parted letting out soft snores every so often.
You shifted slightly accidentally putting pressure on his bandaged side. He hissed and his eyes fluttered open sitting up to look at you. You froze looking up at him guiltily, you opened your mouth to speak but before you could get the words out he flopped back onto the bed throwing his arm over his eyes.
Slowly you found your voice, though it cracked in your throat. “Erik?” He hummed quietly. “I can’t sleep baby, I can’t stop thinking-”
He quickly set up gathering you in his arms rubbing soothing circles over your back. That's what broke you, tears started to spill and you shook softly against him. He held you as you cried rocking you gently from side to side.
“I ain’t mean to scare you ma, I...” He hesitated, was he really about to tell you what happened. You were hopeful, maybe it was something you two could work through. “It don’t even matter because I handled it. I don’t want you to worry about it.”
“I can’t help it. I’m worried about you. Are you good? What have you gotten yourself into? Will something like this happen again?” You muttered through the tears, the questions that had been buzzing around in your head came pouring out.
“Hey look at me.” He urged he squeezed your thigh reassuringly. “I came home to you, that’s all that matters.” He was so casual about it and it was making you angry. You wanted to have a calm conversation but you were getting irritated. You pushed away from him sitting up, you felt a small satisfaction seeing him wince this time. Maybe the pain would pull his head out of whatever fantasy he was living in where the events of tonight could just be brushed aside and forgotten.
“Do you even hear yourself?” You shout standing from the bed. “You were shot! I saw the wound, Erik. You got the shit kicked out of you and you got fucking shot! In what world am I not supposed to worry about that?” He didn’t answer you and that made you even angrier.
He sat up swinging his legs over the side of the bed hunching his shoulders forward, elbows resting on his knees. He looked up at you through his eyelashes. His hand reached out for you to step closer but you stayed where you were staring daggers at him. Dropping his hand his shoulder shook with a wry laugh.
“What do you want from me? Huh? What can I possibly give you right now?” He asked indignantly.
“I want the truth, Erik! I wanna know what the hell happened to you tonight that you came in here staring at me like I was Satan himself, beat the hell up and bleeding all over my damn bathroom. I wanna know what kind of twisted fucked up mental you’ve got going on where I’m not supposed to worry about the reckless abandon you seem to have for your life.” Your chest was heaving with anger, Erik still sat calmly as ever.
“Firstly you need to check your tone.” He spoke.
“Check my tone!?”
“Yes check your motherfucking tone because you are not to sit up here and scream at me like this.” He said standing from the bed. He towered over you but you stood your ground. “I can’t tell you what happened ma, trust me you don’t want to know. I care about your life and your life only, anything else don’t mean shit to me, so long as I know your safe I’m cool. If I ain’t stressing it neither should you.” His hand reached out to caress your cheek. Your body wanted to melt into his but your mind was struggling to process the words he’d just said.
“Do you have any idea what would happen to me if you died. Do you even care? You scared the shit outta me, Erik.”
His shoulders sagged slightly. “Like I said I ain’t mean to scare you ma, ain’t nothing bout to happen to me so you don’t need to worry about me dying.”
“But I do, what if something like that happens again. You can’t promise me that you’re always gonna come home to me. Then what?” You demanded, swatting his hand from your face.
“I don’t know.” He said as his shoulders sagged. “Look I don’t want to fight with you, please can we just drop it.” Though the words sounded like a question Erik had already made the decision to end the conversation by climbing back into the bed and turning his back to you.
“I don’t know isn’t good enough Erik. This isn’t okay, and it’s not something we can just drop.”
“Look I’m done with it if you wanna stand there looking crazy talking to yourself that’s on you but I’m taking my black ass back to sleep.” He said through a yawn.
“E... I’m pregnant.” You spoke softly, you felt defeated. Erik didn’t move, back still to you on the bed. “Erik? Did you he-”
“I heard you.” Was all he said. You wanted to cry, that was all he had to say? Part of you wanted to keep pushing but you knew that you’d be talking at a wall.
Eventually, you fell asleep but it wasn’t restful. You tossed and turned all night fear and worry still stirring deep in your chest.
When you woke the next morning Erik was gone from the bed. You laid there for a few moments the events of the previous night replaying in your head. Your heart sank lower and lower in your chest the longer you laid there. When you did finally get up you went to the bathroom and noticed it was cleaned spotless, not even a shadow of what had happened last night. Part of you hoped that this was evidence that maybe last night had been nothing but a bad dream.
As you moved to the living room something on the table caught your eye. It was a plain key sitting in front of the tv, there was no note and it all came crashing down on you. Last night had been all too real and the consequences even more tangible burned a pain in your chest that forced you to your knees.
Chapter 1 The Worst Part
Why is Storm always portrayed with smooth straight hair? Give me Storm with kinky, uncontrollable hair. Give me Storm with an afro, give me Storm with cornrows. The girl controls lightning and you expect me to believe she’s got super sleek hair? I think not Marvel.
Love Me Chapter 3 Can We Just Talk
I do NOT own this image
Summary: You and Erik sit down to talk about the last three months but things don’t go as planned
Pairing: Erik KIllmonger x Reader
Words: 2983
Warnings: Angst, lots of cursing (sorry), fluff (if you squint at the end)
A/N: I was sad writing this part and it kinda shows, but I’m better now so hopefully things get happier soon. As always thankyou so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this part
Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2
~
“Can I buy you a Starbucks,” Erik offered when you got to the front of the store. He had his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jean jacket and was gnawing on his lip. You could count on one hand all the times you’d seen Erik nervous before. It was a rare but welcome sight.
Truth be told you were nervous too, Your mind was racing wondering what you were going to say. Wondering what he was going to say. The two of you walked up front to join the line waiting for the barista to finish up and take your order.
“You look good, ma.” Erik comments, he’s standing close enough for you to feel the warmth radiating off of him. He always ran hot which was something you remembered loving about him. The memory of it sent an unwelcome shiver down your whole body.
“Don’t call me that.” You snapped it came out shorter than you had expected but you felt a small satisfaction at watching him flinch. It was wrong but you wanted to see him hurting like you had been.
When you got up to the barista Erik ordered your favorite tea from memory and coffee for himself. When your orders were done the two of you made your way over to a table in the far side of the pop up cafe, away from most of the people in the crowd.
“Were you seeing someone else?” You asked before the two of you were even fully seated small talk going completely out the window.
You didn’t mean for it to come out as pathetic as it did, but you can’t help it. Seeing him and being in close proximity to him made you feel weak. All the months you had spent trying to get over him were starting to slip away. You wanted so badly for him to take you into his arms and promise you that he was gonna fix it but you knew better than that. You had to be strong for yourself and for your baby.
The voice in the back of your head was demanding that you find out the truth but in reality you were terrified that knowing the reason behind why he left could hurt more than him leaving. If you never found out you could tell yourself whatever you needed to make it through the day but once you found out there would be no going back.
“Do you really think I’d do something like that to you Y/N?” He asked, he seemed genuinely nervous about what your answer would be.
“I don’t know what to think Erik!” You shouted, even though you were off to the far side of the Starbucks you noticed a few people craning their necks to see what all the commotion was about. “You told me how much you loved me and cared about me but then you up and left. How could you do that? Did you ever even really love me, like truly?” Your voice is quieter but just as demanding. There was no going back now you were in too deep the truth had to come out.
“Really?” He answered quickly, you saw his hand twitch as if he wanted to reach out and grab your hand and he thought better of it. “Whatever reason I left it don’t matter, really. I can’t go back and change the past.” He inhales slowly trying to get himself together. “I meant it when I said I care about your life, and now I’ve got another big reason to,” he gestured to your bump showing through your hoodie.
“You’re not supposed to comment on a pregnant woman’s size.” You muttered more to yourself taking a long sip of your tea. It didn’t escape you that he didn’t really answer your question but before you could turn the conversation back to that he was talking again.
“Have you seen you, ma- I mean Y/N. You look amazing and I can’t even see all of you with all the baggy clothes you got on.” He said, he kissed his teeth when he saw that his comment made you uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I just- You’re just so damn beautiful, somehow got even more so then when I left-”
“Well whose fault is that though E!” Angry tears started to burn in your eyes. Yes you were angry and upset but you didn’t want Erik to have the satisfaction of seeing ypu cry.
“What can I do to make this right.” He pleaded, this man was actually pleading. A million things raced through your mind. Him lying in traffic seemed appealing but you needed to be mature about this. “I fucked up-”
“You don’t say?” You reply snarkily. He inhaled slowly trying to calm himself down. You and he both knew that your attitude was completely justified.
“I’m trying to talk to you, but you being so god damned stubborn and won’t let me finish a damn sentence.” He leaned back against his seat running frustrated hands over his dreads pushing them back off of his face.
“You’re the one who left, you broke my fucking heart, you bastard and you have the nerve to be upset at how I’m reacting to you popping up out of the blue.” A shaky sigh escapes your lips before you continue. “I loved you with my whole heart and soul and you threw that shit in my face when you left, after I told you I was carrying your fucking child.”
“Loved? The fuck do you mean loved?” he repeated your words slowly and quietly to himself. You were fuming now, it was like he was picking and choosing the things he wanted to hear and it was pissing you off even more. Honestly the word had slipped out, you didn’t know if you still had feelings for Erik. Right now all you knew for certain was that he was plucking your last nerve with his bs.
“That’s the part your stuck on?” You exclaimed. “Nigga get your fucking priorities right. It doesn’t matter how I feel because we’re not together, or did you running out on me not make that painfully clear, because it was clear for me.”
“So you really moved on, got some other nigga stepping up to raise my child?! How did you fucking manage that shit? I bet you was the one who was sleeping around and that’s why you acusing me. You probably ran to some other nigga immediately after I left.” He said getting up from the table and walking away. Did he really have the nerve to try and flip this shit around on you? Oh hell no.
“You’re the one who fucking left!” You shouted standing up from the table. You weren’t with anybody, but him thinking that made you angry, even angrier that he was avoiding your questions.
“You really got the nerve, when you was fucking booed up. We were together for years Y/N. For fucking years. Did you even wait a fucking week before you opened your fucking legs for some lame ass nigga who you was smashing out until I left the picture so you two could stop sneaking around. I bet you fucking celebrated when I didn’t come back.” He was fuming just as much as you were but underneath it all you had a feeling that he was just hurt. Regardless you were angry that he wanted to hurt you just because he was hurting over a decision that he made.
“You’re right we were together for years but you still left me. I told you I was pregnant and you up and fucking left. You don’t get to make this my fault Erik, own your shit.” You sneered, you were starting to think that this had been a bad idea.
“I do own my shit, there was no other bitch, and I ain’t leave because you were pregnant. I just had to go.”
“You just had to go? What was so monumental that we couldn’t work shit out together?”
“Yes, I did have to leave and I told you the why don’t even really matter.”
You kissed your teeth and camly grabbed your drink. “You know what Erik,” you took the lid off the remainder of your drink and threw it at him. “You never deserved me anyway.” You said turning on your heels and heading for the exit. You could hear Erik hot on your heels breathing hard. He was angrier than before if that was even possible.
You knew you couldn’t outrun Erik, you couldn’t when you were together and definitely not six months pregnant with swollen feet. You had made it out to the front of the store before Erik grabbed your arm and spun you back around to face him. His hair and his face were still dripping, the white front of his shirt was discolored from your drink.
“Let me go!” You demanded trying to pull your arm from his grip but it wouldn’t budge. He wasn’t holding you tight enough to hurt you but his grip was firm and unyielding on your arm.
“No. Because what you’re not about to do is walk away after you threw your fucking drink at me.”
“And what you’re not about to do is tell me what the fuck I can and can’t do. You are not fucking me, financing me, or feeding my fat ass so therefore I am not about to let you stress me the fuck out. My blood pressure is an issue as is and you’re not helping.” You yelled at him, when you said that his whole demeanor changed and it almost gave you whiplash.
“I’m sorry, listen what I said was out of line-” He started to apologize but you cut him off.
“Exceedingly.” You deadpanned. Erik started to argue back but thought better of it, instead he just let a frustrated growl out
“Listen it makes me sick to even think about you with anybody else and that thing that your mom said... It made me livid.” A long pause passed between the two of you, neither of you said anything for a few beats. “Are you with...” He didn’t even finish the sentence but he was looking at you pleadingly.
“It’s not any of your damn business, you left-”
“Just answer the question, Y/N damn!” His voice elevated and you could see the desperation in his eyes.
“Why when you never answered mine. Is the reason you’re so ready to crucify me for sleeping around because you feel guilty for doing the same?” You challenge him. He doesn’t say anything for a while and you scoff. “Exactly. I’m not going to be a scapegoat for your guilt E.”
“Y/N-”
“No I’m not done. How dare you acuse me of something like that EI thought you knew me better than that. I was in denial for weeks after you left. I still cry myself to sleep some nights, and I’m driving myself crazy trying to figure out what I did wrong to make you leave.” The angry tears finally start to fall and you brush them away. “Maybe I should’ve been with someone else, someone who wouldn’t have abandoned me and their baby. Someone who’s actions matched their fucking words when they told me that they loved me.”
“I did love you. I still do, and I left because of that.” He read the confused look on Y/N’s face before continuing. “I know what I did wasn’t right but it’s done what more do you want from me.”
“I want to know why. I want you to hurt like I’ve hurt every damn day since you left. I want to rip out your heart and dance on the fucking ashes so that maybe, just maybe you’ll feel an ounce of what I felt when I thought you were never coming back. I thought you were dead, I went and visited the morgue for weeks to see if you were one of the John Doe’s they brought in.” You exclaimed, the tears are flowing freely and you’ve stopped caring enough to wipe them away.
“I almost aborted my child because I couldn’t imagine a world where I could be a good mother given the state I was in. I didn’t think I’d ever be okay again, and then slowly I started getting better, I went from crying every night to only every other week. And then boom, you have the audacity to blow in with the wind and you don’t even have the decency to tell me where you’ve been the past three fucking months. I hate myself so damn much for wanting you to care but I do. I want you to actually give a damn about me because I don’t see how you could and still do what you did.”
“I-” He looks like he doesn’t know what to say. Instead he doesn't say anything he just reaches out and pulls you into his arms. You fight him at first, hitting your fists on his chest but he just holds you tighter and eventually you just stop.
Feeling him pull you in close and hold you tight makes you cry harder. He doesn’t let go and holds you while you cry rubbing soothing circles on your back. Your head rests on your fist pressed up against his strong chest. You’re angry at yourself for feeling comfort from his embrace, but for three months you’d been craving his touch and feeling it now was like sucking in a lungfull of air after struggling under water.
“If I could go back and fix it I would,” he says softly, pulling back to look you in your eyes, you look down at your hands still balled up against his chest. “I’m here now, Y/N. Please tell me what I can do to make it better.” His hands come up to grab your face forcing you to look him in the eye. “I do care about you, more than anything in this whole godforsaken world,I love you, Y/N.” The words came out and your heart constricted.
“Don’t say that.” You whisper angrily.
“But I do. You are absolutely right I never deserved you... but I had you and it kills me to be without you.” There’s a slight hitch in his voice, tears are in his eyes but he blinks them away.
“Then why did you leave?”
“I had to, if I could go back and do it differently I would’ve. All you need to know was that me leaving was the best way to keep you and the baby safe.” He placed his hand gently over your stomach as he said it. When he did, the baby kicked out against his hand. “What’s done is done, I want to move forward from it, and if you let me I want to move forward with you.”
You let out a shaky breath, everything that you had been begging God for was right in front of you now. You wanted to reach out and grab it and hold it so tight that it could never leave again. You wanted a family with him, you wanted him to be a part of your pregnancy journey, to be a part of all the moments big and small in your babies life, for him to love you like he used to. But you were paralyzed by your fear. The last time you’d had all of those hopes was when they were all cruelly snatched from you.
“Erik... I-” You hiccuped trying to find the right words. “I don’t know... We can’t just go back to what we had like nothing happened.”
“I know,” he says sounding a little defeated. “Right now, I’ll take whatever your willing to give me. I know that I have a lot of work to earn back your trust and your love. But I can’t be without you, I love you too much and I hate myself for leaving and I want to do everything in my power to fix it.”
“Erik I do-”
“Don’t say it,” he sighs almost like it hurts him to stop you from saying it. “I want to be deserving of it when I hear you say it again.” You felt exhausted you desperately wanted to know why he left, what had been so serious that even now he didn’t want to tell you, but you didn’t have it in you to fight him anymore today.
“So what now?”
“Now we move forward. I work to earn you back. But right now, lets go find your mom, I want you to go home and get some rest. I’ll call you later tonight” He says pressing a kiss to your forehead.
You nod and pull away from him, his arms follow after you until you’re too far away for him to hold anymore. You don’t want to let go either, your scared to let him out of your sight again.
“I promise I won’t disappear again,” he says as if he’d read your mind.
You start heading to where your mom was parked, when you look back over your shoulder his eyes are glued to yours. You almost walk into someone because you cant force yourself to look away from him. Finally you have to when you get into the car.
Your mom doesn’t say anything she just waits for you to get situated before pulling off. You start to cry when you pull out of the parking lot and you can’t stop. Its not until your back to Kayla’s place and tucked into your bed that it subsides into quiet sniffles. Your mom stays and make but you don’t eat anything you just want to get to sleep so you don’t have to process the days events, you knew that you told Erik you’d let him call you but you aren’t so sure about that idea in hindsight, you’d made so much progress, and you know if you let him in it’ll all be for nothing.
~ Hey thank you so much for reading I loved the feedback from the previous parts please keep it coming
Tags: @quietstorm-73 @buffisummerz @chanaejoyyy @fd-writes @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @ibe-erynn @yourwonderbelle @yomiloo @pipsqueak-98 @inlovewith3 @amethyst09 @sambucky8 @knrivera16 @bugngiz
Love Me: Chapter 5
I do NOT own this image
Summary: You get Erik’s gift and you have a hard conversation with your mother
Pairing: Erik KIllmonger x Reader
Words: 3k
Warnings: ANGST (bc I’m a hoe for the drama), swearing, I think that's it.
A/N: Thank you guys for being patient, and in honor of getting my negative Covid results back I wrote this during my lunch break. I hope you enjoy it please let me know how you like it. Also I couldn’t think of a title for this part sorry.
Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4
You woke up later that evening with a searing headache, slowly you got your bearings but every time you moved your head hurt worse. Getting out of bed you went over to your dresser to look for your blood pressure medication, you were only supposed to take it sparingly because of the baby. But given the morning you had you figured now was as good a time as any.
You saw your reflection in the mirror on top of the dresser, even though you had just slept most of the day away you looked exhausted. You definitely looked like someone who’d just cried themselves to sleep.
When you went downstairs you could smell food cooking and you heard people talking in hushed tones in the kitchen, you recognized the voices your mom was still her and she was chatting with Kayla about something. You could tell that both of them were irritated by something, but when you stepped into the kitchen they stopped talking all together. They looked to each other quickly before turning to you, having the last words of their conversation nonverbally.
“Hey honey, how are you feeling?” Your mom said after a beat of silence. There were pans simmering on the stove and ingredients for your favorite chicken parm laid out on the counters.
“I’m hungry... I guess.” You say sliding into one of the chairs at the bar resting your head on the countertop.
“Dinner’s almost done, do you want anything to drink or anything while you wait?” Kayla chimes in. When you turned to her, that's when you saw it, sitting behind her on the counter was a huge vase of flowers and a small box next to it.
“What’s that?” You asked no one in particular, you knew exactly what it was further you knew who it was from. Erik used to buy you flowers all the time when you were together you’d mentioned offhandedly that you thought roses were cliche, prompting him to go on a hunt for less cliche but equally beautiful flowers for you. When he learned you like the look and smell of orchids he began to buy them exclusively. You pulled at the string on the box and opened it up, the smell hit you immediately and your stomach growled loudly.
“He remembered...” You muttered to yourself. True it hadn’t been that long since the two of you spilt, the week before he’d bought you orchids and they were still in your apartment on the day that he left. But you had done so much work to convince yourself that he didn’t care and that he never had, but just like earlier he was proving you wrong. There was a card tucked into the blossoms too, on the inside in fancy looped cursive that was obviously not Erik’s handwriting, his handwriting was scratchy and next to illegible.
I know there’s a long way to go but maybe this is a step in the right direction
~Erik
And as much as you wanted to forgive him and race back into his loving arms you held yourself back. There was still a lot of unfinished business that needed to be addressed before you could trust him again. How stupid would you look if you took him back and he turned around and left again. You couldn’t just think about yourself and what you wanted either, you had to think about what would be best for the baby too. It wouldn’t be fair if you let Erik in only for him to let the both of you down.
You didn’t want to think like that, really you didn’t. What you wanted was to see and believe the best in Erik but the overwhelming thought of him leaving you once was fighting back against what you wished to be your better judgement.
“They came while you were asleep. Do you wanna talk about it?” Kayla came up behind you and placed a hand on your shoulders. “She told me you saw him today
You appreciated that she wasn’t pushing you or anything, that thought went out the window though when your mom chimed in.
“We can all talk about it over dinner, there’s important things to discuss.” Even though her voice sounded sweet she said it in that “mom” way that let Kayla and you know that there was no arguing with her.
“Yes ma’am.” you both replied washing up for dinner and helping to set the table.
“Will Matthew be joining us,” your mom asked Kayla who was helping you set up plates at the table. You noticed the hopeful lilt in her voice as she asked and you and Kayla shared a look giggling at her interest in him.
“No ma’am,” she replied. “But he might swing by later, he had a contract he had to close out tonight and I think they made it a dinner meeting.”
“Oh I see, well I’ll put some up for him so he can have lunch tomorrow.” Your mom said placing the salad bowl in the center of the table.
“I’m sure he’ll love that.” Kayla assured your mom giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.
Everyone sat down and started eating, you didn’t start off talking about everything that had happened but the elephant was looming over the dinner table as Kayla tried her best to distract from it for as long as possible. You guys talked about Kayla’s work and about the additions to the nursery and plans for the baby shower.
“Will you be bringing him?” Your mother asked doing nothing to hide the disdain in her voice. She never particularly liked Erik, not when you first got together and especially not when you left school for him. You didn’t have the energy to fight your mother on this, You look between her and Kayla but you knew you’d have to have this conversation eventually
When you and Erik first met you were in your undergrad years and he was in his masters. When he finished he got a job offer in New York and you went with him. You loved living in New York with Erik, you’d only come back because your dad had gotten sick. The plan was for your dad to get better and for you to re-enroll in school but that never happened. When your dad died you could barely think about getting through the next day so eventually it just got less and less likely that you were going to go back.
Even though you had made the decision not to continue with your schooling your mother blamed Erik for it. In her mind he was Satan’s spawn and him leaving when you told him you were pregnant only cemented it in your mother’s mind that he was no good for you. Despite the pain you were in she was insistent that this was a good thing and now you could finally live up to your full potential.
You thought over how to best
“He’s the father, if he wants to come then I think he should be able to.” You mutter, even though you’d been starving the shift in conversation topic made you lose your appetite.
“Also, if he comes that’s one more set of muscles to help set everything up and break it down when the party's over.” Kayla chimed in trying to lighten the mood.
“What he should be able to do is lay out in traffic during rush hour,” Your mother sighed, Kayla shot her a warning look, telling her to back down. You gripped your fork so tightly your knuckles were starting to turn white. Kayla tapped your foot under the table trying to get you to calm down, but with the hormones and the residual anger from earlier. You hadn’t intended to turn it on your mother but the way she was poking you weren’t sure if you’d be able to stop yourself.
“I just think it’s a little rude considering he left and that Matt is going to be there.” She defended her rude attitude, droning on about how great Matt is and how stupid you were being for ignoring it.
You knew that despite her little crush your mother wanted you and Matt together. Part of you thought that maybe it was so you’d forget about Erik, but nonetheless any feelings you had towards Matt were strictly platonic and your mother seemed to have missed that memo. She knew how you felt about Erik but she never understood how you could still have feelings for him when you gave him so much and then he left.
“What does Matt have to do with anything?” Ask nonchalantly.
“Everything!” She exclaims clearly frustrated. “You’re reverting back to the little girl so desperate to upset her mother that she shacked up with a no good thug who then turned around and got you pregnant. I thought you were growing past that.” She criticizes.
You’re about ready to launch your plate across the table and storm out, fuming mad you open your mouth to tell her off but Kayla beats you to it
“Remember your blood pressure.” She says quiet enough for only you to hear.
“Fuck my blood pressure.” You didn’t mean to snap at Kayla, but there was a special way to piss you off that only your mother could manage. “I was with Erik for 5 years! We broke up 3 months ago, so forgive me for not seeing how in the hell Matt has anything to do with the father of my child coming to the baby shower.” You shout.
“I don’t know who the hell you're talking to but you will check how you speak to me.” She tells you through gritted teeth. “Look this is exactly why he’s no good for you, you saw him for an hour and you're back to your old ways.” She said sinking back into her chair and twirling her fork in her pasta.
“What do you mean by ‘my old ways’, mom?” You challenge leaning towards her across the table. “Do you mean sticking up for myself so you couldn’t just bully me anymore? Being a parent doesn’t give you carte blanche to bully your kid because they can’t say anything back.”
“Y/N I said watch your tone. I will not sit here and be berated for my parenting by someone who couldn’t even ensure that her child’s father would be in the picture.”
“What do you think I’m trying to do mom?!” Your voice is almost pleading. Hot tears are pricking in your eyes, you hate that when you're angry you tear up, your mom gives your teary eyes a dismissive look before she continues.
“I think you're messing up an opportunity to be with someone who loves you to go run back to that no good deadbeat who will never amount to much more than a gangbanger.” She states matter of factly continuing her meal as if nothing was wrong.
“Erik is not a gangbanger! He has two degrees and a good job, when I was at my lowest he was there for me. He’s a good man and he does love me mom!”
“Then why did he leave Y/N?” She asks, you swallow thickly acutely aware of Kayla easing you back into your seat, you hadn’t even realised that you had stood up fully. She steps in front of you blocking your mother from your view but that doesn’t stop her.
“Where has he been the last 3 months Y/N? I wonder how many other girls he’s left just like you, thinking they’re the only one, just for him to walk out on them.” You try to swallow a sob, you’re angry that her words are affecting you so much but you can’t help but think back to how he danced around that very question earlier.
“You know who’d never do that to you? Matthew, he’s a good boy and he’s head over heels in love with you. You’re leading him on and you’re disrespecting him by trying to keep that asshole around! Your father would be so disa-” You were ready to throw something across the table at her when she mentioned your father, Kayla noticed even if your mother didn’t.
“I think you should leave.” Kayla cuts in, her words surprised both you and your mother, whose hard look faltered slightly.
“I’m sorry-” she began indignantly.
“No I am. I don’t care what your opinions of my brother may be but you won’t help anything by making her feel like shit for feeling the way she does and if those feelings happen to be for Erik then who the hell are you to tell her she’s wrong for that. So yes I think you should go. Thank you for dinner, you can show yourself out.” She states firmly. Your mom looks furious and ready to respond.
“Goodbye mom.” You say looking down at your plate cutting off whatever remark she had left. Your inability to look her in the eye says what your words don’t, that this isn’t just your regular everyday goodbye. Part of you wants to feel bad but this isn’t the first time you’ve lost her, and it probably won’t be the last.
She doesn’t say anything else before she leaves and you're thankful for that. Kayla holds your hand tightly in her own until the front door slams shut and you can hear her car disappearing down the street.
You crumble forward into Kayla’s arms and she holds you tight like she’s done so many times in the past. She rocks you softly and lets you cry into her hoodie.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asks after a while, you shake your head and just hold her tighter. How had your life gotten so messed up, you were supposed to be happily pregnant with your family to love and support you, but somehow everything has gone haywire.
“I don’t know what to do Kay.” You whisper after a while.
“I do.” She tells you standing and pulling you up with you. You follow her to the kitchen where she grabs two Ben and Jerry’s from the freezer and two spoons. You take them when she hands them to you and she sifts in the cabinet for a bowl and some potato chips and the bottle of hot fudge.
She dumps some chips into the bowl and then drizzles some fudge onto the chips and heads to the living room. You follow setting down everything on the table, she tosses a fluffy blanket over to you and you take it thankfully bundling yourself up and grabbing the snacks while she cues up Avatar the Last Airbender on Netflix. The two of you watch and snack and for a short while you forget about the dumpster fire that your life has devolved into.
“Am I stupid?” You ask quietly after you had made it through the first half of season one.
“No, never. In love yes, stupid no.” She replies without missing a beat.
“She’s probably right though. I asked Erik if there was someone else he left me for, he wouldn’t answer me.” Admitting that to Kayla felt equally good and bad.
It was nice to tell someone to get their perspective, but at the same time saying it outloud made your mother’s words feel all the more real. What if there had been someone and the only reason he was back now was because it hadn’t worked out with her. Fresh tears burned in your eyes at the thought.
“Aw honey.” She coos brushing the dampness from your cheek, she takes a long pensive breath before she speaks again. “I know that he’s not one of my favorite people in the world right now. Lord knows if I could get away with it and not have you hate me I’d run him over with my car.” Both of you giggle, you know she would she’d told Erik as much when the two of you were together. “Erik loves you more than he loves himself, and if you ever tell him I told you this I will deny it to my grave. Yes he messed up, don’t get me wrong, mans fucked up astronomically. But he does love you, those kinds of feelings don’t just go away. I still have feelings for Trey even after everything,” she admits, “and we were only together half the time you and Erik were.”
Trey was Kayla’s first and only boyfriend out of college, at one point they were even engaged, this was the house they were supposed to start their family in, but life happened and he had moved away but Kayla wasn’t willing to give up her career for a man even one she desperately loved.
“I guess what I’m saying is those kinds of feelings don’t just go away. But them still being there is a foundation for the two of you to work together to do what’s best for my little baby niece.” She muses then a look of horror crossed her face realizing what she just said.
“It’s a girl?” You asked, the tears in your eyes started to fall, but you were smiling.
“I’m so sorry I know you said you wanted to wait it just kinda slipped out.” She said, you waived off her concern and took her hands in yours.
“I’m happy you told me.” You said to her and you meant it.
“Oh I’m glad you finally know, I was dying to tell you.” She says before the two of you fall into a comfortable silence.
“Do you think Erik had someone else?” You ask, nervous because you know that Kayla will be brutally honest if you ask her. “In your honest opinion.”
“I think...” She trails off seemingly hesitant to confirm what you were already suspicious of. “Physically probably, he was a whore before you so I think it's safe to assume he’d be one after.” You thought you were ready for the blow but it still hurt to hear. “Emotionally, I don’t think he’ll ever feel the way he felt for you for anyone else.” Her final statement shouldn’t give you the hope that it does but there’s an unmistakable flutter in your heart when she says it.
The two of you leave it at that and spend the rest of the night pigging out and watching Avatar. Kayla falls asleep before you so you cover her up and start to clean up the remnants of dinner and your snack session. When you're all done you shut the tv off and head up to your bedroom.
Your phone was sitting on the bedside table charging, you hadn’t looked at it since you’d come in. When you picked it up you saw a couple missed notifications, a missed call and a couple texts from Matt, some social media updates and then a message from an unsaved number.
You immediately knew who’s number it was without having it saved, you looked at the preview and you saw that it was a whole paragraph, you held your thumb over the icon before just biting the bullet and opening it to see what he had to say.
~
Hey guys sorry for the cliffhanger but it had to be done. What do you think he has to say? Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it.
Tags:
@nahimjustfeelingit-writes @buffisummerz @fd-writes @yomiloo @ibe-erynn @yourwonderbelle @pipsqueak-98 @inlovewith3 @amethyst09 @sambucky8 @knrivera16 @themakingsofdion @greeneyedthief @chaneajoyyy @quietstorm-73 @big-flop-energy @bugngiz
Love Me Ch. 1 The Worst Part
I do NOT own this image. It also kinda doesn’t have anything to do with the chapter but mmm he looks good.
Summary: The reality of your situation settles over you and you have to make a difficult choice on what to do moving forward
Pairing: Erik KIllmonger x Reader
Words: 2045
Warnings: Angst, whoopsie, I promise it’ll get happier.... eventually
A/N: Hey guys I hope you enjoy this chapter, please like and share. I'm trying to give this writing thing a go and it would mean a lot if you could give it a quick share. if you wanna be tagged in future parts let me know and I’ll add you
Prologue
~
The morning after he left you barely ate anything. You wanted to believe he was coming back, that he had just stepped out to grab breakfast or to go out for a run to let off some steam and that he just forgot his keys on the table.
Around the fifth hour of you sitting in bed waiting for him to come back, you started to crumble. You wanted to cry but after a while, nothing came out. You desperately wanted to drink or smoke your sorrows away but then the realization of why you couldn’t do that would come crashing back in and with it, a renewed wave of sadness burying you deeper into the pit that you wished would just hurry up and swallow you whole.
You didn’t go to work for the rest of the week, you’d called in and told them you’d caught something and didn’t know when you’d be back in, they were understanding and let you know they hoped you got better soon. With that burden lifted you resigned yourself to the couch in your living room.
The day after he left as you were going through your closet you noticed he didn’t take any of his clothes with him. The henley he’d worn that night was hanging out of the hamper. You shrugged it over your head letting the fabric swaddle you in the memory of him. You’d tried sleeping in your bedroom, but it was too difficult, everything in the space reminded you of him.
The nights you two would lay tangled and sweaty together in the bed until exhaustion overcame you just as the sun began to peek through the windows. The evenings when the two of you would battle in video games, you knew he always went easy on you and let you gloat about your wins because he liked seeing you smile. The bickering that seemed meaningless now and how he’d kiss you till you forgot why you were angry in the first place. Still painfully fresh was the memory of the last time he held you in your bed and that last fight that you wished you could take back so that everything could go back to the way it had been before.
After that night you moved to the living room, once you were there you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the couch except for the absolute necessities, bathroom, kitchen, and door to pick up the delivery. You lost track of the days when your friend Kayla stopped by. You were hoping for your DoorDash but your face fell noticeably when you saw her.
“Hello to you too sunshine...” Her eyes scanned you over a few times before her face twisted into a look of concern. “You look like hell.”
“Thanks for that,” you muttered walking back over to the couch knowing she’d follow you through the door. Your suspicion was confirmed when you heard the click of your deadbolt. She kicked her heels off and left them by the door.
“I went to pick you up for lunch at work and they told me you’d been home, sick all week. Why didn’t you tell me, I would’ve stopped by earlier to bring you some soup or something. Gotta keep you and my nephew healthy.” She muttered sliding onto the couch next to you.
At the mention of the baby, you sniffled, and she caught on. She turned to look at you directly. “You’re not sick, are you? Did something happen with the baby?” She asked with urgency.
You shook your head.
“Oh thank god what a relief,” she said sagging back into the couch. “What’s really going on though. You look like something serious happened.”
You said nothing reaching into the pocket of your joggers and pulled out the key ring. The plain key dangled mockingly on the ring. You didn’t need to explain any more Kayla nodded and opened her arms for you. You hesitated she was still in her work clothes, a perfectly fitting business fit, steamed blouse, and pressed pants. You knew you’d wrinkle them but she didn’t seem to care so you decided you didn’t either and snuggled into your friend.
“You know I can kill him right. I’ll call my brother and he can track his bum ass down and beat some sense into him.” The mention of beating made you flinch you shook your head furiously. Kayla noticed you flinch she grabbed your shoulders forcing you to look at her. “Did that nigga hit you?” She demanded.
“No, he would never hurt me... not physically at least” Your voice was hoarse from disuse and crying from the past few days. “He uh...” You wanted to tell her everything but the tear choked you as you remembered it all. She wiped a tear from your cheek holding you close and you told her everything, the blood the bruises the bullet wound, the fight was the hardest part to recall. Kayla held you as you told her, she would rub circles on your back, she stayed quiet the whole time but you could feel her nodding above you.
“Kay, I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. He was my everything.” You sniffled holding her tighter. Since he’d left you hadn’t given any thought to what happens next. “I can’t raise a baby on my own. I work too much...oh no what’s my boss going to say. I’ll have to quit. I don’t even know if I can keep it. What kind of mother will I be doing this all by myself!” You rambled, the more the words came out of your mouth the more your anxiety rose.
“Hey, look at me,” she said grabbing your arms and shaking you gently. “Whatever you need I’m here for you.”
“I don’t think I can keep it. I’m scared, Kay, I thought I was ready to be a mom with him. Ion think I’m built for the single mom’s life.” You held her tighter. “But I can’t get rid of it what kind of person would that make me, I resented my mom for giving me up I’d be a hypocrite if I do that.”
“You won’t be any more or less of a person no matter what you decide. But you need to make a decision that’ll be the best for you. If you want to give him up then I’ll help you find the best home for him. If you want to keep him then I’ll work with you. Hell, I’ll be your baby daddy since that nigga is no good.” That made you laugh before another sob choked you.
You were still overwhelmed by the feeling of missing him and you wondered if you’d ever feel better. You couldn’t imagine raising your child without Erik. He was your whole world and you thought that you were his. As you thought about that you brushed the tears from your face in anger, though you missed him you felt a small part of yourself resenting him for leaving you. It had been easy for him to do it, he didn’t even have the decency to break up with you to your face.
“Fuck him” You huffed pushing away from her and going to pace back and forth across the living room floor. “I have to keep it.” You finally said your hand ran gently across your stomach. Maybe you were imagining but you felt a little flutter inside your tummy.
“Then that’s that.” Kayla stood up and placed a hand on your back. “Let’s go pack some stuff you can stay with me while you figure things out there’s more room there anyway.”
“Kay, girl I can’t ask you to do that.”
“Good thing it’s me offering then. You know that the house is too big for me by myself anyway.” Also, I wanna be close to my godson or daughter through this whole process. You can stay in the spare room and we can make my office the nursery. It’ll work out fine” She insisted.
“If you’re sure...” Kayla didn’t even give you a chance to argue any further.
“I want you to get in the shower, wash your hair, and clean yourself up, I’ll pack up some clothes for you to take and call and schedule an appointment with your doctor. We need to make sure this stress didn’t do any damage to the baby.” She said ushering you into the bathroom.
“I haven’t been to the doctor yet, I wanted the first appointment to be with Er-” You couldn’t finish, saying his name would bring that tidal wave of emotions you’d just buried roiling back to the surface.
“It’s okay I’ll look into a good doctor, only the best for my little nephew.” She said patting your stomach. “Ooh I hope its a boy, he’s gonna be so cute.”
“I don’t even know what I hope anymore.” You say, and you mean it, truly.
“Well hope for this, all of this is a chance for you to start doing what you always wanted. While you’re pregnant you can go back to school and finish your degree like you always wanted. There’ll be nothing you have to pay for so you don’t have to keep working if you don’t want.” Kayla offered, grabbing your hands tightly.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that Kay, its bad enough me moving in with you but you paying for everything is not acceptable. I can’t let you do that.”
“Okay you can keep working but I’m serious you should go back to school and finish, you’ll thank me later I promise.” She assured.
With that, she left and headed to the bedroom. You could hear her talking to someone on the phone as she left. You pushed the door closed and the wave that you’d been pushing away came back to drown you.
You turned on the water the thundering fall of the water was loud enough that Kayla wouldn’t hear the small cry that left your chest when you fully closed the door. All the memories of Erik and you in this space were pressing down on you and you felt suffocated. Even though he had his own place he was always over at yours. Though he rarely said it you knew that he wanted to have you in his life forever. He would also tell you that you were his world and that he couldn’t imagine a life without you in it, and you believed him when he said it. You saw how well he was doing since you two had been together, he was happier and he was working to make himself better.
But now what? Everything in this place reminded you of him, slowly the realization that this wasn’t just your home, it had been the home the two of you had made together. It felt wrong being here without him, every passing moment reminding you that he was gone and cementing the sick feeling in your stomach that he wasn’t ever going to come back.
Maybe Kayla was right and you needed to get out of here. You looked at yourself in the mirror as it was slowly fogging up. You barely recognized yourself, your skin was oily and your eyes were puffy and pink from crying, your hair was matted in the messy bun you’d thrown it up in at some point. The girl looking back at you from the mirror was a stranger and she terrified you.
You forced yourself away from the mirror and into the shower, you ignored Erik’s toiletries that were still in the shower and you scrubbed until your skin was raw until that was the only thing that you could focus on, it was nice to not think of anything, even if it was for just a short while.
~
Hey guys I wanted to say thank you for the response to the last chapter I’m happy you guys are enjoying it so far. I’ve added all the people who asked to be tagged some of them wont show up if anyone knows how to fix that please help a girl out
Tags:
@nahimjustfeelingit-writes @quietstorm-73 @buffisummerz @chanaejoyyy @fd-writes @ibe-erynn @yourwonderbelle @yomiloo @pipsqueak-98 @big-flop-energy
Chapter 2
Love Me, Ch.2 Healing Takes Time
I do NOT own this image
Summary: Adjusting to your new normal comes with some hurdles
Pairing: Erik KIllmonger x Reader
Words: 2081
Warnings: Little itty bitty angst, little bit of drama
A/N: Thank you for the response to the last two parts I appreciate it so much. I can’t wait for the rest of this story to unfold. I hope you enjoy this chapter if you do please like and share. Also I finished my classes for the semester so hopefully I’ll be able to get updates out quicker.
Prologue, Chapter 1
~
That night you drove across town to Kayla’s place she forced you to eat and take the vitamins that the doctor recommended and get some sleep. When you woke up the next day you began your new normal.
For the past three months, there was a routine of sorts between you and Kayla. You’d wake up early and cook her breakfast, a thank you for her generosity when she left for work you’d start your work assignments for the week, and depending on the day Kayla’s brother, Matt would drive you down to the library to do your online classwork. You had taken Kayla’s advice and enrolled part-time to take the last few classes you’d need to finish out your degree.
About a month ago you found out you had a blood pressure problem and as a result, nearly everyone in your life insisted on you working from home. You’d work for a few hours and then go out to get some fresh air. Today you were supposed to meet with your mother to go pick up some stuff for the baby’s room.
True to her word, Kayla let you turn her office into a nursery and it was coming along nicely. You’d painted the room a light purple color and bought a crib and a bunch of toys. You didn’t know the gender yet but Kayla did; when the doctor asked if you wanted to know you froze. You thought for a moment what if it was a boy like Kayla kept saying, you just knew he was going to look like Erik and that thought made you sick to your stomach. The doctor then quietly handed the results to Kayla to hold on to.
It had been a few weeks before she even mentioned the appointment or the envelope to you, and when she did it was gently. The two of you were watching some movie in the living room with take-out when she asked if you wanted to know what you were having. You were silent for a while before you just said a quiet “no”. And that was the end of it.
You finished cooking breakfast for Kayla to take and packed everything up nicely for her. She came downstairs dressed in a professional pantsuit and designer purse to match. She looked straight out of a magazine and stung a little.
Since you got pregnant you’d gained some weight. Some of it was due to the pregnancy but a good bulk of it was due to your emotional eating to cope with your breakup. You were in a much better place now, but the evidence of your low points was still visible in the swell of your chest and hips.
Every day Kayla told you how good you looked and how well you were carrying the weight but you couldn’t get past seeing a completely different person in the morning when you looked in the mirror. As a result, you wore baggy clothes 9-10 to hide the extra pounds. Just like today, you had your baby blue You Matter hoodie pulled over some leggings and your Ugg slippers.
Next to Kayla you couldn’t help but feel like you looked even bummier than normal. You knew if you said anything she’d tell you that you were imagining things and even though you knew she wasn’t just saying it for your benefit you appreciated it all the same.
“So I was thinking maybe we should do a gender reveal at the baby shower.” You said quietly, busying yourself with the last of the dishes in the sink, you cringed when you heard Kayla choke and sputter on her coffee. You looked up and she had coffee all down the front of her blouse. “Sorry, I’ll pay for the dry cleaning.”
“No don’t worry about it, this was an old shirt anyway.” She said blotting at the stain with a towel.
“But yeah, I’m gonna talk it over with mom maybe it’ll help me with finalizing the rest of the decorations for the nursery.”
“This is a big step boo.” She exclaimed pulling you into a tight hug, it was a little awkward around your stomach but you guys made it work. “I’m so proud of you baby girl I want you to know,” she told you hugging you tighter.
“Thanks, Kay, without you I’d definitely go out of my mind.” The two of you laughed pulling out of the hug.
“We knew this already though. I’m gonna go up and change I think Matt’s supposed to be stopping by some time soon with the stuff to build the bookshelf for the nursery.” Kayla told you as you ran up the stairs to switch out her shirt.
You focused on finishing up with the kitchen and making everything look presentable again. You were humming to the radio and dancing in your own little world, you didn’t even hear Matt come in, let alone notice him staring at you for a while before Kayla came downstairs and burst his bubble.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” she said and jabbed his side. That’s when you noticed both of them standing in the kitchen with you.
“Hey, Mattie!” You exclaimed running up and hugging him tightly.
“Hey Y/N,” he hugged you just as tight. “Wow look at you, kiddo is really growing in there”, he said placing a hand on your belly.
You frowned and swatted his hand away. “You’re not supposed to comment on it.” You turned away from him and headed towards the living room, Matt was hot on your heels.
“Aww did I hurt your feelings,” He cooed teasingly at you coming up behind you and snaking his arms around your waist. He rested his head on your shoulder a gave you a little peck on the cheek, it was innocent enough but Kayla still eyed the two of you suspiciously.
“I’ll see you two lovebirds when I get home from work. Don’t do it on my couch.” She hollered over her shoulder as she walked out of the door. She was gone before either of you could say anything.
“She’s something else,” you mutter.
You picked up your phone from the coffee table and shot your mom a text letting her know that you were ready for her to come to pick you up. She lets you know that she’ll be there soon to get you.
“What are you up to today?” Matt asks sitting down on the couch and propping his feet up on the coffee table.
“Nothing much,” you sigh slowly sinking down into the couch. “Me and my mom are gonna go get some stuff for the baby room. If you finish the shelf and everything we can decorate today too.” You run your hand absentmindedly over your belly.
“Oh word, guess I got two reasons to get my ass to work then huh?” He joked and the two of you laughed together. Your mom had the biggest crush on Matt, and you didn’t blame her he was a 6’4’’ beautiful man with a full beard and the brightest green eyes you’d ever seen.
In a different time under different circumstances, you’d entertain him in a heartbeat. You knew he liked you but he never pressured you for anything more than you were willing to give him. It was just innocent flirting for the most part and you were okay with that. It fulfilled the missing bit of intimacy you didn’t know you needed, but you worried the more comfortable you got with him. Something in the pit of your stomach was stopping you from taking that next step.
“I guess you should, I’m not responsible for what my mother does if she sees you in grey sweatpants.” You joked poking his butt as he stood up” He just swatted your hand away and jogged towards the garage to unload his truck.
Your mom showed up not too long after that and the two of you head to Target. The ride over is filled with updates since you two had seen each other about a week ago. You tell her your plans for the baby shower in a month and she has the same excited reaction as Kayla did. Then the dreaded line of questioning comes as you two walk into the store.
“So hows things with you and Matt?” The question is innocent enough but you freeze when she asks it.
“Mom there’s no “things” between me and Matt. He just helps around the house mostly.” You tell her grabbing a cart to lean your weight onto. The two of you make a beeline for the baby section.
“No grown man is hanging around a girl like that with no feelings attached, especially when she’s pregnant with somebody else’s baby.” She says nonchalantly. You try to hide the flinch her words bring out. She doesn’t notice walking ahead of you down the aisle.
“Mom, he’s just nice. There’s nothing wrong with that.” You pull a onesie from the rack and look at the soft material. It says Daddy’s Little Monster across the front. This is the stuff that you had planned on buying tons of but it seems like a cruel joke at this point. You put it down back on the rack and when you look up something catches your eye and it punches the air out of your lungs.
At first, you think your imagining but the longer you stare and he stays planted in his spot staring right back at you. You push the cart away and start walking towards him, your feet are moving faster than your brain can process.
Emotions are racing through your mind a mile a minute. Hurt, hope, and the most overwhelming of them all is the anger ballooning in your chest. Within seconds you’re staring up at him. He at least has the decency to look somewhat guilty, he actually looks as if he’s seen a ghost.
His dreads are a little longer and his body is a little bigger, you shiver at the memories that come flooding back the closer you get to each other. He smells just like he used to and it makes your knees weak and your heart aches.
“Y/N I-” Before he can finish your hand is flying across his face. The crack of it echoes through the store, a few people turn and stare. One lady, in particular, has her eyes glued to the pair of you. Erik is fuming and lets off at her.
“Keep stepping before I give yo ass something to stare at.” He barks and the lady jumps before turning abruptly down one of the aisles, probably just to get away from Erik’s venomous stare and not because she needed anything from it.
“I cannot fucking believe your ass.” You shout, your arm cocks back to hit him again but he catches your arm in mid-air.
“You got one more time to raise your fucking hand to me, girl.” He’s not yelling but you shrink back from him slightly. You can’t go far because he’s still holding your arm tight in his grasp, it sends burning tingles up your arm.
Your mom makes her way over to the two of you and slaps Erik’s hand away from your arm.
“You’ve got some fucking nerve showing up here after 3 months you fucking deadbeat and the first thing you do is make a fucking scene.” She snaps, even though she’s berating him for making a scene her yelling is what is currently drawing the eyes of the passing shoppers.
“Yo, can we talk for a minute without your fucking bodyguard,” Erik asks, he turns his full attention to you. When you lock eyes with him the air is punched out of your lungs again, your blood is buzzing in your ears, you almost don’t hear the uncharacteristically gentle, “please” that he adds to the end of it.
Before you can answer your mom pipes up, “Haven’t you done enough, now you want to be a part. Too late she’s moved on to someone who’s actually fit to be a father! So step the fuck off to whatever hole you slithered back from!” Your mom seethed.
To anyone who didn’t know him, they would’ve thought that Erik was fine, but after years of knowing him, you know his anger is bubbling just under the surface. He’s pleading with his eyes and begging you to give him a reprieve.
“Mama can you uh... can you go get the car?” You ask softly surprising everyone. She looks like she’s about to protest and then decides against it taking the cart and heading towards the checkout line.
“You’ve got five minutes,” You say when your mom is finally out of earshot. You see his shoulders sag slightly with relief.
~
Hey, guys, I want to say thank you for reading and I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. Where do you think Erik has been for the past three months, do you think they’ll be able to work things out?
Tags: @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @quietstorm-73 @buffisummerz @chanaejoyyy @fd-writes @ibe-erynn @yourwonderbelle @yomiloo @pipsqueak-98 @big-flop-energy
Chapter 3
Love Me Ch. 4 Reflection
I do NOT own this image
Summary: Erik needs to reevaluate some things
Pairing: Erik KIllmonger x Reader
Words: 2240
Warnings: Swearing, Erik’s a fuckboi
A/N: Hey everybody I’m so sorry this chapter is late, life’s been crazy this week and I haven’t really had any motivation to write but I’m back now and hopefully updates will stay regular. As always thank you for reading I hope you enjoy. Also I fixed the issues I was having with tagging some of you other’s it still won’t let me, if you know any way to fix that please let me know.
Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3
When you left the parking lot Erik stood there for a while, he couldn’t believe that you’d actually talked to him, granted it hadn’t been the most productive of talks. He knew you better than to think you were done fighting him on this. But he was willing to fight with you because if you were fighting that had to mean that you still cared. The thought of you still caring about him even if it was just a little made his heart flutter in that uncomfortable way that only you could trigger.
He had just got back in town when he ran into you, he felt like he was seeing light again after a lifetime in darkness, it pained him but in a way that somehow also sparked joy. He meant what he said about earning you back. For months he tried to forget about you, to try and stop loving you but the feelings wouldn’t go away. When he saw you everything that he spent so long trying to bury came clawing to the surface.
It was surreal seeing you fully pregnant. He knew you were going to keep the baby, but seeing you physically carrying his child was enough to knock the wind out of him. He felt something else at the sight, a deep down fear but also a sense of warmth seeing that the two of you looked healthy. You’d mentioned you were having issues with your blood pressure and that thought stressed him out, what if it was because of him, because of the stress he’d caused. He’d never forgive himself if you lost the baby because of it. When he left he thought that you’d be less stressed without him not more.
Erik’s phone buzzing in his pocket finally drew his attention back to the real world. He recognized the number and sent it to voicemail, he didn’t have time for that right now. He pulled out his car keys and jogged over to his car.
The number called again as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the highway. He sent it to voicemail again and started to focus on driving, then his phone started to buzz repeatedly in the passenger seat. When he got to a stop light he saw a stream of texts from the same 1number.
Unsaved Number: Erik?
Unsaved Number: Where the hell are you
Unsaved Number: how long does a fucking target run take
Unsaved Number: You better be on your way back with my damn cookies
Erik rolled his eyes not bothering to respond to any of the texts. Instead he searched for the closest florist and called them up, he ordered a dozen cattleya orchids to be delivered to Kayla’s place along with some of your favorite chocolates chip cookies from a bakery you two used to go to together. Even though you never told him that you were staying with Kayla he assumed that’s where you were since you’d moved out of your apartment and you’d never go back to your mom’s house.
The thought of the baby made him a little bit queasy. He could see the outline of your stomach in your big hoodie, it was impossible to ignore anymore that he was going to be a dad. He knew then and there he couldn’t leave again even if he wanted to, the hold that you had over him was crippling, even when you hated him. Now he had you and the baby to worry about, he wondered if it would be a boy or a girl. Did you know, had you decorated a nursery, or even picked out names?
Those were the things you’d always muse about, on those lazy Saturday nights that bled into Sunday mornings. The nights where neither of you slept because you were too consumed with conversing with each other to actually give in to sleep. You’d always wanted to be a mom, and Erik knew you’d be an amazing mother. His only reservations had always been the certainty that you had that he was going to be your baby’s father. He couldn’t see himself as a father, he couldn’t think of a single positive thing of substance he could contribute. But the way you’d talk about it, the way your eyes would light up when you’d talk about it made him want to be better for you and your imagined child.
Well technically not so imaginary any more.
When Erik pulled up to a fancy looking house he cut the engine of his car and walked into the front door. There were people still passed out all over the floor and couches of the front two rooms. Maneuvering around them Erik went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
Before he could even get the cap all the way off it was pulled out of his hands, by a petite dark skin girl with loose curly waves rolling down her back, named Si'yanne. She grinned devilishly at Erik who only rolled his eyes before getting another bottle of water from the fridge. He paid Si’yanne no mind even though he could tell her little outfit was meant to catch his attention. She was wearing some itty bitty booty shorts that let the lower half of her behind hang out paired with a barely there top.
“Did you get me my cookies?” She asked sweetly, batting her round doe eyes up at him.
“They ain’t have any,” Erik called dismissively over his shoulder leaving the kitchen.
Were it any other day Erik might have given in to Si’yanne and taken her into a side room to let her help ease some of his frustrations. It was kind of like a routine when Erik would come to town and didn’t have anyone else he’d hook up with Si’yanne, but since he saw Y/N even the memory of doing that made him sick let alone the thought of doing it now.
“Drell!” Erik shouted up the steps before he started up them. Several of the doors in the long hallway were cracked open, Erik figured that the scene inside them mirrored what the two front rooms looked like. “DRELL!” Erik hollered again still getting no response.
“He ain't here yet.” Si’yanne told him sliding up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist. “Let's keep busy until he gets back,” She purrs, hands sliding down the front of Erik’s pants. His body was responding to her but in his head and his heart he wanted nothing to do with her right now. He swatted her hands away and stepped out of her grasp.
“Girl get your fucking hands off of me.” He snapped ducking into his room and shutting the door in her face.
“Oh word? That aint what you said when you was up in my guts this morning!” She shouted at the door. Even though she was right, Erik didn’t care. The only girl he wanted now was Y/N. He kept thinking about how cute you looked in your oversized hoodie, you weren't wearing makeup but Erik didn’t care, you were the most beautiful woman on the planet and you never even had to try.
Thinking about Y/N made Erik realize just how much he fucked up. He was in over his head at this point but he couldn’t turn back. He found himself fantasizing about raising his child with you, all the big moments; first words, first steps, first days of school, all of it swirled through his mind and he wanted that shit bad. When you used to talk about it he thought you were being crazy, yet here he was thinking bout all that mushy stuff.
He looked around his room, his packed up duffle bag was still sitting on the bed where he’d left it. He had planned to stay with Drell for the week until he headed back out to New York where he’d been staying. When he got back in town he went by his old place and tried to stay there, but when he saw some of your stuff lying around he couldn’t convince himself to stay there, so he called in a favor with Drell.
He and Drell had been childhood friends and then college roommates at MIT, they grew up together, they partied together, and Erik was always there to get Drell out of the trouble he talked himself into. But what are friends for if not to have your back when stuff gets rough. Erik was always there when Drell needed him, next to Y/N he was the only person that could make Erik drop everything if he needed him.
Y/N and Drell didn’t get along at all, he thought you were a stuck up bitch and that you were ruining his fun with his friend, and you thought that he was an immature bad influence on Erik. You weren’t entirely wrong though, not that Erik or Drell would admit that to her but they both knew that they were heading in different directions. Drell was constantly getting into trouble and needing Erik or his daddy to bail him out so he could go back to his drugs and his partying and forget about all the things that were troubling him. Erik helping Drell was the reason for most of the fights Erik found himself in, it was what led him to getting the shit beaten out of him three months ago.
There were so many things Erik wanted to go back and change about that night. He wished that he would have ignored Drells text and went straight to Y/N’s place like he’d planned on doing when he got off work. He knew after your fight that you were getting tired of his foolishness with Drell, he knew you wouldn’t leave though. You loved him too much. He knew you would’ve given up anything to be with him. But he loved you too much to force you to give up anymore.
He always thought he’d have more time to get his shit together to be the man you deserved to have a child with but after that night he realized that he was out of time. He was nowhere near that man now, actually he might be further from it than before but for the first time Erik felt like he was ready to drop all the childish shit for you. At this point he had three months to get his shit together and become father material.
He thought the wild life was what he wanted, the parties, the girls, a good fight every now and again. He had that when you were dating minus the girls, but with a child all of that stuff would have to stop. The night of the fight Erik didn’t know if he was ready to give all of that up, but after feeling empty for three months and then like a miracle finding you again, childish shit be damned, he was going to get you back and be the man that you and your child deserved.
He flopped back onto his bed running his hands up and down his face, tugging the roots of his hair. Erik wanted to go over to Kayla’s right now just to be near you. For months, a part of him had been locked away, that part of him that ached to be by your side. These mushy feelings were getting overwhelming but it was still a welcome change to feel something after so long. He hadn’t realized that by blocking off the part of him that felt for you he was blocking off feeling in general because of how deeply you were ingrained onto his heart.
If he was gonna get himself together then he knew that he couldn’t stay with Drell anymore. When he sat up he knew where he wanted to go, he grabbed his bag and headed out the door. On the way down he heard Drell come in the front door swearing about all the people still passed out in his living room.
“Yo bruh,” He hollered when he saw Erik coming down the steps. “You leaving already?” He asked pointing to the bug slung over Erik’s shoulder.
“Yeah I got some shit I gotta take care of,” He told him.
“I hear you, I’ll catch you on the flip side then.” Drell said dapping Erik up before moving past him into the kitchen. Erik could hear someone else in the kitchen, probably Si’yanne so he didn’t bother going in to say his goodbyes he just headed out to his car dialing a number as he slid into the driver’s seat.
Once he was situated in the car he went to back his car out of the driveway. Si’yanne was standing with her arms crossed at the front door, a deep scowl on her face, hip popped out with an attitude. She was obviously upset that Erik was leaving again and that he hadn’t said goodbye. It wasn’t anything new, he never said goodbye, he rarely ever said hi. Nonetheless it bothered Si’yanne and she would always catch an attitude with him.
Erik never cared though and he had an even bigger reason not to now, so without giving her a second look Erik sped out of the development and started making his way downtown.
~
Hey guys I wanted to thank you guys because of all of the response to my story, I’ve really been struggling with health stuff, work stuff, and home stuff but writing and then seeing all of your positive reactions are honestly always the highlight of my day.
Chapter 5
Tags:
@nahimjustfeelingit-writes @buffisummerz @fd-writes @yomiloo @ibe-erynn @yourwonderbelle @pipsqueak-98 @inlovewith3 @amethyst09 @sambucky8 @knrivera16 @themakingsofdion @greeneyedthief @chaneajoyyy @quietstorm-73 @big-flop-energy @bugngiz