Starbeanz

| black mixed with black | i love to read and write and obsess over fictional people | 18+ no minors plz and thanks | ✨ 🫠 ✨

[bambicoded]

it's important to me that ilya remains captain of the centaurs after shane joins, but i have a specific picture in my mind of shane being assistant captain and being generally harmless and super chill , so the centaurs see him as like the chill parent (something to be said about shane being content in letting someone else, specifically His Someone, have the reins and enjoying not being in charge) but then ilya has to be out for a few weeks for like health or smth so shane goes into Captain Mode and the centaurs are scared shitless by how intense he gets all of a sudden. the most intense drills of all time. the hardest plays they've ever heard of. the strictest practices on earth. and they suddenly understand why shane led the metros/voyagers to victory so many times and why ilya treats him like the boss in their relationship. and then as soon as ilya comes back he turns it off and the centaurs are like Oh Thank Fuck Because What The Hell Was That

[depsidase]

[darlingofdots]

let's think of some Bits in the Hollander-Rozanov household because every good relationship needs incomprehensible and insufferable Bits:

the random Russian nouns as pet names, obviously

turning to Anya to arbitrate who won the race/loads the dishwasher correctly/scored a sexier goal etc

Ilya. Ilyusha. Ilyushenka. Ilyushenkechka.

and who won Rookie of the Year????

"I have never said this in my life"

threatening to tell Yuna

"pass me the remote?" — "come and get it" — [wrestling]

butt slapping. at every opportunity.

"we will have to shoot you like lame horse" when one of them gets so much as a papercut

idioms translated literally into the wrong language

"this is not hall of fame behaviour"

"who should I bring as my plus one" and listing random people while the other pouts

[lavenderprose]

I need you guys to walk with me and understand that Ilya and Shane's first fuck as a married couple takes place on the edge of Ilya's bed ("Our bed, Hollander, our marital bed--" "Jesus fucking Christ Ilya--") while Usher Yeah! plays at bone-melting volume from the backyard and guys from three different hockey teams yell the lyrics even louder. Shane realizes that Ilya is inadvertently thrusting to the beat and for one very brilliant second it is the hottest thing ever. The mood is genuinely almost ruined when the song switches to Sweet Caroline. Harris should never be allowed to DJ again.

"SWEET CAROLINE. BUM BUM BUM." - Eleven highly inebriated hockey players and David Hollander, who's having great memories of his own wedding where they played the same song.

"Good times never seemed so good..." - Ilya Rozanov, whisper-singing to himself and completely unaware of it as he rails his husband into next Tuesday.

"Why is this hot. Oh my god why is this hot." - Shane Hollander, who at the age of thirty is still discovering things about himself.

[antler-moth]

shane: carying in all the shopping bags from the store

ilya: reaching a hand out to help

shane: immediately switching all the bags to one hand to hold ilya’s hand

[lvmimis]

the idea of trying to crawl away during sex for whatever reason, maybe to grab something, maybe your phone rang, something fell on the other side of the room, idk, and you get yoinked by the waist is so fkfnfmfkfkf to me always

[bugslibraryy]

Ok but obviously going to make this about Ilya and Shane. So. Yeah. But Shane and Ilya having morning sex, Shane on his hands and knees and Ilya knelt behind him, hands gripping his waist and hips and over his ass. Shane’s phone rings once and he ignores it, mainly because he’s getting hit shit rocked and he doesn’t even really realise his phone is ringing till the end. Then he looks up and Ilya is like “no” because he definitely knows it’s Hayden about their lunch plans and no because it’s still his Shane time. Hayden can wait. But then the phone is wonky. A second time and Shane whines and presses up off the bed onto his hands and is like “Ilya it could be important just one sec” and Ilya is all eyebrows and “you think this is not important?” And Shane is like “ilya” and Ilya just says “what” and starts fucking him harder and then Shane is back to being flat on the bed, chest pressed to the mattress for a second as he pants.

He wines and Ilya smirks and slides his hand down Shane’s spine, from his lower back to his shoulder blades and Shane whimpers and then the phone rings a third time and Ilya growls a little and Shane turns his head and says “Ilya really it could be urgent” and his cheeks are all red and his voice is all stuttery because Ilya is still fucking into him deep and hard.

“Urgent they will call a fourth time” Ilya reasons and Shane huffs and says “just a sec” and starts crawling away from Ilya and it’s fucking hot, the shape of Shane on his knees crawling and Ilya watched his cock pull out of Shane and that’s hot too but then he pouts hard and Shane is starting to reach for the phone when Ilya’s hands are finding Shane’s waist and pulling him back hard. Shane lets out a squeak and Ilya plays himself overtop of Shane to pin him to the bed and pushing himself back into the heat of Shane, wet and slick.

Ilya uses his long arm and their movement up the bed and way he’s laid over Shane to reach for the phone on the beside table he flips it over and of course, it’s Hayden. Ilya mutes the phone and tosses it to the floor and Shane is all “Ilya don-“ but then he’s cut off with a moan as Ilya shifts his hips to find that spot inside him that makes him go lax and hot and and all lovely and soft.

“There we go baby, focus on us, on how good we’re gonna make you cum” Ilya whispers into Shane’s ear and Shane is noddingnoddingnodding

[natnormalatall]

roald dahl was antisemitic and misogynistic. george orwell was openly homophobic. edgar allan poe married his 13 year old cousin. dr seuss cheated on his wife (and was racist as well as antisemitic!). hp lovecraft was racist as fuck. anyways they’re fucking dead it’s not like you’re enabling their behaviors in the afterlife or something. then again I think they bleed into the books so uh keep an eye out for that

the difference between these old white guys and jk rowling is that the former group is all dead. jk rowling is alive and using your money to oppress trans people

[scartafacci]

when they ask him if he’s looking forward to facing shane and ilya replies, “he is goalie now, yes?”, he finds if so fun, he just keeps doing it, and he’s obviously a bit more of an asshole about it every time.

“shane hollander? sorry, i don’t know the names of all assistant coaches.”

“shane hollander? the zamboni driver for montreal? does good job, sure, but i have seen smoother ice.”

“shane hollander? who is that? does he sell popcorn during the games so that he can at least watch from afar?”

“shane hollander? you mean the guy who has coffee cart outside the arena because selling iced drinks is the closest he will get to hockey?”

“shane hollander? of course i remember him. he is park guide now, did you know? yes that is the closest he will get to sticks.”

(to the journalist) “shane hollander? is that the name of your son? does he want my autograph?”

and of course ilya also knows that those answers will get him angry sex every time, so he feels very encouraged to continue.

[tinylilhollander]

Before Shane and Ilya move in together, Shane's at Ilya's place lamenting the lack of ingredients. As he looks for any kind of vegetable and protein he can cobble together for a meal, Shane's like, "Baby, when's the last time you cooked? Is this why you order so much takeout?".

And Ilya responds with a shrug and, "Maybe. Maybe I don't like to be alone with the knives too much."

And Ilya means it as a joke, Shane knows he does, but there's something hollow and scraped raw in Ilya's usual shit-eating grin that makes Shane's blood run cold. He immediately strides across the kitchen to pull Ilya into his arms. And Ilya tries to scoff at first, says that Shane's being so over-dramatic about a joke, but Shane just holds tighter, until Ilya's breathing goes funny against his chest in that way that tells him he's trying not to cry.

Shane doesn't trust himself to speak right now. The weight of what it would mean to lose this man is too much for him to talk about again, so instead he just holds him and hopes that this is enough to tell Ilya what he means. And when he eventually feels Ilya let go and sob against him, Shane guides both of them to the floor, pulls him into his arms, buries a hand in the back of his curls and just lets him cry until he's had enough.

When Ilya's tears finally stop, Shane presses a kiss to his forehead, trying to soothe down the crease that's etched between his eyebrows. As much as Ilya needed that release, Shane can see by the panic and embarrassment on his face that he needs a way back out of it now.

Shane rolls his eyes dramatically. "Fine, jesus, we'll get takeout then."

And Ilya looks up at him with a small grateful smile before letting out a shaky laugh. "See? I would say anything to get you to buy me McDonald's."

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

He just wants to protect him so bad 🥺

[spiribia]

as a writer you will have a specific deck of vocab words you like using a lot and when you read other peoples' work you will see a very clear spread of different vocab words on their end. this is why you need to read, to collect other writers' words like it's a card game

[kosmogrl]

how it feels when one of your hyperfixations comes back and stronger than ever

[ilynpilled]

how it feels when one of your hyperfixations comes back and stronger than ever

[pulim-v]

how it feels when one of your hyperfixations comes back and stronger than ever

[starbeanz]

…me returning to tumblr every few months

[fractally]

I think at some point one of the Cens is asking Troy like why he did all that and Troy is like "Well you know hurt people hurt people...I was really struggling with being closeted at the time....I know it was wrong but I was trying my best"

and Shane's eyebrow twitches and he goes "yeah I get it. Some people work through the closet by being rampaging monsters to everyone around them and some people work through it by winning three Stanley cups"

[royaletigertowelpapertowel]

Hey if you like heated rivalry and wish it was in real life I have great news for you

Shane and Ilya are real and their names are Marie-Philip Poulin and Laura Stacey and they are married and they just won The Cup!!!!!!!!!

[gingerpolyglot]

Give me Shane awkwardly trying "queer culture" things that Ilya and Harris try to introduce him to and hating it.

Give me Shane "hates clubbing and bars" Hollander not minding Kingfisher in the afternoon but refusing to go at night. Give me Shane never understanding the slang (he's never online) and being overstimulated by drag brunch (it's so LOUD and nothing fits his diet even once he loosens it a little and brunch as a concept throws off his entire routine) and utterly bored by any TV show that isn't the latest game replay (is this reality TV? Is it a drama? He can't remember and he can't tell the difference but honestly he'd rather be watching hockey) and unable to remember the difference between Lady Gaga and Cher (he never listens to music anyway) and completely disinterested in changing his wardrobe (for fancy events he wears whatever his stylist tells him to but not anything adventurous, because he just wants to look acceptable not make a statement).

Give me Shane feeling alienated from gay culture the way he sometimes feels alienated from Japanese culture and being so frustrated that being himself, exactly as he is, still isn't good enough for anyone.

Give me a Shane Hollander who doesn't want to be "the gay hockey player" the same way he doesn't want to be "the Asian hockey player" but he'll suck it up because he's such an inspiration, don't you know how many kids look up to you? Don't you know how much it matters to them to see you out there loud and proud?

Give me Shane finally snapping at Ilya that clearly he's not "super gay" if he's so bad at it, because he's sick and tired of everyone being disappointed that he's not up on whatever the latest queer culture trend is and he does not want to be a "gay icon," he just wants to play hockey and love his husband, and he's not magically a different person now that everyone knows he's gay.

Give me Ilya reckoning with how coming out has only put more expectations on Shane's shoulders and noticing the roles Shane is always forced into - the Asian player, the gay player - and understanding a bit more why privacy seemed like a better guarantee of freedom to Shane than openness.

Give me Ilya promising Shane that he loves him exactly as he is, jocky and offline and dedicated to hockey, that he never has to change anything about himself to seem more palatable to anyone, and fuck anyone who thinks Shane isn't *anything* enough, because he's always been perfect for Ilya.

[finny-red]

Home Sweet Home 🌃🌙

[gaynehollander]

Ilya is absolutely thrilled the first time he gets a minor concussion after he comes out, just impatiently waiting for someone to ask how his head is. He's literally vibrating with excitement at getting to answer with "haven't had any complaints," or, better yet, "you should ask Shane, he seems to like it."