"I thought you were dead,"
pairing: poe dameron x reader
summary: you act reckless on a mission and poe got scared
word count: 1'351
warnings: none
requested: no
You stumbled out of your X-Wing with the child handing limply over your shoulder. You didn't smile or cheer along with the rest of the base as they saw you return from what had been a suicide mission. You pushed your way through the celebrating crowd with your head down and the child, who was now in your arms. You ran to the infirmary, not even bothering to look at the General or your boyfriend. You didn't see the look of shock on their faces as they saw you rush by.
You knew you looked bad, alright? But, in your defence, the assignment had been doomed from the start. You had to go inside a Stormtrooper base to get to one of their prisoners who had some information you needed. General Organa had chosen you for the mission thanks to your stealthiness, consequence of being an ex-soldier for a secret organization. Poe had tried to talk both you and the General out of it, but neither would budge. Too many lives depended on that information. This, of course, had led to a huge fight between you and Poe, not one that you were too keen to remember right then.
You burst into the medical wing and laid the child down on a hospital bed, chest heaving. Nurses started fussing around you but you pushed them away, motioning to the unconscious boy. You didn't know what was wrong with him. You had found him lying just outside the military base you had infiltrated and had risked your life to go back and fetch him. You knew he wasn't dead for he had been breathing when you had picked him up, but you hoped the nurses would be able to get him back on his feet.
You spotted your reflection in a mirror on the other side of the room and grimaced. You looked like shit. Your hair was a mess from the helmet that you had ripped off before climbing out of your vessel, the cut on the side of your forehead had bled, leaving a trail of dry blood to the middle of your cheek, your uniform was ripped in multiple places and had a big hole in the abdomen, where you had been shot (good thing you were wearing a protective armour underneath). Your eyes were bloodshot, aftermath of not sleeping for three days straight. Kriff.
A short figure burst through the door. You didn't have time to register exactly who was walking up to you before you were slapped across the face. Your head whipped to the side, cheek stinging and ears ringing. You could hear someone exclaiming loudly as you turned around to stare at the General, whose cheeks were red and eyes the angriest you had ever seen them. "Do you know how incredibly stupid that was? Risking your life like that! The coms were cut out! We couldn't get to you, Y/N! We lost your signal after your last message! Do you know just how worried we were?!" she shrieked. You looked down at your booted feet, jaw clenched. You knew going back for the child was dangerous, but you couldn't bring yourself to leave him behind. "I should banish you for this! You risked the information getting to the First Order! Do you realize how grave that is? What could have happened if they had gotten it?" You didn't answer. You knew when to keep your mouth shut. "I would have expected this from Poe, Y/N, but never from you. I'm beyond disappointed and if you weren't one of my best soldiers, you better believe I'd never let you leave the base again," she spat. You swallowed. You'd never heard her this angry, never. She exhaled sharply and stormed out of the room, leaving you alone with the nurses and your boyfriend, who was looking at you with an unreadable look in his eyes. He looked down and followed the General out the door.
You let the nurses take care of you after that. You sat, voiceless, as they treated wound after wound and bruise after bruise. You were restricted to a week's rest, although you knew you wouldn't be able to keep that up. It was nightfall by the time you were allowed to leave the infirmary. You headed straight for you and Poe's quarters, determined to talk to him. You slowly punched the code in once you had reached the familiar door and stepped inside the dark room. No lights were on. Poe's shadow was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from you.
"Hey," you said pathetically, walking towards him. You could have slapped yourself. You came back from a suicidal mission and you said 'hey'?! Poe agreed with you, judging by the way his shoulders tensed. You exhaled deeply, running a hand over your tired face. You slowly trudged over to him, standing in front of his bowed head. "Poe," you breathed, biting your lower lip in worry. Before you knew it, you were pulled forward with his arms wrapped around your hips and his face buried in your stomach. You sighed out in relief and placed a hand on his shoulder, lowering your head to tenderly stare at his dark mess of curls. He tightened his grip around you and let out a shaky sigh. "I thought you were dead," he muttered, his voice muffled by the orange fabric of your uniform. You forced your eyes closed. You knew exactly how he felt.
You remembered all the times you'd cried, hugging one of his shirts to your chest, thinking he'd finally got shot down. Thinking he wouldn't make it back to you. That you would never see his smile or hear his laugh again. That you'd spend the rest of your days alone. Of course, you knew their line of work was incredibly dangerous, and they'd spoken about it before officially getting together. But that didn't make it easier. And you had done the one thing you always criticized in his behaviour. You hadn't thought about long-term consequences such as the information you had in your possession getting into the wrong hands if you were shot or captured. You had only thought about the poor boy and his unconscious, barely-breathing body lying outside the building. Like some common trash. It didn't help that he reminded you of your brother, either.
"I was there the whole time," his voice was muffled by your uniform. "I couldn't believe that the comms had cut. And your last message-" he broke off, shoulders trembling. "I'm sorry," you spoke sincerely, bending down to kiss the top of his head, his dark curls tickling your cheeks. "And the last conversation we had. We were fighting because I didn't want you to go and- it was so stupid! I can't even remember if I told you I loved you! My last words to you would have been 'do whatever you want! I was so scared," he admitted, "I didn't know what I would do if you hadn't come back." "I'm so sorry, Poe," He lifted his head and looked at you, his eyes slightly red. God, you'd made him cry. You ran a hand through his soft hair, trying to keep your own tears at bay. You sat down next to him on the bed, taking your head between your head. "Kriff, Poe, I'm so sorry, I didn't think, but he looked like B/N and I just couldn't bring myself to leave him there-" A sob escaped your lips. Poe pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms around you, cooing softly. "It's okay. You're alright, he's alright. You came back. That's what counts," he whispered against the skin of your neck. The gentle kiss he gave you tasted of tears. You didn't know who they belonged to and didn't care. He didn't tell you he would never again forget to tell you that he loves you before going anywhere.
"You got bitch-slapped by Organa," he chuckled after a moment. You laughed, gently hitting his shoulder. "Makes two of us," you grinned.
