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To the future baby G.
I am not even pregnant yet and I am completely obsessed with you already. I am your crazy mom.
Where in the world do I even start? How about here, I am not a blogger or a writer of ANY kind. However, our journey to you has already had an interesting start so I had this grand idea to document everything for you, family or anyone else brave enough to put up with my nonsense. Here is the best part. Your dad, my strong, supportive, brave husband, has no clue I am doing this. Good news is he already thinks I am nuts so he shouldn’t be surprised!
One day when you are older you will wake up and realize exactly what you are meant to do in life. Maybe you will be a chef, a baseball player, or a fireman like your dad. One day, you will know. Your dad has known is whole life he wanted to be a fireman. Sometimes I wonder if he was born in the wrong era. He absolutely idolizes the fireman who worked in the 70′s. You know, the big mustache, cigars hanging out of their mouths, non face mask wearing, salty fireman. He is so weird.
He eats, sleeps and breaths anything to do with the fire department. If you were to ask him, he would say I drive him nuts always complaining about his entire wardrobe having a Maltese cross on it. He is a true fireman, a real guys guy, and he LOVES what he does. I am a police officer. I absolutely LOVE my job and get excited to go to work every day. There is something really special about serving the very community you grew up in. While I love what I do I didn’t have the typical “grew up wanting to be a cop” experience. My being a cop kind of fell into my lap and I never would have imagined myself doing this 10 years ago.
But when I was a little girl, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I lost my mom, your grandma, when I was 6. I was raised primarily by your grandpa Mark and by the grace of God he did it! He took me shopping, listened to me cry about boys, drove me to cheerleading and watched me get ready for prom. He raised two little girls who turned out alright. I knew when I was very little that all I wanted in my whole life was to be a mom. I wanted to be pregnant, stay up with you all night long, drive around a mom mobile and be everything to you that I never got to experience as a kid. I want to feel the bond between a mom and her child.
Right before your dad and I got married we talked about me getting off birth control but still waiting a little while before trying to start a family. Typically I am the ‘stick to the plan’ person in this relationship, but I surprised your dad when I told him I wanted to try sooner (he panicked). It was as if the moment we decided to get off birth control, was the moment I wanted you more than I ever have before. Thankfully, the only thing your dad loves more than firefighting is me. So, here we are. And here I am, staying up all night wishing and dreaming of you. Praying, multiple times a day, that God will bless me with your presence in our lives.
Someday I will smother you will all my love, and I won’t even be sorry about it.
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