#polish adoption

[caxholloway]

There You Are An Ocean Away

Hard weeks. Imma just start crying now. 

This past Thursday, another IEP meeting was scheduled to address V’s needs. Sigh. Hard. Things are just hard. In addition to V receiving .5 hours of speech and .5 hours of language therapy services every week, she’ll begin receiving .5 hours of Occupational Therapy services each week. On Wednesday, the day before the IEP meeting, I had asked Josh if he thought we should have her evaluated for Physical Therapy as well. She struggles in areas that are linked to her past, and it’s hard seeing that play out in every day life. At the IEP meeting, we all agreed that she would be evaluated for PT. She was evaluated on Friday and while she will not be receiving PT services at school, it was strongly recommended that we get her evaluated for private PT services. Another road to navigate and another obstacle that we will overcome.

I’m still crying. Over so many different things. Some related to V, some not.

The system is broken. It’s broken everywhere.

And because systems are broken, I’ve been left this week feeling such incredibly complex feelings of righteous anger and sadness and thankfulness and hope and hopelessness and fear. So. Much. Fear.

Adoption is hard. The process is hard, the answers are hard, the obstacles are hella hard. I’ve said all of the words. Every single one of the words.

We are fighting. And we are fighting literally the only way we know how - on our knees, praying to God who sees everything. Who knows the names and places and dates and times of all involved. Who can fight in ways we can’t.

Guys.

So many tears.

I’d love to say I’m the type of person who never questions, who’s always so sure that God will come through. I’m not. I’m the type of person who falls on the floor asking why He’s not showing up. Why He would allow barriers and walls to go up, why He would allow for selfishness to thrive, why He’d delay.

I eventually, after a serious tantrum, make my way back to firm belief that God is good. He loves my family so incredibly more than I can even begin to fathom. Eventually I get there.

But it’s hard.

Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper. Jeremiah 29:7 

This. All of this.

That’s all I have.

I’m going to pray to the Lord for it.

There you are an ocean away. Do you have to live an ocean away?

[caxholloway]

I’m Takin This Horse By The Reins

Waiting is hard. And this waiting is so different.

Within three months of filling out the application to adopt from Poland, we were matched with V. Most of our waiting and our pursuit was so specifically tailored to going to get HER. Nothing was up in the air, nothing was up for question - it was for her. And all the pink and all the sweet was purchased. And we waited for travel dates for what seemed like an eternity. Or for what I knew to be an eternity.

Waiting is so hard.

And I read this, and I sob.

But scripture says that right now we wait – expectantly, eagerly and hopefully wait – for the day we will finally and fully be adopted and brought home. We have already tasted a piece of what’s to come but deeply long for the whole: “...we ourselves who have the Spirit as the firstfruits – we also groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. Now in this hope we were saved…” (Romans 8:23-24)

My heart hurts. Beds are empty. Hope is on the horizon, but the horizon feels something like 20 hours and thousands of miles away. Clothes of different sizes and colors have been tucked away in bins and moved to the garage while I whisper the prayer, “Move quickly, Lord.” I struggle to gain control of an uncontrollable situation. But I call out faith and I hope that He hears.

There are no promises, there is not a hint of promise or of news.

But I’m claiming May.

Several months ago, a situation happened that brought into my life a pair of Hamilton tickets (my favorite part of the day is when someone at work says the word Lafayette). I’ll never forget how and when and what that made that happen. But they’re there. For May 27th. When they were given to us, I told my incredibly generous, loving friend, “My fear is that we’ll be in Poland in May.”

That’s no longer my fear. It’s my hope.

I spent the latter part of last year speaking dates and months into existence...planting seeds of faith and praying they’d grow.

I’m planting the seed now. Praying for a spring in Poland and for another little’s hand to hold. Praying for a referral way before then. Praying for perfect timing and for boldness. Praying that our child is loved in the place they are and safe in the place they are until we can get to them.

It’s 8 months until May. I’m praying for May.

Onward.

Also...we’re so incredibly close to 30%. Word.

[caxholloway]

Take Cover

Transparently, everything feels so much different this time.

When we adopted Victoria, we were coming off of two years of hard, hard things. I remember those years. I remember the brokenness.

I like to sit in the car on my way to work and recount the story of Victoria’s adoption. I like to remind myself over and over how clear God was with us - how every detail meant something. And I get emotional about it when Mother’s Day starts to roll around. Because all of those complex emotions come to the surface.

Two years of hard things.

I remember Gravel leaving and us cautiously walking toward adoption - with my only prayer being for God to make it clear. Over and over, “Make it clear, Lord.”

It’s no coincidence that I was sitting in a Starbucks in Tigard, Oregon specifically praying for God to show me my kids. To show me when and where and who they were. It is no coincidence that in the moments I was uttering that prayer, my daughter was being born.

It’s no coincidence that two weeks before we received her referral, I asked Josh about the name Victoria and if it could be our daughter’s name, discarding the name we had picked out for several years. I vividly remember saying, “I know we have a name, but I don’t want it anymore. I want Victoria.” It’s no coincidence that two weeks later we received the profile of a little girl named Victoria.

It’s no coincidence that in my most broken moments of May 11, 2014, I was comforted by our caseworker with hope that the next Mother’s Day would be better. It’s no coincidence that our caseworker with a Christian Adoption Agency, closed on Sundays and sensitive to the fact that it was Mother’s Day, would call and tell me about a little girl who looked like Cindy Lou Hoo and that she thought she was our daughter. That Mother’s Day began in grief and ended with rejoicing.

It’s no coincidence that a high school friend wanted to hang out after years of not seeing each other, and handed me a wad of cash at the end of the night. I remember you.

I remember you who said that you had been dog-sitting and that the Lord had prompted you to give the money to us.

I remember you: who was pied in the face, who begged your co-worker to make her famous dessert for us to sell, who designed our t-shirts, who donated your home to host our yardsale at, who loaned us your tables, who bought the curtains hanging in her room, who donated your clothes, who wrote check after check and said, “I know we’ve done it before, and we’re doing it again.”, who had so little and gave so much. You who had so much and gave so much. You who bought the popcorn and the drinks and who handed us money after we were home with her and said, “There’s always something you’re going to need when you come home.” You who showed up at the airport in the middle of an ice storm. You who risked your lives driving my car to the airport. You who showed up with bags of toys and clothes.  You who showed up with the last donation who told me that it was always the plan to be the last. You who prayed us home. You who liked every status and sent every good thought and prayer our way. 

You were always part of the story - and we carry you with us.

He made it clear.

It has never been a mistake. It’s always been worth it.

And God reminds me of that over and over as I tell myself the story of Victoria.

And I’m about to lose it as I think of where we are now. Pursuing what God has made clear to us again.

And that He’s always come through - that He’s never made a mistake - that His plans have always been worth it.

Specific prayer prayed over two years. Specific answer.

And I love to watch the pieces, the most random, off-base, completely unexpected pieces come together at just the right time, even at 2:30 in the morning. I love that He’s good to us. To all of us.

My boss asked me today (and I love that she’s super curious about this whole process) how fundraising was going, how I was doing. Exhausted. Humbled. Trusting. I didn’t really want to talk about it, because honestly - waiting on the world to change is hard. But I told her that God brought in the 41k before. He’ll do it again. 

And in two weeks, you guys have helped us bring in 4% of that already. And we don’t deserve it, and we haven’t earned it - we’re just a family with a story to tell. And with every donation that comes in, you become more and more apart of the story.

I can’t wait to tell you the beginning of the story. 

And if you want to financially be part of this, you can here:

https://www.youcaring.com/cathrineholloway-813187

[caxholloway]

Preparing For Christmas with Your Polish Child

I determined before Josh and I brought V home that we would begin incorporating traditions. We had already started as a family exchanging ornaments each year and since she’s been home it’s now grown into a book exchange as well (but let me be honest, I really just want 500 Christmas books and this is a way I can get them all). We came across a hidden gem in our library a few weeks ago, and now I am hooked on Polish Christmas books for kids. I can’t wait to read them all!

Jingle Bells by Iza Trapani

JoJo’s Christmas Day by Sujatha Lulgudi

50 Christmas Words by Sujatha Lulgudi

Magic Reindeer by Sue Bentley

Marek and Alice’s Christmas by Jolanta Starek-Corile

[caxholloway]

When adopting internationally, you will have to travel to your child’s birth country. Most families stay several days, bonding with their child and completing paperwork. Families adopting through our Poland program often visit Wroclaw, and they often report that one of the most fun parts of their stay in the city is dwarf-hunting.

[caxholloway]

Wirtualny spacer. Zobacz jak prezentują się nasze apartamenty i mieszkania wraz z pełnym wyposażeniem. Centrum Zielonej Góry

This is the apartment complex we stayed at in Zielona Gora. (The translated version can be accessed here.)

We enjoyed out stay here, minus the lack of a washing machine. However, the apartment manager was super kind and washed and dried our clothes for us!

And just in case anyone wants to watch the standoff between Josh (who was a new dad) and V (who was a new daughter) over whether or not a plate was to be put in the sink. 

[caxholloway]

While Google Maps does not yet have bus routes listed for Wroclaw, I was able to locate the public transit site for Wroclaw that allows you to map out your bus route!

The hard part: You have to know the street address of the place you are wanting to travel to (as opposed to Google Maps where you can easily type in Starbucks). However, you can find the address for where you want to go on Google Maps. Get with it, Google.

ProTip: Blue is your starting location, Red is your ending location.

[caxholloway]

Gus on the Go - Polish

When Josh and I were in Poland, we wanted to immediately begin teaching Victoria language skills. Because we had constant access to wifi, Josh was able to download a great app on his iPad: Gus on the Go. You can use this app in several different languages.

This app helped us so much in the transition from Polish to English, as you can switch back and forth between the languages at any time. Currently, Victoria is sitting on the floor with Josh, mastering every single English level. 

So if you’re looking for a way to begin to teach your kids English, pay the $3.99 each for Polish and English for Gus on the Go!