#poly drama

[jupyter-notebook]

youtube thumbnail: using graph theory to solve my friends poly drama

[kimchicuddles]

So very grateful for the balance, ease, and playfulness in my relationships <3

Check out Kimchi Cuddles on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KimchiCuddles

[myopenlife-blog1]

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking..... since yesterday...

A is not interested in me anymore. Which is fine. No grudges against her since I don't know her much.

That's not the issue....

Been going through D and I's messages and what he's saying is kinda freaking me out. We're not even dating and he's saying that he loves me and doesn't want to loose me.... like he forgets that I do have a husband.

What I'm saying is that I don't have any interest in him in that way and I don't know what to say to him because he's emotionally attached to me. So I asked The Hubs for advice on how to tell D that I'm not interested in dating him.  He told me out right to say that we're better off as friends, no benefits because that's not how I roll.

Last night I had to mute D's and I's conversation until I can think of a way to tell him. I know that I have the Hubs support. He even knew that I wasn't happy in this situation. I would like to be happy with a person that is not going to have an attachment issue and it just feels like I'm.... suffocating... if you understand what I'm talking about.

I would like to search for a girl I do... but I'll take it easy before searching for a girl.... let things cool off....

I'll update more as soon as possible.

[myopenlife-blog1]

I’m not sure where to start so here goes......

Last Tuesday, D and I finally met face to face to hang out at his house. That was fine, we hung out, watched a movie and talked... a lot. But one thing led to the other and we ended up having sex. He didn't come in me thank goodness because I asked him not to.

He said that the only way A would know if she asked. I told him that she should know and The Hubs should know as well. So I left a while later.

Yeah.... getting to that night.... She wasn't exactly thrilled when she was told. And I completely understand because she hasn't met me. Also comes to find that she's not interested in me in that aspect. That she was interested in someone else and wants to be faithful to that person. This was all coming from D.

A and I don't talk at all so this is all coming from D because she's not good with words. After I told them quite a few times that they need to communicate this shit with me. A also said something about friends with benefits.... I don't remember much because I was tired to even comprehend.

I told him that she and I can go slow and see where it goes. But I don't know. I'm leaving it all to her what she wants.

Now fast forwarding to last night's conversation. I decided it was time to talk to them because I was confused about this whole thing.

I spoke with D and expressed how I'm confused about this whole thing with A not being interested in me in that way which is fine. But the one thing that confused me the most was the whole friends with benefits shit. He said that she was not thrilled that we went further with out me getting to know her. Which was fine. When asked about the whole friends with benefits things... according to him, she wants D and I to be friends with benefits.

Not something I'm okay with since I don't do friends with benefits. He knows about my past with being used and I don't want to go down that route again. I told him that I don't do friends with benefits. I was told that it was all a misunderstand on their part and was told not to bring it up to her or him....

A couple things.....

1. As I expressed, I'm looking for a relationship. Not friends with benefits. I was used in the past and I don't need another repeat. I wasn't expecting to go further with D than we did. Even though he said not to feel sorry or anything like that. I feel awful. I wasn't even looking for a relationship with a couple to be honest. I wanted to give this a go to see if this is something I want....

2. I told him a few times if she had an issues or wanted to talk to me than do so. If they want this to work... then all parties should be communicating, not two out of the three. I understand that she's not good at expressing her feelings. I'm not either but I'm doing so. I'm just irritated that she's relaying what she wants to say to D and have him be the messenger person....

She's giving me the mixed messages. First she's interested, then she's not, then she wants D and I only to be FWB, then it's all a misunderstanding. I'm making the assumption that neither of them communicate to one another in this aspect. I'm beginning to think that they don't know the dynamics of an open relationship is and what it entails.

The Hubs and I know what an open relationship is and what goes with it. We know that all parties need to communicate, we both know that sex is going to happen, we both know that both he and I would like to meet the partners or potential partners. We both know that we need to talk about how we feel and stuff. We both know not to keep our partners private.

I need to be in a relationship with people that I can openly express how I feel, not to be shut out. I need to be in a relationship with people who communicate openly not to just me but their partners as well.

I don't know what to think about this whole thing. But I do know that both D and A need to really think this through before expressing what they actually want with me or anyone else. I can't deal with the drama between them. It just feels like almost everything in my past is coming back though them.

I don't know what to do. I think I need to talk to the Hubs and see what he suggests me to do and go from there. I know that this my issue and my issue alone, but his opinion matters at this point. He hates seeing me hurt.

At least the hubs and I go on a small date on friday so that's a huge plus.

I'll update more soon....

[rustchild]

Tell Me What Is Forbidden - Electric Literature

“The Song of the Bow” by Bee Sacks, recommended by Halimah Marcus for Electric Literature

i have never read anything that felt more like a callout of me specifically

[tangledndark]

Ferrett is one of my go-to poly bloggers :)

[nonbinary-taralewis]

I'm dating someone. She's magnificent and I love her and she just makes me feel alive. But when we opened our marriage to polyamory, my wife expected something different. And we attempted the triad dynamic but it didn't work. And that's no one's fault. But now I'm in the middle. And they're both such amazing women. I love them. But I'm being given ultimatums and the whole point in poly is to have fulfilling relationships with both. I have tried to not feel selfish. I am doing extremely hard work to make things work on both ends but at the end of the day it's gotten me no where. My heart is so heavy. I have so much love to give. But all I feel is pain right now. At what point do I address my own needs and make my own happiness?

[intactveins]

The gf

Not mine. Hers. Nice to see she's spent more time with that girl this week than with me. Because I totally married her for this reason...