Village of Sadness
Cloud x reader Rebirth Retold Ch 17
Masterlist
spoliers for gongaga region
~*~
“TIFA!” The desperate cry of her name rattled around your brain like water circling a drain. His voice conveying every ounce of agony twisting his natural timber into a sound you could hardly recognize. You watched in slow motion how his eyes widened as he realized his actions, how his sword clanged forgotten on the crumbling cement as he desperately reached to grab the falling woman, and how he sank to his knees consumed with self-loathing and emptiness of his broken spirit.
It shouldn’t have been possible. Just moments ago, he was rendered incapacitated by the noxious minty solvent smell of the harvested mako inside the destruction of a former reactor nestled deep within the Gongaga’s jungle. He hadn’t even been able to lift his head let alone fend off the troop of soldiers pouring from every opening into the cavern. You had thrown yourself between him and the oncoming troops, Barret entrusting you with the task of keeping him safe- not that he even had to ask. You had. You aimed for their weakness, the closeness to the mako sparking the remnant lifestream within you pulsing into action, fortifying your unnaturally keen senses and boosting the speed of your movements. Their qi points glowed faintly to your eyes alone like a beacon in the storm. Their qi points glowed faintly to your eyes alone showing you just where to hit to drop them like flies without claiming their misguided lives.
Then suddenly the noise of battle faded into hushed murmurs, their lips moving but the sounds not quite reaching your ears, and then a sinister feeling licked up your back and unintelligible whispers pressed against your eardrums. Reunion.
The hair on your arms raised, the very air in your lungs squeezed tight, your head whipped back to observe the shifting of Cloud’s aura. His hands flew up to cradle his head as he doubled over his face twisted in fear. It was a silent battle, one he’s lost to a few times before now, and all at once he raised to his feet completely devoid of his very essence. His face was devoid of emotion, his advancements toward the incoming troops lithe and beautiful like the angel of death himself with no intentions of showing mercy. Your pulse still thundered in your ears keeping the world at arm’s length as you realized you’ve stood still for too long. The soldiers had surrounded you and while you were more than capable of subduing them it had created too much distance between you and the blonde man, and once you had caught up a fraid of eerie black phantoms swarmed the scene in a gauzy haze barring you from following further.
Your feet faltered, the soles of your boot firmly planting on the edge of the busted-up metal as dark oily wisps of miasma roiled within his head and pushed through the orifices on his head in plumes of tangible smoke. His eyes were dark and sinister, pupils sharpened into catlike slits, and a sadistic smile stretched along his face as he attacked the men around him. He reveled in the kill.
Was it some kind of possession or could it be more of an influence from inner demons that changed him so? Or was his reality altered into an experience that the rest of you could not grasp? One that preyed on his darkest fears perhaps. He was lost, much like your earlier years.
Blood splattered against his face sprinkling a trail of crimson constellations across the bridge of his nose like constellations, and Tifa…
Tifa was gone.
Forced between choosing to fall into lurking mako depths or a fatal slash from Cloud’s sword as he advanced on her during his delusions. She broke the surface and tried to swim to safety before the mako could alter her genetic makeup but just as Barret could almost pull her to safety the very guardian of the planet you defended weeks ago swallowed her up and dove into the uncharted depths of mako.
How the hell did you get here? Just hours prior you had caught up with everyone safely. The villagers were welcoming, the few odd jobs you had accepted were easy, and a good meal fortified the groups’ strength. Now you could hardly breathe.
~*~
“Did I…?” Cloud asked the unchecked guilt swallowing the rest of his question. His frame shook so violently he needed to press his weight against your side to stay upright his hand slicked in cold sweat threaded through your own.
“Yeah.” You spoke lowly and bare.
“What’s happening to me?” he choked his eyes unwavering from the blood smeared along his hand leather bound hand.
“I don’t know.” You whispered. You had heard the doctor: cellular degradation. But it didn’t make sense to you. The other men in robes have all been consumed by the same sensation, but they felt empty. No core human essence within the husk left behind, but Cloud was always there. Each time you’ve seen him falter and change he was still there. Faint, but there. His core never lessened. His essence never consumed. Wouldn’t his soul be eaten away with every change if it was truly cellular degradation? You puffed out a frustrated sigh.
“Are-fuck…. Are you… scared of me?” You looked at him from the corner of your eye. His eyes clenched tight, Adam’s apple bobbing around the fear lodged in his throat, and body rigid. He hung his head to try to escape your scrutiny, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen this side of him before. For all his bravado you never would have guessed that he harbored such desperation to belong somewhere, to belong to someone.
You stood up abruptly and forced your knee between his legs to create room for you to crouch between. You brought both your palms up to cradle his face and lead his forehead to yours. “No.” You declared with conviction. Tears gathered at his lashes, but you held his gaze firm. “You will never scare me.” You pulled the hem of your shirt up to wipe at the blood still lingering on his face. When you were satisfied that the last of it was gone you let your shirt flutter back down in favor of stroking your thumb against his cheek. “We’ll figure this out, together.”
You could tell he didn’t believe you, but he nodded along anyway. If answers don’t come soon the guilt itself might eat him from within.
You don’t know how long you waited there. An hour, maybe two or five. It felt like eternity, and just as everyone began to lose hope the ground beneath your feet began to shake. A thunderous call vibrated through the cavern, the minty green liquid bubbling rapidly in the center, and with a giant leap into the air the guardian returned and bestowed the group with your friend.
*~*
Cloud hadn’t left Tifa’s bedside since they returned, not even through the night. He was racking his memories for the glimpse and pieces of recollection he had to make sense of it. His head had felt like he took a stab to the temple, he thought he’d seen Sephiroth. He didn’t remember attacking the soldiers at all, but he knew he was more than capable of leaving their bodies the way they were. He felt joy, and that scared him. He remembers Tifa’s face. She had looked so sad, but he didn’t know why. Cloud, don’t let her fool you. She has no scar. She’s not Tifa. But didn’t he see the scar? And then she fell.
Did she fall, or did I attack her?
The second she started to rouse he was on his feet. “I’ll go get the others.”
He stepped towards the door but before he could grab the handle she called out his name. He didn’t want to look at her. He didn’t want her to confirm what he knew was true. “You remember how our parents use to tell is that when a person died… their spirit would cross Mt. Nibel?”
He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but stories of their childhood wasn’t it. He resolved himself against his cowardly heart and sank to his knees once he reached her bedside. “Yeah. We all knew it was a story to scare us outta climbing the mountain. You believed it though.”
“I didn’t… At least, I had my suspicions,” she sat up slowly, her eyes still on the ceiling, “but I buried them. I wanted it to be true so badly. I didn’t wanna think my mom was just… gone.” She exhaled a shaky breath before finally looking at him, her crimson eyes as warm as ever. He wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. “Emilio and the others said they’d help me find her, so up the mountain we went.”
“Some help there were- “he scoffed, “running off and leaving you out there.” He tried to keep the venom from his voice but recalling those assholes brought back the years of torment they put him through.
“Not that I knew about any of that…” He cocked a brow.
“You don’t remember?”
“I hit my head pretty hard when I fell off. Everything from around those times a blur. I only knew what the others told me. Didn’t even occur to me to question them.”
He leaned an elbow onto the mattress. “What’d they tell you?” Not the truth, he bets.
“They said that you… egged me on.” He bit back the bitter laugh that wanted to escape him. Of course he was to blame, and the fact she didn’t even question them shows what she thought of him then. The quiet loser neighbor kid that was hopelessly in love with her. “But now, I know. That’s not what happened at all. When the rest of them ran, you were there for me. You stayed when I needed you most. If that’s not a hero, then I don’t know what is.” He did. Complete idiocy on his part.
“I’m no hero.” He looked to the ground. “What kind of hero falls off a cliff with the person he’s trying to save? And pushes ‘em into a pool of mako?” He had to get it out there. He couldn’t live with her burying it under some bittersweet mumbo jumbo. “Sometimes…. I don’t even know who I am.” He stood and faced the wall. “I forget things everyone else remembers just fine… and know things I’ve got no right knowing. It’s like there’s different people inside of me. And the worst part is, I can’t even tell where they end and I begin.” He confessed. He looked at her again.
“Go on.” She urged.
“Soldiers cells degrade… I think that’s what’s happening to me. That I’m… falling apart.” How ironic that now that he found a place to belong he’s disappearing faster than he can enjoy it.
“That’s not going to happen to you.” She gets up from the bed and grabs his hand and holds it tight within hers. He tried his hardest not to let it show, but he could feel the frown pull along his face. He had just almost killed her with these hands, why get close enough to give him another try. “You saved me before, now it’s my turn.” He wanted to argue with her that there was no point in putting in unnecessary effort. They didn’t even know why it was happening, and besides if there was a way to stop the process you’d have thought the other cursed robed men would have found it by now. It was the consequences of his choices. He had dreamed of being famous, of being someone, of being noticed. Now, soon, he’d be no one.
He blinked, and brows crinkled immediately when he realized something was off. Her eyes looked dazed and her line of sight no longer on his eyes. She shifted closer, to lean into him, her expression soft and hopeful. But she’s not you. She could never be you. He turned his head sharply in panic, and a lance of guilt shot through him for them momentary look of rejected flashed in her eyes. She pulled back, and then to make everything worse, some at unwanted observers were chanting “kiss, kiss, kiss” through the wooden door. “I’m- I’m sorry.” He didn’t want to hurt her, but he couldn’t leave this hanging between them. So, he squared his shoulders and met her eye to eye.
“I won’t.”
“’Cause you love her?” She was so soft as if he heard her all her hopes would come crashing down.
“Yeah. I love her.” He declared. He had thought he’d feel embarrassed to admit it to anyone who wasn’t you, but for once he’s pleasantly surprised.
“Right.” She said with a sad smile, but with a nod of acceptance. She collected herself after a moment, and with a small, determined hum she opened the door. Yuffie and Cait Sith fell into the room the moment the wooden barrier was no longer there to support them. He just stepped over them like they hadn’t been there at all and as he crossed into the next room a rock settled in his gut when you were not in it. Shit.
*~*
It was early afternoon; the sun had that bright glow that created a halo if you looked straight at it. You sat on top of the hill near the memorial stone on a soft patch of lush grass with your feet gently kicking over the edge. You like to look at the scenery wherever you go, but never really had a good change in this region, though that was because you hated this region. Hot, and muggy? No thanks. Though you had to admit the big leafy trees held a beauty unlike any other. The town had a nice cooling breeze since the river ran through the center of it, and you were glad the rain had subsided over the night taking a good chunk of humidity with it.
That room was stifling. The atmosphere was draining. You were internally twisted up in worries for Tifa. She had been submerged in mako for hours, and even a little exposure could damage a person beyond healing capabilities so the chances of her waking up at all were slim to none. Yuffie and Cait Sith were on your nerves. The two of them were swooning by making up love stories claiming true love’s kiss was all it would take for Tifa to wake up. You had thought the two of you were pretty obvious when it came to recent feelings especially after Corel, but perhaps Yuffie was as thickheaded as she was a loudmouth. Aerith and Barret kept giving you pitying looks and it all just set you on edge. By first morning light you dipped out. You had just finished your lap around the town and decided to check in when you heard their ridiculous childish chanting and decided they’ll come to find you when everything has been decided.
You feel stupid. It does bother you, but not in the way they think it bothers you. Cloud was not a liar, and so when he confessed at the hotel you took him at his word, and he is loyal where it counts. He said he loves you, so that’s it. He loves you. But the thought of them being close in that way got under your skin, and the way those two knuckleheads are shipping them together bother you. It shouldn’t, but it does. Turns out you might be quite territorial. Just one more fact about yourself that you file away for later.
Most of all, you wanted Tifa to be happy. You’d like to think that if she had just told you before she encouraged you on that blasted beach that you would have no problem to walk away. You never wanted to love the same guy as a dear friend, but even if she had said something that day you were already over your head.
Why didn’t she say anything?
“Y/n?” You partially turned to see the woman who addressed you. It’s like you had summoned her from an orb of materia. Her hair hadn’t been retied up yet and dark locks swayed behind her as a gust of wind blew past. She looked nervous, maybe guilty, and sad. “I’m sorry.”
“Let me fix your hair.” You motioned for the spot next to you. Her eyes were momentarily wide like you caught her off guard before she awkwardly settled beside you. She handed you her hair piece as you started tidying the fly aways. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Her shoulders relaxed even though she had more to say, guilt still weighing heavily on her soul. “But I tried to…” She sighed heavily. “You knew how I felt?”
“For a while.”
“I didn’t mean to cause you any pain.”
You fastened the raven locks down at her waist then turned to look at the stream under the cliff. “It’s funny really. You had me fooled. I was… jealous of you in Junon.” You could practically feel her red eyes starting at you like you had two heads. “You two seemed so close and as much as I tried to run from it, I liked him. He said you were like a sister, and I believe him.” You reached to pull her hand in your own. “When you encouraged me on the beach I really believe that was all it was. Until the bridge, and he reached for me.” You sighed. “I could’ve left you know. If you had told me, I would have left.” You looked at her then and seen a mixture of emotion warring in her eyes. “I have trust in him. You have not caused me pain, but I have caused yours.” You watched her shoulders curl in on herself and your heart clenched for her.
Her eyes were full of love as she looked into yours. “You could never.” She’s too kind. You both settled in next to each other basking in the glow of clearing the air before she sighed again. “I’m in love with the boy next door, and part of me was hoping we could go back to that bond one day, but he’s changed so much sense then. Sometimes he feels like a completely different person.”
You hummed. “I’m sure he’s been through a lot. Battle can change a person, and from my understanding you’ve gone through a trauma or two yourself. He’s not that boy anymore and you’re not that girl. It’s time to look forward, not back.”
“When did you get so wise, huh?” she asked with a flick to your forehead.
“Me? Wise? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She laughed, though it faded as her eyes flickered over your shoulder.
“Seems you have another visitor to entertain.”
“Y/n.” Cloud called from a safe distance so he wouldn’t encroach on your privacy.
“Here I thought it was you who was supposed to be showered in attention.” You gave her hand another squeeze before standing up. “You’ll be okay?”
“Go on. Don’t worry about me.” With one last nod you left the beauty to her own devices and turned your attention to the blonde merc waiting ever so patiently.
“Can we talk?” He asked as you approached him.
“Let’s take a walk.” He nodded and waited for you to take a few steps before him like he thought you’d bolt at the earliest opportunity. It was like having a solid brick wall following you to cut off any escape route, though a wall wouldn’t be as stiff. Hands clutched, brows drawn in, jaw set firm, brain flashing through too many thoughts to show clearly through his eyes. If you hadn’t known better you’d have thought he was preparing for the fight of his life. “I trust that we have our next plan of action in order?”
He crossed to you in the blink of an eye and grabbed you by the shoulders halting you in your steps. He pulled your body into his so your back met his chest, one hand skating down the slope of your arm to entwine your fingers together. “I don’t want to talk about that.” You felt the words rumbling through his chest and into your body.
You looked around the path. You weren’t very far from the village but far enough that you could see the tops of the houses just down the dirt road. The sun had finally fallen from its position in the sky, so the afternoon rays no longer pierced through your corneas. “Did you kiss her?”
“No. Just list- “His hand still on your shoulder gripped a little tighter.
“Did you want too?”
“No.”
“Did you ever want too?” You leaned your head to the side absent mindedly as his finger brushed along your hairline.
“When we were kids.”
You nodded and turned around in his hold. You held his stare and reached up to smooth the wrinkle still stubbornly in place. “I trust you.”
He swallowed thickly before dropping his head to the junction between your neck and shoulder and tiny satisfied grumble came out when your hand automatically came up to tangle and scratch at his scalp. He brought your other hand up to place over his rapidly beating heart.
“So,” you started, “where to next?”
“Cosmo Canyon.”
