Mirror's Reflection part 2 - When you're falling in a forest
Okay TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF DEATH, PANIC ATTACKS, OVERWHELMED, HEIGHTENED SOCIAL ANXIETY Tell me if there's any additional ones.
By the time they sync down and land in the commons Anxiety is asleep, curling into Prince’s neck. Prince’s head rested upon Anxiety’s and he sat on a sofa. They all did this a lot more as kids although while Prince craved it, it meant a lot less. Now whether or not he was asleep, Anxiety cuddled with all his soul into it.
They all sat with hot chocolate and talked a while over stuff while Thomas and Anxiety slept.
“Something’s on your mind Prince.” Logic said simply.
“When did Anxiety change and how didn’t we see it coming.”
“One of us noticed it happening.”
“Morality, don’t try and …”
“Not him, Prince. I did.” Prince turned to look at Pranks who had a sad smile upon his face.
Prince, fiery personality that he is, went into accusation mode, “Well then why didn’t you stop it, he suffers so much and he’s so worried and he pushes us all to the side when he gets edgy and he didn’t used to.”
“Don’t you dare put that on me, Roman.” Pranks snapped. Two levels left them speechless, considering Pranks made the nicknames he never called them by their original names and Pranks never lost his temper. On he continued, “I did what I could. Luck and support will only get you so far.”
Prince immediately shut his mouth.
Anxiety once used to be the typical worried child in any kids’ adventure film. Willing to do stuff but the first to pipe up that they shouldn’t.
To everyone’s defence it started off small.
In middle to high school the pressure and the homework built and it began to be test season.
After a handful of hours of homework, 3 tests and a coursework in one week everyone decided to have a day off… By going to a party where they knew virtually no one. One of Anx’s least favourite things of all time.He worried and argued and complained when he found out. Pranks was inclined to agree with Anx as he thought it was a lot for the poor kid.
It was all too much for Anxiety who as it got closer had a panic attack to which Morality brought him down and a while later when he felt in his own skin again Anxiety clung to him and sobbed. This broke Morality’s heart, he held him close and let him let it all out.
“I’m sorry.” Morality said after a long time.
“I didn’t realise how much this was upsetting you. I’m sorry.”
Anx rubbed his eyes and sighed heavily, “I know. There’s nothing to be done for it.”
“Let’s ask Prank’s huh? Maybe we can luck out at the last second.”
Off they went and found Pranks ten minutes later setting up a glitter pouch for people to open.
“I’m being summoned but you go to him, okay?” Morality urged before syncing out and Anx walked up, still rubbing his eyes.
Prank’s usual smile dropped into sad concern.
“You’ve been crying.” He stated simply and Anx’s nodded silently. With a sigh he patted the chair next to him and Anxiety sat beside him.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I need some luck. For us not to go out or so I don’t have to think about it.”
Pranks thought a long while before replying quietly, “No.”
“Anxiety. It’s best for everyone if I don’t. If we don’t go they’ll want to go again. If you’re given it you’ll worry anyway and the world has it’s own luck. If it’s gonna go wrong that’s just gonna happen. And honestly, they need to recognise that you need time out a lot more than you say.” Pranks tells him straight. This was not what he wanted to hear and put his head in his hands. Pranks soothed him before checking the odds for the night and making Anxiety some saffron tea.
Either fortunately or unfortunately the party was a hit. They saw a lot of people, they all had a lot of fun including Anx after the saffron tea calmed him and it turned out it was what they had all needed for the day.
This however opened a gate that lead to Anx’s severe changes. Everyone felt despite Anxiety’s and Prank’s arguments to the contrary some socialisation after a particularly heavy day or week was all they needed. Morality seemed convinced the party did well but was more inclined to give Anx a few more rests, feeling like a father to him.
A great problem with arguing to the contrary was despite being the first to say ‘this is a problem’ he as a younger person was not very good at convincing others and was even worse at sticking to his guns.
The spiral’s became worse. Anx became angry a lot of the time because he wasn’t being listened to and was overworking a ton. Still, when Prince would smile at a particularly good job done by Thomas Anx’s heart would melt a little knowing the planning had gone well. When Logic would come for folder and plannings sleepovers he’d feel a little better. When Missy helped him with his make up and Imaj played with him he’d feel almost himself. When Pranks and Morality soothed him he felt okay. When Thomas recognised the work was due to Anx he felt accomplished even.
But these were coming fewer and far between. Anx was almost always working and while everyone was feeling the pressure of the essay season and overworking themselves to the bone Anx hadn’t slept in weeks, had constant twiched and plenty of panic attacks which as time went on he hid more from people so they could get more done and was in such a mood that he didn’t want to be near others and others didn’t want to be near him in the worst of it.
Pranks could see it all but couldn’t be back enough to help a lot. He had to play the odds and really help with trying to get them the best results. Between essays Thomas would like to talk to friends or do things which meant the rest had a good experience where Anxiety was like a runaway train. Telling him the ways it could go wrong. Thomas pointing out happily when it went right started a trend that no one foresaw becoming a consistent thing of Anx pointing out smugly when things went wrong.
Finally he did something he never saw himself doing. He told off Prince.
The person he was most drived to impress for. The peron his heart fluttered when he saw. The one with the biggest ideas and he least wanted to disappoint. They lightly debated and argued sometimes while younger but it was mid way through test season at a coffee shop where Anxiety’s nerve finally broke and he snarled at the man he liked, “No. We are not doing that.”
“But we always join the upcoming play.”
“Not this year. Not now. Maybe not ever again!” Anxiety hissed and they had a passionate argument about how it brought Thomas joy but they didn’t have time and they couldnt memorise everything as well as the tests, well the tests didn’t matter as much if Thomas wanted to be an actor, of course they mattered. The build up escalated until they were yelling at each other and Thomas was aggressively colouring in a therapy art book someone had got him.
Finally Anx slammed his door and threw his pillow across the room and then walked after it to throw it again to let some tension out. A couple of hours later Logic turned up with pancakes.
“Salutations. I’m here for our sleepover. I brought sustanance. I noticed you had not ate and decided to bring it with me.”
“Morality?” Anx’s face held the ghost of a smirk smile which calmed Logic down abit. God help Logic, he tried and he had plenty of emotion, as much as the rest but he didn’t know how to help very well. He would often ask the others what he should do if he had a problem that involved people pleasing.
“Pranks. Morality is in with Prince. He’s being very dramatic.” Logic sighed.
“Pfft, charming.” Anxiety scoffed.
“You’re being dramatic too.” Logic stated matter of factly. It seemed to mean a lot more knowing Logic didn’t know that you sometimes shouldn’t say that.
Anxiety’s sass seemed to deflate at it and he nodded, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You should eat though. Missy asked a question that I realise I hadn’t thought about.”
“When was the last time I saw you actually eat.” Logic replied. Anxiety’s eyes widened and he gawped a little, trying to look anywhere but Logic’s eyes. Then he took the plate and ate a bite. He hadn’t meant to miss food he was simply too busy but once he had began to fill his stomach he began to rationalise things again. He was still more moodier, irritable and panicked than Anxiety used to be but the behaviour had began to be natural to him. He realised the way he’d spoke to Prince was off the handle however so he decided to apologise after food.
Prince had had the same idea and was just outside Anxiety's door.Both boys gave a sincere sorry to one another and then immediately went to debating about things in a much more friendly way. Neither pointed out that the other was blushing.
It was not long later after that, that Anx had the panic attack that left them in hospital. A particularly not nice teacher had laid into Thomas hard about his future which was a sore spot for every one of them. Then he got the news his grades weren’t as good as expected and the family dog was ill. Tyro the dog was usually Anxiety’s saving grace in time of need and he hadn’t learnt to.not say when.he thought the worst.might.have happened so he had yelled, “Tyro might be dead.”
When he did.everyone hyperfocused.and whether or not Tyro would be dead. He started to panic.and hyperventilate. So he walked into the commons to find Logic and uttered, “Help me.”
It was like Anxiety couldn’t speak. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t control his limbs, he couldn’t make a damn sound. He just wanted to scream.
And then began screaming with the pain. His panic attack kicked in.and almost immediately hit fit stage, his whole mind was fried. He simply screamed and yelled and the others suggested things but Anx no longer had control over his limbs. They quickly sank down and told him to have contact with Thomas to which Anxiety prompytly tried to crawl away.Thomas was in the late stages of a bad panic attack and Anxiety was avoiding touching Thomas like the plague. He had heard he had to hurt Thomas and he wasn’t willing. He wasn’t, he wasn’t, he wasn’t..
Anxiety’s eyes rolled back and he slumped unconcious. At the same moment Thomas started to lose control of body functions and trying very hard he sent a text saying 10RS to his best friend which had been a code including the richter scale; the higher the worse. They could only assume his best friend did his job contacting the hospital as they woke in a hospital bed with concerned faces.
Back in Thomas’ mind Anxiety was in effectively his own hospital bed with Missy looking after him. They had been furious when they all attempted to mollycoddle the guy and demanded they all leave until Anx was ready to recieve visitors. They had expected some upside considering it was Missy but they got none so promptly did as told.
A part of Anx stayed closed after that, any optimism easily persuaded onto him before became a task and while he still did everything he did with them before (although a lot less frequently) he didn’t open up as before. He couldn’t be sure they liked him cos he wasn’t sure he liked himself.
Everyone remembered things minisculey differently as a group will tend to do but no one could deny Anxiety changed from that day for worse in some ways, for better in others. They loved him in their different ways all the same.
He made sure he'd never ask himself if he ever let them know it was too much again.
When he woke up two days later, he made everyone pancakes and thanked them before sitting cross-legged on the coffee table with a blanket wrapped around him watching mind numbing tv.
