#positive visualizations

[aeide-thea]

tumblr’s ‘more posts like this’ widget reminded me of some very lovely encouraging things my summer greek instructor M— said about me, lo these many years ago now, and i just—imagine if it were possible to believe that all the best things people had ever thought of you had really been true, and even (o temerity!) that they might be still; that you contained everything you ever had, somewhere within you, and might even, eventually, with hope and with work, be able to add to that store; that the unkind story you’d been telling yourself, of long slow depletion and diminishing, might not in fact be true, or anyway not truer than other stories you could tell, or learn to tell, or get help telling—

[aeide-thea]

“Shame creates imaginary worlds inside your head. This haunted house you’re creating is forged from your shame. No one else can see it, so you keep trying to describe it to them. You find ways to say, “You don’t want any part of this mess. I’m mediocre, aging rapidly… Do yourself a favor and leave me behind.” You want to be left behind, though. That way, no one bears witness to what you’ve become.

When you live inside of your shame, everything you see is inadequate and embarrassing… You haven’t found a partner. Your face is aging. Your body will only grow weaker. Your mind is less elastic. Your time is running out. Shame turns every emotion into the manifestation of some personality flaw, every casual choice into a giant mistake, every small blunder into a moral failure. Shame means that you’re damned and you’ve accomplished nothing and it’s all downhill from here… Your shame is forming your despair into a merciless story about your worth.

When you’re curious about your shame instead of afraid of it, you can see the true texture of the day and the richness of the moment, with all of its flaws. You can run your hands along your own self-defeating edges until you get a splinter, and you can pull the splinter out and stare at it and consider it. When you face your shame with an open heart, you’re on a path to art,” where art is defined as “a way of seeing your life through a lens that makes everything — good and bad, confusing and clarifying, uplifting and depressing — valuable.”

—Heather Havrilevsky, “I'm Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I've Wasted My Whole Life”

[aeide-thea]

very arguably my truest and best look is 'athleisure bro' tbh, like, i was kickin around the house 2nite in a baggy tee and nike shorts which would prolly be ideal for weightlifting if i did that anymore ever [note to self: u have gym access at school, use it maybe????] and fuzzy wispysoft calves, and honestly? i look Sturdy and Good, like, 'i could come help u move ur furniture and then we could bang on it' good 😇 anyway! the dapperqueer/tech startup bro lqqk has been good times but i'm ready to evolve into my warm-weather sun's-out-guns-out self now, thx world for yr attention 2 this matter