Either I learned and applied a thing about dealing with anger or I've just seriously walked a fair ways in the Petty Boots.
I could tell I was holding it in and it was draining me and already going sour and volatile. I know that does absolutely no one any damn good.
So I did a thing. I wrote an email to my grandparents explaining why I'm mad and why mom isn't helping with the issue and what I need most from them (backing the fuck off).
I'd like to think I did a good thing.
My head is screaming that I did a bad thing.
But it sounds like my mom trying to silence my anger at being shat on to save the feelings of the ones who took a dump on me. I'm not in the mood to let her try to rope me back into an abusive situation just because she could never find her own way out.
I'm fighting to stay out and not make the same mistakes of either genetic progenitor.
I can't make her get her own mind out of that place.
That's her fight, should she choose to accept it, and I'm too busy fighting that battle myself to give her a hand she's only going to use to hurt me with again.
So, I don't really care if I did a "bad" thing.
It's not the worst thing and it was good for me.
The most I've hurt is some feelings in telling people to STOP HELPING.
And I can't really find a way that wasn't a good thing.
So that voice in my head that is trying to beat me up for this? It can go fuck itself. With a rusty, barbed spork.
I'm too busy living to let this kind of shit try to take a bite out of me.
