#post event rumination

[selectivechaos]

post event rumination. wanted to talk about it. social anxiety can make you regret a social interaction for a long time after. like a long long time. or it can be just for a few hours afterwards. sometimes, might be delayed; like you think the interaction went 'Well' (by social anxiety brain's definition), but then it twists it.

social interactions other people would walk away smiling from, have left me with no energy, terrified, and full of self-hatred.

personally, feels like brain just winces. like automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) hit suddenly; it's a sharp mental pain, triggered by events. one time, had this for about 4 months afterwards, just recurring cycle of rumination. could not get out of head. would be doing something else, and it would just come crashing back. the same thought. over and over again.

it does lessen with time. promise. don't have that thought any more. still sometimes will remember things, but it stings less.🌹🌹🌹

[selectivechaos]

so many things ‘go Wrong’ in social interactions when you have social anxiety. my brain always evaluate afterwards. never misses a chance to tell me what ‘went wrong’. made a sound, moved awkwardly, bumped into someone etc.

thing is, when these things happen consecutively, with no chance to reconcile with yourself afterwards, it makes you feel very unsafe, and keeps u in that anxiety response. and then youre stuck in a cage of self-deprecation.

i try to use fork theory. like tons of tiny forks sticking in me. i take a pause. go out for a breath of fresh air. or lie down in dark room for a bit. or listen to a particular song that ive always only listened to when calm. i take that fork out, so they don’t build up.

and when i can’t take them out; because they just keep coming, i reconcile it once i get out the situation. sit with my brain and tell it it’s safe now.

and when there’s one big fork. for example a couple of years ago, there was a Deeply Embarassing Situation for me (due to my social anxiety. in objective truth, it was a positive situation that anyone else would have been happy about). when there’s an event so painful and causing so much anxiety and rumination, i slowly try to wedge out the fork. that takes such a long long time. but it will go. for example, yesterday i actually spent time with a person i never thought i could face again because i spoke to them once.

post event rumination is long and hard; may take couple of months or years. but it will end. 🌹🌹

[selectivechaos]

anyone else’s social anxiety feel like a twinging headache? i just get sharp pangs of thoughts that tell me off for doing things - mostly for speaking or interacting with anyone. like ‘idiot’ ‘idiot’ ‘idiot’. sometimes they’re preemptive; others they’re retrospective. i can know that im allowed to speak and to be myself, but my brain just ignores that. there were times when i wasnt sure if it was okay to be myself or to speak or to be seen. so my brain still is uncertain and panicked about it. i guess i just have to be gentle with it but remind it that it’s okay to breathe. brains are annoying but i guess they’re trying to keep you safe 🌹🌹

[birthedapainter]

post event rumination is the worst. i can't even change the outcome so i just have to live with shaky hands and nausea for days.