#rumination

[hellboundhorrormovielover]

me when I randomly remember a small mistake I made ten plus years ago

[glowcowboy]

as someone who constantly gets stuck in ruminative cycles, figuring out a way to stop the cycle before it gets out of hand has been incredibly formative for me. if you find yourself ruminating or unable to stop the cycling, here’s a place to start.

am i learning, processing, or ruminating? it’s important to be able to distinguish between the three. learning is when you receive new information that updates your frame of understanding. processing is when you study a situation to help yourself understand it. ruminating is when you cycle over the same thought repeatedly, often causing distress. learning and processing are productive, while rumination is destructive.

which theme is this? understanding the root or the spiral has helped me to untangle why the rumination feels so intense and scary. (example: i’ve been ruminating on one specific interaction with someone where i think they might’ve misinterpreted what i meant. this is my theme of fear around being misunderstood.)

how do i respond? (example: okay, this is that theme of being misunderstood. but it is not my job to make myself perfectly understood. the people i have around me can ask clarifying questions if they’re confused, and they are willing to meet me in the middle because they want to understand.)

don’t feed the raccoons tuna. (this is an example from my therapist that i love! essentially, don’t feed the beast or it will keep coming back. distract yourself, journal, listen to music, etc.)

[whatbigotspost]

Dear everyone, forever,

If you care at all about people who have anxiety, autism, OCD, CPTSD, or any other number of "ruminating," "nervous," and "catastrophizing" conditions or dispositions, you need to abandon this phrase and others like it IMMEDIATELY:

"I need to talk, give me a call."

The PROBLEM isn't the request, it's ambiguity and unnecessary room to worry. Here's a little help, for the confused and ambiguous communicating types:

❌ "We need to talk."

✅ "Can we talk? I've been thinking about what you shared last night and I'd like to tell you more about my perspective."

❌ "Have you looked at your email yet?"

✅ "Did you see the email about the flight change? We'll need to update our plans."

❌ "Please come see me sometime today."

✅ "Do you have time to swing by my office and to go over the report? I have some feedback before it gets sent out."

❌ "Give me a call when you have a sec."

✅ "Can you call me so we can talk about when to meet to plan the presentation?"

❌ "When can we talk?"

✅ "When can we catch up? I miss you!"

GUESS WHAT???? Being kind not cryptic does mean saying/typing/sending MORE words vs. less. And that's fine--just say/type/send them. Your choice to take 2 minutes instead of 15 seconds will be a HUGE weight of mental load off your anxious receiver. You may save them hours or days of ruminating/worrying/obsessing.

This is especially important if you have power over them, aka, you are a boss/teacher/parent. Especially because some of these same folks won't feel comfortable saying back to you, "about what?" they'll just go on worrying until you say more. Even if they know they shouldn't. Even if they try their best to "assume positive intent." Even if they take anti anxiety or other mental health meds to help.

INTERESTINGLY, I have also heard people who say they cannot stand it when someone does this to them DO IT TO OTHERS because they forget that it sounds cryptic as fuck and they only remember their own firsthand experience. You may know that when you texted "When can we talk?" you are happily reaching out to chit chat, but they might hear it as "something's wrong in our relationship and it's so bad I'm not going to say it until we talk" and then they are wracking their brains to figure out "what they did wrong" when the answer is literally fucking nothing.

Clarity is kindness.

Taking 2 minutes and using a few more words can truly make all the difference to someone else.

[creature-wizard]

Sitting with your discomfort isn't supposed to be about wallowing in guilt or ruminating on all of the things you've done wrong. It's about handling your feelings with mindfulness instead of trying to seek emotional relief through absolution or forgiveness from the person who made you realize there's a problem.

If you have been ruminating on the things you've done wrong or on the ways you're privileged, and you've been using this to feed a narrative that you're an inherently bad person, understand that this is unhealthy behavior and it does nothing for the people you want to help. Here are some tips to help you stop ruminating.

[mentalhealthmemewisdom]

[haretic]

i can't think of a reality where people don't grow to dislike me. i can't think of a reality where i don't consistently meet people and have them talk about me behind my back, grow to resent me, hate me en masse. i can't think of a reality where i don't bore my heart to people in the hopes that perhaps i'll reach even a modicum of understanding with them, just for them to turn their backs on me and use it as fuel for their own entertainment. i can't think of a reality where i am not constantly moving, constantly changing, and attempting to find a way to fit in, not for others but for my own peace of mind that there is somewhere for me in this world.

there is no reality built to host me

[cinematicexcursions]

having ocd is fun bc you could be vibing and feeling good and then someone can say something that makes your brain ruminate for 5-10 business days