Hsin knows when Boyd's getting bad again because he starts hiding during the day, after completing his errands for the day instead of painting or reading or visiting hsin at work he slides into the space between the couch and the wall, out of view of the windows and the doorway. He feels safe there; protected where he is hidden. Hsin gets home from work and coaxes him out with the promise of making dinner together and a bath. By the end of the night or the week Boyd confides in him what's been bothering him. They lie in bed together, Boyd's cheek resting on Hsin's collarbone, and Hsin promises himself that he'll take better care of him.
and when Boyd can't get out of bed in the mornings, Hsin knows not to bother him; to let him sleep it off. he's exhausted and Hsin understands that. So he just gives him a kiss, leaves for work and calls him to check in. (Boyd picks up-- he always picks up, because he always wants to hear Hsin's voice but so he knows he's ok). It takes him a little time, but he always gets back up again.
Boyd knows when to plan to cook and when to leave it up to chance. He knows when Hsin wants to shop, prepare, and eat a meal together versus when he comes home from work and just collapses on the couch. He's different then. A little less present. A little more blank. Soft touches bring him back, even if only for a second. A hand on a shoulder, a caress on a cheek bring back something weighted and contemplative and sad. Boyd knows to rub his shoulders and open a bottle of red wine and share it on the porch. And talk. And really talk. (Boyd asks if Hsin is unhappy here and Hsin is quiet, he's always quiet but especially now. But Boyd knows it's not because of him, because Hsin loves him, he assures him so and Boyd agrees with him and assures him that he knows and then they're both laughing because how could they, after everything, be afraid of a lack of love? they've gone through too much. and then they are quiet for a moment because wine and love and the Rio sunset are not enough to completely erase the shadows lurking. Then Boyd asks what he can do to help Hsin be happier. They talk about that for a long time).
sometimes it's too hard to leave each other and that's okay. a childhood of abuse and neglect and loneliness results in a lifetime of abandonment issues. so when chests are tight and tensions are high and every moment feels like the last, they take it easy. Hsin takes advantage of the vacation time he has in full: going for a run by the beach, breakfast, shower sex. They visit the bookstore and walk hand in hand between the aisles where no one can see them. They go through the Career section and pick out a ridiculous amount of books about stupid things and some interesting and maybe some, potentially a pathway to something new. When they climb into bed that night it's into waiting arms with familiar lips. Hsin wakes up shaking and sweating in the middle of the night, gasping from a nightmare but it's alright, because he knows he's safe with Boyd, and Boyd is safe with him.
