i literally had the most severe tonic-clonic seizure i've ever had yesterday. i had no aura, no warning, one moment i'm grabbing my son's pajamas out of his closet, the next thing i remember is regaining my vision and hearing slowly and being unable to control my seizing body. it slowed down after some time, i have no idea how long i was in that half-conscious state bc my sense of time is seriously warped rn, but like... this one took a toll on my body and mind big time. physically, my brain literally hurts, like not my head, it feels like my brain fell victim to an electrical fire (which is a pretty good epileptic seizure analogy imo). the side of my tongue was bitten to shreds, my whole body is sore from seizing, i obviously kicked the door frame during my seizure bc my big toe is swollen and aches down to my ankle. but goddamn, the cognitive symptoms. like, i know i have epilepsy. but rn i'm literally just so confused, like, my stream of consciousness rn is like: what the fuck was that, did i just have a seizure ??? am i okay is this the one that's gonna permanently turn me into a fucking idiot ???? i literally feel so stupid like i cannot comprehend anything that is happening even though quite literally nothing is happening. clearly i can type coherently but i can't verbalize a non-word salad sentence for the life of me. it feels like i am not in control of what comes out when i open my mouth. i'm also desperately thirsty, so fucking exhausted but it also feels like my brain was dropped into a bucket of ice so i can't sleep?? do i have memories or an identity bc it doesn't feel like it right now. *spontaneous fit of crying for absolutely no apparent reason*