Hanahaki:
Rejoining Overwatch had been the easy part; making the decision, finding the location, convincing Zenyatta to join him, making the long trek by foot to Gibraltar--that was simple.
What was difficult was seeing the old faces, old friends.
Specifically Jesse McCree.
Rejoining Overwatch had been the easy part; making the decision, finding the location, convincing Zenyatta to join him, making the long trek by foot to Gibraltar--that was simple. What was difficult was seeing the old faces, old friends.
New ones were fine, Genji was happy to meet them and encourage their hopes for making a positive impact with Overwatch. It was what he wanted to do as well, something good for the world now that he was able to in mind, body, and spirit.
Noticing how many people were gone was distressing in a way, same with those that were back but changed. Like him, Genji supposed, so not all bad. It was difficult to describe, the sense of disconnect even though these were people he had known for years. It was like it was in another life, though.
And seeing Jesse McCree again had been really, really difficult. More difficult than meeting with Hanzo. More difficult than leaving in the night, without so much as a word.
Genji regretted the way he had left, thought about it over and over in the weeks following the recall message. He knew he had left many strings untied, and one in particular that happened to lace around his heart.
Jesse had been all smiles and easy-going banter when they had met up again, more mellow and calculating than when he was younger. Tanner, broader, a little more rough around the edges, but his eyes were softer, more understanding. He seemed happy. Content, even.
Genji had been expecting at least some awkwardness between them, but instead, he had been given a pat on the back, the cowboy telling him how happy he was that he’d found himself. For some reason, it left Genji feeling a bit empty.
The first few weeks in Gibraltar went by smoothly, everyone getting to know one another through training and shared stories in the cafeteria. Genji liked a lot of the new recruits, but he always ended up standing next to Jesse by the end of things. Old habits and all. That’s what Genji told himself.
They had been teammates in Blackwatch, old friends reunited, the slide back into familiarity comforting. They still knew the ins and outs of one another, still fought and trained together like a well-oiled machine, the cogs fitting right into place and working seamlessly.
It worked like that until Genji started getting sick.
Everyone was gathered in the training facility, waiting for Winston to divide them into teams and start the simulation. Genji stood at ease, arms crossed over his chest and weight leaned into one leg. He’d had a bit of a scratchy throat for a while--nothing to go see a healer about, it would clear up on its own--and either way, team training was too important to miss for something so trite.
“Alright, gang. Hana, Brigette, Baptiste, Genji, and Mei will be on the red team. Angela, Lena, McCree, Lucio, and Reinhardt will be on the blue team. I will observe from above, and Athena will be recording the session and stats of each member. Good luck, everyone!” Winston told them, adjusting his glasses before turning and heading up to the observation deck.
Genji waved to his teammates, the group of them moving to the left side of the training grounds.
“Now, Reinhardt will probably come charging in, knowing him, so we should focus him.” Brigette started, Genji chuckling to himself. Not much had changed with the old warrior.
“Well, in the case that he listens to his team or has Angela with him the whole time, we will need to go after her and Lucio. They will be most vital in taking out everyone else. I can flank them if Hana and Brigette distract them from the front. Baptiste, if you could help me with distance healing, it would be appreciated.”
Baptiste nodded with a little two fingered salute.
“I have your back.”
“But what about McCree? You should be careful of him, he knows how to deal with a flank attack, right?” Mei piped up, fiddling with her training gun. They would only provide a small shock and a marking as to where someone had been hit.
“Don’t worry, I can take him.” Genji grinned behind the mask.
“Attack begins in thirty seconds.” Athena announced, the training room shifting and creating a holographic setting they could practice in. It seemed that they would be in a warehouse today.
Hana suddenly stuck her hand out, face a mix of excited and determined.
“Everyone put a hand in!” She demanded, Baptiste and Brigette hardly needing any encouragement. Mei laughed and stuck her hand on top, Genji huffing in amusement before adding his hand as well.
“Alright, go blue team!! We got this!” Hana cheered, throwing her hand up and leading everyone else to copy the chant. It felt good, uplifting even. Genji was reminded why he was glad to be part of a team once again.
They got into position, Genji looking behind him to make sure everyone was ready. His shruiken slipped into his fingers, ready and waiting.
“Five, four, three, two, one. Attack commencing. Stop the red team.”
Genji hopped out from behind his cover, hearing Brigette and Hana right behind him. He climbed up to higher ground, looking for the enemy team before whipping back behind cover as a stun bullet whizzed past his head.
Only Jesse was that good of a shot, and only Jesse would know the ninja liked to scout things out first. Genji grinned, speaking into his comms.
“Lucio, Reinhardt, and Angela are coming in fast through the choke! Mei, can you wall off Rein from the healers?”
There was the sound of Lena’s pulse pistols going off, then Baptiste’s immortality field.
“Get in here!”
“It may take me a minute, but I’ll try my best.” Mei replied, the soft ‘fwish’ of her freeze gun making it a bit difficult to hear her.
“Alright. Hana, Brigette, you keep Rein busy, then. I will go in from behind.”
Genji jumped to the opposite ledge, then dove into the back line of the blue team. Angela moved closer to Reinhardt, Lucio immediately skating over to boop him away. Genji felt a stun shot on his leg as he was pushed back, and he turned to deflect the shots that were suddenly coming from Jesse.
The ninja ran towards him, throwing his shruiken in an arc to follow where Jesse would likely roll back into. He was right, the stars connecting and lighting up the training armour they were wearing.
“Shit...” Jesse muttered, looking down at the glowing blue spots on his chest.
“You always do that move, even when we spar!” Genji called, doing a double jump as the cowboy continued to try and shoot him back.
“Yeah, well, Talon ain’t gonna know that. I think you’ve got an unfair advantage here, pumpkin.”
Genji grinned, then felt the itch in his throat grow suddenly, like he’d swallowed water the wrong way. He coughed, slowing a bit and getting hit by one of Jesse’s shots. Stumbling, still trying to keep up with Jesse. He couldn’t.
Genji got hit two more times, enough to bring his health for the round to zero. Still, he was coughing. It felt like something was lodged in his windpipe.
“You okay, partner?”
Genji shook his head, holding up a hand as he cleared his throat to no avail. Jesse came over and put a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m fine. I...I’ll be right back.”
Jesse watched him as he walked off the training grounds, concern in his eyes.
Genji took off his faceplate as soon as he made it to the bathrooms, frowning as another bought of coughs overtook him. Something landed on his hand, wet and sticking to the synth fibers of his palm. He stared at it for a moment, plucking it up between the fingers of his other hand.
A petal. Genji tilted his head, lips pursing. It was bright red, the texture registering as soft and smooth to the delicate sensors on his hand.
He didn’t know what the flower was, but he knew what it meant.
Genji leaned over the sink, setting the petal aside and running a hand over his face. Jesse...It was Jesse. It was always Jesse. Genji grit his teeth, chest constricting with pain that wasn’t from his coughs. Of course it had to be now, and here, of all places.
Genji took a deep breath before straightening and washing the petal down the drain. He went back to the training room, pretending like nothing had happened.
-
The petals were from the Hatiora Gaertneri, or Easter Cactus, Genji found out later that week after coughing up more petals and examining them. The flowers looked pretty in the pictures, but the petals that came up always looked somewhat withered to Genji. Not as vibrant, little bruises present on the tips and sides.
Genji kept the trash can next to his bed, had to keep his mask off while he slept so when he coughed more petals up, he could just spit them out. It interfered with everything he did, and only got worse whenever he was around Jesse.
The ninja began to avoid him, just to keep his coughs hidden, his feelings shut tight beneath the surface. He hadn’t felt this way in years, not since before he’d met Zenyatta.
When Hanzo arrived, it was a good distraction, a good excuse to be away from everyone to help his brother settle in and get used to things. Hanzo wasn’t exactly ready to be apart of a team after being solo for years. Genji helped him as much as he could, tried to make sure everyone was welcoming.
Not everyone felt the same, especially Jesse. Genji had been dreading introducing Hanzo to him, but it inevitably happened.
Evening in Gibraltar, too late for dinner, and yet, Hanzo had insisted on having a quiet one by himself in the commons room. Genji hadn’t let him eat alone, the two sharing a simple dish of leftovers and some rice Hanzo had made.
“Anija, you’ve been talking to Hana and Mei a lot recently, right?”
Hanzo huffed softly, eyes cast aside to look out the window.
“They are better company than some.” He murmured, Genji taking a bite and humming thoughtfully.
Angela had not been very keen on Hanzo when they had first met, nor had Lena. They warmed up to him quickly enough, but the initial impression had been made, and Hanzo was looking for reasons to keep himself closed off behind his protective walls.
He was trying, though, and tonight seemed to be a good night, the older Shimada more open and talkative. Relatively.
“Just give it more time, Hanzo. You’re part of a team now, and whether you like it or not, they have your back. Oh, Zenyatta also said he’d like to speak with you again tomorrow.” Genji told him airily, waving his chopsticks a bit as he spoke.
A small cough slipped up, the ninja hastily covering it with the back of his hand. Hanzo frowned.
“I will meet with him, but you’ve had that cough for a while now. Maybe you should have Dr. Ziegler look at it?”
“No, it’ll clear out--”
And of course, Jesse walked in. Of course, of course, of course.
He seemed surprised to see the two brothers there, brows lifting slightly before his eyes darkened upon landing on Hanzo. Genji coughed for a different reason, waving a bit to the cowboy.
“Ah, Jesse. Have you met Hanzo yet?” Genji tried for casual, though, the look in Jesse’s eye was sinister enough to negate the attempt’s effect.
“No.”
Bitten out and cold.
Genji could sense Hanzo bristle at the tone, but he stayed quiet. The ninja stood, Hanzo doing the same, food forgotten on the table.
“Then come here, say hello! Hanzo, this is Jesse. We worked together a lot before I met Zenyatta. Jesse--”
“I damn well know who he is, Gen. You don’t have to sugar coat things for me, because I sure as hell ain’t going to for him.”
Genji put a hand to Jesse’s chest when he stepped forward, Hanzo taking a slight defensive stance and glaring right back at the cowboy.
“Jesse, don’t...” Genji warned, even just the small bit of contact making his throat burn with the need to cough. What a damn inconvenience.
“I’ve been waiting a long time to see this Hanzo you talked about. The bastard that tried to kill his own brother. You’re lucky I don’t have my gun on me, Hanzo. I swore I’d put a bullet in you for hurting Genji the moment I saw you.”
Genji closed his eyes, suppressing a cough. Those words were sincere enough, Genji remembered him promising it a long, long time ago. Back when the ninja would have been happy to see it happen. Back when things were different, especially between him and Jesse.
“Jesse, stop.”
“You know nothing of what happened!” Hanzo hissed, Jesse laughing dryly and stepping back.
“I know enough, buddy. More than enough to make my impression of you. So, let me promise you something; if you ever even think of hurting him again, I will blow a fucking hole between your eyes. You got it?”
“Jesse, that’s enough!” Genji growled, pushing him back. Jesse glanced down at him, the fire in his eyes calming down just a bit.
He shot another look at Hanzo, then turned and left the room without another word.
Genji immediately coughed into his hand, eyes watering from having to keep it down for so long, breaking the oppressive silence in the room. He doubled over, coughs bringing up half of a flower bud. Genji cursed and crushed it quickly in his fist, sitting down heavily.
Jesse clearly still cared for him, just not enough. He wasn’t loved back. Considering everything that had happened between them, the years spent apart, it wasn’t surprising. But it still hurt to have it confirmed time and time again.
Hanzo knelt next to him, face wiped of emotion besides the deep furrow of his brows. Trying to keep it together.
“Are you alright?” He asked softly, voice somewhat dull. Genji sighed, then nodded.
“Yeah. That actually went slightly better than I was expecting.” He muttered, wiping his mouth. A light sheen of red smeared over the chrome on the back of his hand.
Genji frowned, wiping that away quickly. But not quickly enough. Hanzo’s eyes had followed the motion, darting back up to meet Genji’s when he’d seen.
“What’s in your hand.”
Genji shook his head, fist tightening as he pursed his lips. Hanzo took his arm cautiously--he was always cautious now--tugging gently at the fingers closed to his palm, leaving slight indentations.
“Let me see.”
The tone was one he always used to take when Genji was little, getting into trouble or getting hurt. A slight reprimand washed in concern. Hanzo had always tried his best to take care of him when they were boys, and it seemed now he was remembering once again that he was the older brother.
That effort was enough to make Genji slowly open his hand, eyes downcast as Hanzo stared at the revealed flower. It was quiet for a moment, too quiet.
“Genji...”
“I’m fine.” Genji hissed, throwing the flower in his mostly empty bowl and standing abruptly.
“Genji, do not walk away from this.”
Genji tossed the remains of his bowl out, leaving it in the sink.
“Please.” Belated and soft, stopping Genji in his tracks. Hanzo came up to him, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder.
“Go see Dr. Ziegler.”
“I...Can’t.”
“Why not? You must get this treated before...” Hanzo trailed off, Genji gritting his teeth.
“Hanzo, I don’t want to get it treated. I already lost him once, by my own choice. I can’t do that again. It hurt enough the first time.”
“Genji, this can kill you if it goes untreated...!”
“I’m not giving up another chance with him! I just can’t do that.”
Hanzo pursed his lips, looking at Genji for a long moment. He then took a short breath and nodded.
“Okay. I...Understand. Just promise me you won’t let it go too far?”
“I don’t want these feelings to just...Disappear. I have to at least try.” Genji murmured, coughing lightly.
He wanted to talk to Jesse, tell him how he felt. But if he didn’t reciprocate it now, why would he suddenly change his mind? Pity wouldn’t do the trick, and guilt would only make them both feel worse. Genji needed to earn his love.
“You can’t tell anyone.” The ninja whispered, fists clenching as he stared at the floor.
“I will not. However, if this continues to get worse, I am going to have to let Dr. Ziegler and Zenyatta know. I cannot lose you again either, Genji.” Hanzo told him, hand slipping off his shoulder as he stepped back.
The younger Shimada bobbed his head, opting to stay silent.
“Alright. I will let you rest. Think on my suggestion.”
Genji nodded again, slipping out of the room silently with his arms crossed, form hunched slightly. His breath rattled in his chest.
-
Another two weeks passed, and Genji’s illness was being noticed by the team. It was hard to miss when Genji was skipping practices and meals to keep away from Jesse. The coughs were getting difficult to manage and keep down, even when he was alone. Blood started speckling the full flowers that came up. Genji was emptying the trash can every day, the bottom of it covered in petals.
He went to go see Angela when she requested a check up for him, no longer denying that he needed help. The ninja was losing sleep, not eating, and isolating himself in ways that were far too similar to his Blackwatch days for his liking.
He walked into the medical ward, body heavy with exhaustion. Angela gave him a worried look before motioning to the examination table.
“Thank you for coming, Genji. Please sit.”
Genji sat. His fingers curled on the edge of the table, crinkling the paper that was laid on top of it for sanitation purposes. He coughed.
“How long have you had this cough? I noticed it a while back, but it should have cleared up by now.” Angela asked, hooking Genji up to a machine as she spoke.
“It’s been a little over a month.”
“A month? Why did you not come to me sooner?”
“I know what it is.” Genji sighed. The doctor paused, glancing up at him, understanding dawning in her eyes.
“Is it...”
“Hanahaki.” He nodded, Angela placing a delicate hand over her mouth. The other went to Genji’s shoulder, but it did little to comfort him. Genji despised the pity in her gaze.
“Who--No, you don’t have to tell me, forgive me. I’m sorry, Genji.”
“Do not be.”
“Alright...Well, based on the time scale you gave me, I would give you two more weeks before it starts to become fatal. Would you like to have it treated now, or wait a little longer?” Angela inquired more matter of factly, face slipping into a more professional façade after hearing Genji’s tone.
It was quiet, Genji staring at the floor as he thought about it.
“It is your choice, Genji. You do not have to have it treated at all, but I would highly suggest it if things do not work out. I do not want to rush you, either. If you need more time to decide, just tell me.” Softer this time, understanding. Genji shook his head.
“I need more time.”
“Then please, take it. But as your friend, Genji, I ask that you do not let this go too far. You have many other people who love you and only wish the best for you. Please remember them too.” She murmured, squeezing his shoulder before letting it go.
Genji let her proceed with her testing, staying quiet and pensive the whole time.
-
“Master, what do you think I should do?”
Zenyatta hummed, plucking a petal from the small pile Genji had coughed up during their meditation session. Of course Zenyatta had known from the beginning, no surprise indicated from the monk when Genji had shown him the petals. Only concern, and an offer to talk about it, if Genji felt inclined.
“I think you should speak with Jesse. Tell him how you feel, and let him know what is going on.” Zenyatta told him, head tipping in Genji’s direction slightly.
“But...I do not wish to make him feel guilty, or the need to love me back out of pity or urgency.”
“Distancing yourself from your problems will only make the walk towards to fixing them even further.”
“I know...”
There was a pause, the sound of waves crashing against the cliffs a pleasant lull. Then, Zenyatta spoke up once again.
“Tell me, Genji. If someone was suffering in silence for you, would you like to know, or remain ignorant of it?”
“Of course I would like to know.” Genji muttered, tearing at a petal.
“Then you have your answer.”
“It cannot be that simple, though. It isn’t that simple!”
“Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. But, you will never find out if you do not try. However, my suggestion is to speak with him.”
Genji sighed softly.
“I am sure you are right, as always.”
“That would be my guess as well.” Zenyatta chimed. Genji chuckled a bit at the cheeky tone, staring out at the water before tossing his petal aside.
He stood, then bowed towards the monk.
“Thank you, Master.”
“Of course, Genji. Good luck.”
-
Genji sat down on the jut of the cliff, legs crossing into the lotus position. It had been enough time, had made his decision. He had his mask off, Jesse standing behind him with his arms crossed over his chest. The cowboy’s hair was moving with the wind, the setting sun casting a golden hue over everything.
He looked handsome, as always. Genji tried his best not to stare too much.
Angela had given him some medicine to help suppress the cough, and it was doing its job, to some extent. Genji still felt the itch in his throat, the catch in his breath, petals getting stuck in his airway. With Jesse right there, lowering himself down to sit next to Genji, it was hard not to cough. It was always hard.
“You been kinda quiet lately. I thought I’d done something wrong, with the way you’ve been avoiding me.” Jesse started, his tone light and teasing.
Genji smiled ruefully at the waves below them, fingers fidgeting in his lap.
“I did not mean to make that impression. You have done nothing wrong, I assure you.”
The cowboy gave him a side glance, gaze resting on his face for a long moment.
“What’s wrong, then?”
“Technically, nothing. I am just...Unwell.”
“Gen, you’re lyin’ to me. I can still see it in your eyes. That much hasn’t changed since the old days.”
“I said technically.” Genji repeated, holding up a finger defensively. Jesse chuckled, tilting his body to face the ninja more.
“Tell me what’s on your mind, partner. I’m always here for you if you need me.”
Genji grimaced as a cough shuddered through him, eyes watering as he gripped the flower tight in his palm.
“Genji...?”
The ninja sighed, opening his hand and setting the full flower between them. Jesse’s eyes dropped to it, brows furrowing. Genji pressed his lips into a thin line when Jesse looked back up at him.
“Hanahaki...?”
A nod.
“...It’s...It’s me?”
Another, more slight nod.
“Gen, I--”
Genji held up a hand, lips curling into a bittersweet smile.
“I just wanted to let you know what was happening. You don’t have to do anything, change anything, or say you love me back. That’s not what this is about. I just. It didn’t feel right hiding it anymore. You deserve to know.” He murmured, gaze downcast as he waited for Jesse’s response.
It took a minute. The cowboy finally took a breath, shaky and uneven.
“I’m sorry, Genji. It’s...I care about you, and when you left it was definitely more than I--I did love you in Blackwatch, but you left, and I was able to forget, for a while. It’s really what I think saved me from getting hanahaki myse--”
“Jesse, I’ve always loved you.” Genji interrupted, taking Jesse’s hand and running a thumb over his knuckles. The gunslinger’s eyes widened slightly, surprise clear in the honey-brown irises.
“You...You have?”
“Yes. I only wish I had been better at showing you, that I had been better to you. I was hoping...If you are willing, I was hoping you would give me another chance to be better.”
Genji waited patiently as Jesse seemed to gather his thoughts, eyes never leaving the ninja’s face.
“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” He finally whispered, a small, soft smile upturning his lips. Genji let out a quiet sigh of relief, grinning.
“Now, I can’t guarantee immediate wellness, but I have always had feelings for you. I still do. Can you just give me a little more time? It shouldn’t take much.” Jesse followed up, more of a playful lilt to his voice once again.
The ninja laughed at that, taking Jesse’s hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it.
“Of course I can.”
“Thank you. And thank you for telling me, I...You mean so much to me, Genji. You always have.”
“Oh, Jesse. You mean the world to me.” Genji murmured, reaching up to hold the cowboy’s face in his hands gently, pressing their foreheads together.
Jesse smiled, and the weight that had been pressing on Genji’s chest lifted.
~~
