Okay but if we get a Tommy near death experience I am going to require Howie to be there, checking over Tommy, trying to keep him awake, and telling him, “I’m gettin’ real tired of saving your ass, Man.”
Bucktommy prompt - maybe something fun and summery? beach day or Tommy knows a guy who lets them use his pool for the day or a cook out in the backward, could be just the two of them or them dragging Eddie along to cheer him up or the entire crew. Just something fluffy and happy!
this is... not what you asked for. Although it does include dragging Eddie along. But, I still hope you enjoy!
“Tommy!” Eddie greeted, a little surprised to see the man at his door. “What are you doing here? Did I miss your call?”
“Uh, no. I'm kidnapping you, apparently?”
Eddie raised his eyebrows. “You're what?”
“Kidnapping you,” Tommy repeated with a nod. “You have to come with me.”
“I don't understand what's happening.”
Tommy sighed. “Listen, man, Evan told me I had to be the one to come to the door. Said you'd fight him more than you'd fight me. Told me to tell you we're kidnapping you and taking you to a spa thing.”
“You're not supposed to tell him where we're going!” Buck's voice rang out from the driveway. Tommy took a step back so Eddie could poke his head out. There was Buck, sitting in his Jeep with the window down.
“What the hell are you doing, Buck?”
“Ugh! Just get a change of clothes and get your ass in the Jeep or I'm gonna have Tommy hoist you over his shoulder and shove you in the trunk!”
“What?!” Tommy exclaimed. “Yeah, I will not be doing any of that.”
“You're my muscle, Tommy!” Buck yelled.
“Okay, Buck,” Eddie took a step out onto the entryway, “you can just take your Jeep and your spa and your,” he motioned to Tommy, “your muscle someplace else. You're nuts!” He went to head back into his house, but Tommy placed a hand on the door before he could shut it.
“Please just come with us,” he practically begged. “He's had his clipboard out for two days and it's usually cute and, if I'm being honest, kinda hot-”
“Gross.”
“-but this time it was just terrifying. His checklist was seven pages, Eddie. Single spaced. Help me.”
Eddie glared at him, but his shoulders fell and he relented. “Fine.” He stepped back out and pointed at Buck, “But I'm doing this for Tommy, not for you!”
Buck smiled brightly. “Don't care!”
*****
They were quiet for the nearly hour long car ride to wherever Buck was taking them. It wasn't until they pulled up to some giant pop up tents in the middle of the desert that both Tommy and Eddie realized they had both been duped.
“What the hell is this?” Eddie asked.
“This is a meditation retreat.”
Tommy stared over at Buck from the passenger seat. “You said we were going to an overnight spa.”
Buck nodded. “It did include the word 'spa' on the initial brochure I received.”
“You've got to be joking!” Eddie exclaimed. “Are you clinically insane?”
“Not officially.”
“Evan.”
“Come on, guys! It- It'll be fun,” Buck said, turning off the car. “This lady told me all about it on a call. I checked everything out. They've got different activities in each of the tents, tons of food, a trail to go on. We can connect with each other and nature.”
Eddie's eyes drifted between Buck and the keys in his hand.
“No,” Buck warned.
Eddie lurched forward and grabbed for Buck's keys, nearly elbowing Tommy as he and Buck got into a cat fight for control of the car.
“Give me the keys, Buck!” Eddie yelled.
“No! This is for your own good!”
“Guys-”
“Buck, I was promised a spa day!”
“I promised nothing!”
“Guys-”
Somehow in the chaos, Buck managed to open his sweatpants and drop the keys inside. Eddie stopped, pulled back just enough to turn to Tommy. “You get 'em,” he instructed.
“Excuse me?”
“It's nothing you haven't touched before!”
“I am not grabbing at my boyfriend's dick to get the keys, Eddie.” Tommy opened the passenger door and stepped out, leaning down to face the other two. “Let's just get this over with and we'll be home tomorrow.” He slammed the door and headed for the trunk to get their things.
Buck smirked over at Eddie. “Are you ready to transcend?”
“Sleep with one eye open, Buck,” Eddie warned, scooting over to the door to get out. “One eye open!”
*****
After dropping off their things to a tent that they'd be sharing with nearly 40 other people (something Buck apparently didn't know judging by the look on his face), they headed to the meditation tent.
“I heard this is a great way to lower your blood pressure, increase pain tolerance, and reduce anxiety,” Buck whispered as they entered the space.
“All true,” a woman with the softest voice they'd ever heard greeted them at the entrance. Her nametag read Shawna. “We do like to warn that transcendental meditation can, while very rarely, cause anxiety symptoms, physical pain, dizziness, depersonalization, and derealization. All temporary, of course.”
The three men shared looks, then slowly backed out of the room, with Buck explaining. “I think we'll, um, look around and uh, try this later.”
*****
Next they headed to the 'cleansing center' which turned out to be a mud pit that everyone was entering sans clothes.
“This does not look sanitary, Evan,” Tommy said, grimacing at the thought of where all that mud would end up.
Eddie shook his head. “I am not bathing nude in mud with either of you.”
“It didn't... They didn't mention this online,” Buck admitted.
“Maybe you should start with some refreshments.”
Tommy jumped when he realized Shawna was right beside him. “Oh God! You are quiet.”
She smiled gently. “A lot of our newest members are often thrown off by some of our methods here. But we have a tent over there with delicious food and drinks. You could start there.”
*****
Leaving Shawna behind, they walked to the refreshments tent. There were two tables with food spread out over them, along with cups of lukewarm water.
“Mung bean salad,” Eddie read off an index card beside a plate of food. “You brought me out to the desert for mung bean salad, Buck?”
“That can't be all they have.” He pointed to something in front of Tommy. “What's that?”
“Garlic vegan-parmesan white beans,” Tommy read. “It's like eighty-five degrees out here and they've got garlic parmesan beans?”
They moved down the line until Buck stopped at something else. “Okay, this! How about fifteen... bean... casserole. Why is everything bean?”
“Because beans are a great source of protien.”
“Jesus!” Tommy jumped again, Shawna beside him. “Seriously, do you glide or something?”
“You know what,” she said, placing her hands on her hips, “I think I have the perfect place for you three. Come along, follow me.”
Reluctantly, the group followed her to yet another tent, this one empty. She gestured for them to sit on these little towels that were lying on the ground in a circle, and once she closed the tent doors she joined them.
“I'm sensing tension between you three,” she began. “When we sense tension in a group, we like to take you here to the reflection tent and have conversation.”
“There's no tension,” Eddie insisted tensely.
Buck scoffed. “Yeah. Okay.”
“See,” Shawna motioned between them. “There's the tension.”
“I'm actually pretty fine,” Tommy said. “Can I go?”
Shawna shook her head. “If one part of the throuple has an issue, then you all have an issue.”
Eddie snorted at that one. “We are not a throuple.”
“Oh.” The softness of Shawna's voice broke for a second. She cleared her throat to recover, “You're not?”
Buck shook his head, pointing around the room as he explained. “I'm dating him, he and him are good friends, and he and I are best friends. At least, we're supposed to be.”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, Buck.”
“Alright.” Shawna stretched her arms out to stop them. “Let's take a breath and readjust our inner monologue.”
“I actually have a question,” Tommy said, raising his hand.
Shawna nodded. “Please, lead the way.”
“Yeah, alright. Are you actually a certified therapist or...?”
Shawna smiled, although a bit coldly. “I believe life gives me all the certification I need.”
“So that's a no then.”
“Tommy,” Buck warned through gritted teeth. “Eddie needs our help, so that's what we're going to do.”
“I do not need your help, Buck! I don't even know what you're talking about. Everything's been fine.”
“Ha! It has not been fine, Eddie. I mean, look at you!” he exclaimed, waving his hand up and down in Eddie's direction.
Shawna and Tommy both looked over at Eddie, seemingly confused.
“Buck,” Shawna instructed, “why don't you tell us exactly what you mean?”
“The mustache,” he clarified. “It's a cry for help if I ever saw one.”
Tommy ran his hands through his hair. “You brought us here because of a mustache?”
Eddie glared. “You cannot be serious.”
“I am very serious. First Christopher left, then Gerrard came, you- you started working out more and more, and finally the mustache appeared. That's when I knew something had to be done.”
“Who is Christopher?” Shawna asked.
“He's Eddie's son,” Tommy explained, “that Evan helps take care of a lot, and I was starting to get to know.”
“And he left?”
“Because he,” Buck took over, “started a relationship with a lookalike of Christopher's dead mother.”
Eddie shook his head. “It was not a relationship.”
“It was a something-ship.”
Tommy was beginning to take pity on Shawna. Poor woman looked in way over her head.
“And Gerrard?” she asked.
“Gerrard was my old captain at the fire station I used to work at,” Tommy said. “He got transferred for being an asshole, but now he's back and he's currently their captain.”
“But not your captain?”
“No, because I transferred.”
Shawna paused. “But that's where you met your boyfriend and your friend?”
“Oh, no, I met them years after I transferred when I agreed to fly them through a hurricane to find their captain-at-the-time, who also used to be my captain, after their cruise ship got caught up in the storm.”
Shawna stared off into the distance. “I'm not sure life certified me for this,” she murmured.
“Let's get back to my mustache,” Eddie demanded. “There's nothing wrong with it.”
“Cry. For. Help,” Buck replied pointedly.
“His mustache doesn't even look bad,” Tommy defended, turning to Eddie. “It doesn't look bad.”
“Thank you, Tommy. See, Buck, Tommy likes my mustache!”
“Tommy also likes fanny packs. He's not the best for advice on fashion.”
“Hey!” Tommy folded his arms over his chest. “Fanny packs are convenient and they've made a comeback.”
“Fanny packs are just fine,” Eddie agreed. He held up his hand for a high-five, which Tommy returned.
“So now you're both ganging up on me?”
“No one's ganging up on you, Evan. We're just confused as to why we're here. Especially me though, because I'm good with both you and Eddie.”
“I thought we were good too!” Eddie exclaimed.
“We are good,” Buck reassured, “but you're not good. I- I don't know, Eddie. You're home all the time, you don't do much except work out and brush your mustache-”
“Brush your mustache?” Tommy questioned.
“-and I wanted to do something that got you out with your friends for a little bit. Something different. Maybe you find yourself in the process.”
Eddie took a breath, relaxing a bit at Buck's reasoning. “Buck, I appreciate you trying to help me, and I admit that I haven't exactly been social lately, but do you really think coming here is what's best for me?”
Buck glanced around the tent. Dirt under their feet, sweat dripping off their clothes, hunger pains already starting from the lack of edible food. “Probably not. Besides, the uh, the research I did online didn't mention like any of this stuff. I'm pretty sure we're at a cult right now.”
“It's a way of life,” Shawna interjected on deaf ears.
“Pizza and beer at my place?” Tommy suggested. “We'll have a movie marathon and, you know, air conditioning.”
They all began to stand.
“I'll get our stuff,” Eddie offered.
Buck nodded. “I'll start the car.”
“Thanks for all your help, Shawna,” Tommy said, sending finger guns her way. “You really... You did something.”
Shawna simply waved at them as they left, not even trying to get them to stay.
Some people: I can’t believe Lou would have videos about that man reposted how gross how disgusting
Some of those same people: let’s cyber stalk someone to try and prove a point (and fail), be constant bullies to anyone outside of our groupchat, pretend to be friends with people who can give us info, spread misinformation like the plague, forgive racism when it benefits us, make wild accusations and assumptions about people, be parasocial beyond belief, watch every move a man makes online, and get inappropriately close to people in a certain circle to obtain secret info that we shouldn’t be privy to in the least.
But yeah… Lou, how could you do something so problematic?? This fandom would NEVER!
damn it we actually ARE out of pizza rolls. Could you actually stop by the store before heading over? I can give you a sneak peek of day 4 and 5 of Twelve Christmases. It can only get better from here, right?
