#prednisone posting

[hidefdoritos]

[IDs: The front and back of a pair of dark jeans. I outlined cute, simplified dinosaur silhouettes all over the left leg. End IDs.]

The dino jeans are done.

It's almost 3 am.

This took like 8 hours.

I love them!

Why do I do this to myself.

[hidefdoritos]

So far it seems like the 2 NyQuil + 20 mg Melatonin combo is taking care of making me sleep through the steroid effects. I wake up pretty reliably at 4 am and have to start another podcast episode to go back to sleep. My eyes are extremely dry.

However I've been sleeping in until 10 or 11. Today I go back to class, so up at 7:30. Off work for the rest of the week bc I CANNOT drive in this condition. Would ram a tree without ever thinking to take my foot off the gas.

[hidefdoritos]

oh boy I've just been inspired by Two Crow Collective but I don't need any new clothing right now so I have plans for a grand design. once my hands stop shaking so much.

I have plain black shorts (peeled the Nike logo off them) and I often wear them to work (because boys are correct that shorts + hoodie provides idea temperature regulation).

I'm gonna paint on one leg a horizontal candle that's burning at both ends.

And in Gothic script above and below it, all caps, BURNT OUT.

This is being added to my post-prednisone projects pile posthaste.

[hidefdoritos]

Tonight I found two friends who have also been sick and verging on burnt out. All 3 of us were too wired to sleep yet, so we just spent a wild Friday night decorating jeans.

I've been saving this dark-wash pair for those slightly dressy occasions, but I actually just never wear them. Screw it, I love customization and the world needs more whimsy. I freehand Sharpie'd chibi dinosaurs all over the left leg. Someday I'll go over them with white paint (once the prednisone shakes are over) but for now this is perfect. Creating stuff brought us all great joy.

The front pocket could use another dino.

[Bonus: Spot the unicorn.]

Bonus dragon peeking out the back pocket. Wasn't sure how much to do on the seat of the pants so kept it minimal. I might do another sleepy stegosaurus on the pocket yet.

[hidefdoritos]

I've been put on a steroid to help me beat this infection and boy howdy I hate it.

mental breakdown, food mention, SA mention, dysphoria, giant text wall, and a lot of relationship rambling under the cut. feel free to scroll. I am safe.

it feels like my brain has been lifted out and placed in a hot air balloon that is also a carousel. the balloon is piloting my body around. my body is extra sweaty and also jittery and little nauseous. the carousel of my brain is so anxious and cannot focus and is going Nine Million Miles Per Hour spiraling So Hard. i have 4 quizzes and an exam to do. i can't find an empty classroom without A Couple hanging out to "study" (in adjacent chairs, all but sitting in each other's laps) so I'm doing the exams from one of the music practice rooms and I can hear two pianists playing in different keys and it's driving me crazy and also I'm typing so much faster than I usually do and speaking fast too I think. i can't go back to my room because if my roommate is there and asks me what's wrong with me I'm gonna just cry because I'm spiraling SO HARD right now especially about how I'm single and my roommate is just gonna feel awkward and bad because she has a boyfriend and her entire identity is wrapped around him and she knows I envy that. oh gosh someone is playing a sad song and i'm actually going to cry about it. can't tell my other friend because she got broken up with Brutally over the summer and I don't want to make her sad. can't tell the other friend because she just got engaged. can't talk to the other friend because she asked a boy out for coffee and is texting the play by play about that. it's the same boy I wanted to ask out for coffee but i can't ruin her fun by saying so. i don't want to talk to a single person about it because I don't want to make them sad too but I don't want to talk to a dating/married person about it because they can't relate. don't want to talk to my ace friend because he can't relate. can't tell the other friend because that would require reaching for my phone and if I get on my phone I'll never get the schoolwork done. my screentime is over 8 hours today and I'm still not done. i have the world's most unmotivated group for my group project and I'm supposed to be leading and I've been sick for a month and the interview just fell through and nobody has stepped up to help. I'm so far behind I need to either get better or drop out. the costumes crew is waiting on me. i have paperwork due. everybody is better than me at everything. i scheduled work during the Thursday dress rehearsal. i'm in no way ready for the Friday concert. my stomach hurts from the antibiotic. i want to burst into tears but I'm so congested that I think a gallon of fluid would come straight out of my head and I've been trying so hard to hydrate. my laptop is in my lap and every time I look down I can see my chest which I usually don't feel dysphoric about but I guess that (and also sense-memories) decided to crawl out of the woodwork just for the heck of it because why not kick Moss while she's down I guess. my thrifted boots aren't actually leather and they're peeling. i'm wearing my split skirt and it looks incredible. i did such a bad job of painting my nails. why is there a mirror in this practice room. ironically the bottom of it cuts off between m neck and my shoulders, which is where I feel disconnected right now. my foot is going to sleep. i feel manic and depressive at the same time. my laptop is hot. i've been writing this post for 12 minutes and i think it helped. even if stuff isn't done it's helping to put all the thoughts out there. like venting a rice cooker. oh gosh I should be asleep already. i need to shower and go to bed. i already got a one day extension for this midterm i just need to go do it. i need to shower still. nooooo I have to deal with my naked body. i'm crying. why is this sending me over the edge? i'm gonna have to sit down in the shower tonight. oh no. on the one hand right now i have all the feelings of This Is Getting Bad Again that usually precede a serious low point in my life. however to be fair this is the first time i'm letting myself process any of the emotions from the last month of being sick. i just kept carrying on and collapsing over and over. ah, poor kid. i've been trying so hard.

[swordshapedleaves]

The silver lining of all this is that 9 hours in the ER waiting for tests meant I really had the time to lock in and finish reading both Apothecary Diaries 2 and both first volumes of Green Yuri. And it is now the day my bookshop.org order containing AD 3, GY 3, and Aurora 2 is scheduled to arrive!

The switch from light novel to manga hit right when the sleep deprived cognitive decline would have made AD too dense to read. But Green Yuri is basically just a gay apple caramel pop and went down no problem

[swordshapedleaves]

Lol after a debate on whether my symptoms are bad enough for the ER (we decided no), I have convinced my husband to go watch his latest episode of re:zero because that's a guy with problems. Nothing we got going on is anywhere near the shit that guy is dealing with

[hidefdoritos]

First day off the steroid. Already miles better. Still have residual jitters and mini heart palpitations as I'm lying here. Too late to take melatonin w/o oversleeping in the morning whoops.