no control.
So as of right now whom ever is reading this knows absolutely nothing about me beside my name and how I started this account just to have an outlet. That’s ok, it’s exactly what I want. Post by post i’ll tell you more and more and you’ll see my daily life as time goes on All the good ol’ juicy stuff. First thing you need to know if you already haven’t figured it out I have absolutely no control over my own life... well at least that’s how I feel. I’m in my last two years of my teenage years and to this day I feel I haven’t made one true decision in my life without taking “someones” input into account and out of all the choices I’ve chosen the one that was mostly made by me with be choosing to make it is the choice of me continuing to stay with my boyfriend since 2010 but even that choice over all these years still had “someones” ruling or option in it.. This “someone” is specifically One person but I still don’t feel comfortable stating who for one reason because I don’t want to push complete blame on the person and another reason because it’s not always 100% them maybe 85% of the time it is this One person but not 100% so we’ll just call “her” (yes it’s a her) “someone” lets call her Lilly. Lily is going to be involved in most of my posts and you’ll soon realize that. I’m not going to give you guys too much back story on Lily because I want you to visualize her with an open mind but just know she’s a women, she means the most to me, she’s been there since I was a New born and has always pushed me to be the strong women she sees me being. Lily is Very opinionated and Extremely confident, at least that’s what she leads on. Lily is the type of person who can see through people whither you like it or not, whither you believe it or not she sees the potential in you. Some people she chooses not to see completely but the ones she cares for the most she does and because of her being that kind of person she always knows you can do better which means hear how she’s proud of you isn’t felt or heard often. You know when she is but never hear is directly much just like not hearing how she’s sorry herself. She’ll fight you nail and teeth if she thinks what she’s thinking is true and if she’s proven wrong it’s a very fast and discrete “i was wrong” and then move on. Lily is one of the most caring people I’ve had in my life which is the best and worse thing. She sees me being this person that I have a heard time seeing myself be, which often leads to disappointments on both our parts I feel. As much as I want to be ‘that’ person I always find myself being the opposite. Me always being that Opposite always leads to fights and Arguments with Lily practically daily. Especially if Lily was stressed out by someone else previously but she won’t admit that..
Still with me?
Lily has been behind every choice I’ve ever made wither it’s by my side on it, fighting me on it or stating her own option about it she’s there, behind every damn one of them. I’m not saying it as in it being a bad thing because she doesn’t mean it to be. I know she does it because she cares because she Loves me. If any one in this world truly Loves me it’s Lily and I know that for a fact! As I’ve gotten older Lilly being that involved with every choice is basically expected if I like it or not I know she’s going to be a part of it and it’s like I’ve gotten use to it. She doesn’t make me allow her to anymore i allow her too myself on stuff most people wouldn’t and I know the day is coming when I don’t when I make a choice for myself with nobody behind me on it besides Myself and when that day comes I know it will feel right. I love Lily with everything I have in me even if I don’t show it which she knows I don’t.. I Love her and allowing her to be such apart of me making choices for myself at this age is starting to get to me too much. (what this whole post is about) She knows i’m growing up and I know I am too, her wanting me to always be a better me will always be a goal I have for myself and know how she’ll always have it for me too but the little things I allow her to control just aren’t ok with me anymore and I’m going to be figuring out a way how to handle it. If she likes it or not, i’ll be taking control over my own life. -Bashlin