So as of right now whom ever is reading this knows absolutely nothing about me beside my name and how I started this account just to have an outlet. Thatās ok, itās exactly what I want. Post by post iāll tell you more and more and youāll see my daily life as time goes on All the good olā juicy stuff. First thing you need to know if you already havenāt figured it out I have absolutely no control over my own life... well at least thatās how I feel. Iām in my last two years of my teenage years and to this day I feel I havenāt made one true decision in my life without taking āsomeonesā input into account and out of all the choices Iāve chosen the one that was mostly made by me with be choosing to make it is the choice of me continuing to stay with my boyfriend since 2010 but even that choice over all these years still had āsomeonesā ruling or option in it.. This āsomeoneā is specifically One person but I still donāt feel comfortable stating who for one reason because I donāt want to push complete blame on the person and another reason because itās not always 100% them maybe 85% of the time it is this One person but not 100% so weāll just call āherā (yes itās a her) āsomeoneā lets call her Lilly. Lily is going to be involved in most of my posts and youāll soon realize that. Iām not going to give you guys too much back story on Lily because I want you to visualize her with an open mind but just know sheās a women, she means the most to me, sheās been there since I was a New born and has always pushed me to be the strong women she sees me being. Lily is Very opinionated and Extremely confident, at least thatās what she leads on. Lily is the type of person who can see through people whither you like it or not, whither you believe it or not she sees the potential in you. Some people she chooses not to see completely but the ones she cares for the most she does and because of her being that kind of person she always knows you can do better which means hear how sheās proud of you isnāt felt or heard often. You know when she is but never hear is directly much just like not hearing how sheās sorry herself. Sheāll fight you nail and teeth if she thinks what sheās thinking is true and if sheās proven wrong itās a very fast and discrete āi was wrongā and then move on. Lily is one of the most caring people Iāve had in my life which is the best and worse thing. She sees me being this person that I have a heard time seeing myself be, which often leads to disappointments on both our parts I feel. As much as I want to be āthatā person I always find myself being the opposite. Me always being that Opposite always leads to fights and Arguments with Lily practically daily. Especially if Lily was stressed out by someone else previously but she wonāt admit that..
Lily has been behind every choice Iāve ever made wither itās by my side on it, fighting me on it or stating her own option about it sheās there, behind every damn one of them. Iām not saying it as in it being a bad thing because she doesnāt mean it to be. I know she does it because she cares because she Loves me. If any one in this world truly Loves me itās Lily and I know that for a fact! As Iāve gotten older Lilly being that involved with every choice is basically expected if I like it or not I know sheās going to be a part of it and itās like Iāve gotten use to it. She doesnāt make me allow her to anymore i allow her too myself on stuff most people wouldnāt and I know the day is coming when I donāt when I make a choice for myself with nobody behind me on it besides Myself and when that day comes I know it will feel right. I love Lily with everything I have in me even if I donāt show it which she knows I donāt.. I Love her and allowing her to be such apart of me making choices for myself at this age is starting to get to me too much. (what this whole post is about) She knows iām growing up and I know I am too, her wanting me to always be a better me will always be a goal I have for myself and know how sheāll always have it for me too but the little things I allow her to control just arenāt ok with me anymore and Iām going to be figuring out a way how to handle it. If she likes it or not, iāll be taking control over my own life. -Bashlin