#preytell

[kingseph]

Day 3 of two weeks sober!

I feel weirdly euphoric and I slept so hard for 14 hours. (didnt even tale melatonin)

I started working out again.

🤷‍♀️ dunno!

[sinnamonscouture]

Pose on FX is Back and better than Ever

[angelista-house-of-say-it-aint]

Category Is...

[kingseph]

drank today.

hurt a friends feelings today- tho probably hes just being dramatic bc he has stuff going on himself but im still anxious about it

i get my wisdom tooth out tomorrow so i def should not have drank today

but did i? after going on a bender this weekend? sure thing i did.

havent been studying

havent been reading

ugh.

Im doing a sober stint now. Until July 4th. At least.

I cant do this man.... I want to sleep proper and i dont wanna loose the ideas in my head....

ugh :/

[kingseph]

5 days left being sober- 9 days down I think!?

Today and yesterday were very hard for some reason?

Didn't go out or anything wasn't bored either. Was quite productive and in a good mood both days. But I wanted some wine so baddddd or like a glass of whisky.

I was so close to just having a sip of wine. But I didn't! And I have been working out everyday!

I so much did not want to work out yesterday or today but I did it! My full workout! Both days!

Today I did one of those freakouts after my workout where you're lile, "IN YOUR FUCKING FACE YOU SEE THIS SHIT I DID IT I DID IT BITCH!!!!" But like I was yelling at sad, pathetic, drunk me.

Also ive been sleeping over 12 hours every night? Not even taking melatonin- only gaba lions mane and an allergy pill?

I'd like to be like, oh i need the sleep but my days are too short...

I wake at 11 am (??????!!!!! usually i wake automatically at 8am no matter when i go to bed) and it doesn't matter when i sleep! 9pm? 2am? it's all all 11am!!

I made some nice friends on overwatch- and one guy was a streamer and he was super nice and so were his friends so it made me happy. 😊

My husband's friends are coming from out of town and we'll probably have a fire in the firepit tomorrow or saturday. I'll probably realllly want some wine or whiskey then but! I will abstain! I can do it! I can follow through on my word with myself! I'm proving it to myself day by day.

And also by working out! Ive done it so many days! And i'm being nice to myself, and not overdoing it! Stretching properly and resting when needed. No harm.

I am just glad to have gotten this far. 5 more days! Wednesday!

When i do start drinking again I do wanna keep in mind the calories. I really think that's gonna help me not overdo it or not do it often.

Idk in a way, I don't even want to drink. But also I very much do. It feels like needless torture. I really do think I am addicted.

And I think it'll be hard when i start up again but I'm gonna make a huge effort to just be normal about it, and just relax and have a nice time. Stop "needing" it. Bc i obvi don't need it. I've been doing amazing without it.

I can do this.

[kingseph]

I am drunk but making a final deal with myself.

If i cannot stay sober from now until October 8th- I am not allowed to ever drink again.

If i do it! Maybe I can cut my alcoholism down to manageable. And I can be sorta normal!

But all it takes is two weeks.

Just two clear weeks....

maybe the longest i've gone other then when I was super sick (in hospital) then during my first two bouts of chemo.

[kingseph]

I think reading some yaoi could fix me.

I mean it wont but ill be happier.

give me a recommendation.

[angelista-house-of-say-it-aint]

Billy Porter joins AHS!!!! Aye we got one definite from Pose on Ryan’s team now we need the rest of the cast on his team. I wanna see my Pose superstars all over Netflix’s, FX movies, EVERYWHERE!!!!