Dear Diary,
June 9th
Overall a pretty simple day. I’ve been trying to put together my dreams. It’s so hard because I don’t fully understand Skrillex. I don’t understand how she’s come into existence, and I keep seeing those stupid little paragraphs about the damn red string of destiny or whatever and I know it’s cute to other people but it’s just ominous to me. And I feel like it’s my fault she’s here in the first place. Especially if we were supposedly “sisters” at some point. But she’s creating herself. Kaeii says I think too literally. She’s right. I’ve known that about myself forever.
June 10th
I went to Spades today. The queen was very nice and she even laughed at my joke. It was definitely something.
June 14th
Fuck. Something was put into motion today. Rota is dead, Leesa’s on the run and Red is missing. Of course there were little messages from Skrillex. Taunting me for not choosing. I can’t let her get in my head. This is the worst.
June 15th.
We got ahold of Artemisia. She’s going to help us retrieve Red. We got ambushed at the first location. There’s a door that is like, alive and I couldn’t pick it. It was super icky.
June 16th
The Valkyries met today. I had to wear a blindfold to go with. While I understand their fear, it’s really annoying to be the one with the connection to the bad guys in your head. It makes me feel like the bad guy and a wee bit annoye.d But like I said, I get it. Lydia offered to step forward and become the leader (or interim) leader of the Valkyries. Honestly I think I would have liked to see Torch step forward. I think they’d be good at it, what with being a Hearts and all. Plus they were shadowing Rota, learning how to lead. I think it would have been a good opportunity.
On another note. I hung out with Maddie today. She seemed distracted and when I pushed it she avoided the subject. I really hope everythings going okay at school. She’s been working so hard, I’d hate for something to happen to that.
I heard the song Poet today and one line hit me in particular. He sings “I have written you down. You will live forever. And all the world will read you. You will live forever. In eyes not yet created. On tongues that are not born.” What if that’s how Skrillex gets her power? Like, do we give her power by like talking about her? Do we give her that? Could I write her away if I figured out this “dragon” or whatever thing. Like, could I take away her power? I obviously am missing things still since she was a person. I saw her as a person. So, she can’t fully be powered by others. I dunno. I’ll think about it more.
June 18th
Learned about the door. Apparently it’s some sort of spirit. It should disintegrate in a little while. At least a week. We also got summoned into the court of Spades. Well, Lydia did technically. Something was left for her. But! The queen complimented my outfit. It was very exciting to have the queen acknowledge me and I didn’t realize how much I wanted something like that. It feels absolutely silly to write it here, but I felt important you know? I’ve never been one to struggle with self esteem, but recently especially I’ve been having difficulty. Everything is heating up and I’m not sure I’m strong enough to be useful.
Anyway! What we found was an imprint of Cards. We think it’s a message from Red. There was like a, like a shadow of Monster. But he wasn’t himself. Red is definitely wearing the crown and I don’t want to have to fight him. But, it’s weird because Monster referred to Red as his friend, but that he didn’t know him. It’s very odd. I don’t have enough of my thoughts put together yet.
