#problematicfactive guest speaker

[problematicfactive]

Do you know why he broke up with him?

(If this is too personal of an ask, feel free not to respond)

He wanted the relationship (which was initially closed and between the three of them) to be open so he could date a rollercoaster and Lane wasn't comfortable with that

(side note, Lane also split, so there's Lane who is exactly the same but also now Rory who isn't problematic but is now a host and kind of has "past problematic factive" status as he used to be Lane.)

-Rory lol

[problematicfactive]

This is just sort of half confession, half vent. We got quite a few problematic factives but there's one in particular that I feel kinda ashamed about how I treated him.

The factive in question isn't problematic in the usual way, his source isn't a bad person, very far from it in fact. It's just that I'd seen other systems get flak for similar factives.

We have hyperempathy so feel a lot of stress around social issues and sometimes split from them. We ended up splitting a factive tied to a social issue about a minority we're not a part of. We'd seen other systems get fakeclaimed and told they were just compensating for guilt for similar factives so I kinda tried to force him to seperate from his source. While he was still in the early phases of forming I tried to push his formation away from his source and basically forced him into being or at least pretending to be a brainmade instead, even forcing him to go by a different name. He didn't seem to bothered by it at the time but now that we're in a better place he started to express he really hates that we did that.

He wants to reconnect with his source and decide what he relationship he wants with his source. He has expressed that he wants to go by his actual name and we have respected that. But even he feels nervous about it bc he's inherited a lot of the shame the rest of us feel about him.

I want to feel less ashamed about it, especially considering how I treated him but it's really hard.

I think it's better that I, the Host answers this one. I understand its a vent, so I won't say too much. Only this.

You can't change what you did. There is nothing that can be done to change what happened. And how this person feels about you when its blown over is how they feel about you when it blows over.

I did the same things. I tried to make Anxiety form as someone else. That traumatized him in a way he can't recover from. Even the fact that we call him "Anxiety" here to keep him anonymous-- That's because of what I did to him. I wouldn't call him anything other than that. I tried to force that name change onto him.

Your relationship with this member-- it might never be perfect. My relationship with Anxiety is estranged. Anxiety has in the past called me his best friend. Anxiety also calls me his abuser. And as much as I hate to know he thinks of me that I did to him was abuse and I have to live with that.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to down on your vent, but I don't want to lie to you. I cant say "Be nice and everything will be fine" because I don't know you inside and out. I can't promise everything will turn out okay. Can it? Yeah! Would I bet on it? Usually not.

The most you can do is be better from here onward. Things may not ever be perfect, but they can get better.

Strive for better

[problematicfactive]

Culture of hosting a problematic factive is allowing them to engage in the (fictional!) media they want to engage in even if you don't really get it

-Host