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Something is happening on campus. The police are there along with the ambulance. Plus someone’s door was smashed up pretty bad. No official notice from the administration yet, even though they are supposed to keep us informed about robberies/violence/etc on campus.
10 Tips for When Your Child is Unhappy or Experiencing a Problem at School
10 Tips for When Your Child is Unhappy or Experiencing a Problem at School
Most children go through a period of being unsettled at school, usually it is when they are just starting school or a new class and is separation anxiety related. This is perfectly normal and should be expected. Children see their parents or primary care givers as their safe haven, where they know the routine, what to expect, etc. So venturing into the unknown without mum or dad can be…
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6 things to try if your child’s teacher flags a weak executive function
by Sarah Welch posted in Tips & Tricks Parent-teacher conference season has arrived. If you have children in grammar school, that means it’s time to cram yourself into a tiny little chair and get the report from your child’s teacher on their progress in a paltry 15-minute session. For some parents, these conferences are bound... Read... Want to get the full story? Click on the headline above. And thanks for reading the BabyCenter Blog. http://bit.ly/1i0iPKS
Why Parents Think They Understand You, When They Actually Do.
Parents will think that they understand you, and they will think that they know every single detail of your life. Wrong. Unless you decide to be really close with your parents, they don't know anything about you at all. They think they know what happens at school, they think they know who your friends are.
Truth is, your parents know nothing about you. They will pretend to understand what you're going through, but they don't know anything. It's what makes you drift apart from them, making you feel like you're all alone in this world.
They just don't understand!
You could get bullied a lot in school and they might not even notice! No wonder no one decided to talk to their parents!
But they do know things. Sometimes, even if they don't understand quite clearly what you're going through, you can tell them your problems. To start creating a healthier bond with your parents, you need to be as open with them as you can. Tell them what's bothering you at school.
As soon as you tell your parents these things, they might understand more. When you tell your parents what's happening in your life, or at school, they will try to help you.
Some people think that they won't try to help you. Unless you have alcoholic, drug addicted, neglecting parents, they will try to help you. Don't think automatically that they might not know how to solve a problem. If you're being bullied in school, tell them!
If someone says a mean comment about you, and it rubs you the wrong way, tell your parents! They have probably dealt with this before, they might even be dealing with it right now! Do you ever stop and think what happens at where they work? Maybe other employees or whatever call them names, maybe even get them in trouble at work.
All I'm saying is, your parents know things. It's up to you whether you're willing to let them help you or not.
Fifth hour every week so far
Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!
Me: sorry...
Girl: oh hey look an ant *squishes, knowing very well that it upsets me*
Me: *TRIGGERED* .....
Girl: oh wow they're just everywhere man *squish squish squish*
Me: *that's it* CUT IT OUT!!! *pushes her over*
Small group in the class: ! *time to gang up and kill as many ants as possible until i feel hopeless and sit down*
Me: .... *sighs and lies my head down*
-next day-
Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!
-next day-
Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!
-next day-
Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!
-next day-
Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!
Me: WELL EXCUSE ME IF I HAVE FUCKING TRUST ISSUES WHEN EVERYONE PRETENDS TO BE NICE AND FRIENDLY AND THEN DOES STUFF JUST TO UPSET ME AND DON'T SAY YOU DON'T BECAUSE YOU INFACT DO AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH WHY CAN'T YOU JUST RESPECT THAT ANT MURDER IS TRIGGERING TO ME AND FUCKING STOP!?!?
Teacher: *hasn't been doing anything at all and still isn't*
Girl: oh my god, i can't believe you fucking yelled at me!
Me: UGH! *flips a desk over*
Class: !
Teacher: *looks at me*
Me: ..... *puts desk back and sits down* sorry for the interruption. *even though he doesn't lecture*
every.
single.
day.
is it any wonder i can't make friends when everyone IRL who's nice to me decided to stab me in the back once they've got my trust?
School Days
Amy is twelve now and started high school in September. It was an anxious time for us as she's a sensitive wee soul and had her fair share of struggles in primary school, but we got there in the end, with lots of love, care and attention from her wonderful teachers, who were very willing to help.
Transfer test time was a complete nightmare, practice papers in P6 (age 11) and so much pressure for a little person to cope with. It was as difficult a time for the rest of the family as it was for Amy, seeing how unhappy she was and questioning ourselves if it was really worth it. We'd help Amy as best we could, she'd be upset and frustrated, mainly with herself when she just couldn't understand her work and I felt like I was having a nervous break down most days.
Thank God it's all over now but it was hell from start to finish and I was an emotional wreck, at times breaking down in front of the parents of some of the children I look after (they usually arrived at home work time when stress levels were at their worst).
You know how when you're feeling emotional and someone asks how things are going and you think to yourself, 'please don't be too nice to me or I'm going to cry'? That was me pretty much every day.
Eventually, Amy did her tests on three Saturday mornings in December. She got a great result and was accepted into the school we chose for her - a good school with a good reputation. From day one, Amy was very unhappy and this got worse with each passing day. We'd have family chats and try to be really positive about everything, saying we had to give it a chance and things would settle down but there just wasn't a thing about high school that made Amy happy.
We had worried that it would be difficult after leaving a lovely primary school, starting a huge high school with so many pupils, different teachers for each subject, new faces and all the rest. I thought that the teachers would have been gentle with the new children, considering they were just out of primary school and making the scary transition to high school, but this was not the case. Anyway, we just tried to carry on looking on the bright side (didn't seem to be a bright side though).
Amy continued to cry before, during and after school - she showed me once how she sat each day with her face in her hands, staring straight ahead, squeezing her cheeks as hard as she could bear, as this sometimes helped her not to cry as much.... this just broke my heart. She would cry in bed at night and beg me not to make her go in the next day, I would cry most days too, but tried my best to hide the state I was in from her.
From the moment Amy started high school, she had a headache every single day, a migrane at least once a week, two kidney infections and huge, sore hives, especially on her face. It just goes to show how the mind affects the body and there was no denying that during her ten weeks of high school, Amy was reacting badly to what was going on.
There's only so much a mum can take and being the decision maker, it feels like the family's happiness is my responsibility, if someone isn't happy, then I'm not doing a good job. I felt like such a failure as a parent but also felt that there was no way out. I began to research home schooling and exploring my options, I knew we couldn't take much more.
I will always remember reading one dad's story on home schooling in which he said something like, 'go and stand for a moment in any school corridor full of children and show me the behaviour you would like your child to emulate.' This really hit home with me and I sat down with my husband and asked him what he thought Amy would be missing out on if she didn't attend mainstream school.
The first thing he said was education. I showed him what I had read about how home schooled children can learn in 2 hours what school kids learn in a full day, the amount of time that is wasted in schools handing out notes, copying down from the blackboard, settling unruly children, these are just the tip of the ice-berg. And it's boring the way in which our children are taught.
Mainstream schools aren't interested in individual children, it's all results, results, results.... getting the highest pass rate in exams and all that. This is not how I want my children to spend their childhood.
Andrew also said that school is good for helping children to make friends and socialise until I reminded him that Amy's best friends were her cousins, a little girl that I have minded for years and her chums from horse riding.
Anyhow! One of my lovely mums arrived with her cute baby boy one morning in November after Andrew had left with Amy for school. She could see that I was on the verge of tears and said how it broke her heart seeing Amy's wee face in the mornings looking all worried and sad.... well, that was it! Floodgates opened and I was a mess!
Julie tried her best to comfort me, and wouldn't leave until she was happy that I was okay and whilst chatting to her, I suddenly saw the light! I told Julie she'd done me the biggest favour and everything was going to be fine now.
I snatched my phone from the shelf and called my husband (my sensible, rational, husband!) and asked him if they'd reached the school yet. He said they hadn't and I ordered him to turn around and bring Amy home... NOW!!! Andrew didn't argue, although I had expected him to try to talk some sense into me as he always does but when he simply replied 'okay' I realised how much all this had been getting to him too.
I was still in bits when they got home twenty minutes later and my precious Amy was all blotchy faced from crying too. I hugged her tightly and told her to take off her uniform and put it in a plastic bag, I told her that she would never be putting it on again. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to say those words, a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I was floating on air. I was still crying, but from sheer relief, I didn't know what the hell we were going to do but I knew for certain that going back to that school was definitely not an option!
When my mum phoned for our morning chat, as she always does, she heard my voice and asked what was wrong. I tried and tried to talk but hearing mums voice completely set me off again and I couldn't get a word out. She said 'put the phone down, I'll be over in ten minutes!' Ah mum, what would I do without you?
Ten minutes later, mum walked to find me crying my eyes out and Amy on the sofa looking very worried. As soon as I told her what was going on I felt instantly better but told her that I didn't know what to do, no one just removes their child from school after ten weeks with no future plan. Mum’s answer? 'So bloody what if you took her out of school, so bloody what if you can't get her into another school and so bloody what if people are going to judge you! Stuff everyone else and their opinions, you have to do what's right for your family'. That's right, say it how it is mum, but she's so right. I wasted so much time and Amy suffered unnecessarily all because we were worried what people might think, when it just doesn't matter.
Amy told me that she felt really bad that she had made me upset and caused so much trouble. I reassured her that it was my decision to send her school and my decision to take her out and she wasn’t to feel one bit guilty, she had enough to worry about. I told her that I was happy because I knew something better was just around the corner for her and that we were going to get everything sorted. The relief was written all over her wee face.
A mum of a special girl I look after (and now a good friend) told me 'the people that judge don't matter and the people that matter don't judge.' I had worried that this friend might think I was mad, but instead she told me that I was 'a brave woman' and not many would have the guts to make such a huge decision.
So I went from feeling like a mad, unhinged, drastic decision making mum, to a sensible, brave mum who was standing up for what was right for her daughter and just trying to make everything okay.
My sister, Kim, had warned me all along that high school wasn't right for Amy and that she would struggle. She had said that I should send Amy to her cousin’s school, which was loving and nurturing and put the children and their individual needs first, rather than focusing solely on curriculum, performance, tests and exam results.
I wouldn't entertain this, all I wanted (or thought I wanted) was for my children to have a 'normal' education and not to have to explain to people about them attending a non-traditional school.
I soon realised though that going along with the norm was sacrificing my child's happiness - this was a price I wasn't willing to pay.
We went along to Rudolf Steiner in Holywood, a small non-profit making private school which takes children from three to GCSE. We instantly loved it and Amy felt right at-home there. We filled in forms, met Amy's would-be teacher and were told that Amy could start in January. The children at Rudolf Steiner keep the same main teacher throughout their school years, so build a deep relationship with them and of course, there's no scary transition from primary to high school, at that delicate, hormonal age.
Amy started Rudolf Steiner on Monday and I know it's early days, but she absolutely LOVES it!! I've never seen her so happy and settled. It's going to be awkward arranging to get her there and back at times, especially when her dad's at work, but the whole family's happy to help and, God, it's worth it to see her happy, smiling face in the mornings.
Lesson learned - I will never make decisions based on what others might think EVER AGAIN!
By the way, my cool as a cucumber son, has never had a moments trouble at school, he's Mr Popular, everyone's best friend, the teacher's pet, champion footballer, super hard worker... etc. They're all different, my two are like chalk and cheese. What's right for one, isn't necessarily right for the other. In fact, you can be sure that if Amy loves something - anything, Harry will hate it and vice-versa!
Be brave, always put your family first, forget about trying to impress the rest because, in the end, they may have their opinions, but your decisions will never affect their lives, only your own.
Parenting is a constant battle but when you get it right, it's massively rewarding! It's all trial and error.
Aww how I ever love my school!<3 The only thing that sucks is that of course when I finally am on the drama course/group, WE DON'T HAVE A FUCKING TEACHER. So I have no idea whether to go to school tomorrow at 8 am or sleep and go at 9:30...
