#triggering situations

[furiousgoldfish]

Which one of these are you vulnerable to?

(vulnerable as in, if it happens, you spiral into dark thoughts and you go to great lengths to avoid these)

Asking for help and getting rejected

Asking for help and being put in more danger

Having a friend lose interest in talking to you

Having a friend end the friendship because of something you did

Having a friend act toxic and abusive to you, because they want to end the friendship but don't want to be the one to call it

Having a friendship/relationship you didn't realize was one-sided until it abruptly ended

Confessing your crush and getting rejected

Confessing your crush and having them act disgusted

Having someone pretend to like you back, but they only want to keep you around because they like your attention, and you find out months later

Being discarded after you've invested a lot of energy and care into someone

Being ignored and treated as invisible by someone

Being ignored, treated invisible and judged by a group of people

Being criticized after you put a lot of energy into something

Being put down and told that you can't do anything right, after you put a lot of energy into something

Being yelled at for making a mistake

Being yelled at for getting hurt on accident

Being yelled at for hurting someone

Your friend not siding with you in an event of abuse, bullying or injustice

Your friend arguing that it's unfair of you to want them to take sides

Gathering courage to open up about abuse only for the listener to instinctively defend abusers, and put you down

Opening up about about only to have it downplayed and dismissed

Opening up about abuse and having the other person pass judgment on you

Other people acting like you're poison, dangerous, infectious and malicious

Other people acting like you're stupid, and don't understand your own life and situation

Other people acting like they would have no trouble in your place

Being perceived as a burden and a problem for everyone else

Being in a group where you feel like you're the only one who doesn't belong

Getting outcasted from a group because someone in there who hurt you made up rumors about you that everyone believed

[yowa-pedal]

Trigger Warnings

I haven't watched the episode yet but I've seen from the tags that there's non-consensual touching in the omake of this episode. There have been several warnings about it but just to make sure as many people as possible know in advance I thought I'd do another warning.

It involves Machimiya touching Izumida's chest and making him cry.

Please don't watch the post-credits scene if this sort of action will trigger you!

I'm going to watch it and then decide but chances are I won't be including it in my liveblog, however if I do it will definitely have tags for 'trigger' 'sexual assault tw' and 'non-con tw'.

[slowwolverine]

Dear Clinic Receptionists

When somebody tells you they want a female doctor, DO NOT: - tell them that their family doctor is already male -tell them the wait times for male doctors are shorter - ignore their obvious discomfort when they say they've had bad experiences with male doctors JUST FUCKING DO IT. It can be very traumatizing for sexual abuse, assault and harassment victims to have to explain to you why they want a female doctor. And you have no right or place to make someone relive that, least of all in a crowded clinic where everyone may hear them and can definitely see them in/near tears. Not only are you ignoring their right to chose who looks at and touches their body, but you are placing them in a triggering situation by almost forcing them to explain something that is none of your business anyways. It's utterly dehumanizing.

[edrecoveryprobs]

How to Deal with Triggers

1) Identify your triggers

The more you know about what triggers you, the more you can effectively deal with situations as they arise -- and construct situations which challenge you in positive ways without overwhelming you. When you notice yourself feeling triggered, try writing down your thoughts AND the situation. Is it a mealtime? Are people talking about diets? Are you in a restaurant? Are you worrying what people are thinking of you? Self-awareness is key. If you want a more structured approach, the first three pages of this can help!

2) Get an appropriate distance from the trigger

This can mean physically getting away from the trigger, or stepping out for a minute to get some air, or just finding a way to calm down enough to handle the situation. It depends on how triggered you're feeling. NOTE that this does not mean "run away from everything that makes you uncomfortable," but rather, "if your feelings are overwhelming, take the time and space you need to process them effectively before rejoining the fray." I personally make a lot of use of bathrooms, since they aren't triggering to me but ARE a way to get privacy for a few minutes so I can calm down. If bathrooms trigger you, stepping outside for a minute or pretending to need something from another room are convenient excuses. I've also had people who are so triggering I've cut them out of my life and/or just distanced myself from those relationships, which is more drastic but sometimes the most appropriate option (remember: no one is entitled to any part of you -- and you have an obligation to take care of yourself first!). I've also straight up said, "this conversation is getting to be too stressful, I need to take a break," followed by "can we talk about this later" or "I need some time to process this," or "I feel myself getting really upset, can we talk about something else for a bit?"

Most of the time, in my experience, people are pretty good about working with me, especially if I DO show initiative by bringing it back up later when I'm feeling more ready. But sometimes, I need to really establish limits with people. My rule is to try to give fair warnings, but to leave if I am getting to the point where the conversation is self-destructive. The 3 strikes rule works really well, if you can identify different stages before "totally overwhelmed": "I'm getting really upset, I may need to end the conversation soon." "I'm kind of upset, I think I might have to end this conversation for now." "I'm too upset to talk about this fairly anymore, I need to go." If they don't respect my need for time and space, then I need to respect it for them by hanging up or walking away. For more info/help: Holly Weeks' Taking the Stress Out of Stressful Conversations, About.com's Become Adept at Dealing With Difficult People and Avoiding [Unnecessary] Conflict

3) Use affirmations

I have some of my favorite affirmations that I keep in mind, so I can use them as mantras when I'm too stressed to think positively. Saying words (especially physically vocalizing them, even if it's under your breath) really helps because you're physically reinforcing positive thoughts. "I am a work in progress," "This stress is temporary" "I've gotten through worse -- I can get through this." etc. We have some example affirmations here and a guide for making your own here.

4) Find and use effective coping skills

Coping skills are super helpful for releasing the nervous energy that comes with anxiety, and also they reinforce positive/happy/healthy actions and thoughts rather than negative/unhealthy ones. PLUS, it puts some time between the triggering situation and you, which often makes most of the difference. Experiment with different ones, keep track of which ones work and use those whenever you're stressed out.

5) Remember that you don't have to be perfect!

In my experience, recovery is more about improving the healthy:unhealthy ratio for my behaviors rather than merely quitting disordered behaviors. I like to think of it as a personal challenge to use healthy behaviors as much as possible rather than feeling guilty when I lapse. Triggering situations come and go; but with the right combination of tools and skills, I can learn to effectively handle any situation that I face.

[luesmainblog]

Fifth hour every week so far

Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!

Me: sorry...

Girl: oh hey look an ant *squishes, knowing very well that it upsets me*

Me: *TRIGGERED* .....

Girl: oh wow they're just everywhere man *squish squish squish*

Me: *that's it* CUT IT OUT!!! *pushes her over*

Small group in the class: ! *time to gang up and kill as many ants as possible until i feel hopeless and sit down*

Me: .... *sighs and lies my head down*

-next day-

Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!

-next day-

Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!

-next day-

Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!

-next day-

Girl: why are you always so mean to people? we're just trying to be nice to you and be friends and you just like push us away all the time and junk!

Me: WELL EXCUSE ME IF I HAVE FUCKING TRUST ISSUES WHEN EVERYONE PRETENDS TO BE NICE AND FRIENDLY AND THEN DOES STUFF JUST TO UPSET ME AND DON'T SAY YOU DON'T BECAUSE YOU INFACT DO AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH WHY CAN'T YOU JUST RESPECT THAT ANT MURDER IS TRIGGERING TO ME AND FUCKING STOP!?!?

Teacher: *hasn't been doing anything at all and still isn't*

Girl: oh my god, i can't believe you fucking yelled at me!

Me: UGH! *flips a desk over*

Class: !

Teacher: *looks at me*

Me: ..... *puts desk back and sits down* sorry for the interruption. *even though he doesn't lecture*

every.

single.

day.

is it any wonder i can't make friends when everyone IRL who's nice to me decided to stab me in the back once they've got my trust?

[howsyourbreathing-blog]

So I've been trying to figure out how to summarize this.

If someone is in a group of people and they are triggered by a topic of conversation;

they have a right to ask you to not discuss it in front of them

you have the right to not be an asshole and stop

you do not get to tell them that because they are the only person affected that THEY should leave the room/conversation.

you do not get to make them feel like their opinion/feelings don't matter because you are WRONG

especially if this is all happening in a "safe space."