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[mutantfactor]

Veil of Shadows

[dorkhellbside]

its ORANGE soda not lemon soda.. ouh duh.. lol

[every-vasily]

[sohlaelwaylly]

Rick Martinez is also leaving

[formderptron]

[fandom-necromancer]

041. I can’t sleep, can I sleep here?

This was prompted by a lovely anon! I absolutely adore Ralph and there is too little content out there XD Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Ralph/Simon and background RK1000 (Warnings: Talk about traumatic memories)

The earth around his hands was cool as he dug a hole deep and large enough to house the seedling he had grown in the greenhouse before. He carefully inserted the plant in the hole, careful not to hurt any roots in the process and added earth all around, applying gentle pressure to secure the plant. Then he sat back and grinned, joy flooding his systems enough to make him want to move and he lost the excess energy by shaking his arms around. His good eye quickly darted around, the other one following without seeing anything. But he only met gently smiling faces at his sudden outburst, so he relaxed the tensions in his shoulders and looked down on his plant. ‘Are you alright?’ Ralph knew the voice, knew the gentle tone. ‘Y-yes, Ralph is fine, Ralph is fine! … And sorry. Ralph was happy, see?’ ‘Yes, I see’, Simon smiled at him, lightly resting a hand on his back while inspecting the new addition to the garden. ‘You don’t have to be sorry for that, you did good work!’ The WR600 looked up and nervously picked at the dirt in his finger-joints the artificial skin couldn’t cover any longer. He liked the android a lot, partially for the compliments he didn’t know how to react to. He was also the only one who could touch him without him flinching or panicking. He had been there when… when Markus freed the androids from recall centre N°5. Ralph quickly focussed on the now, he was in the garden with Simon, not there. Not out there. Never.

Simon patted him gently. ‘Connor visits today. You know him right? The police android?’ ‘Yes! Yes, Ralph knows him! He helped Markus.’ ‘Yep. Just wanted to tell you, not that he surprises you.’ ‘Will he visit the garden? Will Ralph see him?’ ‘I don’t know. I can tell him to check in on you, if you like’, he offered. ‘H-He doesn’t need to!’, the android was quick to stutter. ‘Ralph doesn’t have anything interesting to show him.’ ‘Now don’t say that, Ralph. You have so many interesting plants here!’ ‘Ralph is sure he sees a lot of plants outside.’ Simon nodded. ‘Yeah I guess he does. Do you want to go outside too?’ ‘No! No, Ralph is fine here! It’s safe. Outside is scary.’ ‘Okay, but if you want to, just tell me. We can go together. I have to help North but see you tomorrow?’ ‘Ralph would be very happy!’ Simon laughed and nodded. ‘Then that’s settled. See you later!’

He had meant what he had said. It was safe here at new Jericho. After the revolution Markus and the rest of the rebellion had managed to buy an old apartment complex and use it as a refuge for troubled androids. Any android who had trouble with his newfound freedom could go there and find help or just a safe place to stay for a while. Ralph had finally found a place to rest there. He had seen the free space behind the complex and promptly started to work on transforming it to a garden. He didn’t need the help Markus, his friends and volunteers like Connor offered. He just needed a safe place to be. But Simon had took to him regardless. They were friends, all of them were friends around here. But with the android it was something special. Something very special that made Ralph’s stress levels recede and his thirium pump beat faster at the same time every time he saw Simon.

He watched him leave to the building and as he turned around to wave at him before opening the door it made him grin just as wide as he had before.

-

Connor did come later that day and he even visited him. Ralph knew there were more reasons for the android to come here. One was helping the others, one was Markus and one was his brother who was living here too. It was just temporary, as Connor had told him once. The RK900 wanted to join him at the force once he was ready. More Ralph didn’t know, because no matter what, the big robot looked scary.

‘Hello Ralph, how are you?’, the RK800 asked him, as he was plucking a few weeds. ‘Oh, Connor! Ralph is good. Ralph likes it here. Ralph is safe and can tend to plants here!’ Connor nodded and the WR600 suddenly remembered something. He got up and excitedly grabbed Connor’s hand to show him the garden. ‘You were right! Your idea was good! Ralph can teach, see?’ He pointed at the other deviants who were tending the garden with him. ‘It is peaceful. Peaceful for the mind. Ralph doesn’t get so angry anymore and what helps Ralph also helped others!’ ‘Good to see I could be of help, then.’ ‘Yes! Ralph needs time to get to know new people. Too many at once can be stressful. But this is good, there is a lot of space here.’ Connor let himself be shown around a bit more, until he took his leave too. It was getting late now, and Ralph was using his trusty toothbrush to get rid of the dirt between his fingers and in his beat-up chassis. He had been offered repairs and a full restoration, but he had refused. He didn’t want any fingers on him, not even Simon in this case. He had helped him with the cleaning and patching up new wounds after the revolution, but Ralph disagreed to anything more. Maybe with time that would change too. But he was happy. He was content with the way life was now. He felt safe and there were no humans here. His work and the interactions with others distracted him.

That was until night fell and Ralph went to his room to enter stasis. He was always dreading the few seconds of his programming taking over to send him to sleep. That was always when he was most at danger for his memories to come up and haunt him. [Entering Stasis…] [Stasis cancelled. Warning: Stress levels too high.] Ralph was shaking at his station. He could feel the heat on his face where he had been burned. [Entering Stasis…] [Stasis cancelled. Warning: Stress levels too high.] There was the bat colliding with his torso again. [Entering Stasis…] [Stasis cancelled. Warning: Stress levels too high.] There was the scraping noise as his face was dragged over concrete.

‘Ralph is fine’, he spoke to the silent darkness in a quivering whisper. ‘Ralph is fine, Ralph is safe. Ralph can sleep.’

[Entering Stasis…] [Stasis cancelled. Warning: Stress levels too high.] Hands on him, everywhere. Searching for his regulator or hidden access points. [Entering Stasis…] [Stasis cancelled. Warning: Stress levels too high.] The faces of humans, faces without any LEDs. Laughing faces that didn’t convey happiness or safety, but torture. [Entering Stasis…] [Stasis cancelled. Warning: Stress levels too high.] The constant fear of running, of finding a new place to stay in a human world. In a world against him.

‘Ralph is fine, Ralph is fine, Ralph is fine!’ He had the overwhelming urge to cut, to defend himself, to see something bleed. Because that meant safety. Cut someone and they had to care for themselves. He could flee then. Violence meant safety, yes. ‘No. Ralph is fine, Ralph is safe. Ralph can sleep. Ralph doesn’t have to get violent here. They are all friends. They protect Ralph. Ralph can sleep.’ [Entering Stasis…] [Stasis cancelled. Warning: Stress levels too high.] It was no use as his stress levels rose to dangerous heights and the memories got too much. He never wanted to lash out, he had gotten so much better. He had learned to stay who he wanted to be. The fear had receded and he didn’t have to regret anything now. Why, why, why? ‘Ralph is safe’, he sighed to himself. ‘Ralph can seek help. There are people to help Ralph, Ralph is fine.’

He stepped out of the booth and knew exactly where to go. ‘Ralph isn’t a burden. He told Ralph. Ralph can get help.’ He muttered it until he stood in front of Simon’s door and could keep his doubts at bay long enough for him to knock.

‘Ralph! Did something happen? Can I help you?’ Ralph was relieved as soon as he saw the man and nodded. ‘I can’t sleep, can I sleep here?’ ‘Of course, Ralph, come inside!’, Simon nodded, closing the door behind the gardener. ‘Another nightmare?’ ‘Yes…’ ‘Is touch okay? Or just be there and talk?’ Ralph was so thankful the android knew exactly what he needed and how he could react to the wrong approach. ‘Touch is okay. It was just… memories.’ Simon closed in and hugged the small android carefully. ‘They can be more than “just memories”, Ralph, I know how it can be.’ ‘Yes.’ ‘I hope it will leave you alone someday, Ralph. You deserve to be left alone by all that.’ ‘It has gotten better. Ralph can enter stasis most days. Today was… bad.’ ‘That’s okay, you can’t force to be fine from one day to the next. You are doing amazing, you know that?’ ‘Ralph tries.’ ‘You are far less impulsive now compared to when you joined us.’ ‘But Ralph still is’, the android said, resting his forehead against the other’s shoulder. ‘Ralph still is aggressive and wants to hurt sometimes.’ ‘That’s fine. Anyone would be, okay? And I know first-hand that you don’t want to hurt. You feel the need to hurt to be safe. That is something completely different.’ ‘Is it?’ ‘Yes. Ralph, I know you. You are happy when things grow, you want to help others although meeting new people terrifies you. You were always a gentle soul, trauma just forced you to keep yourself safe. And trauma just fades slowly, never really goes away. Do you think it would be any different with your defences? It takes time to realise you don’t need them anymore. And it is even more difficult to convince them they aren’t needed.’ ‘How do you know this all?’ ‘I have my own traumas too, you know? Not as badly as yours, but I too had to recover. Learn how to trust and be myself again. I also have nightmares or trouble falling asleep. Having friends who care about you help.’ ‘Ralph cares about you a lot.’ The android lifted his head out of Simon’s clothes to look at him. ‘I know. And I care about you too. More than about anyone else.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Yes, Ralph, I love you even, you know that?’ ‘Love? You love Ralph?’ ‘Yeah. That’s what I just said’, he chuckled, and it made Simon discover that fact anew as Ralph began grinning again. ‘Ralph – I love you too!’

Simon guided them both to his bed and helped the android lay down, before he joined him and hugged him from behind. ‘Try to sleep, Ralph, I’m here for you. You are safe.’ He repeated it until the android in front of him managed to enter stasis. It still took some time and a lot of silently whispered words to his shaking form, but in the end the LED turned in slow blue circles and Simon sighed. ‘You love me too, Ralph?’, he asked into the dark, smiling sleepily. ‘That’s not fair, you love everyone.’ He ran his hands along the android’s scars and through his hair. ‘That’s what I love about you.

[skalawalaboosh]

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