#processingtrauma

[provokingdrama]

I started drawing this out the other day but hadn't posted it because I didn't want it to be misinterpreted as ecstasy or something. This sketch is about the adverse/allergic reactions I've had to certain antipsychotics (and various medications - opiates and things with codeine, and some anti-emetics) called Acute Dystonic Reactions or Extrapyramidal Symptoms. Uncontrollable seizure-like movements. This sketch is of the worst reaction I had in late April 2010 after being re-prescribed Zyprexa after having been off it for a while. My psychiatrist wasn't very good. Anyway it was a full-body reaction that I literally expected to die from. Every muscle group was affected and contracting. My face and tongue included- I was worried I my tongue would suffocate me (it was blocking my throat) or that the most important muscle would be affected- my heart. I was hyperventilating because my diaphragm was involved, and if it affected my lungs I thought it would get my heart too. Anyway, there was a lot of back arching involved at the ER. I don't remember anything more bc I was given Cogentin (Parkinson's drug) after my 2nd trip to the ER that day. Anyway, thought I'd share even unfinished. If I can finish it I'll paint it, it's a traumatic event I'd like to process artistically. It helps. Thanks for reading. #art #dystonia #convulsions #trauma #darkart #graphite #pencil #sketchbook #sketchart #badmedicine #processingtrauma #medicaltrauma #horror #horrible #lifeasart #graphiteonpaper #graphitedrawing #thanksforlistening https://www.instagram.com/p/CiEy4LnP9Wp/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[gottalaughaboutit]

had a really normal childhood. mum and dad never argued, definitely didn’t have any money but my parents protected us from everything that went with that. find out later on dad is a narcissist and definitely gaslighted mum a lot. also spent money faster than he made it, kept mum at home with us and she had to figure out how to juggle the money to make it work. then we moved away from all our family, friends and support networks for dads job.

[spokenfromthefart-blog]

Spoken Word about a tragic life event and how to overcome

I hope that I can make it I hope that I can take it I hope I don’t stop along the way and totally break it Im talking about my dreams my goals my aspirations Things born upon hefty contemplation Things born from sitting in that box Things born when I was left to rot If I fail? If I stop? If I drop pandoras box? There is no failing, dear There is no yesteryear There is no opening that box The doubts will drown me out in a sea of hellish thoughts If I fail I need go to whisper in the children’s ears That I quit, and for nothing were their tears The tears of utter grief The tears for which there was no relief Grandpa did not come home and it was all my fault, selfishly Now I throw my life away in ecstasy Im sorry he’s dead, but don't mind me If I quit, What I said in front of prison polly was Bullshit An entitled speech White girl privilege it reeked For you I devote my success, my parenting and my legacy I pledge to live and live with such intensity That people question my reasoning but are inspired by gall The gall to not sit around and mope But to live with a crazy stupid amount of hope.

So five years ago I was in a fatal car accident. Someone passed away and I was sent to prison. Here is some reflections. Please share if you liked or give some constructive criticism. This is my first time trying to let it out. Thanks.