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100 Ways To Say ‘I Love You’ #36

“We’ll figure it out.”

Summary: Five times Dean told Cas they’d figure it out, and one time he didn’t need to. College AU. [AO3]

Thanks to @profound-boning and @envydean for being amazing betas.

1.

Dean heaved his suitcase up the stairs, swiping at his brow. California wasn’t as hot as he’d expected, at least in the Bay Area. Still, the act of lugging most of his worldly possessions up the stairs of his new dorm room, his home for the next year, was hard work. To add insult to injury, Stanford didn’t provide air conditioning.

It had been a complete surprise when he’d been accepted into Stanford. Both his plan to apply and the improvement of Dean’s grades had been quite a recent development. He had to set an example for Sammy, after all, and if that only bettered himself in the long run then that was a bonus too. It was different, to not have his mom or Sam around him every day, but it would be an experience too. A chance to be independent, to meet new people. Starting with his new roommate.

Dean pushed open the door to his room cautiously, hesitating once he saw that half of the room had already been claimed and that the bathroom light was on. Not wanting to just walk in unannounced, he cleared his throat as he let the door swing closed behind him.

“Hey, anyone here?”

There was an intake of breath and the unmistakable sound of toiletries clattering into the sink, and then his new roommate emerged from the bathroom. Dean was surprised by how normal he looked, having expected the worst. The guy was of similar height to Dean, wearing regular sneakers, faded jeans and a plain t-shirt. His hair was dark and stuck up at all angles, and Dean spent a second wondering if it was artfully tousled or uncooperative bedhead.

“Hello. You must be my new roommate. I’m Castiel.”

“Castiel,” Dean repeated, making sure he’d gotten it right. “I’m Dean. It’s good to meet you. I see you’ve already gotten a good start on moving in.”

Castiel looked around at his boxes and shrugged. “Oh yeah. I took the bed on the right but I can totally switch if you want.”

Dean raised his hands, shaking his head with an easy grin. “Nah, man. I don’t have a preference, the one on the left is cool with me. I’d be an ass if I came in and demanded you cater to my preferences. I’d like to avoid all that and hopefully we can get along.”

“That would be nice.” Castiel smiled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I don’t know anyone here yet so I’d like it if we could be friends. Would you like a hand with moving the rest of your stuff?”

“Honestly, I’d really appreciate it,” Dean admitted, moving the suitcase to one side and leading the way down to his car. “My mom was so convinced that I’d forget something I’d need later. I’m pretty sure she packed up our entire house.”

Castiel laughed, seeming more at ease with the conversation as he followed Dean outside. “That’s kinda cool. Where are you from?”

“Lawrence, Kansas.” Dean hummed distractedly as he opened the trunk and pulled out one of the boxes weighing down his car. “How about you?”

Grabbing one of the other boxes, Castiel faltered a moment at the weight, but he heaved it into a better position on his shoulder. “Pontiac, Illinois,” he grunted. “So not too far from you. You weren’t kidding about your mom packing up your entire house, I think I just found the mini-fridge.”

Dean snorted but held back his laughter in fear of dropping the box. “I did warn you, man. Lunch is on me. To say thanks for the help.”

“I’ll take you up on that.” Castiel somehow managed to carry the box up the stairs and into their dorm without needing to take a break. He set it down at the foot of Dean’s bed and rolled his shoulder, recovering from the burden.

“Colour me impressed.” Dean grinned. “Just twelve more boxes to go.”

Castiel groaned but it was all good-natured as he followed Dean downstairs to get another box. “So what’s your major? Do you have a plan yet?”

Dean flushed a little at the question, like he always did. It made him uncomfortable, feeling like he was going to be judged. But nobody here knew him, knew the difficulties he’d had studying in high school. “History,” he eventually mumbled. “I was never really the academic type. I’m not so hot on the numbers side of things. But I’m good at remembering dates and symbols and really old languages and stuff. So I figured maybe I’d go down the ancient history route. What about you?”

Castiel’s easy smile faded a little and he gave an awkward laugh. “Pre-law, actually. I’m not sure what I’m going to actually major in though. Political science, maybe. Psychology? Something like that. I’m probably just going to try my hand at everything I can and max out my schedule. I plan to be really busy.” He hesitated, biting his lip. “I hope that’s not going to be a problem? I know you probably didn’t sign up for a lame bookworm roommate that’s gonna be studying all hours of the day and night. I don’t want to disturb you or ruin any plans you make.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Dean promised him with a warm smile. “I’m not worried, Cas. I think we’ll manage just fine.”

His smile seemed to be contagious because Castiel grinned right back, all gums and shiny white teeth. “Me too.”

2.

The sound of the door closing made Dean smile but he didn’t turn around, just kept focusing on washing the remainder of the dishes from the previous evening. The campus dining halls left a lot to be desired so they’d stopped at TAP for some burgers and an obscenely huge brownie.

Familiar arms slid around Dean’s waist and then Castiel’s lips were pressed to his cheek, chin resting on his shoulder. His smile widened and he leaned back against his boyfriend. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean. How was your day?”

Dean sighed, setting down the dishes and turning so he could pull Castiel in for a hug, brushing his lips over the top of Castiel’s head. “Better now. I had my class on the Mongols today and Professor Ketch is an ass.”

Castiel winced in sympathy. Professor Ketch had a reputation for being blunt and rude and wasn’t well-liked. “Well, I know something that will make it all better,” he teased, pulling back from the embrace to pick up a bag and shake it enticingly. “I stopped by Ellen’s after class and picked up some pecan pie.”

Dean licked his lips and felt his heart jump at the thoughtful gesture on Castiel’s part. Their whole dating thing wasn’t new, their attraction had grown quickly and they’d hooked up within a few weeks of moving in together. Thankfully, they’d both been open to dating and Dean had fallen hard and fast. Now at the end of their freshman year, he was still amazed by how well they fit together. How Castiel knew him better than he even knew himself.

“I love you,” he sighed. “I’d ask you to marry me but I wouldn’t want to interfere with your ten-year plan.”

Castiel snorted at the teasing, rolling his eyes with good-natured exasperation. “I can eat that pie myself, you know. I bought it, I can just as easily take it away.”

Dean gasped in mock horror. “You wouldn’t. I just declared my love for you.”

“I love you too, but your love for me doesn’t mean you have the right to mock my completely practical ten-year plan.”

Dean scoffed. “Then your love for me doesn’t give you the right to take back pie that was implied to me a gift for me.”

“Touché,” Castiel replied wryly. “I suppose we’ll just have to compromise and share the pie.”

With a nod of acknowledgement, Dean turned back to the dishes and kept his tone light. “So there was something I was going to ask you about.”

There was a sigh and then Castiel swung himself up onto the counter next to Dean. His eyes were averted at the change in topic. “I know what you’re gonna ask,” he muttered. “You’re right, we do need to talk about it. That’s kind of why I bought the pie. You’ve been really patient with me and I thought it might put you in a good mood.”

Dean let those words sink in for a moment as he scrubbed at a particularly stubborn plate. “Do I need to be put in a good mood for this conversation? Is the idea of more than a handjob repulsive to you? I mean…” he paused. “Okay, I’m just gonna go with it. I went to Charlie’s LGBT+ meeting and I did a lot of research into asexuality. I hope you know that I don’t think any different of you. We don’t have to have sex, I just want us to talk about it so I know what your boundaries are. I mean obviously you’re okay with handjobs since we’ve done that… Hey, what’s funny?”

Castiel laughed, stepping forward and touching Dean’s cheek, gazing into his eyes. “I can’t even tell you how sweet that is. You’re the most thoughtful boyfriend in the world. I’m not ace, Dean.”

“You’re not?” Dean blinked and set the plate aside, drying his hands. “Oh. So…”

Castiel took a deep breath, clearly steeling himself for what was to come. “I’m a virgin.”

“You’re a–”

“Virgin,” Castiel finished firmly, but his tone was belied by the way his eyes were boring into the floor. “It’s not a big deal, I don’t have any expectations of an amazing first time. I just… I’m not experienced. I was embarrassed to admit it and I was worried that I wouldn’t know what to do and you wouldn’t enjoy it.”

It was Dean’s turn to cup Castiel’s cheeks now, ducking a little so he could meet his eyes. “Cas. You’re wrong on so many levels. First, it is a big deal, but not in the way you think. You don’t have to be ashamed of that, not at all. Second, no matter what, I will enjoy it. It will be amazing because it will be with you. And third, you should have expectations of an amazing first time. Because I’m going to make sure it’s super special for you.”

“But what if I’m not… good at it?” Castiel’s cheeks coloured.

“You will be. Don’t worry, Cas. We’ll figure it out. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

He turned to dry the dishes and turned back at a slight cough and an embarrassed mutter from Castiel. “What was that?”

“I said I’m ready now.” Castiel flushed. “I’ve been ready for months. Do you know how hard it’s been to put a stop to things when they were getting heated?”

Dean opened his mouth and closed it again, his mouth turning dry and all of the blood rushing sound at the heated look in Castiel’s eyes. “I don’t have candles and stuff to make it special yet,” he murmured, apologetically.

Castiel smiled at him, starting to head into the bedroom. “Didn’t you just say it would be amazing because it was with me? I’m sure that works both ways. I’ve got three hours before I need to be at the library, Dean. Are you coming?”

With a stifled groan, Dean tossed the dish towel across the kitchen and followed after Castiel with purpose. “Hopefully. You’re gonna be a menace, Cas, I can tell.”

He scooped Castiel off his feet with a grunt, and carried him over to the bed, kicking the door closed behind them.

3.

Castiel burst through the doorway and closed it behind him, panting heavily, his eyes manic. He looked like he was a step away from tears. In a flash, Dean rose from his chair, crossing the room and pulling him in for a hug.

“What’s wrong?” he asked gently. “What can I do?”

“Kill me,” Castiel moaned, burying his face in Dean’s neck. “Fuck, my parents are on their way! They just called me to say they were about an hour away from campus. They’re here visiting one of my aunts who lives in San Jose but this is close enough that they want to check on me.”

Dean bit his lip. Castiel rarely spoke about his home life. In the two years they’d lived together, he’d mentioned his brother Gabriel lots of times but never really spoke about his parents. All Dean knew was that they were religious and hadn’t been a fan of Castiel going to college. They’d never visited before either. They rarely called, just to check up on Castiel’s grades and they never came to pick him up or drop him off between breaks. It was strange to Dean, when his own mom called every week and kept sending him care packages.

“Okay,” Dean began slowly, pulling back and taking Castiel’s hands. “What would you like me to do? Are you… what do they know?”

Castiel whimpered. “I’m not out, Dean. They don’t know about us, but I don’t want to ask you to pretend that we’re not dating. I don’t want to hide you or make you feel like I’m ashamed of you. I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll figure it out. Whatever you need. I know you’re not ashamed of me, Cas. To come out to your parents without knowing how they’ll react is a big step, okay? You don’t need to suddenly be ready for that when they’ve dropped this surprise trip on you. So if you want time, then you don’t gotta tell them we’re dating. We can just be friends.” Dean promised.

He was concerned when Castiel pulled away and made his way into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Dean had never seen him like this before, not even during finals week and he was usually pretty bad during finals week. This was really getting to him and Dean didn’t know how to make it all better.

Tentatively, he knocked on the bathroom door. “Cas?” he called out. “Do you want me to head out for a few hours? I can go to the library and let you handle this however you want to.”

“That might be best,” came the miserable reply. “I don’t know if I’ll get through this without you but they’re horrible people. They’ll look down on you and judge you and I couldn’t bear to see that.”

“Then that’s what I’ll do, but you have to call me if you get upset, Cas. If you need me for anything at all then I’ll be right there.”

He insisted on waiting until Castiel’s parents pulled up outside before taking his leave. He passed them on the stairs and gave them a onceover. They looked pretty normal, but from the little Castiel had told him, they were nice on the outside and cruel on the inside. Putting them out of his head, Dean made his way to the library, pulling a few books from the shelves and starting to make notes. He couldn’t concentrate though, all he could think about was Castiel’s stress and misery. He wanted to head back to the dorm and check that everything was good.

But Castiel had asked him to stay away, so Dean stared fiercely at the books and tried to study. After a few hours, he gave it up as a bad job and packed everything away. He hadn’t heard anything from Castiel and he wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or a worrying one.

When he got back to the dorm, Castiel was alone, sitting on his bed silently. “Parents gone already?” Dean asked, dropping his bag. When no reply immediately came, he turned to look at Cas and noticed the silent tears running down his cheeks. “Cas?”

He crawled onto the bed and opened his arms, pulling Castiel to him. It opened the floodgates and then Castiel was grasping onto him and sobbing into his chest. He wept for a long time, and all Dean could do was let him, pressing soft kisses into his hair and holding him close. Seeing his boyfriend like this both made his heart ache and filled him with a murderous rage. Nobody should hurt Castiel like this.

“I told them the truth,” Castiel admitted, eventually, his voice hoarse from crying. “They were going on about me wasting my time here and going on at me about how my brother threw his life away going to college and living in sin, and how I was always the good boy. So I told them their precious good boy was gay and dating his very male roommate.”

Dean kissed the top of his head and pulled them down so they were lying together on the bed, Castiel’s head still on his chest. “I’m guessing they didn’t take it very well.”

“They told me I wasn’t welcome at home anymore. That they’d be cutting me off financially and they’d have the rest of my stuff shipped out. I’m going to have to get a second job. I have scholarships so it shouldn’t affect that.” Castiel sniffled. “So much for my ten-year plan.”

Fury flooded Dean’s body. How could anyone do that to their kid? How could they look at someone as good and kind as Castiel and decide to cut him out of their lives because of who he loved?

“We’ll figure it out,” Dean promised. “You can come home with me for the holidays, my mom has been dying to meet you and Sam will love you. You’re both big nerds who read too much. We’ll make sure you get a job and you graduate with full potential. We’ll make it work, Cas, I promise.”

They laid still for a long time, until Castiel’s stomach growled loudly. It startled a laugh out of both of them and Dean tapped him on the nose. “Wanna get pizza? I’m buying.”

Castiel gave him a watery smile, not fooled by the casual offer, but Dean hadn’t expected him to be. He knew Castiel would fight him about paying for things like this in the future, but tonight was different.

“Sounds good,” Castiel said eventually. “But I want some veggies on there.”

“On your half.”

“On both halves. You need to eat better.”

“It’s pizza, Cas. You can pile as many veggies as you want on there and it’ll still be pizza.”

“Thank you, I will.” Castiel replied matter-of-factly.

Dean paused, stunned, trying to work out where he’d gone wrong. “Wait–that wasn’t an invitation!”

Castiel shrugged. “Sounded like one. Are you going to order now? I’m hungry.”

Grumbling, Dean got up to go and dig out the takeout menu and hid his smile as he dialled the number. Tomorrow they’d make a plan but for tonight, they’d eat pizza and cuddle. Castiel and his ten-year-plan would be fine. Dean would make sure of it.

4.

Dean sighed as he climbed the stairs to their apartment. The elevator was broken again and the fifth floor was no easy hike. Still, it had been cheap and within their meagre budget, so Dean couldn’t complain too much.

Letting himself into their living room, he shrugged out of his jacket, tossing it on the back of his favourite armchair. “Cas?” he called out. “You home?”

Silence met his words. Well, that was a promising sign at least. Castiel had another job interview today, maybe this one had been successful. Finding a job that he could balance with law school was difficult, but necessary. Their savings were running out quickly and Dean’s salary alone wasn’t enough to pay the bills.

He stripped off his overalls and tossed them in the washing machine with a sigh. Fixing up cars was fun when it was a hobby, but Dean knew he couldn’t be a mechanic for the rest of his life. Cars were predictable, people came in and the problems were usually the same thing. They went through the same procedure each time. He was tired of changing the oil when people were too lazy to consider it themselves.

Still, it was only for a few years. They would both get through grad school and then he could pursue his career goals. Then the only car he would ever have to fix up was his Impala.

Shaking himself out of his daydream, Dean headed through to the bathroom to wash up so he could get a start on dinner before Castiel got home. Passing through the bedroom, he stopped at the sight of the figure on the bed, curled up in the dark.

“Cas?” Dean flicked the light on in concern. “Didn’t you hear me come in?”

No reply. Castiel just buried his face into his pillow. With a resigned sigh, Dean sat on the bed next to him, running a hand through the dark locks. “I guess the interview didn’t go well, huh?”

“Overqualified,” came the muffled reply. “I know I’m overqualified. I don’t want to make a career out of flipping burgers six days a week, I just want a means of paying my half of the bills while I go to law school.”

Castiel’s voice cracked and despite his own worries about their dwindling savings, Dean felt himself soften. “It’s not your fault. You’ll get a job. It didn’t have to be this one.”

The response was flat. “We’re running out of money, Dean. You know it. I know it. Another month or so and we’ll be broke. We should consider taking Mary’s offer and moving in with her.”

“We’re not moving in with my mom,” Dean told him roughly, standing up abruptly. “We can make this work, okay? I’m not gonna run home to my mom because we’re struggling to get a foothold. We’ll figure it out.”

Castiel sighed, long and loud. “It’s a rolling lease. If we take her up on the offer now, we’ll get a refund on some of this month’s rent and we’ll get to keep next month’s. We could actually salvage some of our savings.”

“I said no, Cas.” Dean snapped. “I’m going out to get some groceries for dinner, stay in here and mope if it makes you feel better.”

He left the apartment, slamming the door behind him and stalking down the stairs. He would regret storming out later, he already kind of did. Of course Dean understood, Castiel was tired of feeling like a burden, like he was freeloading. He’d busted his ass off all through college, balancing work and school, and now they’d moved back to Kansas and he couldn’t get a job. It was hard on them both.

Sitting in the Impala, Dean took a deep breath and considered his options. A few moments later, he sped off, heading in the complete opposite direction of the grocery store.

When he returned home, he was juggling sushi with his keys. He liked sushi fine, it wasn’t his favourite–but it was Castiel’s. An apology of sorts of the way he’d raised his voice earlier, and some sort of a celebration. He expected to find Castiel still in the bedroom, but when he opened the door, he found his boyfriend sitting in his armchair sheepishly.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel mumbled, getting up to kiss Dean’s cheek awkwardly. “I didn’t mean to push you. I’d rather we made it work here, I was just trying to be practical.”

Dean sighed and wrapped his free arm around Castiel. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled at you when you were trying to help. Here, I picked us up some sushi, and before you get anxious about spending money we don’t have on takeout, I, uh, actually just got a second job.”

Castiel took the bag and began to sort through it, but when the rest of the words registered, he blinked up at Dean. “What?”

“Yeah, I went to see Bobby. He made a couple of calls and it turns out he knows one of the professors at the University of Kansas. An old drinking buddy or fishing buddy or something. Probably both, knowing Bobby.” Dean laughed. “Anyway, the professor was looking for a research assistant. The money isn’t great but it’ll cover what we need for expenses and give us about a hundred bucks a month to build up our savings again.”

Castiel breathed out but didn’t immediately reply. Dean was worried about his reaction, since he knew Castiel was struggling with being unable to help with the bills anyway. Still, the pressure was off now so Castiel could keep looking without the prospect of losing their apartment.

“Oh. That’s… that’s great. Make sure you leave enough time for class, I know your workload is pretty heavy and balancing two jobs with that is–it’s going to be rough.”

Dean sighed and took Castiel’s hand, squeezing it gently. “I know this isn’t the fix you wanted. I know you want a job so it’s not all on me to keep a roof over our heads. But honestly, I’d rather work two jobs and let you have a bit more time to find a job of your own than move in with my mom and put pressure on her. I can manage my time for now, I’ll make it work.”

Castiel nodded and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. “I love you. You do so much and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. I’ll find a job soon, I promise.”

“I know, Cas. I love you too. C’mon, let’s eat this sushi. I even got extra of that gross wasabi stuff you like.”

Castiel jabbed Dean with a pair of chopsticks. “It’s not gross. Besides, it’s better than drowning everything in soy sauce. It’s too salty.”

“Sounds a bit like you right now. Salty.”

“Shut up, Dean.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

They settled at the table, eating their sushi and making small talk about their respective workloads. Castiel pretended to pay attention to what Dean was saying while swiping the last of his spicy tuna.

“Hey!” Dean objected, sticking out his lower lip and giving Castiel a woebegone look. “I really wanted that.”

He hid his grin when Castiel looked guilty and rose, dropping into Dean’s lap. Unable to help himself, Dean slid his arms around Castiel’s waist and pulled him close for a kiss. “If it’ll make you happy, babe, you can always eat the last of my tuna.”

Castiel smiled and leaned in for another kiss that Dean met without hesitation. “You make me happy. The tuna is just a bonus.”

“I’m glad. I was worried you’d be hurt by me getting a second job.” Dean admitted, tentatively. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“Of course not, I know you wouldn’t ever hurt me intentionally. I’ll admit, my pride is a little wounded, but I’d rather that than lose our apartment.” Castiel sighed, fingers idly stroking Dean’s hair. “You want to turn in?”

“Already?” Dean frowned. “It’s barely after nine.”

Castiel gave him a pleading look, one filled with insecurity and need. Even then, it still took Dean a few seconds to get that Castiel just wanted intimacy, to curl up and cuddle without having to voice his want aloud. “You know what? That sounds perfect.”

He nudged Castiel off his lap and rose, immediately taking his hand and lacing their fingers together as he led Castiel towards the bedroom.

Castiel wanted Dean to take care of him, and that was something he absolutely could do.

5.

Dean rose from the couch where he’d been playing Skyrim with his headphones securely in place. He gingerly tiptoed over to the kitchen to grab a bag of Doritos and a soda before returning to the couch. He sat down slowly in order to make as little noise as possible. Pleased with his success, Dean put his headphones back on and opened the bag of Doritos.

Crash!

Dean winced and pulled the headphones out of his ears as he turned to see a very irate, stressed-looking Castiel. If he looked past the furious expression aimed in his direction, it was clear to see how ragged Castiel was. He had bags under his eyes, his hair greasy and stuck up at all angles, and his hands were shaking as he gestured angrily in Dean’s direction.

“I will kick you out of this apartment, Dean, I swear by all that is Holy! You better hope Mary can put you up for the night because if I fail the bar exam solely because you couldn’t show the slightest consideration and I have to wait ‘til February to take it again, they will never find your body–”

Unsure if he would survive a physical onslaught if this was the verbal equivalent, Dean held his tongue and waited to see if his fiancé would run out of steam.

Apparently not.

“–because I have worked my ass off to get to this bar exam and my ten-year plan hasn’t factored in for retaking it a second time–”

“Cas,” Dean snapped, effectively cutting him off. “I love you, but if you don’t calm down, you’re going to put yourself in hospital and then you’ll definitely fail the bar exam, because you won’t be in any state to take it.”

His words effectively shut Castiel up, and his shoulders slumped. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, Dean. You’ve been great and I know I’m not being fair. I just can’t concentrate; every little noise is making my head pound.”

Dean sighed and brought Castiel in for a hug, immediately wrinkling his nose and pulling back. “Okay. You’re taking a break now, don’t argue with me,” he added, as Castiel opened his mouth. “You’re not going to be retaining anything until you take care of yourself. That means taking a shower, having some food that isn’t a power bar and caffeine from that twelve pack of Red Bull I know you smuggled in when I said not to.”

Castiel looked abashed and ducked his head, his bare feet shuffling on the floor. Taking pity on him, Dean kissed his forehead. “Go take a shower and I’ll heat you up some leftover lasagna. Then, it’s an hour of cuddling and watching mindless TV and that’s non-negotiable.” He gave Castiel a look when his mouth opened again. “You need to relax and watch some crappy TV and if you want to go back to studying after that, I won’t stop you.”

Castiel floundered, trying to find some excuse to argue with Dean, but he couldn’t and they both knew it. Nothing Dean had said was unreasonable, and they both knew it. Dean could pinpoint the exact moment he knew he’d won, when Castiel sighed and shuffled off towards the bathroom.

Dutifully, Dean heated up some of the leftovers and placed it on the table just as Castiel returned from his shower. He looked a lot better, although he was still quite pale and the dark circles under his eyes seemed more pronounced. How much sleep had Castiel been missing out on to study for this godforsaken exam? Dean pursed his lips but said nothing, getting Castiel a glass of milk to have with his food.

“Eat,” he instructed, sitting next to him to make sure Castiel ate it all. His actions received a glare from his fiancé, but Dean didn’t care.

“I’m not a child,” Castiel muttered sullenly. “You don’t need to watch me to make sure I eat.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “You wouldn’t be eating at all if I hadn’t insisted, so don’t give me that crap. I get it, this exam is important to you. I want you to pass it. Your ten-year plan means we can’t get married until you pass the bar, so there’s nobody who wants you to succeed more than I do. But you’re gonna make yourself ill with this lifestyle. It’s Sunday now, and the bar exam starts on Tuesday. You need to make sure you’re fully rested and healthy.”

Castiel didn’t reply at first, just returned to eating his lasagna. The plate was clear but Castiel didn’t move, just looked at it forlornly, as if wondering where it had all gone.

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean sighed, his heart aching as he got up to heat up the rest of the leftovers. “When was the last time you actually ate a full meal?”

Castiel legitimately seemed to think about that for a moment. “I think that Chinese takeout. Yesterday?”

Dean swore and ran a hand through his hair. “We had that on Thursday! Okay, you’re eating every meal with me from now on. No more skipping.”

“I don’t have time,” Castiel whines, getting up to grab some Doritos, unable to wait for the lasagna to heat up. “Dean, I don’t have time to take those kind of breaks, do you know how much I have left to review?”

Folding his arms, Dean leaned back in his chair and caught Castiel’s eyes. “Okay, answer me this. If you were to sit the bar exam right now, do you honestly think you’d fail?”

Silence. Dean knew he’d hit the nail right on the head. Castiel was overpreparing because he hated the idea of not having control. This was the last part of his ten-year plan. Four years for college, four years for grad school and now, finally, he was sitting the bar exam. His parents had almost taken away that plan when they’d disowned him and cut him off financially, but they’d both busted their asses to make it work. To fail this exam would devastate him.

He softened. “You’re worrying me, okay? I’m just concerned about you. I love you, but you’re not taking care of yourself and I feel so helpless. Can you at least make some time to eat meals with me?”

Castiel nodded, reaching across the table and entwining his fingers with Dean’s. “What if I fail?” He asked quietly, his eyes staring down at the table.

“We’ll figure it out,” Dean promised, “if it comes to that. Which it won’t. Come on, let’s get you another plate of food and then we’re watching TV. Scooby Doo is on somewhere.”

He laughed as Castiel groaned, ruffling his hair as he walked behind him. A few more days and then all they could do was wait for the results.

Castiel would pass, he knew it.

+1.

“Calm down.”

Dean whirled around, blowing air out of his nostrils. “Don’t tell me to calm down, Sammy, I will kick your ass.”

Sam rolled his eyes, already done with Dean’s melodramatic pacing and sighing and gesticulating. “What do you have to be nervous about? You’ve been together for ten-freaking-years. I don’t know how you haven’t scared him off yet but the fact that you haven’t should speak volumes. He’s gonna be there, Dean.”

“I know that,” Dean snapped, but he sank down into a chair wearily, tugging at his stupid bow tie. “I know, Sam, but… this is so final. Like, what if Cas changes his mind and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? What if I’m a terrible husband and I don’t make him happy anymore? He’d have to file for divorce…”

Sam sat next to his brother and nudged his hands out of the way so he could retie the ocean blue bow tie. “Have you noticed that you’re more concerned with Cas’ feelings than yours? You haven’t even considered that you might change your mind.”

Dean gaped, and then his face slowly went red as he took a deep breath. He was about to unleash hell, to ask Sam if he was out of his mind for even suggesting such a thing. How could he ever change his mind about wanting to spend the rest of his life with Castiel? The smug expression on his brother’s face stopped him short.

“Exactly,” Sam smirked. “You wouldn’t even entertain that idea. So why do you think Cas would? He’s in this for the long haul, Dean, we’ve known that since you first brought him home with you for the holidays. He couldn’t take his eyes off you and clearly that hasn’t changed.” He nodded past Dean at the opening doorway, where Castiel was standing, his hands wringing together nervously.

Dean rose instinctively. His heart was thudding in his chest at Castiel’s presence. They’d already agreed they shouldn’t see each other before the ceremony to stick with tradition, even if they didn’t believe in the superstition of it being bad luck. The fact that Castiel was breaking that had to be very bad.

He swallowed hard and tried to compose himself. “Is everything okay?”

Castiel gave a gentle smile, soft and adoring and it helped Dean relax. “I feel like I should be asking you that. Do you think that with my ten-year plan, I didn’t consider every angle when you asked me to marry you? No matter what happens in my future, Dean, being with you is the one part that I will never want to change. I love you, and I’m in this for the rest of our lives. You have nothing to be worried about.”

Dean swallowed and felt something unknot in his chest that he hadn’t even realised was there until he could breathe again. “What if I’m a bad husband?”

A beat, and then Castiel threw back his head in laughter. “You know, I was worried about the same thing. I came here to get your reassurance that I wouldn’t be a bad husband, but I’m not worried about it anymore.”

“I don’t understand,” Dean admitted, “why aren’t you worried anymore?”

“Because you’re perfect,” Castiel told him firmly. “Because you’ve been perfect since we met. You were so accepting of my stupidly busy schedule for class and wouldn’t go to a party the night before I had an exam, you stayed home and helped me study.”

Dean blinked. “But you did the same for me–”

“Then you practically had your mom adopt me when my parents disowned me,” Castiel continued like he hadn’t heard Dean’s interruption. “You helped me fill out a million application forms and made sure I was never alone for any of the holidays or breaks. Then you got two jobs to pay our bills when we were in grad school and I was struggling to find employment.”

“I told you, I did that because I didn’t want to move in with my mom–”

Castiel waved him off. “And that’s not even going into the ways you took care of me when I was studying for my bar exam,” he finished.

Dean was lost for words. His face was burning with embarrassment, but he couldn’t feel bad when Castiel was standing there, looking gorgeous with an emerald green bow tie and an expensive tailored suit, staring at him with love and adoration. He leaned into the touch when Castiel raised a hand to cup Dean’s cheek.

“Face it, Dean, you are literally the perfect husband. You’ve been the perfect husband since we were eighteen and now we’re just making it official. So if someone like you can be worried about not being good enough, then I know these kind of nerves are normal.”

Castiel leaned in and gently pressed their lips together, before pulling back and ducking his head shyly. “I should probably wait for the ceremony before we do that again, huh? Are you still worried?”

“No,” Dean admitted, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I guess I’m not. I’ll see you in a few minutes?”

“I’ll be the one walking down the aisle,” Castiel teased as he left.

Dean stared after him for a moment, before turning to Sam, who had been leaning against the wall with a smug expression for the duration of Castiel’s visit. “Don’t say a word,” he warned. “Can I see the ring again?”

Sam fished it out of his pocket and opened the sleek velvet box, showing Dean the beautiful platinum wedding ring, studded with diamonds. Dean sighed with relief, letting the sight of Castiel’s wedding band calm him.

“Are you ready?” Sam asked softly.

Dean smiled. “I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.”

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