#progressisaprocess

[i-am-tyxavier]

Content warning: body issues,mention of disordered eating

I usually don't post things like this bit I am proud of this. This had been a long time in the making. For double digit years I have struggled with disordered eating and severe body issues. I never ever viewed myself, my body, as attractive. Ever since starting testosterone, I made the decision to be healthier. I made the decision because I wanted to start loving myself. I wanted to feel better. So my best friend/roommate started working out with me and helped me get to this point.

I have so much more work to do. But, I have come so far with perseverance and great support group. So this is me. I’m pre top surgery and ten months on testosterone. I’m so proud of my progress.

[hereandeverywhere]

Uncertainty. Momentum. I spend a lot of time in my head tossing over what ifs and wondering the myriad ways something could play out. I sometimes find myself spinning towards the negative when there’s too much uncertainty, as if not having a clear picture directly translates to utter failure or defeat. . What has helped me overtime is trying to keep some momentum towards either the question or the answer. Pace doesn’t need to be fast to be, in the end, affective. A slow plod will often prove more fruitful than a quick overstep to back pedal… a skill my quick mouth is still working on. What’s that adage? Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. . Here’s a piece I did supporting a story in @mountainlifemedia Rockies this past issue around decision making and process. The story is not mine to tell, but I’m grateful to have lended some extra detail to the spread. . #getoutoftownvibe #jessagilbertart #progressisaprocess @burton (at British Columbia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CqDixoOuGGz/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hereandeverywhere]

Dark Days of December :: Studio Grooves . Work in progress means having a working process, or a process that works. . Original art and prints available on the website ((link in bio)) . #jessagilbertart #getoutoftownvibe #progressisaprocess (at Jessa Gilbert Art) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cmt1fUars9I/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hereandeverywhere]

I've been busy this year (...years). . There have been many sleepless nights, days of stress, and I now sport a new laticework of gray hairs. I've hit walls of fatigue and have felt buried by the very thing I've worked so hard to create. I've said yes to things I knew didn't serve me, which made me have to say no to things I could really use. Downtime has been a distant illusion, while the mindset of "just one more" has kept my feet and hands in motion. I've cried, laughed, and sweat lots this year. I've wondered if I can sustain my own pace. . All that being said, I feel so grateful. Grateful for the work I'm able to do and for the people my work connects me with. It still blows my mind to know my art exists anywhere outside my own home and sketchbook. I feel proud of the stubborn little voice inside me who thought "I'm going to find a way to do life MY way", and how that little voice has kept at it. . I feel the love around me more powerfully than the negative thoughts and self doubt. I feel more secure in loving the parts of myself that have no idea, but choose to try anyway. . I've grown into being a believer of process, and I've always been a seeker of joy. (I've also always been long winded, so I'll try and tidy this thought up...) . I have felt alone and lost much of my life.. At the same time, I've felt steadfast sure that I'd paint, fumble, and find my way if I just kept at it. Art was always a home for me, an unconditional lover I could feel safe with. It feels raw and vulnerable to share, the process, the product, even the idea that some days the only place I want to be is alone in my studio with my brushes... I now see the power art has to connect. . I'm nowhere near finished developing this thing, a convergence of art and life, but I feel called to take a pause and look around for a minute. I don't want to be too busy working to enjoy the real fruits of the labor... a goal in itself. . Thank you for being supportive and inquisitive. Thank you for being curious and engaged. Thank you for opportunities to grow and to share. . Thank you. ❤️ . Now, back to work 😉 #progressisaprocess #jessagilbertart #getoutoftownvibe #barbonslope (at Jessa Gilbert Art) https://www.instagram.com/p/CkGlG62Jav7/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hereandeverywhere]

. Right Down The Line . :: . I love the forest and the network of trails in this corridor. I’ve been riding so many new (to me) trails interlaced between my go-tos this summer… a little more scoping, a little bit of walk-around-to-come-back-later, and a whole lot more comfort committing into the jank. Front wheel don’t fail me now, feather the brakes, heels down, all the check lists are becoming automatic. . I still feel my old lady nerves kick in, but I’m really stoked on the progression I’ve felt this year. Thanks for all the laps, friends! . Just in time for winter 😂 . 📸: @davetrumporephoto #donttelldad #progressisaprocess #jessagilbertart #barbonslope @evilbicycles @burton @skidagram (at British Columbia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiQBXXVLwGK/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hereandeverywhere]

. The Lions at Night :: Single Line . #jessagilbertart . I’ve been heads down on a project in Vancouver this week, and the idea of finding time to create for myself seemed unfathomable. However, I stole a little sunset ride last night on my townie and couldn’t help by sit and stare at the sunset behind the Lions. It might not be my sketchbook, but it scratched the same itch. . A little reminder to myself that we have time for the things we make time for. Let us remember to choose wisely. . Swipe for a Timelapse. . #getoutoftownvibe #bts #progressisaprocess (at Vancouver, British Columbia) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cf9NIRJLsB5/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hereandeverywhere]

. Morning Musings :: Studio Grooves . #jessagilbertart . I’ve been feeling restless lately. Maybe the change of seasons, the late (but finally submitted) tax paperwork, the unanswered emails, the change of plans, the ache in my neck, or the myriad things that seem to be circling. Things have felt fast and close to coming off the rails at times, or so slow I could almost feel my blood do it’s lap around my limbs and back for its high five through the heart. . I sat still this morning with a blank piece of wood scrap, a couple sharpies, and a cup of coffee. I didn’t immediately go to emails or paperwork, but intentionally sat still. I told myself I’d draw until either my coffee was drained or the wood was covered. . And it helped. It helped to bring intention to pace. It helped to make marks for no reason. It helped to wake up without a screen to react to. It helped to breathe into choice, and choose to let things go, even if only momentarily. . I could tell you this piece came from a deep place of meaning, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. Sometimes, it’s just marks on a board from a porch in the rain made while sipping a black cup of coffee. And that’s plenty okay. . #progressisaprocess #getoutoftownvibe (at Squamish, British Columbia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CelwGdgJfr0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hereandeverywhere]

. Balance :: Work In Progress . #jessagilbertart . Working to strike a balance, one move at a time. . #progressisaprocess #whenimnotinthemtns #getoutoftownvibe @burton @skidagram (at Wind Studio - Print & Design) https://www.instagram.com/p/CeEOkf_LgNi/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=