The feeling that we belong – to someone, somewhere – is so important to us as human beings that psychologist Abraham Maslow, in his “hierarchy of needs”, rated it the third-most crucial human need (after physiological needs, such as food, water and warmth, and physical safety). It’s a need that is found across all cultures. US psychology professors Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary recognised it as the driver for much of human behaviour, including love, friendship, power and achievement. Fitting into a larger group allows us to feel part of something bigger and more important than ourselves. Belonging, then, is a sense that we have roots and a purpose, that we are a valued member of a family, group or society, that we make a contribution. In essence, belonging validates to us that we matter, which is why it is so central to human happiness. Conversely, without belonging, people can begin to feel worthless, shameful, lonely and resentful. All the negative emotions that drive poor mental health. At some point in our lives, we will all feel we don’t belong – we are too fat, too thin, too dumb, too clever-by-half, too rich, too poor – but the reality is that there are people out there gunning for us whoever we are. I choose to believe that we all belong to humankind, and it is by showing humanity and kindness to ourselves and others that we can find our place to belong and help others to find theirs.
To be happy you have to feel you belong | Immigration and asylum | The Guardian
