SPIRIT THERAPIST

Former Buddhist Monk, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) & Author

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TENDERNESS AND THE TRUTH

TENDERNESS AND THE TRUTH

One could reasonably say that our egos are totally structured around the need to defend ourselves from what we believe at our core we could not tolerate experiencing. From this standpoint, our spiritual path is to let ourselves make contact with what we are terrified to experience. This may sound too dark, too negative and too dramatic but if we examine many of the saints and revered spiritual…

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Dear Group,

I came across this piece by a Zen teacher in the Tricycle magazine, a Buddhist publication, and I have not seen a more penetrating and accurate description of true joy than this. So I wanted to share it with you! Blessings, Robert Cornell

I sit here,      

        Dappled by the sun filtering  

                 through the leaves, a child…

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DETHRONING THE INNER CRITICS

DETHRONING THE INNER CRITICS

In spiritual work there is a very real potential for our Super Ego to stealthily insert itself into our practice. The Super Ego often shows up as an Inner Critic, a Bully, a Pusher, a Perfectionist who remonstrates with us for failing to live up to our spiritual truths and ideals and pushes us to do better. Because we have spiritual aspirations, it is very tempting for us to listen to our Super…

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ATTENDING TO THE HEART In my Soul Repair and Soul Work childhood trauma recovery groups I have participants put their hands over their hearts and attend to what is present there. Also, sometimes I have them put one hand over their hearts and one hand over their guts. One thing that this can do is to bring our awareness more deeply into connection with our heart and gut “brains”. There is clinical evidence that this is one way to synchronize the electrical patterns of the brain and the heart, which is important to good emotional self regulation. Try the following experiment the next time you are really upset about something. Rather than reaching for food or distraction or support outside of yourself, resolve to be present with yourself in the moment, especially with your heart region where much upset is experienced. Place one hand over your heart and feel into your heart space. Let go of any thoughts or memories or mental images if they arise and go back to your heart space. Breathe and gently stay present there. You may find that this helps you to calm down and think more clearly.

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WORKING WITH OUR INNER CONTROL FREAK

WORKING WITH OUR INNER CONTROL FREAK

Many of us have got a strong Inner Control Freak (ICF). Its job, as it sees it, is to monitor our emotions and to make sure they stay in acceptable bounds – not too high not too low. And there are some emotions that they find unacceptable, such as sadness, fear, anger, etc. Vulnerability of course is a complete no no! That is just to too delicate, too uncontrollable…and too alive!! Then their job…

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RETURN AGAIN AND AGAIN

And Jesus said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 18:3 NIV Our ego defenses are incredibly strong. After all, they have been with us our whole lives to protect us from further hurt and harm. So they do not relent easily or quickly in allowing us to make contact with the tender vulnerability hiding below…

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THE HEART OF THE MATTER

One style of meditation could be described as resting in the seat of the Heart. This often starts as a devotional prayer that focuses on God, Jesus. Mother Mary, or other religious figures. It may start with words or images but eventually it empties of words and images and becomes a living presence, a dwelling in silence in the heart. In this practice, when our attention leaves the heart and gets…

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THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNITY IN SPIRITUAL PRACTICE

In all the great spiritual traditions, community is valued highly. Why is this? Probably because the process of transformation from ego consciousness into Christ consciousness is so very, very challenging. So we need others for support and accountability on this long, rich and difficult journey to the Beloved. In the Buddhist tradition there are three treasures: Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. Buddha…

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DO BE DO BE DO…..

Just like a cloud floating in the air When we bring our egoic consciousness to meditation we have a set up for a basic frustration. Egoic consciousness wants to have a goal so it can “do” something so that it can achieve something. It says essentially, “Give me something to do (meditation) so that I can then reach this great goal of enlightenment. Then when I reach this goal, I will be free of…

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Heart Meditation

SPIRITTHERAPIST.COM Sometimes, because of a very difficult thing happening in our lives, our hearts seem to turn to stone: adamantine, cold, unfeeling. The emotions that are coming up for us feel too intense, too painful for us to let them surface. Our ego defenses, in their desperate attempts to protect us, harden our hearts. Then we feel like a rock: unbreakable but frozen and numb. The way…

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Letting Go of “My Kingdom”

Most Christians glibly recite “Thy kingdom come,” but this means almost nothing until and unless they also say “My kingdom go.” – Fr. Richard Rohr from his daily blog. Except for the few great teachers and masters, including Buddha and Jesus, all of us are to some degree caught up in the beliefs and behaviors that we learned in our family of origin, our culture and our peers. This kind of…

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TENDER LOVING KINDNESS

SPIRITTHERAPIST.COM  My wife Marna and I adopted two darling new kitties, Gracie and Cali, (shown above) a couple of weeks ago. Gracie, the grey kitty licking her sister in the photo, was very skittish and initially would not let us get near her. But after much food bribery and consistent loving kindness, she now lets us pet her and she hangs around close to us when we are around in the house.…

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Tender Loving Kindness for our meditation

Dear Group,   We will be continuing on the theme of Tender Loving Kindness for our meditation meeting this Friday. Some of you may have Inner Critics that will turn up their noses on this topic with disdain or possibly anxiety. Yes, our Inner Critics don’t like Tender Loving Kindness because it invites all of our wounds to come out of hiding and to be nurtured and loved. And if there is one thing…

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PRACTICING TENDER LOVING KINDNESS

  As part of my spiritual practices I have once again been allowing myself to to enter into the realm of tender loving kindness. For me, there is something of an effort in this: a connecting to the heart in an act of intimacy, of making close contact with HER. For the heart is soft and feminine and extremely delicate. This requires patience and great gentleness, especially when we are…

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THE TERRAIN OF TENDERNESS

Why do I go on about becoming aware of and understanding our Inner Critics and other negative parts of the Ego? Isn’t that focusing on the negative when we should be focusing on the positive? Perhaps. But what I have found for myself is that knowing our Inner Critics helps us to loosen their influence on us and actually helps us to make progress on the spiritual path. Ironically one of the things…

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FIFTY WAYS OF LETTING GO

FIFTY WAYS OF LETTING GO

Fifty Ways of Letting Go “Robert Cornell has written a wise and practical book for our times. A book that beautifully integrates psychological health and well-being with a genuine spiritual path.” —Roshi Robert Joshin Althouse , Zen Life & Meditation Center, Chicago “This is a book that bears witness to a life-long journey of intense self-understanding and is an exquisite exploration of the…

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 Watching out for the Inner Meanies

 Watching out for the Inner Meanies

WWW.SPIRITTHERAPIST.COM  Many of us have severe Inner Critics that cause us much suffering. Whenever I have a client who suffers from depression, I can just about assume that they have a mean Inner Critic that gets on their case a lot. Basically you could write a formula for depression like the following:  Severity of depression =  intensity of self judgment x frequency.  I will be continuing to…

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