Snowfall, Part 3 - Profile
Summary: Bucky learns more about what Leia is facing, including that the FBI has been brought in. Agreeing to be her bodyguard he moves into her apartment.
Length: 5.6 K
Characters: Bucky, Leia, Pepper, Happy, FBI agent (named).
Warnings: Minors DNI - contains sexual content which may be unsuitable for those under the age of 18, revelation of past trauma, acknowledgement of continuing PTSD issues, disturbing referral to possible identity of stalker.
Author notes: This chapter is peeling back the layers of defence both Leia and Bucky have, revealing past traumas and PTSD issues.
<<Part 2
The following morning saw them sleep in, understandable considering what they did most of the night. Bucky wakened first, watching Leia sleep for a while, until he got up and showered, trimmed his beard, then dressed. Heading to her kitchen, he started up the coffee, then searched her fridge and cupboards for ingredients to make breakfast. Hearing sounds in the bedroom, he went to the door and knocked on it, receiving an invitation to enter. Leia was under the rumpled duvet, awake but in no hurry to get up.
"I wondered where you were," she murmured, as he sat next to her and leaned over to kiss her.
"Making some breakfast," he replied. "I need calories after last night."
"Me too," she purred, stretching. "I've never done that before." He looked at her questioningly. "Be with a man I barely know, yet I feel like I know you so well."
"I feel the same," he smiled. "Even though it's only been a few days, I can't stop thinking about you. My therapist would chew me out for letting an infatuation take over my decision making. That's probably how she would describe it."
"You see a therapist?" There was no judgement in her voice; rather a sense of wanting to understand him more.
He nodded. "For PTSD. I had a different one when I was first pardoned, and we did not mesh well. The one I have now is much more understanding, but I think jumping into a relationship would test that."
"I saw one when I was a kid then again after I split up with my husband," explained Leia. "It was a nasty split that really drew a dividing line in town. There were those who said I should forgive and forget, while others wanted him prosecuted." Bucky waited for more explanation. "He was also a teacher and got involved with a student, who was almost 18. They did charge him with sexual interference with a minor but the moment our divorce was finalized he married her. She wouldn't testify against him, and they stayed the charges. I took back my maiden name to distance myself from him completely."
She drew the bedclothes tighter around her, curling up on her side a little; obviously still affected by the betrayal but not wanting to open up about it, at least not yet. Bucky climbed over her and laid behind her, draping his arm over her mid-section, as he kissed her shoulder. They laid like that for a while, not talking, just existing in the quiet of the moment. She suddenly rolled over, throwing her arm around his shoulder, and burying her face in his neck.
"You smell so good," she murmured. "It's familiar to me and I don't know why."
"I know what you mean. There is a multiverse where our counterparts are supposed to exist." He searched her face. "Perhaps we're together in another universe and the connection is so strong that we feel it here. It's as if we're ...."
"Don't say soulmates," she interrupted. "Say, kindred souls, or heart's desire, instead. Soulmate is so ... Twilight."
He laughed, kissing her affectionately. "Okay, I can do that." He could wake up next to her every morning. "How do you like your eggs?"
"Soft boiled with soldiers," she answered, which made him smile, "but don't go to too much trouble. I'll take whatever you give me."
"Take your time getting ready." He kissed her and slid out the other side of the bed. "By the way, you snore. It's very cute."
She grabbed the loose pillow and threw it at him, laughing. Dodging it, he picked it up and tossed it onto the end of the bed, leaving her to get ready. By the time she came out dressed for the day, he had two soft boiled eggs ready for her, along with toast cut into strips, coffee and a fruit salad made of bananas, strawberries, and blueberries. For himself he had bacon, eggs, and toast. He poured coffee for each of them, then sat down next to her. Putting his arm around her, he kissed her on the side of the head then returned to his meal, both attacking the food readily.
"Thank you," she murmured, after her first bite. "This is wonderful."
He acknowledged it as they ate some more, then he sipped his coffee, not wanting to speak with his mouth full.
"I'll have to pick up more of my clothing," he said, "as well as my cat."
Her face lit up. "You have a cat? What's its name?"
"Alpine," he answered. "She's about a year old, white with blue eyes, and likely deaf. I say likely because it seems like sometimes she can hear me but chooses not to listen." He drank more of his coffee. "Do you think your driver will take us over and bring us back? I don't want to walk around with luggage and the cat supplies. I, uh, also have to go to my storage locker and pick up a weapon or two."
She stopped eating, putting her utensils down on the table. It became very quiet between them as only the sound of her breathing could be heard. The stress in her voice when she did speak was noticeable.
"Is that necessary?"
"I would rather have them than not," he answered, puzzled by her response. "I'm licensed for concealed carry. It would probably be a good idea to teach you to fire a weapon. We can go to a firing range for that."
"No."
"Sweetheart ...."
"No. I won't fire a gun."
"Leia ...."
She stood up and walked away from him, retreating into the living room area, and looking out the window with her arms crossed as if she was hugging herself. By the time Bucky got there, he realized she was crying, and he pulled his handkerchief out for her to use. She looked at it for a moment, then took it and wiped her eyes.
"My little brother was only five years old," she said. "He was so sweet but a pest, loved playing tricks on his big sister." She wavered and Bucky put his hand out to her, but she pushed it away. "My dad had a handgun, and he would let Mikey watch him practice shooting targets. He was supposed to keep it in a locked safe but that day he put it in the nightstand drawer because he needed to get cigarettes. Mom was working. I was writing a story in the kitchen when he left and had just finished when I heard the gun go off."
She sank to the floor, weeping. This time she didn't push Bucky away as he sat with his legs on either side of her, wrapping his arms around her.
"You don't have to say anything," he murmured, realizing why she was upset about Edward mentioning her father. "I understand."
"I have to," she whispered. "I've only ever told my therapist since it happened." She took a shaky breath. "The bullet went into his abdomen. I called 911 right away and they were there within minutes, along with the police, because it was a shooting. I told them it was Dad's gun and that it should have been in the gun safe. Told them how he had stepped out for cigarettes and must have left it in the nightstand where Mikey found it. They sent a unit to find him and located his truck at his girlfriend's house. My dad was cheating on my mom. They asked him about his handgun, where he stored it. He admitted being in a hurry to get out of the house and leaving it in the nightstand. That's when they told him about Mikey. They arrested him and wouldn't let him come to the hospital. My brother died that night and so did any love I ever had for my dad. I was only 12. Mom divorced Dad and we moved to another small town to live with my grandparents. Mikey was cremated and Mom kept the ashes for a long time until I scattered his and her ashes together after she died. I kept writing as part of my therapy when I was a teenager to get over Mikey dying and my dad being a cheating bastard." She wiped her nose. "The next town was a nice place to grow up and I was happy there. Didn't miss my dad at all. He didn't even try to contact us. I met Jake in college, married him and he came back with me, then he cheated on me, just like my dad cheated on my mom. At least we didn't have any kids to find a handgun that was lying around."
"Hey, it's alright," said Bucky, still holding her close. "What happened to you is something that will always be with you. I'm glad you trusted me enough to share that with me." They sat quietly for a time. "I won't force you to use a gun, but I still need to have one. For me, they're a tool. I don't normally carry one or keep one in the apartment because I take gun safety seriously. But, to keep you safe, I'll need one and when I'm not wearing it, I will keep it in a locked gun safe. The other weapon that I use is a knife, kept in an ankle holster that holds two extra magazines for my gun." She stayed very still as he told her. "I'm telling you this upfront because I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I know how to use many weapons, but I don't make a habit of carrying any of them unless I'm on a job. To protect you, I have to have something ready to use. I'm not asking for permission, but I want you to understand why I need them."
She breathed heavily for a time, then slumped a little before turning towards him and leaning into his body. Gently, she touched his face with her fingertips, tracing his lips as he kissed them. Lowering his face closer to hers, he hovered over her lips, then barely touched them with his, feeling the whisper of her breath on his face. With a delicate touch, he kissed her, his lips open but his tongue still in his own mouth, waiting for permission to kiss her more intimately. When she pressed her tongue onto his, Bucky accepted it, allowing her the control. As she shifted to straddle his lap, he leaned back against the wall, then placed his hands at the hem of her top, before sliding them up underneath and splaying his hands around her midsection. Just as he was about to unhook her bra, his phone rang, making him hesitate. It stopped ringing and he continued running his hands up her back. The phone rang again, and she exhaled then shook her head, getting off his lap. Retrieving his phone from the kitchen table she handed it to him and went to the bedroom. He looked at the two missed calls, seeing they were from the same number.
"Barnes here," he said, after he redialed. "You were trying to phone me?"
"Burnham," said the man. "Can you two be ready to be picked up in 20 minutes?"
"Yeah, what's going on?"
"Another letter," he said. "We need Ms. Dunn to explain some of the references. We also need to meet about whether you're joining the team, so you can be read in on what we have."
"I'm in," replied Bucky. "We'll be downstairs waiting. Are you picking us up?"
"Yeah, it will be me. See you soon."
Pocketing his phone he went to the bedroom, expecting to see Leia lying down, but she was making the bed.
"They're picking us up in 20 minutes," he announced. "Another letter has arrived, and they also want to read me in on what they've learned so far." She didn't say anything. "Leia."
"I heard you," she answered a little coldly, putting the finishing touches on the bed.
She approached to go past him, but he put his hand out, taking her hand to stop her.
"Are we good?"
Looking up at him, she smiled wanly.
"You're asking after what we were doing on the floor?" A raised eyebrow was his response, and her face softened. "We're good. I'm sorry I got angry about the gun. Even though it's been almost 20 years since it happened, I still remember the smell of gunpowder in the room, mixed with the smell of his blood. I have PTSD too, but I understand you need to be ready for anything. I'll deal with it."
She hugged him quickly, then moved past him to clean up the breakfast dishes, accepting his help with them. They got down to the lobby seconds before Burnham arrived. On the ride to Manhattan, he watched the couple, noticing a change in their dynamic. Although there was still open affection between them, evident by how they held hands, he detected some tension. Hopefully, it wouldn't affect the assignment.
Their destination, an office in a Midtown building, was accessed by some high-level security that Bucky recognized as Stark technology. Leia was set up as a guest. His access was set up via several different methods, including a voice print, iris scan and retinal scan, redundant in the event security was ever breached.
Welcome Manchurian Candidate read the display on the security panel after the last part of Bucky's inputs, bringing a grunt out of him and a questioning look at Burnham. He shrugged.
"Apparently, Tony Stark had a profile already created for you to join the Avengers after the battle with Thanos. He assigned all code names; that was yours. It's still in the system." The door slid open. "We can change it if you want."
"No, it's fine. I watched the movie he got it from, and it was an apt description of what I once was."
Entering what was definitely a secure area they followed Burnham to a conference room with a display screen on one wall, where Pepper Stark, Happy Hogan, and two other men were waiting. They were introduced to Bucky as John DaSilva and Dan Schultz, the rest of Burnham's team.
"Well, I guess you need an explanation," said Pepper, speaking first. "One of the reasons we suggested Leia move to New York is that she began receiving disturbing letters from a stalker. They knew where she lived and worked and knew her real name as well as other details that a stranger wouldn't have known. We were hoping that relocating here under her pen name would make it harder for them to find her. We don't think Edward is the guy though. He doesn't fit most of the profile."
"You profiled her stalker? That's pretty serious, isn't it?" He realized something and looked at Burnham. "You're not private security."
"No, we're all active FBI agents but that doesn't leave this room." The older man looked at Leia. "Sorry, Ms. Dunn, but it was felt it would be better if we were behaving as private security and not agents on duty. Your relationship with Sergeant Barnes opened up some possibilities for this assignment which is why I agreed about seconding him to be part of the detail. With him being easily recognized, the stalker would likely think twice about making a move."
"I told you last night I'm in a relationship with her. That should disqualify me as a bodyguard."
"Normally, yes." Pepper looked at him earnestly. "But you are a professional, and there is already a level of trust between you that will work to your benefit. We'll arrange for a new apartment in a new neighbourhood for you two to share. What goes on inside of that apartment is your business, but we want to keep Leia safe. She doesn't deserve to be harassed the way she has been. Which brings us back to Edward Ruskin and the latest letter. Agent Burnham."
The agent placed his attention on Bucky. "You spotted Ruskin last night. He shouldn't have even made it in there. Even though he's basically harmless, he got close to her too easily and so could the stalker without us even knowing who he is."
"How did he get in?" asked Bucky. "How do you know for sure that he's not the stalker?"
"He follows Ms. Dunn's official social media that is curated by the publisher. They posted news of the event several weeks ago inviting retailers to come in and meet the newest and hottest authors to boost Christmas sales. He created a fake profile, but it got rejected as they at least did their due diligence there, but he showed up anyway and bribed a server to let him in through the wait staff entry. We compared his writing to the writing in the letters. The handwriting and his style of writing don't match. In the meantime, I think given the level of trust Ms. Dunn has with you, that you and she stay very close together. As Mrs. Stark just said, a new apartment can be arranged for you, with two bedrooms. It will be in a secure building. I will continue to be your driver if you need to go anywhere. You can use a food delivery service that we've vetted to get groceries or takeout."
"I already told you I don't want to be locked up like a bird in a cage," said Leia. "I'm a writer and I need the freedom to go out and observe life. Can't do that if I'm confined to that apartment on the tenth floor. Will this new one be even higher up, taking me even further away from life? Will you have people spying on me from other buildings?"
Bucky put his hand on hers, calming her. "We don't need to move. I know our neighbourhood well and now that I know more about Leia's security needs, I'm more than capable of keeping track of anyone who doesn't belong around her. If you want to be background surveillance, that's fine, but she should continue to live a normal life, going out, buying groceries, having coffee at the coffee shop, etc. To do otherwise isolates her and that can also put her in danger as the stalker might escalate to extreme measures to get to her. If he's really set on it, he'll still find a way to infiltrate where she is." He watched as the others considered his observations. "I would like some help in moving some clothes and my cat into Leia's apartment. Can't exactly walk through the streets of Brooklyn with luggage and a cat carrier without drawing attention."
"Yeah, I'll take you," said the FBI agent. "What about weapons?"
"I have my own, but I need to go to a storage locker for them. I have a licence for concealed carry."
"Well, that saves us having to apply for that on your behalf," remarked Burnham. "I'll provide you with a copy of the letters that have been received so far. We have another that was delivered yesterday but not sorted until last night. I'm not going to show the whole letter, Ms. Dunn, as there are some unsettling scenarios in it but there are two references which concern us, as it indicates a level of familiarity that confirms this person knows you, maybe not personally but they know far too much about you for it to be a coincidence." He opened an iPad and brought up a document, then transferred it to the display screen. Five sentences, handwritten and isolated from two separate sections appeared.
Did you really mourn Mikey? Or was he just another brother you didn't really love and were so eager to abandon?
20 years is a long time to pretend he meant something. He didn't even rate a story in your precious book. None of us did.
Leia gasped, placing her hand over her mouth as she looked at Bucky. He placed his arm around her then glanced at Burnham, wondering about coincidences.
"He's referring to my younger brother." Her voice faltered. "He died almost 20 years ago, after playing with my father's handgun. I wrote about him in therapy for my PTSD, as I'm the one who was home when he was shot. My dad had run out for cigarettes but was really with his mistress."
"That has to be related to the appearance of the letters," said Burnham. "Twenty-year anniversary of your brother's death. What's the exact date?"
"January 2, 2005. One month from now is the anniversary." She shook her head. "Why would he say another pesky brother? I only had one brother, Mikey. He was a pest, always playing tricks on me but I loved him. We always laughed." Her face broke. "Did my dad have a child with his girlfriend?"
"We'll check that out. The shooting and the death of your brother was investigated by police, wasn't it?" She nodded. "We'll get the official file on that."
"The shooting didn't happen in the town she was living in most recently," added Bucky. "You've been looking for someone who once lived or currently lives there. She moved there with her mother after Mikey's death and the divorce from her father. Ruskin mentioned her father as well, so how did he know?"
Burnham's grim face said it all; they were starting back at square one.
"We have to redo the profile," he announced. "Ms. Dunn, we'll need your help verifying the information on that file." He turned to Happy. "Mr. Hogan, would you be able to drive Sergeant Barnes to his apartment to pick up what he needs? We will keep Ms. Dunn here until he's settled at the other apartment. We'll bring her back then." He spread his hands apart, for emphasis. "We'll figure this out."
With the meeting over, the three agents went to acquire a digital copy of the file and prepare to interview Leia about her recollections of her younger brother's death. Before she went with them Bucky held her, then kissed her on top of her head. Pepper waited while Happy went to get his vehicle.
"Leia, I'll stay here with you, but I just want a word with Bucky before he goes," said Pepper. After Leia left, she turned to Bucky. "Is everything alright between you two?"
"It's a little tense as she's uncomfortable around firearms," he said. "Understandably. What did you need to see me about?"
She sighed. "I don't like intruding on people's private lives but what's happened to you?"
"I don't know what you mean." He looked away.
"Yes, you do. You won't even make eye contact with me. Tony would try to baffle me with his bullshit when I asked him uncomfortable questions whereas you detach yourself by looking away or ignoring questions." He huffed a little but impassively looked at her, waiting to be scolded. "Heaven help me from big strong men with PTSD that don't like appearing weak. Bucky, you're a millionaire but you live in a tiny one-bedroom flat. You own one suit, numerous jeans, and T-shirts, barely any furniture, and you're floundering. You rarely stay in contact with Sam and the rest of us seem to be relegated to being ignored. What happened after the Flag Smashers? We all thought you had purpose after that."
He should have been angry at Pepper knowing private details of his life, but she was right; having described him so succinctly. Running his hand through his hair, then squeezing the back of his neck to relieve the tension he felt, he breathed out.
"I thought I could build a new life in Delacroix, but it felt like I was being too dependent on Sam and his family to make me feel good. I came back to Brooklyn to give my notice to the landlord, but I just couldn't do it. It didn't feel right; it felt like running away, so I stayed. Sam's been busy lobbying and recruiting new Avengers. I'm still not comfortable dealing with people." She looked at him in disbelief. "Maybe I have floundered. I admit to feeling alone and lonely, but I wanted to deal with it myself and prove that I could manage." He looked to the door where Leia had left. "Then I met her, and, in just a few days, I feel like I used to, before the war." He shook his head. "She told me about her brother this morning after I mentioned teaching her to fire a gun. We dealt with it. She's not happy about me carrying one but she knows that I need it to protect her."
"So, you're still okay with taking the job, being with her 24/7 until the FBI find out who is stalking her."
"I'll do it because I care about her," he said. "I can compartmentalize the emotional relationship from the professional one. You don't have to pay me. I don't want the money. Donate it to a veteran's charity if you're required by law to compensate me. But don't keep me in the dark about anything that happens."
"Alright." She looked sharply at him. "Are you still in therapy? From what I heard that Dr. Raynor was a real piece of work but she's who the army wanted. I think they harboured a few fantasies about getting you back into a special forces' unit and she was there to prepare you to be a soldier again."
"Instead of the Avengers, like Tony planned?" A flicker of hurt passed across her face. "Sorry. I only found out when Burnham set me up to get inside here and the computer welcomed me as the Manchurian Candidate. It's what he called me before the shit hit the fan in Siberia. It was a pretty accurate description."
She came closer, sitting on the edge of the conference table.
"He struggled after Siberia. He had already been proven wrong when he realized Zemo set you up, then when he found out the Winter Soldier killed his parents it was like everything he believed in was laid to waste. He did a deep dive into the files, including quite a few film and video clips of your treatment. I don't know if he would have ever forgiven you on an emotional level, but intellectually he understood that the real enemy was HYDRA and everyone who kept you in bondage to them. He wanted you to have purpose, and a means to be of service to humanity by offering you a place with the Avengers, working alongside Steve." She smiled sadly. "Then he died, Steve went back to the 1940s and I mourned. I did what I was capable of at the time, which was providing those files for your defence and paying for your lawyer. I could have done more to make you aware that I would support you and I'm sorry I didn't. You must have felt so alone at times... still do, I think."
Breathing out, Bucky looked at the floor, then at her.
"What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly - that is the first law of nature." She seemed uncertain with his words. "Voltaire said that. Much of my isolation was self-imposed as I still really haven't pardoned myself. But that's my cross to bear and I'm still working on it. I do see a therapist, but I also read a lot of philosophy, and I try to practice self love. I'll get there, someday." He stood up and went to the door, then looked back at her. "How's that for a big strong man with PTSD? Vulnerability is hard for any man. It's not how we were raised, especially in my time. I'm still working on that as well."
With a slight smile, he was gone and Pepper Stark realized she had just been called out for thinking of Bucky and even Tony as stereotypical males. Bucky Barnes was an enigma. Tall, dark, and handsome, but also appearing stoic and brooding, he was smarter and deeper than he appeared. A man like that could do great things, things that mattered. It was more than serendipitous that he and Leia were involved in a relationship. If she were a more romantic type, Pepper would have called it fate that the two found each other.
⏳ ⌛️
It was getting dark outside, and it started to snow again. Alpine watched the large snowflakes falling lazily past the 10th floor window of Leia's apartment, occasionally batting at one that came too close to the window. Bucky, reading the FBI file on Leia, while he waited for her to return, looked up from time to time when he heard Alpine's paws hit the window. This guy, and Bucky was sure it was a guy, was obsessed with her. His initial letters were a little strange, explaining how he learned about a beautiful author from a friend. Imagine his surprise when he saw Leia at the farmer’s market from a distance and recognized her as his childhood friend Mikey’s older sister. The sharp turn in the tone of the letters came as he expressed his disappointment that she didn’t recognize him whenever their eyes met. That’s when he began outlining his plan to bring her back to her roots, and show her that he was the right man for her. His words were disturbing, expressing a desire to subject her to his will, while taking care of her better than her ex-husband did. The most recent letter was obscene and Bucky was glad they didn’t show her those parts. So far, it seemed the stalker didn’t know where in the New York area she lived but he was looking. A message came through on Bucky’s cell phone and he put the file away in his bag, then unlocked the door to the apartment and walked to the elevator. It opened to Leia and Agent Burnham, who casually saluted Bucky and pushed the down button, leaving her with him.
"Sorry, we're so late," she said, as she stood in front of him in the hallway. "It took a while to go through the official file of my brother's death and the birth records with my father listed as the biological dad." She looked up at Bucky, her eyes haunted. "The stalker might be my half-sibling.” That was disturbing if the stalker knew that and harboured sexual fantasies about her. “My dad was an absolute bastard. He fathered at least three more children with three different women, other than my mother. I don't even know if she knew, and I can't ask her because she died of cancer two years ago."
Putting his arm around her shoulders, Bucky walked her back to the apartment. She brightened up when she saw Alpine, kneeling down and putting her hand out to the finicky feline, who decided to play nice and approached readily, rubbing against Leia's hand. After helping her off with her coat and giving her a quick shoulder massage while she sat at the table, Bucky pulled a casserole from the oven and a salad from the fridge. His actions almost brought Leia to the edge of tears, but she swallowed and smiled appreciatively at him instead, allowing herself to enjoy the meal. Later, when everything had been put away and cleaned up, he turned off most of the lights, put some music on, and sat with Leia on his lap and Alpine on hers. While the snow fell outside, they were quiet, not talking, just being in the moment; something they both needed after the day that started well, then took a left turn into uncharted territory.
Later, in the stillness of the bedroom, they resumed what was interrupted earlier in the day. They were hesitant at first; a tentative kiss was followed by Leia perched on his lap while the languid touch of a cool hand reached up under her T-shirt. Bucky's hands traced the contours of her breasts after she bared herself to him, before moving to her back, bringing her closer to him. Hungrily, he mouthed her breasts, swirling his tongue around the sensitive nipples while she pressed her body against his growing erection. When she seated herself fully on him, gasping at the intensity of it all, he soothed her, reminding her to breathe through it, remaining still for her to get used to his size. Watching her ride him, was like worshiping an idol at an altar. She was so beautiful, with her face raised to the heavens, and the way her hands fluttered over her own body then to his, grasping and kneading as the waves of pleasure rippled through her and into him and back again.
"We must be lovers in another universe," he thought at one point. "How are we doing this so instinctively?"
They just knew the parts of each other's body that was most sensitive and responsive, without words or gestures. It happened organically, as if they had been together for years instead of days. The moment of coming was transcendent, reinforcing his belief that despite everything, this convergence of the two of them was right and meant to be. He had his small flat, while she had this apartment, but home was them, inhabiting the same small space, breathing the same air, in a communion of mind, body and soul. It felt ... right.
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