#ptsd struggles

[tearsoakedarmor]

I am sorry I am the way I am...if i could change I would.

[mycptsdstory]

Don’t you hate overthinking? It makes me worry way to freaking much.

Like “I should of said this differently, I should of said it like this, I should of put in a nicer more kinder way. Oh god, now they hate me because I didn’t say it nice enough”

It’s a daily struggle

[tearsoakedarmor]

I'm with him but I still dream of you

[tearsoakedarmor]

I want to run away from the pain but I can't seem to get free

[spudlord]

For years my wife has been wanting to do a festive wintery date. Downtown the city we live in has pretty lights and tons of wintery festivities and I've avoided it for years because of Trauma. I finally feel like I am in a good enough spot to do it this year. Christmas music and christmas lights don't trigger me anymore!! I am soo fucking proud of myself for that..it took so much work.. but also...I feel so fucking guilty that my triggers have got in the way of something romantic my wifes wanted to do with me for a really long time. I feel like I'm a bad partner.. I know she doesn't feel that way but it doesn't make it any less unfair. I feel like I should have pushed myself more to deal with the triggers. but.. This year we're planning two wintery festive dates and we're both super excited!

PTSD makes it so hard to be the wife I want to be and the wife my wife deserves. I am so happy she is so patient and understanding with me. I am so fucking lucky.