if there’s a “final blow”, so to speak, to be delivered to gerrard at the end of his pretender incumbency, i really want it to be delivered by hen. how badass would it be for him to lose his job not once, but twice because of a extremely smart and commendable black lesbian? black, woman, and gay? all three things he despises? *chefs kiss*
Eddie's sitting on the Buckley-Han couch nursing a beer. It's his third for the night and maybe that's the reason he can't quite “put away the heart eyes”.
Hen and Karen have been on his case about it all night, but he's steadily ignored them because "that’s just the way his eyes are” and “it's not really your business now is it?"
The couple had offered Eddie twin scoff-snort hybrids and even in his bothered state, he had to admit it was endearing. It's cute. They're cute.
The thing is that Eddie knows that they mean well. They care. They aren’t teasing him just to tease him. It's just what family does. The 118 et al, they live in each other's pockets and so it's easy to stick their noses where they really shouldn't be. Eddie has gotten used to it by now, become fond of it even, after everything. He's learned to be grateful for these little moments, the ones that somehow get crystallized in your memory but only retrieved when they can't be felt in person again. Yeah.
So he rolls his eyes at the sounds of disbelief and derision his friends make. He rolls his eyes and offers something like an unimpressed look, coupled with a wary smile. And they turn to each other and offer their own look. It's...it's hard to describe exactly, so full of understanding and conspiring and partners-in-crime-we're-in-this-together-really-we've-always-been. And Eddie's heart aches a little.
It's not even the first time tonight. Because Ravi is here?
Not that Eddie doesn’t like Ravi or anything. Of course not. Ravi’s a cool guy. Ravi is one of them now. Besides, it wouldn't really matter if Eddie had an issue with the guy. Bobby has as good as claimed Ravi as part of their big, happy family. Not because of the…not because of anything he’s done per se. He thinks Bobby had been trying from the beginning and now it’s just that Ravi is comfortable enough that Bobby can speak about Ravi’s place. You know? Bobby gets to say the quiet part out loud. Bobby...and Buck.
And if Eddie is truly and absolutely honest with himself, he thinks that last part might have something to do with why he hasn’t been able to “put away the cow eyes, Edmundo.”
So...Eddie's sitting on the Buckley-Han couch, nursing a beer and watching as Buck throws his head back in laughter so far that his curls brush against Ravi's knee. And Ravi, the --Eddie fights against the slew of unflattering words that come to mind, he settles on Ravi's lack of awe. His lack of gratitude. So, yeah. Ravie, the ingrate, doesn't even appreciate it. Buck's closeness. His comfort. His joy. He's too busy with his phone held up to capture Chim's frankly uncanny Michael Jackson impression.
"Okay, now you need to stop calling curses on Ravi."
Eddie spins around to his neighbour with an indignant tone, "I don't even believe in curses."
"I know," Karen shrugs, "I just wanted you to admit you were glaring at Ravi."
Eddie slumps back into his seat, defeated. He isn't sure what he was expecting.
Wait. No. That's a lie. He knows exactly what he was expecting. He had gotten the invitation from Maddie herself the day they had helped Buck move into his new place. She'd told him that she wanted to give him enough notice so he could organize care for Chris since Buck wouldn't be available.
Eddie hadn't known quite how to react to that assumption, but he thinks he took it in stride and smiled in a totally normal way while thanking her for the invite.
He had been looking forward to the night. An opportunity to see his family let loose after the rough few months they've had. To relax a little bit himself. To bask in the love and the laughter he'd only just started to let himself enjoy again.
Eddie for some reason (completely “unknown” to himself and literally everybody else currently in the room) had expected to do all of that with Buck at his side.
"Why don't you just talk to him?" Karen whispers," Go over there and sit next to him on the floor."
Eddie shoots her a flat look.
"Pretend you're scrolling through the list of songs to pick the next one."
He snorts into his beer. "I am nowhere near hammered enough for karaoke."
"Hmmmm."
Eddie looks at her in alarm. She doesn't look back at him.
"What?"
"Oh. Nothing," she says in the most infuriating tone you can use to someone who grew up with two sisters.
"Nothing?! What do you mean nothing?! There was definitely something in that hmmmm." Eddie whisper shouts in her direction, scowling when his friend only smirks at him.
He's so busy trying to pry the supposed secret out of Karen that he misses the start of the next song. The first verse is done and the prechorus beginning when Karen gasps, her eyes turning to the screen in delight.
She leaps up from her seat to join Maddie and Buck by the TV. Buck is swaying to the music, eyes closed one hand holding Jee's pink, sparkly mic and the other held out in the way the guys sitting on stools belting out a ballad usually do.
"I don't wanna run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand"
Eddie blinks.
"If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?"
Buck's the one holding the mic, but Maddie and Karen are so loud that it doesn't really matter.
"Is there any way that I could stay"
Eddie winces as Buck attempts to take on the high note--
"in your arms?"
--and absolutely bludgeons it to death. But keeps singing, unbothered even as Maddie has collapsed with laughter into Chim's lap.
"If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?"
Meanwhile, Karen comes back over to the couch to pull Hen up to dance with her.
"I don't know why you're so far away but I know that this much is true."
Buck opens his eyes to invite Ravi up to sing with him, but he doesn't seem to know the song, shaking his head and laughing at Buck's dramatics.
"We'll make it through."
Eddie's smiling. He doesn't even realize it until Buck turns to him and the look freezes on his face.
"And I hope you are the one I share my life with"
Buck doesn't look away and Eddie doesn't quite know how to himself.
"And I wish that you could be the one I die with"
Eddie can feel his face colouring, his skin warming, his breath quickening.
"And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with"
He takes a shaky breath.
"I hope I love you all my life"
And that's it! He stands just as the chorus mentions running away and makes as though he's going to replace his drink.
He thinks about heading to the bathroom, but he's not sure he wants to see what he looks like right now. He doesn't think he'd survive staring himself in the face right this moment. So he ambles into the kitchen taking slow, steadying breaths as the song comes to an end.
He busies himself tidying up, because Eddie is a good friend and everyone is going to be too tired at the end of all of this to do the whole clean up thing. And Eddie clearly hasn't had as much to drink as the others so it makes sense that he'd be the one to do it. He's considerate like that. Yup!
He's so caught up in his act of kindness that he almost drops the wine glass he's drying when Ravi steps into the kitchen and greets him.
"Oh. Hey Ravi. What's up?" he says in a totally casual, friendly way.
"Uhhh..."
Okay so maybe Eddie missed the mark a bit. He tries to compensate by putting down the glass and giving Ravi his full attention.
"Did you need another drink? I can grab you one--" Eddie starts, gesturing towards the fridge, but Ravi interrupts him, hands up and head shaking in the negative.
"No. No. I actually think I've had too much." Eddie only notices the slurring now. "So I asked my roommate to pick me up on her way home."
Eddie nods, not quite sure what this has to do with him.
"But I'd promised Buck a ride home."
Oh.
Oh no.
"So I was wondering if you could take him instead, because he's on your route and you see, I wouldn't have minded, but since it's my roommate and she's already doing me a favour. So I thought since he was on your way home that it wouldn't be too much trouble, but if it is--"
Eddie's not sure what his face is doing, but it must be something bad because why would Ravi ever think that taking care of Buck would be too much trouble.
"What?! No! Of course I can take him."
Ravi looks relieved.
"Great."
"Yeah."
"Thanks. I owe you one."'
And it's all Eddie can do not to growl. Instead, he bites his tongue and asks in the politest tone he can mutter, "Are you heading out now then?"
"Nah," Ravi grins. "Chim promised to do a k-pop song with me, choreography and everything."
That startles a laugh out of Eddie and he offers Ravi a genuine grin when he continues.
"Can't miss out on that."
"Of course not."
A few minutes later, Eddie thinks he's calm enough to follow Ravi back in and he's relieved to find that he can slip back into the room without drawing any attention to himself because they've moved the coffee table and Chim, Ravi and Karen have positioned themselves on the makeshift dance floor.
Hen is sitting in Ravi's old seat filming and so Eddie is genuinely startled when the cushion next to him dips and a familiar warmth spreads along his side.
Eddie tries not to catalogue every point of contact and just breathe, but it takes most of his will power.
The rest of it he uses to keep his cool as Buck leans in to shout in his ear.
"How come you didn't join in on that last song?"
Eddie wishes he still had a drink in his hand. Something to occupy his mouth, give him a chance to figure out how to respond. He shrugs.
"Didn't know it."
"Hmmmm."
Eddie thinks this time it might be safer not to pry into the meaning of that "hmmm."
"Ravi tell you I'm taking you home?"
"Mmmmm"
He turns to find Buck sprawled out next to him, eyes closed, head resting against the back of the sofa, but tilted just a bit towards him, so that he's just a hair's breadth from dropping his head onto Eddie's shoulder.
Eddie stops breathing. Every muscle in his body freezes.
"Mmmm...yeah...home sounds nice...with you." Buck mumbles without opening his eyes.
Eddie exhales.
"And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with"
Eddie pats Buck on the knee, "We can leave whenever you're ready, bud."
You'll either play it on repeat for weeks then get annoyed anytime you hear it, or it winds up on repeat for months and it ends up on the playlist for anytime you need to self-regulate.
The fun part is that you never know which it is when you hear it the first time and the other songs on your playlist can't compare to it.
